Lindsay Lohan leaves town after crack heist, will fence the goods in New York

I know you’re going to be shocked and appalled by this news, but you’re just going to have to resist the urge to clutch your pearls: there is even MORE crack drama involving Lindsay Lohan’s cracked-out jewel heist. I KNOW. This is completely unexpected!! So much of this has never, ever happened before! It’s not like “Lindsay Lohan” is synonymous with “crack thief” and it’s not like any little minor Lohan felony can quickly snowball into some massive and complicated crack drama before we can even mutter “Crackenjuice Crackenjuice Crackenjuice.”

So, as we discussed yesterday, Lindsay was at a “house party” in the Hollywood Hills and she ended up “spending the night”. The next morning, her host realized that some jewelry had gone missing, and much like the most cracked out version of an Agatha Christie novel (Crack on the Orient Express), the host refused to let anyone leave before the cops had a chance to investigate and question everyone inside the house. Well, here are more details about what that involved:

Lindsay Lohan brought 2 men to an uber-expensive Hollywood Hills mansion for an all-night house party, and the owner suspects the men robbed him blind … TMZ has learned.

The incident occurred Sunday night at a multi-million dollar mansion. The owner invited Lindsay, who brought her brother Cody, her assistant and the 2 guys.

The party lasted all night. Lindsay left at around noon Monday, but before she took off … the owner realized several expensive watches and some sunglasses were missing. He told everyone to stay and then called the cops.

The cops approached Lindsay and began asking questions. Lindsay then asked, “Am I a suspect?” A cop answered, “No.” Lindsay — who knows a thing or 2 about her legal rights — blew them off and left.

The owner of the house told cops … he believes the 2 men Lindsay brought to the party stole the goods. The case is under investigation.

[From TMZ]

I wonder what the legal precedent is for gloving up and telling Lindsay Lohan to drop her drawers for a full crack muffin search. I mean, I don’t have any doubt that the “two men” that Lindsay brought to the party were her co-conspirators and felons-in-arms. But do you believe that Lindsay would have let the two dudes hold on to the heisted goods? Of course not. She would have shoved everything up her… well, we don’t need to get so graphic. Anyway, Lindsay is already blowing (eh) out of town following her most recent legal scrape:

Lindsay Lohan is getting the hell out of dodge after police questioned the actress regarding an alleged Hollywood Hills burglary yesterday — catching a flight out of L.A. [Tuesday afternoon].

We’re told Lindsay is bound for New York — where her mother Dina lives. It’s unclear what she has planned in the Big Apple.

As we reported, Lindsay was interviewed by police yesterday following an all-night party in a Hollywood Hills mansion — during which several expensive watches and sunglasses allegedly went missing.

Lindsay told police she had nothing to do with any stolen property — but the house owner believes she invited the burglars into the home.

[From TMZ]

Yeah. She fencing her stolen goods in New York. She really is a crackie klepto. She can’t help herself. It’s like breathing. She sees something she wants, or she sees something of any value, and she just grabs it.

Crap – I forgot that Agatha Christie had a novel called The Mirror Crack’d From Side To Side. That’s absolutely perfect for Lindsay, isn’t it? Miss Marple would have harsh words for crackheads like Lindsay.

Photos courtesy of WENN.

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47 Responses to “Lindsay Lohan leaves town after crack heist, will fence the goods in New York”

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  1. brin says:

    Bwahahaha…”The Mirror Crack’d…”is that the movie that Elizabeth Taylor was in? The mind reels when it comes to Crackie!

  2. phaksi says:

    Whats with the crazy eyes in the second photo? she used to be so pretty. She will probably be the next member of the 27 club

  3. Katie says:

    Seriuosly did she just rub dirt all over her face in those pictures?

  4. DanaG says:

    Will the cops in New York keep an eye out for any of this stolen stuff showing up in their city? Doesn’t it look a little odd she just flew off maybe the police should see why she suddenly had to leave the state. If Lindsay bought the 2 guys she should know who they are and be helpful but then it’s Lindsay! People are going to have to start frisking her when leaves their house. But then that would mean touching her and that is just icky!

  5. gg says:

    Hilarious article- hats off Kaiser.

  6. bea says:

    Let’s hope the reason for this heist was to get $, go to NY and have her ‘wattle’ (i.e. under chin) fixed!

  7. Kimbob says:

    California/Hollywood…..the land of the fruit & nuts. Seriously, anyone that has any $ & a house w/unsecured valuables in it…and they invite Lindsay “Crack-Thief” Lohan over for an overnighter…..hell….they’re BEGGING to get robbed.

    I mean, Lilo’s reputation precedes her….so the question that BEGS to be asked, “What was the owner of this house THINKING?”

    So…the owner panics…calls the cops…doesn’t let anyone leave their house until the cops arrive & question every houseguest/party-goer. Ms. Cracktastic, knowing her legal rights BLOWS OFF THE COPS, then BLOWS OUT OF TOWN. Oh, the irony…the twisted irony.

    I’m sober now, but back in my drinking/using days….if I’d have read a real, TRUE story like this one….I’d have already bought a one-way plane ticket to Hollywood. They all sound ripe for the pickin’. Wasn’t it P.T. Barnum that said a sucker is born every minute?

    Stupid is as stupid does. When will ALL of Hollywood learn?!

