Lindsay Lohan in the new trailer for ‘The Canyons’: campy, fun or awful?

Prepare yourselves. The first real trailer for Lindsay Lohan’s The Canyons is out. There was a teaser trailer a few months ago, but there was no Cracken in that one, so I consider this the first “real” trailer. The Canyons is that dumb micro-budget film written by Bret Easton Ellis, which stars Lindsay and p0rn star James Deen. We already knew it was going to involve many cheap, tawdry sex scenes. But I guess I didn’t realize that this was actually a 1970s throwback exploitation film?

I actually giggled at the closeup of Lindsay’s character crying. Is it just me or does it seem like James Deen might be acting circles around LL? You know that’s rough. When a p0rn star has a better acting “Method” than the star of Herbie: Fully Loaded. Bret Easton Ellis described the film as “five twenty-something’s quest for power, love, sex and success in 2012 Hollywood.” Blah.

In other Lohan news, that GOP congressional staffer Christian LaBella spoke to TMZ about how happy he is that LL’s charges against him were dropped. Oh, and Lindsay is still spending time with Vikram Chatwal. He was buying her shoes last week, and she tweeted this Instagram photo:

Photos courtesy of LL’s Twitter, February 2012 photos courtesy of Pacific Coast News.

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71 Responses to “Lindsay Lohan in the new trailer for ‘The Canyons’: campy, fun or awful?”

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  1. Charlotte says:

    So, she’s admitting in twitter pics now that she’s a paid escort?
    ‘Death Proof did it better’ was all that sprang to mind with that trailer.

  2. GiGi says:

    Once I watched the trailer and realized what they were trying to do… I kind of wanted it to work. It seems like they *almost* get it right. If it weren’t for the Lohan, that is. She even fails at flat out camp!

    • curegirl0421 says:

      Yeah I could see where they were aiming… the titles and grainy film and lounge music were perfect, but modern cars and Cracken trying to “act” instead of camping it up just kind of killed it. Not like I was going to watch it, but I love good campy flicks, and this isn’t one of em’.

  3. brin says:

    Awful! He is a better actor and she is really just a a cracked out ho now.

  4. virginia says:

    what the hell did I just see.

    lucky for the crackwhore she has friends to buy her loubouitons.

  5. eileen says:

    OMG Lips!! Those things could save her if she ever falls overboard.

  6. evadstructn says:

    I cant wait to watch this with a cracktini or six. Her notoriety means that people will wanna watch the trainwreck, the bloated face and terrible acting.

  7. SmokeyBlues says:

    Even in her twitter photos she can’t get her hands out if her mouth. What is that ABOUT? I really want a body- language expert ( or amateur lol) to fill me in on it.

  8. Anname says:

    She can’t play a character anymore, all I see is Lindsay Lohan. Because of her idiocy and quest to get photographed all the time, people know way too much about her (and realize what an awful person she is in real-life). I can’t see her EVER getting a career back except for joke-roles. She is just not believable as someone else anymore.

  9. G says:

    Am I the only one who thinks the Vikram photo is old? That’s her old face. I think she’s just looking for some attention from him, hence the tweet…

  10. DanaG says:

    My very first thought when I saw the twitterpic and those shoes was I wonder what she had to do for them? As for the movie…it just looks bad, cheap, low budget and underacted. Lilo just needs to get it her what was always a little bit of talent has gone. When you get to the stage you are working with porn stars and they are doing better then you it’s time to change careers.

  11. logan says:

    Didn’t even hold my interest long enough to finish watching the trailer. Kind of a James Bond tone to me. Will probably make it to the $5.00 bin at Wal-Mart and I still will have no interest. She has just marketed herself too much. She is just boring now.

  12. Lilalis says:

    Is it just me or does this trailer look like the people who made the film actually know that it’s crap? To me this looks like a parody. This would also explain why they hired Lindsay.

  13. Boo says:

    That trailer is embarrassing. Looks like a bad film student threw it together with his fat ex-girlfriend who promised to blow him if he cast her in his “project.”

  14. Blue says:

    Eww I wouldn’t take anything from that guy. He looks so gross .

  15. Ellie66 says:

    Wow that terribly bad! Maybe James Deen can get her a “acting” job on one of his movies.

  16. tmbg says:

    Are you sure we haven’t experienced some kind of time-space warp and it’s actually 2032? That would make her 46 and from the looks of it, that seems about right.

  17. marie says:

    what’s up with the lips? they look like those wax lips I used to get at Halloween, she’s ridiculous..

  18. Emma says:

    Hhaha I actually like the look of the preview. Looks fun!

    Plus, Lindsay is looking surprisingly good in that Instagram photo. I know it has hipster filters on it and shit but whatever… it’s working for her!

  19. Axis2ClusterB says:

    I cannot wait for this.

  20. lulu says:

    I just can’t with this twat anymore. She sickens me.

  21. dorothy says:

    If this is the best Lohan can do, then she needs to start putting in applications at fast food restaurants.

  22. Cathy says:

    I would be worried about having to bleach my eyeballs if I watched the trailer. She ain’t worth my time and the possiblity of having to bleach my eyeballs. I’ll just have a few cracktinis and wait for the shenanigans to start again.

  23. Jackson says:

    Is that Vikram in the pic?? I swear I thought he was younger and semi-hot when I saw a pic of him awhile back. Maybe it wasn’t him back then because this dude is just….Oy. No high-end shoes or fancy apartment rent would ever be enough for me to do that guy. On the movie, who knows? It could be campy fun but with her in it, forget it. As said in another post, I will never be able to see LL as a character in a movie and not “LL, crackhead.”

