Lindsay Lohan tweets “It’s official. Pregnant…”: a crackie April Fool’s joke?

I had a dream/crackmare about Lindsay Lohan last night. I don’t remember the specifics, but I remember that she was being typical Cracken and I was really, really worried that she was going to kill someone, and I was so disturbed that I woke myself up. Maybe that dream was some kind of harbinger for crack shenanigans to come, because Lindsay tweeted this a few hours ago:

[Via LL’s Twitter]

Note the date – this was not technically an April Fool’s joke because she tweeted this crap on April 2, probably after 20 straight hours of cracked-out partying in Brazil (is she even in Brazil at this point?). I do think this is Lindsay’s crack-addled brain trying to make a joke. I hope it’s not for real. Until I know either way, I’m not going to get too upset because the Cracken has given me a tension headache.

Meanwhile, it was just announced yesterday that Lindsay will appear on The Late Show with David Letterman on April 9th, one week from today. She’s making the appearance to promote Scary Movie 5. She did like three days of work on that movie and she was a complete mess. First, she only came to Atlanta to film after the studio sent her a private jet. Then, once on the set, she was a cracked-out wreck and she flooded her trailer’s toilet, etc, etc. I’m just saying – it’s funny that she’s “promoting” this movie. I hope Letterman calls her out.

Meanwhile, Lindsay still has a few more weeks until she’s required to check into rehab (or jail). Radar claims that her lawyer Mark Heller has given prosecutors a list of rehabs which will take Lindsay, although none of them are “lockdown” because of course. A source tells Radar:

“Lindsay’s attorney, Mark Heller, gave a list of of potential rehabs to the Los Angeles City Attorney, Terry White, last week. The prosecutor will personally be calling the facilities to make sure that there is proper security, meaning someone that monitors the whereabouts at all times of the patients. The facility that ends up taking Lindsay needs to notify the Court immediately if she leaves the premises, or breaks any rules. The rehab will be fully vetted and researched by White. If Lindsay leaves early, or messes up, she will go straight to jail, no questions asked,” a source close to the situation told RadarOnline.com exclusively.

[From Radar]

Yeah, right. Lindsay has until June 2 to prove to the court that she’s begun rehab, which means she’s free to party in NYC, LA and Coachella for the next two months. Because why not?

UPDATE: Lindsay tweeted that the pregnant thing was just an April Fools joke. God, she’s so cracked-out.

Photos courtesy of Pacific Coast News.

 

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99 Responses to “Lindsay Lohan tweets “It’s official. Pregnant…”: a crackie April Fool’s joke?”

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  1. allons-y alonso says:

    She probably had too much crack for dinner and had a crack-food baby

  2. smartyparty says:

    If she is pregnant, I hope it is Charlie Sheen’s baby. BWAAAhahahaha that would be amazingly awful.

  3. Falula says:

    Totally a late joke. I will believe that because the alternative is truly terrifying.

  4. Poke em all says:

    Oh LiLo, don’t u get it?

    IT’S YOU! YOU’RE THE JOKE.

  5. anneesezz says:

    Anyone who would want to get with that has problems! Yuck!

  6. brin says:

    Hahaha…crackmare! She is delusional enough to make an April Fool’s joke on April 2nd.
    I read that she skipped her flight and is still partying in Brazil. Party on, Crackie!

  7. Ladylupton says:

    My first thought when I saw the tweet was that Charlie Sheen should adopt the baby since he’ll be better able to look after it.

    I laughed but then I realised, what if she really does get pregnant and have a baby? I gave birth a month ago and though motherhood is the most amazing thing that’s ever happened to me, it’s also the hardest, most painful, exhausting. Also, she could never make an ounce of the sacrifices she would have to make.

  8. Nick says:

    What is the odds of her making one of her flights? 50%? 25%?

  9. Hautie says:

    Geez’ if Lohan was pregnant, White Oprah would celebrate.

    It would mean a whole new thing, for them to exploit for cash.

    And it is somewhat surprising, that Lohan has not came up pregnant, just for that reason alone.

    • Hakura says:

      I’m sure she probably has gotten pregnant before, & either had an abortion, or simply caused a miscarriage from drug/alcohol abuse (Possibly not even knowing she was preg). She just doesn’t strike me as someone who worries about ‘protection’ beforehand.

  10. DailyNightly says:

    Give up vodka and Adderal for nine months? As if. She probably didn’t know what day it was when she made that joke.

  11. andy says:

    Everyday is April Fool’s Day for this crackhead.

  12. janie says:

    Terrible joke… I’m still wondering how she was able to negotiate her ‘Rehab Deal’? Now she has until 6/2 to prove she is there? What’s wrong with this picture?

    • Hakura says:

      She was just so adamant to her lawyer that she did NOT want to start her sentence until after the ‘Coachella’ event. It has a well known reputation for tons of drug/alcohol use. A lot of smoking weed, not sure about the hard stuff like cocaine/meth.