  8. lisacuddy says:

    I can’t believe that she let herself go like that and become a pathetic, fugly crackie. She was so gorgeous back in Mean Girls. She wasted her youth and career without even thinking. I only feel sympathy towards her, she could seriously do much better than that.

  9. Sisi says:

    lindsay is the girl who cried crack

    I just don’t believe her anymore, ever

  10. Quinn says:

    NOTHING good ever comes of this woman…she brings negative drama/thievery/agressive behavior/anger EVERYWHERE SHE GOES. I have NOOOO idea who would invite her anywhere…even fellow drug addicts should be smart enough to know she’ll steal their stash.

  11. DANDILION says:

    Brother Cody with her.. got how the family works it’s ‘secret money making’ deals training? Sadly this entire family is insane and daring ‘anyone’ to become bold enough to do whatever it takes to stop them.

  12. Boo says:

    That day with the white dress and the dirt-brown blush was the day they cuffed her and took her out of the courtroom in front of the cameras, pre-morgue, wasn’t it? Probation violation, if memory serves. It was awesome to see her get hustled away in cuffs. Of course she was back on the streets in 13 seconds.

    I hope the “two guys” squeal to high heaven about her role in this crime.

    As for everyone pointing out that the owners were asking for it, sure. They were fools for allowing the crackie in the door (like vampires: they can only hurt you if you invite them in. In this case, she can only hurt you if you invite her in, use the roads in California, go out in public anywhere she happens to be, or breathe air). But that doesn’t take away from the fact that even if your stuff is sitting out on a table right inside an unlocked door, it is still a crime for someone to steal it.

  13. G says:

    Where there’s smoke…..there’s Firecrotch!

  14. Ella says:

    Agatha Christie didn’t write ‘The 39 Steps.’

  15. arock says:

    anyone know when these “movies” shes in are coming out- liz taylor thing, canyons, etc? she seems to be constantly on the make production wise but alas, produces nothing.
    maybe shes stealing the film.

  16. brin says:

    Guess her “staying at home”days are over. *eyeroll*

  17. logan says:

    How you likin her now Lifetime? Maybe she is taking the goods to her Crack Momma. or maybe she flushed them on the plane trip somewhere over the Rockies? or maybe she is going to say her brother stole the goods and needs to go to rehab. or maybe…..oh who gives a sh**.

  18. Flora Kitty says:

    The cracken our modern day Dana Plato.

  19. NerdMomma says:

    I can’t help speculating about Lohan stories.

    Who would invite her over? Someone who has drugs and she’s paying, or someone who wants drugs and she has them?

    How did they get her to stay in the house until the police arrived? She needs them for something- the money they owe her or the drugs she wants to be able to buy in the future?

    The only thing that trips me up is…if there were drugs in the house, the owner wouldn’t call the cops, right?

  20. lucy2 says:

    I think it’s time for the police to set up a sting. Bait her with drugs and jewelry, and catch her red handed (and nosed).

  21. tru tru says:

    She is sooooo damn tricky!!! things always get stolen when she is around and then she takes flight immediately.

    This post made me holler and I had to stifle myself while reading it.

    hmm, they may have investigators checking NY pawn shops/underground fencing operations as we speak, LOL!

    The Cracken Coke ring, she’s moved it a step UP, so one of the guys can take the fall.

    freaking pathetic


  22. Bess says:

    The thing I find shocking about this latest incident is that she took her brother Cody with her. What 26 year old woman takes her 16 year old brother out partying with her???

  23. TheOriginalMaxi says:

    Who wants to start placing bets of when she’ll get photographed with the stolen stuff or get in trouble with the law again?

  24. G says:

    Isn’t this actually HOW she promotes a film?

    First a rehash of her official and unofficial criminal record and then her untethered bazoongas will make a court appearance.

  25. HillbillyintheCorner says:

    That is what discusts me the most…He took her 16 yr old brother with her …just like she did to her poor sister Ali dragging her to night clubs and partys and weeklong yacht trips with Russian business when she was just 15…a week alone with 5 adult men on the high seas and all they did was play cards and board games…who the hell would buy that…and they had to stage a exscape when they boat docked at Wilington NC for supplies…Dina and friend had to drive all the down their to pick the girls up …anyone who will allow her girls to do that is a idiot or a whore pimping out her daughters which I would put Dina in that group….
    Cody may be a troublemaker,and wild but he is just 16 which make her breaking the law by taken him there…I believe it is two counts child endangerment and comtributing to the delinqucey of a minor…the minor being Cody…

  26. Shannon says:

    Um, why would anyone who owns expensive jewelry ever invite Lindsay Lohan over? I kind of blame the homeowner for being an idiot in this case.

  27. skuddles says:

    If I were personally acquainted with Crackie I would so set her up. Have her over for a dinner party and leave expensive looking baubles and clothing laying about. What’s that saying… like shooting fish in a barrel?

    And yes, she totally “suitcased” that stolen jewelry, not even a hint of a doubt in my mind. Wonder who will buy the uh encrusted jewels?? Ewwwwww I just grossed myself right out! :D

  28. the original bellaluna says:

    Kaiser, you big silly! Blohan doesn’t wear drawers! ;)

  29. connie says:

    When I read the story I imagined the two random guys as dealers as opposed to cohorts. Methinks she brought them there to “pay her debts”