Gwyneth Paltrow’s spring fashion recommendations will set you back $458,003

Another day, another “OMG is Gwyneth Paltrow insane?” story. Fortunately, this story is not about Gwyneth’s latest diet/cleanse or how she “almost died” when she chanced upon a peasant wearing polyester. Incidentally, you know that the next month is going to be full-on Gwyneth, right? She’s going to be promoting her book (it comes out April 2) and if her book tour is anything like last time, we will have wall-to-wall coverage of Gwyneth interacting with commoners at “Peasant Book Signings” and tons of new interviews in which Gwyneth deigns to describe how her deathly vitamin deficiencies are so very elite.

Today’s Goop story is literally (literally!!!) about Goop, meaning her latest Goop-letter which is her annual “Spring Edit” (that’s literally what she calls it). It’s a yearly event in which Gwyneth spends an inordinate amount of time putting together a massive list of “must-haves” for the new season. Not only does Gwyneth deign to cull a list of fancy designer clothes that peasants MUST OWN, but Goop actually models many of the looks, showing all of us how we’re supposed to look in these pieces if only we weren’t so fat and full of vitamins.

You can see Goop’s full “Spring Edit” Goop-letter hereshe recommends pieces like “a $425 white leather crop-top from Theyksens’ Theory, shiny orange Maiyet shorts for $475, a $925 leopard print Charlotte Olympia clutch, Jimmy Choo heels for $575, a $795 Swarovski crystal necklace and a $1,590 bangle bracelet from Saint Laurent.” If you want to look and dress like Gwyneth – just for a season!!! – then it will cost you $458,003. That’s how much all of this crap costs. And you know what? I’ll say it – some of this shiz looks like it comes from Walmart.

Photos courtesy of Goop.

 

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222 Responses to “Gwyneth Paltrow’s spring fashion recommendations will set you back $458,003”

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  1. Nicolette says:

    What f***ing planet does this woman live on?

    • Amelia says:

      Not this one, evidently 0_o
      Oi, Martians, if you’re out there, would you mind taking your experiment back?
      Yeah, it’s not working out properly.

      • bluhare says:

        Please forgive the thread hijack for a minute, but Amelia (and any other Brits out there), can you tell me what to wear (or not wear) when I’m in England in May/June? I don’t want to stand out as an American tourist. I’m British, but look American if you know what I mean. Thanks!

      • bluhare says:

        For some reason my computer (or this site) is not letting me edit my posts right now) so let’s just say anything on this page is out.

      • Amelia says:

        Hey, Bluhare :)
        May/June should be lovely weather if last year is anything to go by, but I say that and it’s freaking snowing right now.
        In March. In the UK -_-
        A robin just fell off its perch outside my window because of the snow.
        Anyway, jeans and a t-shirt should be fine, maybe shorts if the weather is especially good. A few floaty blouses should be fine too but I’d bring a few jumpers, just in case it gets windy or starts raining (rain, in the UK – surely not!) Sneakers are fine for footwear, as are flip flops.
        Avoid baseball caps at all costs :) There were several ways of figuring out who was American at the Olympics last year (no offence intended to all C/Bers Stateside; I’m sure you’re all very savvy dressers!)
        1.) Baseball caps with stars and stripes on them.
        2.) Fanny packs.
        3.) And last but not least, the dreaded white socks pulled halfway up the calf! Commonly found on the slightly older gentleman :)

      • bluhare says:

        So trainers are OK? I read once that those set you apart too.

        BTW, we got tickets for The Audience!!

      • Devon says:

        Bluhare, bring a light coat with a hood on it. It can rain at a moment’s notice and when it’s windy, an umbrella is no good. And layer. I’m in Scotland, so it’s a bit colder than in England but the weather changes from being freezing to being quite warm in an instant. And like Amelia said, avoid white socks, fanny packs, sweatshirts with USA written all over the place on them and ball caps. A clear sign of a tourist in Edinburgh (and we get LOADS of them) is when they’re wearing all those things at once.

      • Alexandra Bananarama says:

        Amelia
        People still wear fanny packs!? I own several, but they’re only for runny or biking. Not walking as a tourist.

      • bluhare says:

        Thanks Amelia and Devon. I was hoping I got to wear hats everywhere. :)

        We are going to the theatre to see Helen Mirren. Any dos and/or don’ts there, other than screaming my love for her?

      • Amelia says:

        You’re welcome to bring a hat, Bluhare! I’ve seen a few fedoras about lately, I think I’ve got one at the back of my wardrobe …
        Trainers should be fine, I tend to live in converse and flip flops when I’m not at work.
        OMFG, I’m so jealous! I’m saving up for new bike tyres, so I’m only allowing myself the one theatre ticket in the first half of this year (Book of Mormon – can’t wait!)
        Feel free to dress up as fancy as you like for the theatre (best not to go gor full on ball gowns, though – difficult to get on the Tube in :) ) A pretty cocktail dress is good, a bolero if you’re feeling a bit retro :p
        Standing outside the stage entrance is usually quite good if you’re after an autograph, not everyone does it though.
        Oh, and try not to drink too much :p There’s usually a bar somewhere, and I swear alcohol is more potent at the theatre. And pricy.

        @Alexandra; ohh, yes, I saw a lot of fanny packs wandering into the museum last year!

