I saw this story yesterday, and I was saving it for today. Y’all need some Viola Davis on Valentine’s Day, don’t you? I want V on V-Day. Viola is out promoting her new film, Beautiful Creatures, and she was asked about her V-Day plans with her husband, and how she met and fell in love. Viola’s advice to the lovelorn? Pray for a man and God will deliver!
For lonely hearts this Valentine’s Day, there is hope if you just pray for the perfect mate, according to Viola Davis.
At a premiere for her latest movie, “Beautiful Creatures,” the Oscar nominee from last year’s “The Help” told us, “I was the loneliest woman in the world, and someone said, ‘You should just pray for a husband.’ ”
She took her pal’s advice, adding, “I said I wanted a big black man from the South who looked like a football player, who already had children, who maybe had been married before . . . 3 1/2 weeks later I met my husband.”
The pair shared a scene on the television show City of Angels. “He was the anesthesiologist, Dr. Holly, and I was Nurse Lannett,” Davis told Us Weekly. “We were passing blood in a scene. He knew how lonely I was. I was out in L.A. and I hated it and he said, ‘I’ll show you around Los Angeles. I’ll show you around the Santa Monica pier.”
The couple will celebrate their tenth wedding anniversary on June 23. “We’ve been together thirteen years, and from the first day, it was magic,” Davis gushed. Tennon certainly agrees, telling Us, “She’s the sweetest woman. It’s so great to see her be all of who she is. That’s what I love about her.”
Tennon, who has two sons from previous relationships, also praised The Help star for being a “great mom” to their 2-year-old daughter Genesis, whom they adopted in October 2011.
“Sometimes she doesn’t think she is, but she’s wonderful,” he gushed. “Nobody’s perfect and I raised two kids by myself before I met my wife. I was a single father with two children for 17 years, and my wife is doing an amazing job.”
Motherhood is more fulfilling than Davis ever imagined. “Everything falls into place,” the star told Us. “My whole purpose in life has changed now, and that’s really hard for an actor. Before that it was about me. Now it’s gone.”
Isn’t that a sweet story? I think Viola’s husband seems like a nice guy too – he’s a bit older than V, he had been married before, and I think he was probably jazzed to find a woman who had all of her ducks in a row, you know? Viola is awesome, and everyone needs to bow down. Even God! God was all, “Damn, I got you, girl. See if you like this guy!”
Photos courtesy of WENN.
Can you imagine if someone other than a black woman said this or said they wanted a big whatever color you choose?
What is racist? And how? She wasn’t allowed to put race on her list of “perfect man” items? She didn’t say she wouldn’t have been happy if her guy had been anything else.
Yeah, if it is ok for white guys to want a size X skinny/curvy blonde/brunette woman and say stuff like no fat chicks and only a dog wants a bone; and ok for white women to only want guys over 5’10 and with a steady income source it is absolutely a-ok, for Viola to want her a big black southern man! Either outer stuff matters or it doesn’t. Her guy is pretty damn hot btw!
I think what vic is saying is that if she was a white woman and she said she wanted a white man everyone would get upset and call her a racist.
Yes, people would probably get upset but it is NOT the same thing. Come on, let’s not even pretend.
Sure it is the same thing.
Probably many white women and black women want a man of their own race. But it is somewhat acceptable for a black woman to say so and it is not acceptable for a white woman to say so.
I really don’t care. I believe it is fine to have a preference as to the race you want to be with. And is if fine not to have a preference. I count it as a personal choice.
I agree that’s it’s so unfair to consider everything racist. I’m a white woman, and I wouldn’t dare say this….but I’m thinking it!
I mean it’s ok to say you’re attracted to redheads or you like guys with curly hair…why can’t you say you find Asians or freckled guys or black guys attractive? It’s only the outside anyway – they’ve still got be a good person on the inside. But we are often initially attracted to a certain type of person.
I’m a biracial girl who loves chubby white men. I have no issue admitting it and I don’t care what people think when I state it. It doesn’t mean I haven’t dated outside of my preference range though. When it comes to dating, I don’t think it’s wrong in any circumstance to state a preference on race. I don’t think it’s racist but I think it’s about knowing what you want. It’s about happiness, and finding satisfaction in the person you choose as a companion. Of course it should be more about personality but if you aren’t even remotely physically attracted to them, then what’s the point? Viola did the exact same thing. She knew what she wanted in a man and found it. If any white person said I prefer my partner be white, Asian, black, whatever I would find it no less offensive. This is a life partner we are talking about. However, the idea is also a willingness to look outside your profile. If you are a white woman who is looking for a white man making 50k+ a year who is funny and you meet a black man who is making 50k+ a year who is pretty attractive and funny that you be willing to give him a chance too. Viola knew what she wanted, found it and hasn’t looked back. Obviously, she had personality requirements that Julius met as well. I find it hard to believe it had as much to do about race than it did just knowing what she was looking for.