  24. mommak918 says:

    I went to film school…..
    And this definitely looks like a movie paraody that many of my peers could make…..
    It has to be a joke.

  25. G says:

    I’m not a fan of Blohan’s acting and especially not her attitude, but I think this Canyons thing could work out.

    It’s CLEARLY an exploitation film, like a pulp novel. It CLEARLY is trading on Blohan’s noteriety to gain attention.

    I think there’s a big potential market for this kind of filmette thing on tablets and phones. Something downloadable like an app for a buck or two. Lots of places in the world, epecially in Asia, many people are commuting hours a day and this kind of low level entertainment could really fit the bill. Shraeder and Ellison are way too smart to think this is a real film.

  26. hillbillyinthecorner says:

    Look people you can film a hour of chickens shyting in the yard or pidgens pooping on cars and dogs and cats…and it sell it as nivo art filiming and Artsy Fartsy people would watch it and say how great it is….it doesn’t take much just not be good or ordinary…thats all….This is one of those films….they are counting on the Lohan Trainwreak crowd to watch this as it is their only people besides the ones who will be watching for the porn to watch this…that was the Whole reason to hire her and the fact that Lohan Inc owns 25 % of the film from the amount of money they invested in it…She says so in one of their interviews so don’t go jumping my ass for that…they DO have a interest in it…..and the only Praise coming out about the film is coming from the producer of the film NO ONE else….
    “Come on in and let me show you the Best show in town” ….said the spider to the fly……………

  27. the original bellaluna says:

    Why is the trailer so…fuzzy looking? It looks like the camera phone they shot it with is out of focus.

    The on-screen writing reminds me of Gilligan’s Island or Brady Bunch, the music sounds like it belongs in an Austin Powers movie; so yeah, I’m harkening back to 70′s camp.

    But that, juxtapositioned with the cars, car remotes, and smart phones just doesn’t jive. Dig?

    (And I realise I’ve just given W-A-Y too much thought to a Blohan porno movie trailer at barely 8:30 in the morning, so could someone please pass me the pitcher of cracktinis and a straw? And rim it with Sea Jasper, please.)

  28. J says:

    If the whole movie was actually exploitation style, I’d watch it. It kind of seems like some genius marketing intern came up with the “throwback to seventies exploitation” aesthetic for the trailer and the rest of the movie is just typical Bret Easton Ellis. All of his stuff is like “pretty people are empty shells who take their lives to the limit of excess until they get AIDS or get murdered!” Okay.

  29. A-rod says:

    I guess this is only the “teaser trailer”. The whole movie is not really gonna be in this retro style. Its gonna be like a regular mivie! I guess they are gonna put a bunch of these fake trailers out to drum up interest. That being said, the cry scene looks terrible. Old girl is looking rough!!

    • jwoolman says:

      Yes, I heard that at least two more funny teasers in the style of other movie eras were coming out. This isn’t the real trailer for the final film. Supposedly it’s all on their Facebook page. So yes, it’s supposed to be a joke. Hope they remember to tell us when it’s the real trailer, I have a feeling it might be a tad difficult to tell. :)

  30. Annie says:


    The tears and the lips, so horrible. This looks so budget.

    James Deen… I do find him attractive, sorry lmao. He looks like an awful actor but he does have presence. And those other nobodies in the movie? They’re terrible.

  31. Psyren says:

    I know it’s a throwback and all but I just love how the title is in quotes. As if even the movie knows it’s not a real movie.

  32. TheTruthHurts says:

    Sorry, but she makes every film she is in seem like a joke now. You can’t separate a character from her now. You are watching Lindsay Lohan, not the character she is playing. Also, why does she always have her fingers in her mouth in photos? Does she really think it’s sexy? Ahahahahahahaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa!

  33. Moana says:

    Read the comments first. Trailer was even worse than expected. You guys’ comments are far more entertaining than Loser Lips.

  34. LeslieM says:

    In that picture of her with the shoes I didn’t even realize that was her until someone said the picture looked old because she looked more like she used to. I agree. You can’t see all of her face but her lips look normal. Nichole Kidman did something awful to her lips to but seems to have fixed it. I think Lohan’s are implants. They are ridiculously huge. Hopefully she can do something about them.

    The scary guy in the photo is Vicram? Is she serially hanging out with that creep. Could she sink any lower? There are so many healthy actresses out there. Why can’t this girl clean her self up?

  35. muppet_barbershop says:

    Looks like quality camp. At this point, Lohan choosing to be a pretty face in a heavily color-saturated, tongue-in-cheek movie (the post-filtering of the trailer is a separate issue) might be a really smart move, on her part and the film’s creators’. I love the motif of the trailer, and even if the real film is more visually straightforward, I’ll see it on the big screen if it’s not too damn expensive.

  36. Alex says:

    I’m actually looking forward to this film and think it will be really good….the trailer is just really shitty and didn’t do them any favors as the film is set in 2012.

  37. emu says:

    haha that movie actually looks kind of awesome. or at least the trailer makes it look that way.

  38. Relli says:

    You guys how come no one has mentioned her awful hair in that twitterpic! What is going on there!?!? Are her extensions just out?

  39. dcypher1 says:

    I dont know how she still geys casted in all these movies with a puffer fish face like that. She is so gross. There are so many actresses that are better and just as budget as linds.