      • kar says:

        @bluhare… as a north american in england, i spend most of my days in loafers (or my trusty le chameau wellies, since the only season we have here is the “season of rain”), nice jeans, cashmere sweaters, t-shirts, etc. dressing well is a universal thing; if you dress well in america and canada, you will fit in well in the uk and won’t stand out, and vice versa.

      • Miss Jupitero says:

        Vulgate: My overall tip for dressing well anywhere in Europe is simply to dress well. Americans are notoriously sloppy and unaware of how they look. You don’t have to dress expensively, but a nice sweater or blouse, trousers that fit well, clothing that is clean and ironed. Bring more tops than you think you will need. Bring some nice accessories– a lovely cashmere scarf is always lovely. A bright jacket. Wear shoes that are in good condition but also made for walking. Clark’s are my favorite for travel.

      • Marie Antoinette Jr. says:

        bluhare, I’m American but have traveled the UK, Europe. What I noticed is very few women wear shorts in London. On the hottest days the locals seem to favor skirts. I’ve gone to Europe many times with nothing but a rolling carry-on because I bring all black basic clothes, a nice(but not black)jacket that also serves as a raincoat, colorful scarves and cardigan(s). Layering is the key for walking around London. For the theater in June just wear a nice basic black outfit topped with some big jewelry, a scarf or a nice cardigan.
        The key is layering and comfort. Someone mentioned Clark shoes and I agree. They are great. And I personally would not feel comfortable wearing white or light “trainers” in the UK or Europe. If I were to go to London in June I would wear my Clarks and bring a pair of comfortable but a little dressier shoes for the theater. Maybe some ballet flats. And another pair of walking shoes, just in case.
        Read some Rick Steves if you haven’t. He has the best travel guides out there imo.
        have fun! I’m so jealous!!!

      • Ragamuffin says:

        America has a minority that dresses sloppy, but we’re not the only ones. My time in Germany showed me a new level of scrubby dressers completely unaware of how poorly put together they were. I’ve travelled Europe and never saw these star and stripes sweaters, caps, or dishevelled tourists. Only well dressed people for the most part. Getting a little defensive of my adopted country : /

      • Liv says:

        Ragamuffin, at least Germans usually don’t wear running shoes/trainers when going sight-seeing ;-)

        Nothing wrong with that but it just stands out sometimes.

        P.S. Like Amelia said converse and flip flops are fine!

      • bluhare says:

        Everyone: Thanks so much for the tips. That’s pretty much what I was thinking. Nice jeans, t shirts, blouse, cardies and some heels and a dress for an nice evening out.

        Thanks a lot!!!

      • Miss Jupitero says:

        I was going to say the same thing about sneakers. Chucks are fine, but stay away from those huge clunky ugly sneakers. Especially men. especially men who alao wear huge floppy ahorts, old tahirts, and baseball caps. On both men and women, theyscream American.

        I guarantee a pair of Clark’s will be kinder to your feet and much more stylish.

      • NYer says:

        I’m a New Yorker and once saw two British people with matching baseball caps with “England” written across the top on a bus. They looked ridiculous. As ragamuffin said, Europeans can look awful too ( and I lived in Europe and didn’t see these stars and stripes hats either) This whole thread is offensive, and I’m sure the Europeans enjoyed putting us down, as per usual. Just wear something nice, whoever you are and you wherever you come from.

    • mel says:

      LOL!!! Spit up my coffee..thank you.

    • bluhare says:

      Can’t fine even one I like. For $450K I’ll go buy some furniture and new carpet.

  2. aims says:

    She is absurd and completely out of touch.

  3. Dominique says:

    Can’t front; that last look is adorable. I’d totally wear that.

  4. JL says:

    Maybe one day I’ll wake up and be as impressed with Goop as she is with herself.

    When I want the Walmart/ JC Penny catelog look I’ll splurge.

    • Chicagogurl17 says:

      Most of this shit looks like it comes from J. Crew and Urban Outfitters or Anthropologie — which would be ya know affordable and accessible and not different enough.

      I don’t envy a single thing about this woman’s like other than she has money, always had money and will always have money. It must be nice to not have the burden of my medical bills were so expensive this month, which means we need to probably cancel cable and stretch groceries a little farther and not drive anywhere.

  5. V4Real says:

    I would actually go to her book signing just so I could bitch slap the crazy out of her. I might get arrested and charged with assault but it would be so worth it.

  6. LadyMTL says:

    Oh yessss, I can so see myself walking to my bus stop in a grey tank top and a pretty much see-through black ankle length skirt. So fab, darling.

    Now excuse me while I go eyeroll myself into a seizure.

  7. Monie says:

    I’M RICH, BIYATCH!! – Dame Gwyneth Paltrow-Martin

  8. Katie says:

    Suddenly Jessica Biel’s $20K a week spending spree doesn’t seem so grand.

  9. Ellie says:

    OMG, what IS that crop top and horrible, shiny orange shoes ensemble? Heinous.

    It’s like she thinks she’s Barbie playing dress up. “look, it’s hippie/hipster Gwyneth! Now I’m mod. This is what I wear when I’m on boats!”

    Something nice: love the black skirt. Not necessarily the outfit, but I’d rock the hell out of the skirt. If I could only afford it!

  10. dave says:

    Hahha she is waaay too old to wear a midriff shirt like that… That should be contained to under 21 year olds…

  11. DeltaJuliet says:

    I love that Victoria Beckham dress. Not that I could fit these DDD’s in there, but it looks cute on that hanger. I mean, Gwyneth.

  12. Hubbahun says:

    Gwyn, and I say this with love (I don’t) – but do f*ck off, there’s a goop girl.