But it’s really not the same thing… I personally find it really hard to date white guys these days, but that’s because of their issues with race, not mine. As an Asian girl I was happy to date whoever but there have just been too many white guys who would fetishise my race and think I would take it as a compliment, and then there are those who just flat out deny that their race gives them any privileges over me… if white guy was happy to sit down and learn and discuss all that with me then great, but honestly too few are and so I get where she’s coming from, there’s a kind of shared history and implicit understanding that comes from being marginalized I think, one that’s quite uncomfortable to learn about if you aren’t.
@ Pippa: Exactly. I’m not saying every white person (I am one of them) is like that but there is a huge difference in perspectives here. I have no idea why people can’t see that and why they insist that people preferring to stick to their own (minority) group is the same as white people wanting to do the same. In most cases, the motives for this are very different.
Seems like a totally reasonable thing to be upset about. Keep up the great work!
*lol*
Sorry if I offended and I’m not upset at all but if you read a headline where say, Jessica Chastain, said I want a big white guy, folks would be all over it as racist. I very much agree that we are all attracted to different things including skin color. But that’s a very different statement.
And we often bitch about men when they talk about certain body types. Lena Dunham has had the world come to her defense and rightfully so.
Whaaa? Just stop.
I think everyone no matter what race or ethnic background has an idea of what they envision their partner to be. I am a person of color and I would pray that God would send me a decent man, with decent looks and a decent job. I don’t think that’s asking for much. VD got what she wanted and I aint mad at her.
Plenty of minorities can and do say that and no one bats an eye. The only difference is that they’d be more specific about country, ie: a korean-american woman saying she’d prefer to marry a man who shared her korean background. No problem. Plenty of people feel that way for very legitimate reasons, one of them being that when you’re part of a minority it’s very easy for your unique cultural identity to get lost in favor of the majority culture. Another being that people tend to be in relationships with people they have a lot in common with, and the culture you were raised in is a big part of that.
Black americans are their own cultural group, so what’s the problem? It’s just a preference, not some hard rule against interracial dating.
yes Vic, you’re right. Everyone is saying it’s not a big thing, but even the other day everyone was complaining about people saying that Fassbender has a type, like if it was a big thing. If he would say the same or a white person would substitute the “black” in the sentence for “white” everyone would jump at them…I would probably jump at something like that, so why not state it here also? Double standards are very visible here.
Thank you so much for this comment! I’m not saying she doesn’t have a right but everyone should be afforded the same rights. Yes, even in America. If you think racism started and only exist here you are sadly mistaken.
oh dear… the guy never said he has that type, CB is assuming, we are musing… moving along…
viola has a type. everyone has a type. you see, in america, the default it white. if you like something else, you must state it. hence why the “black” man when you are speaking to a general crowd as she is doing in interviews.
for example, you would say “i want tall, dark and handsome”. most will think you are speaking of a white man, who tans well with dark hair and eyes (unfortunately this is reminding me of a pic i saw of a young josef stalin, yup even evil dictators can be hot in youth but i digress). white is the default.
so please people, until you can tell me how in your day being part of the default (majority) makes you life suck hard (you know like oscar winner forest whittaker getting frisked by someone loser because he had the audacity to be black and walk into a high end grocery store), until then, think hard before you type.
y’all need to get out more…
Right. Because being white in America is the exact same experience as being black in America.
THANK YOU! I know Obama’s president and all, but racism still exists in the good ol’USA.
Thank you! It’s absolutely insane to pretend that white people are victimized by the same institutional, systematic racism as people of color in this country.
Thank you for ruining a feel-good post with your fake outrage BS. Good job.
Right?? I’m going to have to stop reading the comments on articles that feature nonwhite actors, Kim Kardashian’s pregnancy body, or discuss domestic violence, because it’s downright horrifying most days.
I totally I agree, Vic sounds like a buffoon crying “reverse-racism” for no reason at all . Thanks for dragging Viola’s story of finding true love through the gutter for your stupid agenda Vic! Bravo! Disgusted.