      It’s an ugly overdose waiting to happen.

  13. J says:

    This is her way of trying to get out of rehab/ jail

  14. SydneySpy says:

    Oh dear, oh dear. This girl had so much potential. I’m surprised anyone still wants to shag her. She’s a grot.

  15. OrangeOprah says:

    She could have tweeted, I’m clean, sober and taking responsibility for all my wrongdoings, that would have been a funnier April fool’s joke.

  16. Nanz says:

    Her face looks ridiculous. The thought of her being pregnant makes me sick to my stomach. One thing I’ve often wondered about is how she’s managed to not get pregnant up to this point (because holy $hit, that would be a mess). I mean, it’s not like she can remember or be responsible enough to take a daily pill. And I don’t assume that she’s smart enough to use a condom every time. I’ve always figured she probably has an IUD which are hard to get if you haven’t had kids yet. So….and now I’ve just spent way too much time thinking about Crackie’s birth control method. Yuck.

    • Falula says:

      I always assume that celebrities have pretty liberal feelings on abortion. I know that’s a sweeping generalization but considering how many ways some celebrities ooze irresponsibility, I wouldn’t be surprised to find out many childless famous women had been pregnant before.

      • PoliteTeaSipper says:

        So a woman who gets an abortion is automatically “irresponsible?”

        The reality is that abortion is a very serious choice and I don’t know one woman (myself included) who didn’t take it as anything other than the most important decision they’ve ever had to make. They don’t need to justify their choice or their circumstance to you, me, or anyone. Not your uterus, not your say. Sorry.

        That said, I can’t imagine the crackie being able to carry a child to term. With as much drugs and alcohol she flushes through her system the chances of her giving birth to a healthy baby is about nil.

      • Falula says:

        @polite, no no no! Sorry, I didn’t mean to sound like abortion = irresponsible. I understand it’s one of the most wrenching decisions a woman can make no matter her eventual choice. What I was trying to say is that being a celebrity is in a lot of ways so unlike a “real life” that I wouldn’t be shocked to know that some young famous women have been put in the position to make that choice because they were flippant about previous choices like whether to be safe in the first place.

      • mrsjennyk says:

        @politeteasipper- Where in the above post was it stated that any woman that gets an abortion is irresponsible? Projecting much?

      • Hakura says:

        Sadly, there are far too many girls/women out there who use abortion as a form of birth control, getting pregnant several times due to no protection,& just having the ‘problem’ handled by the surgeon repeatedly.

      • Sallybee says:

        Sometimes abortion DOES equal irresponsibility. Just ask my college roommate, who had multiple abortions because she couldn’t be bothered with using birth control.

    • Ellie66 says:

      She needs to get spayed (or neutered) She is such a idiot she can’t even get a April Fools joke right.

    • janie says:

      There’s always Nuvaring. Only have to worry about that twice a month.

      • Hakura says:

        Is it a really reliable option? I don’t know anything about it. Ever since I was a young teen, I knew that I didn’t want children. It may change, it may not. I want the very best hope of preventing pregnancy, even if that meant taking the pill *&* insisting on condom use every time.

        (I’d only ‘be with’ a guy I had a committed relationship with, so it’s not like I’m needing the condom due to random guys & STD concerns.)

  17. Nev says:

    Tension headache.

    Hahahahahahahaha

  18. FiredTiredTeacher says:

    I did not know it was possible to be pregnant with a vodka bottle.

  19. logan says:

    Saw on Entertainment Tonight where she didn’t come out of her trailer and do an interview with Charlie Sheen because she had an earache. Most professional actors would have sucked an earache up. She was to promote Charlie’s show Anger Management. Didn’t do the interview, messed up her lines and kept everyone waiting 2 hours. Was also late for her second day of work. How many times is Charlie Sheen going to come to this twits rescue? She is a drug addicted liar that for some reason everyone from law enforcement and the court system to family members and so called friends keep getting sucked into her delusional world. How about everybody just tell her a little word I grew up on………..NO And Dave I love ya, but will not be watching this show.

  20. JL says:

    God what a way to stop my heart 1st thing in the morning.

    Dumbass probably thinks she can get “pregnant”, the judge will suspend her sentence then she can get ‘un-pregnant’ and party on.

    The thought of a baby in that body brings up visions of the anti-Christ and little Damien boys (no offense if you or your child is named Damien.

    • Hakura says:

      Seeing as fate enjoys irony, she’d probably end up carrying twinsl. lol@ ‘un-pregnant’. xD

      Not that Lohan isn’t a good candidate for giving birth to the anti-christ, but I personally believe that honor will belong to Rihanna & Chris Brown. *shudder*

  21. Inari says:

    I had to jump here after reading nothing but the title…

    For some mysterious reason the first thing that popped into my mind was Melisandre and her pwecious widdle baby. Hey, they’re both creepy redheads, and Lohan and noxious fumes go together so well. :P

    • mia girl says:

      The connection makes a lot of sense, but there is no comparison.