  13. Ailine says:

    She gets all that stuff for free because of GOOP. GOOP gets an insane amount of press. It was such a smart idea to start the site.

  14. Jess says:

    The way I see it, GOOP is basically just an online magazine, with Gwyneth as editor.

    No one acts as though Vogue or Elle are demanding you buy every single item they feature. No one makes a big deal about how Anna Wintour is looking down on the peasants (even though she is, in a far more active way than Goopy). I’ll never get why people read Goop and rage about how out of touch she is. I don’t see the same people buying magazines every month and pointing out every single thing they can’t afford. The point is Gywneth can afford them, so can a sizeable chunk of her readership, and many others are happy just to look at the pretty things, and not feel personally offended that she doesn’t speak for people who’s lifestyle she’s never experienced.

    • Smaug says:

      Saw your comment after posting mine. I concur!

    • videli says:

      Excellent analysis. But she’s still a twat.

    • salada says:

      I’m on board with you here. I honestly don’t think Gwyneth is trying to cater Goop to fit the masses; it’s meant to have a sense a exclusivity, much in the way Vogue does. Just like in Vogue, for those who can afford the (admittedly overpriced) items it features, great. For those who can’t, it can be viewed more as inspiration. As in, finding similar but cheaper items to the ones suggested by Goop/Vogue to achieve a similar look.
      Plus, Gwyneth grew up privileged, has remained privileged and associates herself with other privileged people. Her worldview is skewed, for sure, but it’s all she’s ever known. It’s no wonder she caters her website to the kinds of people who live similar lifestyles to her.

    • Katie says:

      I see what you’re saying but I don’t think it’s EXACTLY the same as Vogue or Elle or a magazine of that nature. First of all, those are collaborative fashion magazines and they don’t pretend to be otherwise. A lot of people are working on them to showcase clothes and style, and people read/look at those magazines with the express purpose of oohing and ahhing over stuff so expensive it says “Price upon request” in the margins. Nothing about Vogue is down to earth and it never will be. GP is, however, selling herself as the mom, the cook, the person who’s trying to juggle it all. She’s got a lifestyle blog or newsletter or whatever, which is about her, what she likes, where she goes, what she cooks. For heaven’s sake, she models the clothes. So unlike Vogue, which is an entity, GOOP is an extension of GP. So on one hand you’ve got this celebrity trying to sell a cool, non-threatening (now that she’s 40), I-hang-with-Jay-Z-so-I’m-street persona while on the other hand you’ve got this GOOP newsletter which is basically a vanity project. It really is. It’s a “These are all the nice things I have” kind of thing. Having a Valentino bag or Jimmy Choo shoes is the same thing as name dropping. Which she does. All the time.

      • candigirl says:

        Great point. I think she is this contradiction. But I still think it is an elite magazine that caters to her wealthy friends and middle and upperclass women. Maybe Goop would say something like: this is what I’m wearing but you can pull a similar look together on your own, with your own budget clothing. Still, she is insufferable but not as horrible as some others in the media.

      • lucy2 says:

        I agree – personally I think the cost of the clothes is gross, but I’m not in that market demographic. The issue is her trying to be relatable or whatever she thinks she’s doing.

      • TheOriginalKitten says:

        What? Jay-Z is also a millionaire many times over-he hasn’t been “street” in decades.

        Look, I get that Goop is insufferable, really I do but some of the comments here are way over-the-top. She is doing literally what every other celeb does.

        As far as her selling herself as “relatable”-I guess that’s up for interpretation because I have always seen her shilling overpriced products and representing a lifestyle that comes with having a LOT of money. Even her f*cking diet advice involves a lot of pricey organic foods.

        I don’t have a problem with people hating her (believe me, I’m no fan)-it’s all good in the world of celeb gossip but I don’t get hypocrisy at all from this photo spread. She’s a rich woman who acts like a rich woman and always has acted like a rich woman IMO.

      • Katie says:

        @ TheOriginalKitten

        But “street” is a huge part of Jay-Z’s persona, as much as rapping about Hublots. And he has legit claim to it. His narrative is that he was poor, sold drugs, etc., and now he’s rich and has a Rolex on each arm and a hot wife. He doesn’t ever really stray from that. And my point was not about Jay-Z, but that GP thinks she’s street because she hangs out with him. I mean, she even tweeted the N-word. That is not okay. I digress. She’s going three steps beyond what most celebs do in terms of schilling. She’s not going out and doing a L’Oreal commercial. She’s bringing the schill to her, to her closet, to her kitchen, ya know? She’s personalizing it to a degree that, to me, is a bit weird. In a way, I hope she never stops doing it, because it’s hilarious.

    • TheOriginalKitten says:

      Thank you, Jess. Of course she’s out of touch, like almost every other millionaire on the planet. Also–don’t celebs do shit like this ALL the time? On piperlime they have celebs recommending pieces that are usually completely unaffordable to the average American.

      People are just getting outraged because it’s Goop.

    • Suki2 says:

      But Goop isn’t at all like Vogue or Elle. Those magazines present clothes in a dream book context: a visual feast of design and photography. Goop is a catalogue and not an especially nice one. These looks are subpar. Even she – with photoshop and a lifetime of beauty duty – can’t quite pull them off.

  15. Birdix says:

    This is new heights of narcissism, even for Goop. And she’s fallen for the ridic Isabel Marant sneakers (several seasons too late!)