I hear White people saying it all the time.Im looking for an Italian Girl or Irish Guy or a Redheaded Lady is the same as saying Im looking for a White person.
Exactly! If I had a nickel every time the choice was between a blonde or brunette? Grouping all women with dark hair in the brunette section isn’t fooling anybody!
Yes, I can. John Mayer said he preferred white women and caught hell over it. Granted, it didn’t help that he was so douchy about it but there were plenty of people who were offended that he prefers white women.
I think it’s great John and Viola know what they like and aren’t afraid to admit it. Also, V and her hubby are a great couple and I like their story.
I think it’s because he said his c*ck was racist…he’ll only sleep with white girls. Which isn’t saying that he prefers white girls, but there is obviously a possibility that he will date/sleep outside his “comfort zone”, but that nothing else was good enough for his dick.
That’s why it was a controversy and insulting to every single person who isn’t 100% white.
He’s certainly going to be able to keep his David Duke to white women after that.
John Mayer…he compared his member to David Duke! That isn’t stating a “preference”. So many comments because SOME of you feel like your white privilege is being impinged upon.
Umm try getting your false equivalencies right next time okay boo? Because John Mayer said he didn’t date black women because he had a “KKK dick” okay? Would it be okay if someone said they never slept with a Jewish woman because they had a “Nazi dick”. Seriously? Gtfoh.
Omg! Reverse racism is real y’all! Because Viola Davis is in love with a black man! You are a transparent and disrespectful idiot. The fact that you felt the need to use this post make a nonsensical claim about reverse racism is disgusting. I’m gonna do a Brandi: shut the f;.k up.
You need to stop while you’re behind.
Turquoise is her color!
Love that she said she would never play a maid again after The Help.
She was the only good thing in that dumb movie.
Incoming racial fire storm at her comment on how no one else can make that comment and get away with it in 4…3…2…
Never mind, count down came too late LOL
Yup God forbid someone with Brown skin says something that a white person should be entitled to say without catching hell for it. I weep for the injustice against their white privilege *sarcasm*
I would have no problem with a white chick saying she was looking for a white dude. Or an asian dude. Or whatever. People getting bent out of shape for *zero* reason. She said it, it was her type and because she had the *gall* to mention race, it’s game over.
I’m not even going to get into the privilege discussion. I had enough of that on tumblr and all it devolves into is “Well white people get discriminated against TOO! YOU’RE BEING MEAN!”.
LOL Yeah, saw it coming from a mile away.
Bc it’s true, lol.
this is so sweet 🙂 thanks for the great valentines day story <3
Those shoulders are FIERCE!
This is a beautiful couple. He is so supportive. She said it took her a while to get used to his chivalry and love. She was so used to doing everything herself.
I don’t think it’s racist, everybody has an image about his/her perfect match, and it includes colour of the skin, the eyes, the hair, the weight etc..
Good for them to find the right person
Right? When I picture my ideal guy, I picture pale skin and dark hair, but not because I think anything else is racially inferior or whatever racists are always going on about.
+1
Everyone has a type. No sense in denying that. Personality may trump all (for most people) but you gotta start somewhere. Sometimes it’s just general statements. I like tall, heavy set guys. Doesn’t mean I hate short, thin ones or that I wouldn’t (if not married) rule out dating one–they just wouldn’t grab my attention 1st.
It makes sense to be attracted to someone who’s a reflection of you. That thing called John Mayer said the same thing. I wasn’t offended. Look, I’m black and I’m attracted to black man. I’m also attracted to other races and nationalites. If Fassbender or Seal even sniffs in my direction, I’m jumping them. It doesn’t mean that I’m racist towards the opposite.
With some of the mental shackle still possessing the brain (the residue from our past), I’m glad bp still love bp. I’m at the point where I just want a good man.
The thing with John Mayer is in the way he said it. He said his d*ck is like a white supremacist when we know white supremacists have been putting their d*cks into black women since slavery.
He also said a bunch of other racist things. He could have just said “I’m not attracted to black women” and no one would have cared.
“That thing called John Mayer”. Hahahhaaaa love it!
@A
That’s just ONE of the reasons why I called him ‘that thing’. He’s a major d*uche. He was trying to be funny and clever but failed miserably. He is just…eww!
Exactly. It is not wrong to have a type. It is not like she said that she would flat out reject someone who was a different race.
