Scarlett Johansson v. Jessica Biel at the ‘Hitchcock’ premiere: who looked better?

Can you feel it? Can you feel the “one of these things is not like the other” discomfort come upon you? Ordinarily, Scarlett Johansson might be the odd woman out in a group that involved Helen Mirren and Toni Collette. But not when Jessica Biel is also included in the group. Jessica Biel makes ScaJo look like Lee Strasberg, I swear to God. Anyway, these are some photos from last night’s screening/premiere of Hitchcock in NYC. The star of the film – Anthony Hopkins as Alfred Hitchcock – was not in attendance, leaving the spotlight for the ladies (one exception: James D’Arcy!). Let’s get to the fashion, shall we?

Jessica Biel in Oscar de la Renta. DEAR GOD. This is what a retiree in Florida would wear to play Bingo. This is Biel’s first red carpet as a married woman… and this is what she comes up with? I really hope Justin Timberlake did not cosign this look.

Scarlett Johansson in Rodarte, with fug Gucci shoes. I dislike the dress and the shoes. I don’t understand why Scarlett has such problems understanding what flatters her body. Also: Page Six has a little tidbit about ScarJo this morning. Apparently, she was seen having dinner with a “mystery man” last Thursday. He was described as “dark-haired and slightly taller than her but skinny” and “he may have been speaking French at one point.” New (French?) boyfriend?

Helen Mirren is a goddess, but I’m not totally crazy about her gold-and-black ensemble. Everything from the neck up looks great, though.

I generally like Toni Collette’s hair when it’s darker, but this is a solid look for her – I think she enjoys more avant-garde looks, so it’s nice seeing her in a simple, pretty LBD.

James D’Arcy! He plays Anthony Perkins in the film. He’s so beautiful. I love him.

Photos courtesy of Fame/Flynet.

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75 Responses to “Scarlett Johansson v. Jessica Biel at the ‘Hitchcock’ premiere: who looked better?”

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  1. Barbara says:

    More appropriate question is who looked worse. I hated their dresses. I’m not a fan of Scarlett’s makeup either. Terrible.

  2. Eleonor says:

    Helen Mirren wins hands down.

  3. Ari says:

    omg that guy looks so much like perkins its terrifying! haha

  4. Velouria says:

    Helen Mirren blows them both away! (Toni Collette is 2nd)

    Scarlett’s outfit (and makeup) looks like a bad Halloween costume and Jessica’s looks like something Bea Arthur wore on Golden Girls.

  5. Evon says:

    Jess needs a new stylist. She always dresses so much older than she is.

  6. hannah says:

    I thought there was nothing more appalling than Jessica’s bangs. Well, this outfit disproves that theory.

  7. Amelia says:

    Did they borrow each other’s crappy dark lipstick? ScarJo looks like she has no teeth in one pic!
    And Jessica, I just … Girl really needs a stylist. I don’t consider myself particularly fashion forward, but even I can tell it’s a bloody mess.

  8. bella says:

    Am I crazy for loving JB’s outfit? It looks glitzy and old world…not old fashioned.

  9. Ms Kay says:

    Dear Scarlett,

    Please stay in America, don’t come up here and snatch an European dude and other invasion plan no no no no!



    *grabs voodoo doll*

    • Cleo says:

      I think it’s too late to prevent her invasion plans. According to french tabloids,she’s dating a french guy named Romain Dauriac. He’s some kind of hipster, apparenty.They recently spend time in Paris together.He seems to match Page six description so I guess he was the “mistery man” she was dining with.

  10. Christina says:

    Oh my. Jessica and Scarlett both look terrible. Jessica’s outfit looks exactly like mentioned here, Golden Girls or something. Scarlett looks like a skank who bought her dress at Forever 21. Helen and Toni look great though.

  11. Jenna says:

    Do I have to choose one? Because I don’t like either of them. Toni and Helen look WAY better than ScarJo and Jessica. Yikes.

  12. Marianne says:

    I don’t like either of their outfits….btu ScarJo’s is better. Whose idea was it to wear a sparkly disco pant suit?

  13. Aria says:

    Both looks, Jessica and Scarlett’s, scream DISASTER! Their respective stylists must really hate them.

  14. emmie_a says:

    My grandma wore an outfit very similar to Jessica’s to my sister’s wedding. She’s very stylish but she’s 74!!!!!

    This might be one of the all-time red carpet disasters. I don’t think anyone under the age of 50 should wear a matching beaded pantsuit. The pieces separately are fine. If the top was a little longer it would be a cute dress and the pants would be good with a fitted top or maybe a halter or tank top – but together????? It’s beyond bad. I’m beginning to think Jessica is pretty much clueless in every aspect of her life.

  15. spinner says:

    Helen Mirren FTW!! I love her so.

  16. V4Real says:

    Helen and Toni looks great.
    I am not surprised at JB the girl wouldn’t know good fashion if it bit her on that fantastic ass.
    Scarlett the Rockettes just called they want their stage costume back in time for their Xmas show.

  17. MG says:

    Didn’t Scarjo bang JT….awkward! By the way, they all look bad.

  18. Miss Kiki says:

    ScarJo, close your mouth this instant. That open mouth thing offends me enough in magazine shots but on a carpet? This is getting out of hand now.

  19. jen d. says:

    I just kind of clued in that JB and SJ are in a movie together. Wasn’t there some kind of beef between them awhile ago? Something about a man? Either way, I think Biel is really trying to look avant-garde and it just doesn’t work with her.