  16. MonicaQ says:

    I bet you I can walk into TJ Maxx/Marshalls/Bealls and find something that looks close to that on a Weds. Green Dot sale.

    (nerd moment)
    Please for the love of all that is good, let her just stay Pepper Potts and them not take the Rescue route because I’d have a hard time believe it. She plays a good Pepper but I can’t see her doing the things that Pepper as Rescue does.

    • Rabbit says:

      I actually want to see her as Rescue just to see how she would play the part and howthey would bring it about. That and I think it would be cool to bring in Rescue.

    • Ranunculus says:

      I think she will do Pepper as Rescue in the movie and I hope she pulls it off. She is great as Pepper and her and RDJ have insane chemistry, which is always fun too watch, so I am hoping for a great Iron Man 3.
      I like the No 6 dress, but I think she should do more edgy things and not play to the housewife types so much. They will never like her no matter what. I also think she should hire a better photographer to make the pics more artistic. It all looks too mundane which is a shame because she looks great and has a killer body but the poses and the overall styling is too ordinary.

  17. truthful says:

    I’m chuckling that she thinks–folks CARE!!!

    delusional chick, delusional.

    Goop has a “musthaves/favorite things”
    list?

    Hilarious!!!

    excuse me, I got a lil nauseous seeing Goop all posed up.

  18. mkyarwood says:

    You can’t wear that cropped tshirt, lady. Stop.

  19. Summer says:

    first two outfits are good.

  20. dcypher1 says:

    i cant afford anything that costs alone $500. she should just straight up say to enter this website u must have year income of a million dollars or more no peasants allowed. all that crap u can get the samething at forever 21. her style sucks too.

  21. Lolly says:

    I know she’d never even deign to even hear of it but I’ll watch a reality show starring this woman. This level of delusion deserves to be documented

  22. marie says:

    well let me visit my change purse..oh, you mean my change purse isn’t magic? well damn, guess I’ll have to stick to the peasant pieces..

  23. mkyarwood says:

    Hmm, I like her all finger ring in the Victoria Beckham shot tho.

  24. elceibeno08 says:

    $458,000.00! Girl is mad. Who is she advertising to? It couldn’t be us peasants. The peasantry cannot even afford one of her handkerchiefs.

  25. Amanda says:

    Oh Dear God, please make it stop. I said before that I would not read anymore posts about this horrible woman bit i couldnt help myself. And now I remember why. She gives me a rage stroke!

  26. Smaug says:

    I’m no Goop apologist- but this is exactly what fashion magazines do! The point I guess, is to get ideas for the season and then have your own take on it, no? I am sure Zara will have knockoff for us plebs in…three….two…one

  27. Suze says:

    If a bought a $925 leopard print Charlotte Olympia clutch I would have to keep it in a safe deposit box.

    I suspect I am not her target consumer.

  28. Vee says:

    Insane. When she starts to recommend some cute Banana Republic jacket I may start listening.

    Even if I could afford her “must haves” I just wouldn’t go there. I don’t value spending that kind of money on material possessions.

  29. sirsnarksalot says:

    “if only we weren’t so fat and full of vitamins”

    Seriously, that is brilliant. And exactly why I come to this site.

  30. Bacon! says:

    Part of me is convinced that she’s just trolling all of us, and that part of me respects her for it.

  31. RHONYC says:

    in pic #7 she’s doing her best Cammie ‘The Crotch’ Diaz impersonation. awful.

    she’s not hot & her body is totally unf*ckable. she looks like Kirsten Dunst’s older, desperate sister.

    ugh! :evil:

  32. Dee Cee says:

    Oh wow.. she wore them once and can’t wear them again.. must return for new stuff.. model it for free.. soap rinse repeat.. Whee

  33. lambchops says:

    Who does she aim to as an audience? Women who need her ‘advice’ and style tips probably can’t afford this stuff. Women who can afford this stuff, don’t need style advice from a movie star. I never get who she’s pitching to.

  34. Mindy says:

    Well… Unfortunately, she is a product of her upbringing. She the offspring of two famous parents who probably believed that showering her with the ‘finer things’ would make her somehow better than every day people. In her mind… She believes that EVERYONE can afford HER lifestyle because she doesn’t have ONE CLUE how the ‘other half’ lives.

    The thing that gets me is just imagine how insufferable HER KIDS will be in another 10-15 years.

  35. AmandaPanda says:

    i think this is a bit harsh, actually – it’s a fashion spread, you’re not meant to buyu it all. would you level the same criticism at vogue, or the net-a-porter magazine?

    that said, the fashion is AWFUL. a style icon she is not.

    something good: i am grateful to her for modelling those rag and bone jeans, because i kind of liked them when i saw the model in them, but i see now that they are horrifically unflattering – and if gwyneth can’t wear them, i sure as hell can’t

  36. Bobbie says:

    It’s starting to get a little unhealthy- how much I hate this woman.

  37. mommak918 says:

    Ugly clothes aside…..Her hair….oy, can she do anything else with it? For her being so “healthy”, her hair is so dried out and lifeless.

  38. diva says:

    There are some cute pieces but obviously unattainable to your average person. That’s one reason I stop buying the fashion magazines. I know I can’t afford those things and I don’t need a bunch of editors or a pretentious actress to tell me I NEED these “must haves”.

  39. El Kiddo says:

    I love the Victoria Beckham dress. Its gorgeous.