I have a thing for guys with blue or green eyes. I wouldn’t reject an awesome guy with brown eyes for a loser with blue or green though.
I find it more interesting that she wanted someone who had children and had previously been married. You don’t hear that very often.
this, when I said in the thread abot Fassbender and Lawrence that having a type is BS I want to say that I think that everybody has an ideal (black, white, tall, small, blond, fat, skinny..) but in reality you can’t said that you would reject someone who doesn’t fit it because at the end the most important is to be with a person who loves you, respect you and who has fun with you and I think that what she wants and she finds it
Agreed! You like what you like. Forever and ever amen.
Beautiful couple!!
Coincidentally, The Living Proof just came up in my playlist- slays me every time!
I love this story – It gives me hope and it makes me smile!!! I think Viola is amazing and I’m so glad she found the man of her dreams and her prayers!
Me too! I am going to start praying for a tall rich charming blond canadian guy who fights crime in the streets of NY. Get ready for me, Ryan Gosling!
haha love it..Mary, we may have the same prayer..hopefully there’s two of them out there 😉
Perfect comic relief Mary! Well done!
A Jewish light brown haired green eyed big breasted friend of mine openly discussed her preference for White Jewish rich men exclusively. She was almost in tears for the response she got: accusation of being racist. I told her some people almost always label anything racist when used as exclusionary criteria…
I don’t know why he had to be Black specifically, men are men. I wouldn’t be praying for a big White guy or a big Latino guy. Best to let skin color go when looking for a man or you will stay single for a loooong time.
Her husband raised his own kids on his own and still adopted. I like that about him. He sings her praises too. Sounds like a good man. Damn God does have her back. lol. Viola deserves the best so I’m happy for her. Wishing them a long happy marriage.
when i asked the ‘universe’ for my mate i was non-racial specific and very please with what was fulfilled. however, i think if a person wants a partner of a specific race, there’s nothing wrong with that either. that’s the great thing about personal choice. 🙂
Maybe she is attracted to Large Black men.Not skinny Black men or Large White men.
Just sayin’. I have some girlfriends who are so particular about men down to race, height, money, dong size. They are single a lot and miss out on great guys. Keeping an open mind has helped my love life in comparison.
I think the lady has a right to seek a particular type of mate for herself. Why is everyone getting all emotional over this.
I love her. She is exquisite and has a great smile that reaks of sympathy.
So if someone asks you what kind of ice cream do you like, do you leave out the FLAVOR? “Yeah, give me whatever flavor, just make sure it’s on a cone and there are two sccops…” Yeah, right. GTFOH. If I’m putting in an order for a man (praying for my perfect specimen), PLEASE believe, I’m going to give you all of my DETAILED preferences, down to the size of the glorious jewels. 🙂
I know that’s right!!!! Let me be very clear as I do not want any mistakes 🙂
They’re lovely couple. I’m always thrown by how amazing she is.
What a sweet story! She is such a positive and radiant person. I mean, she must have really had to act for her depressing role in ‘The Help.” Wow..that final scene with the little girl brings me to tears every time. Love me some VD!! Hope she keeps getting great roles.
I want big, black man from the south… of London. Idris Elba to be more specific. 3 1/2 weeks, Lord! I am counting!
Lmao, too funny!:-)
I didn’t see your comment about Idris Elba when I posted mine-guess I oughta start praying for a clone of Idris instead!
No worries Lemony! If we pray together maybe the miracle of bilocation will happen 😉
Idris is from East London though? 😉
The Mighty already knows that I can not differ right from left, not to mention East, West, South and North. 😉
Thank you for posting this! They have a true lifelong romance-how refreshing & beautiful. What a lovely couple.
I have been praying for Idris Elba to show up at my doorstep. I guess this means I still have a chance! *back to praying
Dear God,
Are you there? It’s me, I.want.shoes. NOW WHERE THE HELL IS MY BIG BLACK MAN?!
Happy Valentine’s Day everyone!! I.want.shoes, you have the right idea!! I’ll take the purses.
I’m glad Viola found her man!! I’m dating a black man myself right now, and he is charming, sweet, has a job, and is a great father….lucky me 🙂
I don’t see the difference y’all are stating… if a white man said he prayed for a blonde bombshell to come along the effect would be the same,right?