  20. Tuxedo Cat says:

    I can’t stand Scarlett J., because she’s such a homewrecker. I wish she’d do something with her hair.

    I love love love Helen Mirren and Toni Collette….Toni is such an under-rated actress and beauty….

    I don’t mind Jessica Biel, but that pantsuit…Blanche from Golden Girls???? (For those young readers, Golden Girls was a sitcom about four older women sharing a luxury condo in Florida, I think it was)

  21. epiphany says:

    Celebitchy – Lee Strasberg is a deceased male acting teacher and sometime actor (see Godfather.) ‘Makes Biel look like Katherine Hepburn, or Meryl Streep’ would have been more accurate analogy.
    And just for the record, both ScarJo and Biel are mediocre actresses. Yawn x 2. Shouldn’t breathe the same air as Helen Mirren.

  22. Apples says:

    What in the fresh HELL is Jessica wearing??
    The styling makes it even worse.

  23. Ms Kay says:

    Alreet I think there has been a confusion in the clothes delivery…

    JB outfit belongs to Dame Helen Mirren

    ScarJo outfit belongs to JB

    Toni Collette outfit belongs to ScarJo

    Dame Helen Mirren outfit belongs to Toni Collette

    James d’Arcy belongs in my bed.

  24. bns says:

    Jessica looks like a 50 year old, and Scarlett looks like one of those cheap, D list actresses that show up to every red carpet event. Helen wins.

  25. Samantha says:

    Toni Collette looks amazing.

  26. goodquestion says:

    The CW is making a “Sex in the City” prequel called “The Carrie Diaries.”

    Maybe Biel is gunning for a lead in the Golden Girls prequel, “Bronze Broads”, in which Dorothy is Blanche’s pimp in 1970′s Las Vegas.

  27. Tazina says:

    Jessica’s hair reminds me of someone on a limited budget who cuts their own hair to save money. Even on her gorgeous figure, that outfit is so unflattering it defies words.

  28. Bowers says:

    Helen Mirren better than both.

  29. KellyinSeattle says:

    Who looked better? More like who looked worse (minus Helen)
    the Biel Bangs, will they ever go away?Reminds me of dolls , when I was little and cut their hair, they looked like that.
    the outfit wouldn’t be so bad if it wasn’t a two-piece, if it didn’t look like a spacesuit, and if it wasn’t on Jessica.

  30. Esti says:

    Toni Collette is winning the clothing battle, Helen Mirren is winning at life, and ScarJo is winning at ScarJo vs. Jessica Biel. And I’m good with all of that.

  31. LibsW says:

    At first glance I thought in the first picture it was Uma Thurman and not Toni Collette!

    Incidentally, her shoulder seems to have grown a teeny tiny arm wielding a knife trying to cut that hideous outfit off Jessica Biel….

  32. j.eyre says:

    I was actually singing “one of these things doesn’t belong” before I scrolled on to the text.

  33. taxi says:

    Scarlett’s outfit is horrible, including the shoes, her hair, & too-dark lipstick.
    Jessica’s poorly dressed (pajamas?) & styled, & her toes hang over the sides of her sandals, which always looks bad.
    Helen looks wonderful except for the shiny Spanx & Toni looks great too. Looks a bit here like Jessica Chastain.

  34. LadyAnne says:

    Scarlett, close your mouth please. Jessica, just don’t.

  35. Shelly says:

    Jessica looks truly hideous.

  36. midnightmoon says:

    I’m devastated to say this but Dame Helen has finally gotten work done on her face. Tonight is unrecognizable and honestly? They ALL look like crapola. I agree totally with the outfit swap analysis. I REALLY miss the old Hollywood glamour.

    Where art thou Edith Head when we NEEEEEEED thee.


  37. Grace says:

    Toni and Helen win. Scarlett looks like she’s in drag again. Jessica, as usual, looks like total crap.
    Jessica’s trying to set an “elegant” trend but trashy on the inside can never do elegant on the outside. She just doesn’t understand that she doesn’t have what it takes to pull off true glamour. The cameras never lie.
    She and Beyonce need to have a meet and greet. They can be the “money cannot buy good taste” twins.

  38. citygirlsf says:

    Holy Hell…Jessica’s outfit is unforgivably HIDEOUS.

    Love ScarJo’s lipstick, though.

  39. peaches mcdooby says:

    um, looks like the trailer park girls are going to the local casino

    whathafa, love Helen but they are all wearing doilies

  40. Kosmos says:

    I agree, none of them look great. Their dresses were ill chosen. ScarJo looks terrible with the big green addition on her bodice. Although I like Biel, I’m not a fan of her horrible bang look and the white pants outfit doesn’t do her justice. I love Mirren, but this dress isn’t doing her any favors. And dark red lipstick just doesn’t look good on everyone, in every instance.

  41. judyjudy says:

    My husband’s Grandmother has the same outfit as Biel. She’s 90 years old. And yes, she lives in Florida.

  42. real says:

    Toni looks great.
    All the other ‘outfits’ look like they have a (tacky) crocheted overlay. FAIL.

  43. Suze says:

    My nana just came back from the grave and demanded her 1975 pants suit back! Jessica, dial back the granny gun and find some flattering clothes.

    And stop pouting, Scar Jo. You’re young, rich, you’re a damn actor for heavens sake. You got it all. Close your mouth and smile on the red carpet.

  44. Anne de Vries says:

    I’m always so amazed (and amused) by how Scarlett can look so gawky and awkward in one shot, then a different angle or moment and she’s a bombshell.