  40. Michelle says:

    She’s over the top and ridiculous, but if you think that looks like Wal-Mart you’re kidding yourself.

  41. Harriet says:

    I can’t stand her and her beliefs. BUT I will say this: I like the outfits and I dont mind the idea of goop- just not her being Queen Goop. Now I am not trying to defend her, and her stupidity but I will say this. I can neither afford or look good in any of those outfits that goop says, that vogue suggests or any fashion mag says for that matter BUT I still like to read vogue. It’s just I don’t see what is wrong with suggesting $500,000 of clothing?

    • LAK says:

      I am an admitted fashion victim, and would spend that sum and more if I had the money. So I have to be creative with my limited funds.

      What I find offensive about the above collection is that it is so bad, and badly styled. She’s simply assembled a collection of on trend designers, showcasing the dregs of their collections and serving it to her clearly equally clueless audience.

      She’s been around designers and stylists for how long? And hasn’t learnt a thing about how to curate a collection or how to pull together a look that can make the most hideous piece of clothing drool worthy. She only cares that it is expensive.

      This is why Kate Moss is a fashion goddess outside of being a model. She can pool a look together from anywhere and at any price and make it look good. She’s paid attention to all those stylists and designers she works/and plays with.

      Many people like GOOP think money is style which it is not and why it’s offensive that she would spend that much on clothing because it’s a complete waste. It doesn’t even fall in the ‘it’s so bad/ridiculous it’s good’ category.

      • another nina says:

        I agree, LAK! I kept wondering how is even possible to create such a cheap-look when you have available all resources in the world…And thanks for the reference the other day, now I know that Gwinnie is indeed a copycat.

      • Annette says:

        @LAK, yup. I only like the Beckham dress, all the outfits Goopy assembled just look like a mess, and not an artistic mess, just a hot mess. It’s not the concept or the price that bothers me (affordable knockoffs could easily be found if you did happen to love her styling). She has no eye for fashion at all, I usually quite like the goopy one, but she looks like an entitled tryhard here.

      • Suki2 says:

        Also agreeing with LAK. The story here is not so much the price – we are used to seeing photos of expensive clothes – it’s how uninspiring these are at any price.

  42. Miss Kiki says:

    For the love of Xenu Goop, STOP straightening your hair to within an inch of it’s life and STOP with the middle parting.

  43. Belle Epoch says:

    Can somebody explain to me what is really going on here? Designers send her ugly clothes, she models them on her site, she gets paid? Or she gets to keep clothes? Who is really behind this? She looks like an idiot.

  44. anneesezz says:

    The Valentino iPad case really pulls the whole outfit together. Are you flucking kidding me?

  45. lmk24 says:

    This is a really terrible fashion spread. Most of the clothes are bad, and she just isn’t a good model. I’m not saying she isn’t an attractive woman, but some people are good at showing off clothes and some people aren’t. She does not have that skill. Strange facial expressions and poses.

    • candigirl says:

      She’s also too old to pull of this style anymore, she needs to have fashion models with her look and body type do it for her from now on.
      I think she knows several young women would look up to her sort of “urban” chic and she is going for this market. And she did pull off these looks pretty well in her twenties, I think she and many New York women were inspired by Carolyn Kennedy and wanted to show a classic but fashion forward look back then. She did it pretty well but is too old now.

      • Daphne says:

        Age isn’t a factor. You either have it or you don’t. She’s not some well-bred heiress. She’s not Martha Stewart either. She’s not Meryl Streep. She’s the poor knocked off version of these personas. She’s a hack. Chris Martin isn’t Bono either but he did try, right down to ripping off his vocal stylings. Both hacks.

  46. Lindsey says:

    Um…all of these outfits are fu*k-ugly.

  47. I.want.shoes says:

    If Goop was smart, she wouldn’t try to imitate every other high fashion magazine that showcase clothes that cannot be worn or bought by the average woman. If she wanted to be more original (and likeable) she would show you how you can splurge on one expensive item (one that can be worn for more than 1 season) and wear that piece with more affordable ones.

  48. LAK says:

    I don’t see how anyone can compre this ridiculous collection of ‘must haves’ to Net-a-porter.com. That website has proper fashion editors and even if the prices are out of range, the collections are drool worthy!

    That said, Net-a-porter has cheap labels like JCrew, something GOOP would never wear or endorse.

  49. juju says:

    these people make me sick, not everybody is rich dumb ass !! oh yeah lets spend $458,000.00 on summer outfits !! stupid

    • Mare says:

      But she didn’t say everybody MUST buy this. I can’t afford anything she wears but many people can. There are expensive/designer shops in every bigger city so obviously there’s market for expensive clothes and people who can afford them.

  50. Tania says:

    The black and white jeans are not flattering on her at all. Look like something Beyonce would wear.

    I like the Victoria Beckham dress, but it looks like you can’t have breasts or hips to wear it?!?

  51. Shelly says:

    I love the outfit in the first pic. It’s so cute. I also love that red jacket and those Chloe boyfriend jeans. But I hate Gwyneth.

  52. mar says:

    is it just me or are Beyonce and Gwyneth making anyone else slightly nauseated?

  53. TheOriginalWaffle says:

    Hilarious post, Kaiser.

    It’s too bad in Look 6 she didn’t wear McQueen for that look – could have apologized to McQueen for ruining that similar goth Oscars dress without a bra.

  54. lylaooo says:

    i can´t believe Chris Martin still is married this asshole !!