Exactly. Just the mention of blonde excludes Blacks, Asians, Native Americans, etc (unless he doesn’t mind obvious dye jobs). Same with saying “I want someone with beautiful blue eyes”. That excludes certain ethnic groups. *shrug*
No, it’s not racist to have a preference for the race of one’s mate, but there is a noticeable double standard in that a black woman can say something like this with no fallout, whereas a white woman would be branded a racist.
I don’t like how our society, in endeavouring to be less racist, has made it permissible for blacks to say and do things that whites would get flamed for, and vice-versa. There is still a double standard, and that in itself is racist.
Not necessarily…
An italian american saying he only want to mary an Italian (american) woman, or a Jewish, an Irish, a Muslim who say they want to marry inside their ethnic/origin nation group are not branded as racists.
So Africans living in the US would not date an African American or vice versa. That doesn’t necessirly said they are racist.
Also there are sites where American Men degrade American Women. It’s just disgusting what they spew towards their women, saying why they wouldn’t date one and would go for a south american, asian or foreign women.
I think it’s not as white and black as people say it is. An American saying he will only marry an american isn’t branded as a racist or branded as being prejudiced against foreigner.
People questionning why celebrities only date foreign children are not necessirily racist/prejudiced against foreign either..
In my original comment, I said: “No, it’s not racist to have a preference for the race of one’s mate.” So I’m not sure what your “Not necessarily…” is referring to.
That’s the thing though, white people do it all the time!
When white women say “I pray for/prefer/only find blue eyed guys attractive!” – Guess who that usually excludes like 99%of the time? You guessed it! Black men, Asian men, none white men basically.
When white men say “I pray for/prefer/only find blond women attractive!” – They exclude most none white women.
No one calls the above racist, yet, according to you it should be.
In my original comment, I said: “No, it’s not racist to have a preference for the race of one’s mate.” You’re thus wrong to say that I’m claiming that having a preference for the race of one’s mate “should be [racist].”
So…ww are branded as racist if they love wm?? When?! John Mayer says he only likes ww. I don’t think that’s wrong. It would be different if he said bad things about other women because of his preference. THAT’S when I have a problem. When it comes to black people, it’s more complicated. It’s because of conditioning from our past. There was a lot of self loathing instilled in some of us. So it’s beautiful when we can still love ourselves thru all of the trauma and beauty standards. Other races prefer the same race. Why can’t we do the same?
It’s really tiring to read comments like this. People are too lazy or couldn’t be bothered to consider reasons why some things may come off as a double standard when it’s not.
@ FassDaActor
+1
I think it was the way John Mayer said it that was offensive. If he had said it like “I really love a pale skinned white woman,” I don’t think anyone would have batted an eye. But saying his “d–k is like a white supremacist” was the offensive part.
To me it boils down to culture and especially in this country race is apart of that culture. I think it’s about finding someone you are culturally in tune with. There can be several different factors related to that. Viola stated she wanted a black man from the south and there may be stereotypes involved with it but there is a cultural trend amongst people of that race in that part of the country. Especially in America, suggesting race to me says more about culture because we have segregated ourselves for so long from the other cultures instead of being that melting pot we so claim to be.
@ FassDaActor: In my original comment, I said: “No, it’s not racist to have a preference for the race of one’s mate.” Your entire screed seems hell-bent on telling me that I’m wrong for saying that it is racist for having a preference for the race of one’s mate.
^ THIS x 1000 @ FassDaActor!
IMO the biggest double standard when it comes to race is assuming everything from the white perspective is standard practice and then getting righteously indignant about nonwhite people sharing experiences from their perspectives.
+ 1
I’m with you again, Chordy! This is ONLY a double-standard if you look at it from a white experience, which in America (as well as other parts of the world, I think, but I have less experience) is essentially “raceless.” That’s what makes it so easy for them to assume their experience is universal, when it is anything but.
Dang, that was really well-put. Hats off.
@ MaiGirl +1000!
I agree that “assuming everything from the white perspective is standard practice and then getting righteously indignant about nonwhite people sharing experiences from their perspectives” is a double standard, but I don’t agree that it is the biggest one.
Chordy, say it again! Couldn’t agree with you more.
@ Chordy…speak the truth and shame the devil! (and no I’m not calling white people devils, it’s a saying about you know, the devil).
SOME white people have a hard time dealing with fact that sometimes their white privilege is stepped on…that’s where all of the indignation comes from. To my white people WHO ARE butt hurt that you can’t say N word or say something like what Viola said without catching hell…GET OVER IT. You have white privilege and Viola has to deal with turning down parts to play a maid repeatedly…get it now?