  55. Kate in VA says:

    Hm I could pay for 10 master’s degree with that kind of money…

    The DVF sweater is nice, but otherwise I’ll keep my $5 sales rack Target pants (which I’ve gotten many compliments on today) and Gap sweater.

  56. snappyfish says:

    those little isabel marant booties are insanely adorable. otherwise, meh. some wrinkled satin stuff, fugly pants, and a members-only looking leather jacket do not impress my peasant-y esthetic. and the 400K price tag for this crap is laughable; here in charleston that kind of money could buy you a really nice old house.

    she is clearly insane.

  57. WendyNerd says:

    That blue sweater outfit looks like something my grandmother would wear.

    And those orange shorts— ugh! I’m sorry, but light skinned women (especially women as pale as Gwyneth) should NOT wear orange. Ever.

  58. ww says:

    I love the fact that the first picture of GOOP in the Victoria Beckham Dress had a Coldwater Creek ad popping up on my computer! HAHA!

  59. valleymiss says:

    Here’s the thing: I wouldn’t necessarily mind this, if she added lowcost comparable stuff. In US Weekly, they have a feature where they’ll show the designer dress for $1000, and then a dress that looks really similar that you can find for $150.

    I get the GOOP has a lot of $, but I would love it if she just *acknowledged* that not everyone can spend nearly half a mil on a season’s worth of clothes. That’s all I’m saying. That’s what I like about US Weekly’s feature – it’s realistic for the audience. GOOP’s newsletter is something *any*one can sign up for. It’s not like it’s a private email she’s sending around to her rich buddies.

  60. gg says:

    Girlene does NOT need to be giving out fashion advice. She’s got quite a few major faux pas under her slouchy belt at major events.

  61. Mulata says:

    I do not comment very often, but I found this story absolutely hilarious. Thank you Kaiser for making me chuckle at work :)

  62. VanillaDeeLite says:

    She just screms “CRIPPELING INSECURITY!!!!!!!!” to me. For all her privilige, her wealth, I pity her and I think most people do. She just does not get it.

  63. Faye says:

    I must have that leather crop top! So practical and versatile! *eye roll*

    I used to loathe Goop and the outright harmful stuff she says, but I think I’ve come full circle and sort of love her now. She’s so cray-cray, she’s the gift that keeps on giving every time she opens her mouth. Does anybody remember a time in the 90′s and early 00′s when she was this super A-list, aloof, star?

  64. Frankly says:

    I look at fashion magazines – then I go to the thrift store. You know who has piles of boyfriend jeans and 80s Limited-style sweater vests and fug over-decorated clutches? Thrift stores.

  65. KellyinSeattle says:

    She looks worse than Stella McCartney in overalls.

  66. valleymiss says:

    That light brown and pink mini-dress is pretty cute, but it’s making me want to eat Neopolitan icecream.

    Goopy’s best feature is her legs. Her worst is her (lack of a) waist. As long as she accentuates the positive, she looks nice.

  67. B says:

    I think she made it pretty clear that her target audiences are not those who buy their clothes from Walmart. She’s rich and has a very good taste. Why does she need to lower her standard to please you guys? Stop being so bitter and get a job.

    • Loira says:

      I think her target market is wannabes rew riches or something like that, people who would buy a token from her site or her book to feel they belong to her “world”, not really rich people who have been shopping forever or have their own style.
      Something like Cosmopolitan having all these sex articles which I think are more for people “new” to sex, not to people who have been doing it at a daily basis….
      She is capitalising off her name, even if she is now more a has been. She got her award a long ago. Most actor who got an oscar 10 years ago do not seem to bring it up to conversations.

    • littlestar says:

      I always thought her target audience was regular folk like us. I can’t imagine rich/wealthy/higher-ups reading and taking advice from her website, but what do I know. But I’ve always taken her “advice” as stuff that she is deigning out to us regular people, like the queen to the peasants. That’s why I don’t understand why’d she be so out of touch and think we could afford McQueen or Valentino.

    • RdyfrmycloseupmrDvlle says:

      ….@B “Stop being so bitter and get a job.”

      So, because we are criticizing her and her ridiculousness you presume were all “bitter” and jobless simply because we are laughing AT HER??? Wow, like, hello GOOP! How are you doing!? Hows the daily colonics treating you?!
      Clearly the only one bitter around here is YOU B, whom ever you are.
      I, for one, am not bitter at all and am a private business owner with my own firm and employ a slew of people and as someone stated up above why would people her equal purchase off her website. As I stated tonight over dinner to my husband ” I have no idea who she is marketing to. If I wanted any of those clothes why wouldnt I hop in a cab and find it at Barneys?At least there I can try it on and I have the cache of buying it at Barneys.”
      Im mystified as to who are her clientel.
      But, back to B…….bitter and get a job? We all have jobs……..we just find “Goop” the epitome of the cluelessness of the 1%.

  68. michiem says:

    Ehhh lots of theories here, but I think the rich keep getting richer, and some because they are very cheap.

    I have an idea, said one rich person once, I’m going to start an online magazine so all my designer friends send me clothes and accessories for FREE. I take pretty pictures and link back to them and we are even steven.

  69. tifzlan says:

    As out of touch as she might be, i must admit that she has quite good taste when it comes to fashion.

  70. Chris says:

    Let’s keep in mind that the only reason she gets away with this nonsense is that there are enough people out there who subscribe to her “lifestyle” so that publishers think she’s a worthy subject. So really, isn’t it more of an indictment on the morons who “follow” her and read her blog? We’d like to think that the only folks who actually read GOOP are the celeb bloggers who then rightfully make fun of her after the fact, but clearly she has a fanbase of some kind out there.