Yes, yes Chordy x1000000!
Yea if you could say that you have a romantic preference for your own race it would cut out the lies. And be honest with potential date partners. So they know they are not barking up the wrong tree. At least I would guess I am asexual myself and so lack personal experience.
Double standards for compensation just don’t work in my opinion. They will just make things worse in the long run.
The only one I see with double standard here is you. Either that, or you quite clearly have no idea what you are talking about. Because I sure don’t. Since when is a white person wishing for a blonde bombshell, or a partner with blue eyes not excluding people based on the race. Um no. thanks for playing. Now,Gtfoh.
I just love Viola. She is such a good actress.
I keep trying to massage the name Viola into my husbands and my baby name list. He’s not so into it, but I love the name! Viola is probably my favorite Shakespearian heroine, and Viola Davis is hands down my favorite actress, and she’s an amazing interview to boot!
Keep pushing for “Viola” it’s such a beautiful name and keep nagging your husband until he agrees to it lol
It sounds really good with his mother’s name as the middle name, so I’m hoping I shall WIN!
It sounds like such an old school pretty name! Your kid will definitely have a gorgeous name! 😉
I want Idris Elba for a date… Just one fine date… #DreamBig
*whips out slut shank* Back away from Idris Elba. Veerrry slowly. He’s mine!
*whispers* Never….
Lmao at “slut shank”.
*Sneaks in and takes Idris from you both and uses my honey as a bodyguard* You can have him back when I’m done!!
My fiancee makes fun of me all the time about my major “hard-on” as he calls it for Idris.
LOL! My husband calls Idris Elba the “other man.” I tricked him into watching The Losers one time and he was so mad at me because he knew I only wanted to watch it for him, and I was like “What? I wanted to watch it for Chris Evans too!”
Yes well I shall make that dream come true, we got along really well when we met at them awards, so when I’m going to stalk/bump into him in a pretending-coincidence at one of his DJ gigs, we’ll see 😀
#DreamBig
OMG I almost forgot that you have actually met him for real! If your lips ever touch his lips, I want to hear every last detail at great length.
Ditto. I also wouldn’t mind hearing *ahem* other details.
Oh damn, you’re going to throw your guy into the line of fire and sacrifice him for another man? Carry on, we’re all just squirrels trying to get some nuts. Wait, I didn’t mean it like *that*.
@Jo Only because he said that given the opportunity he would EXPECT me to do so. Plus, I would do the same if he got his hands on Monica Bellucci or Iman.
Ha! I wasn’t criticising, just laughing. He seems to have good taste, too.
I’m not religious but this is exactly the same way I met the love of my life. I was in the process of getting out of a terrible relationship and I was talking with a friend about what I wanted my next man to be like. I said I wanted a chubby white dude who was goal oriented, educated, wanted kids someday and was masculine but gentle. Within a month, I found him. It hasn’t been 100% perfect, there was drama in the beginning (especially from psycho ex), we still squabble but he can make me smile everyday. We’re making it legal in July but it really is just a piece of paper because we both knew from our first date we would spend the rest of our lives together.
My advice is know what you want and if you actively look for it, you will find it. I think many women get caught up in being with just ANYONE instead of taking the time to look for the type of person they want. The biggest mistake people make is settling for good enough. To me, when your life happiness is on the line settling for mediocre is only going to lead to problems. Viola knew what she was looking for and found it. Any happy couple you meet will hopefully tell you the same.
White people usually use “code” words for their preferences.
Like; “Blond”, “Blue eyed”, “Pale”, “Freckles” etc physical attributes that are usually found in white people.
I don’t see how that is any different than what Viola said. Or would you have preferred it if she had said “Dark” instead of “Black”?
I don’t think there is anything wrong or racist to have a racial preference as long as you don’t put down other (or your own) so called “race(-s)” in order to justify your preference.
Hmmm.
Let me start by first saying that her statements highlight systemic cultural issues that are too complex to be glibly inverted as reverse-racism. The reason why statements such as these read as racist when coming from someone who is white is because it underscores white cultural hegemony and privilege, consciously or not. It may not be fair, but it is the status quo.
With that said, I’ll admit my initial reaction to this wasn’t the most positive (I was giving Viola a figurative side- eye), but for totally different reasons than one might expect.
Black-American women in the US are the least likely of the major ethnic groups of both genders to “date out”, that is outside of their race.