    My question is: Who the hell are these people? Who out there actually admires and wants to be like Gwynnie? I mean yes, she’s rich and famous, but so are a lot of other celebrities, many of whom actually EARNED it and are far less pretentious about it. Who exactly are these folks who see Gwynnie’s life, and want to emulate it, relative to other celebs out there?

    • skylla says:

      I read it sometimes and sometimes it doesn’t interest me so I don’t read it. Easy. So what?

      What I found more baffling: people who spent their time hating on something which they just could skip…

    • Mare says:

      Well I’m subscribed to Goop from the beginning. Why not? I see it as a sneak peek into luxurious life I will never have. My favourite posts were from her travels, photos of nice hotels, beautiful hotel rooms, food in great restaurants… Sometimes I enjoy seeing nice places and nice things I will never have. Same reason why I sometimes watch Chanel clothes on the internet or something like that. I can’t afford it but I can watch if it pleases me and I don’t see why not. Does that make me shallow or a moron? So be it.

  71. Contrived says:

    She looks so freakin adorbs! love that pink top in first pick. gotta go check out goop!

  72. some bitch says:

    A half million dollar wardrobe for a SINGLE SEASON is proof that the rich need to be taxed at a higher rate.

  73. Celia says:

    Ugh. I cannot imagine wearing any of these clothes. Still, they could look cute on a young person. I think Gwyneth is a little old for these clothes. On the plus side, I think she’s an attractive woman.

  74. MAC says:

    I saw this covered earlier on the mail. My first thought Children and people are dying. So much could be done.

    I have read celebitchy for a long time but did not ever comment than I started commenting.

    My comment is not directed at Celebitchy. I will not read or acknowledge anything anyone covers from this “person”. I have reached my limit.

  75. cutelittlehappything says:

    Hey at least we get some cameltoe in the first picture. Vom.

  76. apsutter says:

    For someone who spends so much on her closet, she dresses like shit! With the exception of that ipad case, the red jacket, and that v beckham dress.

  77. Jarredsgirl says:

    Oh come on. Have u seen candids of her? She does not dress like this.

    & What women her age wears crop tops and bright orange shorts?

  78. lisa2 says:

    Tell you straight up.. I bought a similar outfit to the last picture: Jeans, sweater

    Light sweater for layering: $20
    Sleeveless shirt for pop of color: $16
    Boyfriend crop jeans: $23 (SALE)
    Jewelry: bracelet, necklace: $15 for 3 pieces on sale..
    Shoes: something from my closet or sandals.

    Total cost for a fun easy outfit= $60+ dollars

    She is a nut and why are we even listening to her.

  79. Lila says:

    Not gonna lie- I love stuff like this. If she did stuff like this all the time I would subscribe. I don’t think she intends to market to the masses anymore than Vogue does. But like Vogue being on every Walmart cash register, she just wants the masses to read it and maybe get ideas or for people like me, just enjoy looking. I don’t need Gwyneth Paltrow to cater to me. I look at things like this like I enjoy Vogue and Harper’s Bazaar. I pick up Lucky and InStyle to find things to buy. I don’t get the hate and the expectation that she should cater to the masses. Why should she? Let her do her thing and go elsewhere if you want mass appeal.

    The prices are not even the least accessible part of this. What average woman can wear a leather croptop? That alone should tell you this was intended to be exclusive not inclusive.

    • Contrived says:

      I absolutely agree. I can’t afford any of this but I love Gwynie so I love seeing her and what she’s into. It’s just fun.

      She isn’t forcing anything(quite honestly I think she has a lot of friends that design the things she puts on goop and she does a lot of it for that reason. Cross promotion.)

      She’s not on commercials or in ads everywhere shoving herself or products down our mouths.

      She has a little site she likes to play around with as a hobby. I think it’s great —love her recipes!

  80. Stacy Dresden says:

    No. 4 mutton dressed as lamb No.s 7 & 8 JUST SO VERY WACK.

  81. Stacy Dresden says:

    Number four is a classic example of the phrase mutton dressed as lamb; Numbers 7 & 8 JUST SO VERY WACK.

  82. Ramona Smitts says:

    Gwyneth has sad eyes, and is not wearing her wedding ring.

  83. Susan says:

    Whoever styled this shoot did a terrible job.

    I don’t want to buy any of these garments and they make Ms. Paltrow look like a child playing dress up in mommy’s “clothing for the poors” donation bin.

  84. lisa says:

    the top pic looks like boxer shorts. most of the looks arent even flattering on her. she looks like an extra from newsies.

  85. Kathleen Moore says:

    Wow, she looks old – when did that happen? She looks utterly ridiculous in the orange shorts outfit, like a sad, aging mom trying on her teens clothes when no one is home.

    Too bad a good under-eye concealer didn’t make it on to the spring ‘must have’ list.

  86. Ginger says:

    The red leather jacket is cute the rest is just FUG!

  87. Jane says:

    I wouldn’t take this woman’s advice if my life depended on it. What a nutcase.

  88. Mazunte says:

    I dislike all these absurdly expensive clothes (that, in fact, look cheap) except the white Chloe pants. I love those, but that’s the wrong ensemble.

  89. Bread and Circuses says:

    I could manage to look a hell of a lot better than that for edging-toward half a million bucks.

    Where’s my newsletter? Move aside, Goopie. I’m takin’ the wheel.

  90. Lucrezia says:

    Wait. What’s that on her right hand in the 2nd pic (with the VB dress)?

    Is that a fancy set of knuckledusters?!

  91. Toto says:

    Oh good lord. Gwyneth just officially jumped the shark. She’s 40, not 14 – she simply can’t carry off most of those outfits. Worse, she is now starting to remind me of her ex-BFF Madonna in her insane quest to stay “young”. She claims to admire French actresses who age gracefully – would Catherine Deneuve, Marion Cotillard or Isabelle Huppert ever be caught dead in one of those fashion travesties? NO!!!

  92. SydneySpy says:

    This woman is a complete twat. She is sickeningly obscene and has totally lost her grip on reality. Talk about self-absorption and narcissism…. Hey, Gwynnie, want to score a few points from the plebs? How’s about you take that $400+K – even if it’s just for this one season – and, oh, I don’t know, maybe donate it to a worthy charity? A hospital, school, respite centre, cancer charity, children’s charity, a heart foundation or other medical research centre, perhaps? Oh, hell, you could buy 4 houses to give a home to four -yes, 4 – homeless families! Imagine leaving that kind of legacy! Let your mind wander. Surely even you could put that kind of cash to actually contributing to life-changing causes. Then again, perhaps you’d rather believe you’re more entitled to buying chatty-looking garms that look like they’ve been cobbled together by a blind 3 year old. And that’s hilarious, cuz it just shows what a pathtic, shallow fckwit (albeit a rich one) you are.Ha! Just demonstrates once again that no amount of money can buy class.

  93. Quinn says:

    Proof positive that spending ridiculous amounts on clothing won’t make you attractive.

  94. bangarang says:

    What a **** people are starving to death, war vets don’t get the proper after care they need but she’s suggesting you spend almost 500k on a few outfits.

  95. Vampi says:

    Well, I guess my demographic doesn’t exist in Goopville, because I feel lucky to be able to afford a 20 dollar pair of sneaks four years after my last pair of 20 dollar sneaks wear out. I’ve been wearing the same winter coat for 15 years, and my last nightie was a gift from hubby 5 years ago…and I make leftovers out of leftovers out of leftovers for dinner, buy generic multi-vitamins, and recycle and modify my clothes ( when possible) to get a new “look” now and then, and 3 pounds of ground beef = 6 dinners, I re-wash coffee filters several times over, so 1 is good for 6 pots of coffee..I re-use old butter containers for cereal bowls….and on, and on, and on. So I’m guessing my chances at being The Goop’s BFF is out huh? i’m just not Goop enough!! *cries* How will I ever survive??? ;)
    *eye rolling for days*
    Oh well…… I think I’ll go eat a pound of bacon smothered in maple syrup:)
    Guess I can’t be in the Goop Gang. Awwww, shucks. (NOT)

    • SydneySpy says:

      Wow, Vampi, I try to re-use, re-make and recycle as much as possible, too, but you could give us all a lesson on how to live more frugally instead of being the unashamed wastrels that we are! One of my talents is washing. Even my neighbours drop their stained items in for me to treat, cuz I take great care of the clothes I buy. I cannot abide the blatant consumerism this stupid woman promotes and gloats about. She is so caught up in this “Look at Me” mentality that she is oblivious to her own obscenity and offensiveness. And to think, we have lots more “seasons” of this pornographic drivel to endure…

  96. NEENAZEE says:

    Many years ago I found her appealing, interesting… but after all the public weeping in her pink ball gown on Oscar night (not to mention the unnecessary shout out to her ‘friend’ Ben) she turned a corner and never looked back. Her high falutin’ declarations, the ascetic diet and socially deranged husband do nothing but boggle my mind. I can’t even figure out if she has a target demographic… or is just putting herself out there as a form of self-entertainment?

  97. NEENAZEE says:

    Upon further thought: I always wondered about the Oscar for Shakespeare in Love. Yes, she’s done some solid work, but that role was thin at best. I think it must have been one of Harvey’s first campaigns. Talk about stacking the deck, eh?

  98. Daphne says:

    She’ll never be the Babe Paley, Slim Keith or CZ Guest of her generation. She’s finally given up trying to be her generation’s Grace Kelly (Blythe Danner’s words). She’s not of the elite. Not a society debutante. Bey and Jay associate with her because they don’t know any better. Martha Stewart and Meryl Streep aren’t either but they do hold college degrees and are self made. Paltrow is a poser. Brooke Shields was a Vogue model and hails from European aristocracy and she doesn’t go shooting her mouth off like Gwyneth because she really is the genuine article.

  99. MK says:

    For a $400k wardrobe, she looks like she just came back from a shopping spree at F21 and the Gap instead.

  100. Jess says:

    Feck her. She’s a pretentious fish eyed fool. Sit the eff down Goop.

  101. ParisPucker says:

    the fact that she doesn’t even attempt to dilute these outfits with TopShop or H&M pieces just reveals what a stuck-up c*nt she is

    had she done so, i wouldn’t have minded the suggestions…you just have to mix the ‘dream’ with the ‘reality’ for the incomes faced by most peasants.

    what a wanker..

  102. soxfan says:

    Please, please, please let Michael K post about this. PLEASE!!!

  103. RhymesWithSilver says:

    With the possible exception of the Beckham dress, those are the ugliest, most ill-fitting clothes I have ever seen.