They’re brought up with this implicit guilt trip that we have to be the long-suffering crow bars for black men because society is stacked against them, and if we aren’t in their corner who’s going to be? This show of marytdom is quite romantic, but we all known black men will date whomever and whatever they damn well please because they are MEN! I don’t see them voicing the same kinds of concerns about ethnic posterity and cultural preservation. But quite a few black women will take up arms to do so. Alone, as it were.
I’m always slightly perturbed by the “Negro or Nothing” black woman. (Not to imply that Viola is like this.)
I’m the kind of person that vehemenently rejects labels. I’m uncomfrotable with illusory indentity-formulating ideologies such as religion, ethnocentrism, and nationalism. So it puzzles me slightly when I see people (of all races) who “stick to their own”. I’m beginning to understand it from the perspective of people who feel this way: there’s a sense of comfort with people who are “like you”. I guess I just consider myself a citizen of the Universe and what makes me feel comfortable with someone extends beyond these mundane tribal preoccupations. No shade. Okay, maybe a little.
I always encourage black women to date out, but I also realize that people’s reasons for dating whom that date are as myriad as the nuber of people on Earth. I give a pass to people whose life purpose is to toil for the betterment of their people. Their ethnicity tends to feed very strongly into their idenity and they want someone who reflects those interests.
It’s just limiting.
Hope you’re all reading this.
Applause
It is something I think is very much perpetuated with African-American culture. Even though I am biracial, I admittedly have never been apart of African American culture. About 2 years ago my fiancee and I were at the mall holding hands when a black man came up to me like my boyfriend wasn’t even there and started saying “Why you gotta diss a brother by dating a white guy?” It was pretty shocking but I was at least able to comeback with “because he speaks properly” before we both walked off. So I do think black women are expected to tow the line and date only black men. Part of me think there’s a bit of “preserve the race” mentality there. The problem is if you look at stereotypes created about black women they are not painted in the most positive of lights most of the time. More often than not they come off as screaming banshees. Even worse, many young black girls fall into this mould. We can also talk about how homosexuality, especially African-American lesbians are extremely frowned upon amongst other African Americans but sort of abided by in other areas. I seriously believe though that in a way it is a way of committing social genocide amongst the culture. The media and world portray black women in a negative light and with negative labels, black women play into this negative portrayal and they are seen by the world as largely undesirable. It’s messed up but I do believe that it was perpetuated as a result of anger to the civil rights movement. In a way, it’s a new underhanded way of initiating a race war on a social level. I know this may seem very offensive to some but I genuinely wonder sometimes what cause such a divide in this post-civil rights era.
that’s real cray-cray!
that fool was lucky to walk away from that mall.
i don’t know why some black dudes think that ‘non-black’ men are punks.
a man is a man is a man.
you don’t walk up to another man’s woman and start talking sh*t, especially with him standing next to her.
people tryin’ to get knocked the f*ck out, i swear! smh
😯
Got the exact. Same. Shit. In the mall. My husband was ready to go off.
I couldn’t have said it better myself.
@ViktoryGin. So eloquently stated. I don’t have a single thing else to add.
That was beautifully written.
@ ViktoryGin @ LeeLoo
*high five*
*applause* I love it when it gets all insightful on Celebitchy.
If you all know the statistics in America, black women are less likely to walk down the aisle than white women. Is it wrong for Viola to pray for a black man in a world where black women are considered the least attractive? It’s very easy for white people to jump down our throats everytime race is mentioned but unless you are in a black woman’s shoes you can’t really judge.
Yep. When you have so-called ‘scientists’ publishing articles using ‘facts’ to ‘prove’ that black women are the least attractive type of person in existence and a whole world of conditioning that teaches a ‘Yeah, that seems right to me’, black women don’t need another forum in which they’re being ‘you’ve been bad’. That’s all we get and frankly it’s tiring when everyone is being taught (the WORLD over) that we’re not desirable that we should be barred from desiring what we want, whoever that may be.
I think that’s a darker piece of the story, that (generally, very generally), black women are less likely to be approached by non-black men–and don’t jump down my throat about who hits on you, your kin or your friend around the corner, I said ‘generally’–so it’s kind of self-defeating to pine after something that has been taught that you are the lowest of the low and wouldn’t even consider you as a potential partner, though he wouldn’t admit it or sometimes doesn’t even know it. I absolutely think that black women are cutting themselves off at the knees by refusing to date non-white men, but that’s only half of the story. Do you really think that if a white person says, ‘I like blondes’, Shaniqua can buy herself a blonde weave and automatically get that person’s attention?
I also think that black men should stop martyring themselves for black men because they feel no qualms–nor should they–about dating non-black women so they’ve got to update their thinking there. Still, let us remember that relations between black women and men as a whole are complicated and can get pretty damned fraught to say the least.
So people can and will say it’s reverse racism and while I don’t personally limit my preferences by race, I still say it’s not the same and you that you get it and you can shout me down as much as you like because that’s what these kinds of debates always do, but consider this: maybe people understand the dynamics of their own cultural circumstances better than the vocal majority. There’s just so much more under the surface.
Of course, a lot of black women could stand to require more from their lives than ‘baby momma’ because THAT’S where a double standard does apply and her (usually) that’s her stuck with the bag, not baby boy. I can’t tell you how many times people have just assumed I was a mother when I was teenager. Live with that.
in the white she slays.
I love Viola Davis. But seriously, I have to pray for that kind of stuff? A pity seeing as I’m one of those ‘born again athiests’. :p
??? I’m missing the part where she said people should pray…she said SHE prayed.
I’m not saying that Davis said people should pray or anything like that. I was just making a joke. 🙂 It is a little hard to convey tone via comments.
I love her! <3
Wow, such a fuss because black men make Viola weak in the knees.
I for one am happy for her.
Yes there are some who are racists but I would like to think that the great majority of people out there find all sorts attractive yet still gravitate towards one kind.
Good for her. But you know, I really get tired of hearing that black women are the least likely to be married; its like where some kinds of freaks and monsters. Jewish women are the LEAST likely of all white women to get married, how come there aren’t books, articles, and magazine covers devoted to that. Asian women marry white men in DROVES, something many Asian men are bitter about (look at any American-Asian blog and you’ll see what I mean), but this isn’t considered a topic of national conversation, either.
Love us or LEAVE US ALONE!
So true. It’s because other women are portrayed as having options while us unlovable, horrible, decrepit monsters are doomed because we’re repellent…and the WORLD MUST KNOW! Strike up the band for another chorus of ‘The Plaint Of The Lonely Black Woman’.
I’m sick of being brought up just for the sake of hearing how undesirable I am and how that trend will never change. Gee, golly: necessary and uplifting. Keep reminding me so I’ll be malleable and always defer to the man who takes pity upon me and makes me his partner. Get out of town!
If that’s stated somewhere as some kind of truth it is completely moronic. I was always super jealous of POC because there are so many stunning women (damn, they have the best skin ever)! There are stunning women of any race, any color and there will be individual preferences but I’m pretty sure that in the end the outside shouldn’t be the most important.
I think this comment section got totally out of control with the racist slurs, but I also think that people are making a storm from a cup of water from that first comment.
I’m from a Mediterranean country and I was subjected to racism from the two sides. I had a boyfriend of color and one of his aunts would always bash me/him because I’m white (at least in my home country). Never in my life I heard a word about his color from anyone surrounding me, except that he was gorgeous. Then I moved to a Nordic country and I realized that after all I’m not white to all standards and you know I also had to cope with that, because some people will make you feel bad about it or as an outsider and of course, there will be some racists/xenophobe people that you try to avoid along your way. Just to say, racism is a question of perspective and can come from different sides. If someone is racist, they will find a way to get at you.
I know that POC and other ethnic minorities, in a lot of countries, still have to fight harder to be given the same equal and fair treatment in every situation, but I also think that in general we, Women, are the ones who really have to fight harder against discrimination (equal opportunities in the job market, equal treatment…). I would then prefer to see women united and a bit less attack on skin color and others…but I know this a difficult topic for all who have felt racism against them, so I don’t know also where is the compromise line, but for some reason I think that you girls are gorgeous amazing human beings and that’s what matters.
Whatev. Great story. Gives my single, lonely ass hope! Go Viola!
Viola is so stunning and I love her natural hairstyle! She’s a definite role model not to just women of color but all women! She’s an awesome actress and my absolute favorite! 😀
Yeah, because I’m sure God has nothing better to do than find single women boyfriends. Sometimes I find the thought processes of Christians very offensive.
How is it “offensive” to you to believe that a deity with unlimited power, mental faculties and knowledge might answer someone’s personal prayers? Try thinking logically.
Are you also insulted if children pray that their pet won’t die?
Awwww, they’re cute.