      Melisandre is an evil mastermind whispering into the ear of a royal in Game of Thrones…

      while Cracksandre is a two-bit grifter whispering into the ear of Charlie Sheen in Game of Loans.

      • Inari says:

        Yeah, that comparison was only superficial. Your explanation was a thing of beauty, though.

        On another note: why does she still have her passport? At least all South American countries have extradition treaties with the US, but other nice places – Croatia, for example – do not…

  22. bangarang says:

    Out of all the pills she takes can’t she have thown in a few birth control pills

  23. Sarcasmo says:

    Cracken, YOU are the April Fool! No joke required.

    Lawdy, I hope she’s just making an uber-lame attempt at a joke, because I think any baby that dared attempt to inhabit that womb would wind up pickled in vodka.

  24. bea says:

    Bet that weave stinks by now……

  25. lucy2 says:

    If she wanted to make an April Fool’s joke, she could have just posted a picture of her face, nothing more. Seriously, what is going on there in that last photo?

  26. JL says:

    Seriously;

    Could she be looking at Child support as a lifetime income?

    Wouldn’t be the 1st time a woman did that.

    Can you imagine the rush to prove “I’m not the Baby Daddy”

    She’s reduced herself to an episode of Maury.

  27. dorothy says:

    Does anyone still read her tweets?

  28. LAK says:

    She has till 2nd June to get into Rehab?

    And here i thought she’d be locked up before Cannes in May so there is no threat of her showing up.

  29. grabbyhands says:

    It may it be one of the lamest April Fool’s Jokes ever, but you got to give this trick credit-we’re all here talking about it. It even made my local news.

  30. Cathy says:

    I feel sorry for any innocent child born to her. She’s definately a train wreck. I don’t understand how it could be possible though, that womb of hers has to be more polluted than Chernobyl after the nuclear reactor explosion years ago.

  31. Bijlee says:

    Pleaseeee let this be a cruel terrible joke.

  32. Relli says:

    The worst part of this news? My local AM news announced this before CB had the post up. Ugh this douchebag shouldnt be part of morning news unless its on the gossip pages.

  33. Yelly says:

    OMG I’m marking April 9th down on my calendar, can’t wait for her on Letterman. This should be spectacular!

  34. NerdMomma says:

    Ewww think of all the men who are currently freaking out about this tweet because it might be their baby to take care of. Seriously, how many potentials are there? 40? 80?

  35. MonicaQ says:

    If she’s pregnant then I’m Beyonce. And my weave game is no where near on point enough to be.

  36. Brat says:

    April fools jokes should be funny not scary.

  37. elceibeno08 says:

    What if the baby’s father is one of Lindsey’s wealthy Johns. That means Lindsey will collect child support for decades to come and she will be our cracken for a long long time.

  38. LMB says:

    She should not be allowed to breed at all.

  39. judyjudy says:

    Why does the prosecution care about finding a facility that’s secure if they’re just going to let her party all over the globe for several months beforehand? Why even bother? It’s all such a joke.

    And yeah, April fool’s pregnancy joke. Ha ha, never heard that one before. Good one.

    The Cracken

  40. Lucky Charm says:

    Mary, Joseph and Jesus! I can’t even imagine the demon spawn that thing would have to be to survive nine months inside that cracktastrophe!

  41. Izzy says:

    I know funny. This is NOT funny.

  42. Nicolette says:

    Her body is so toxic I can’t see how it would be possible to get pregnant. But then again that’s how life is, so unfair at times. One of my closest friends is trying so hard to become pregnant, (fertility drugs IVF), and a crackhead would have no problem. I hope this is a joke, a sick one, but a joke.

  43. Asdfg says:

    I really don’t get why celebs joke about being pregnant. LOL. Mila Kunis announced she was expecting yesterday too. I don’t get it! How is expecting a child a joke? Weird…

  44. JL says:

    Pregnant, cool, Now she’ll have someone to drink with – just like her mommy does with her.

  45. logan says:

    Aprils Fools joke? Well as with all things Lindsay Lohan, a day late and a dollar short!!!!!!!!!!

  46. Dee Cee says:

    Mom Dina wants to be grandmother.. she pre-warned us.. so Lilo got the treatments and hopes it somehow sticks..up in there during her hard time in rehab or prison.. oh woe, the lawsuits if it doesn’t!!

  47. swack says:

    Since when does she have until 6/2 to get into rehab? Thought the date was 5/2? Anyone have any links to where it has been reported that she now has until 6/2?

  48. Grace says:

    Oh no. She might really be pregnant. That’s why she’s not worried about jail.

  49. JL says:

    She deleted the post and wants to know where everyone’s sense of humor is.

    Ha Ha Lindsey, life doesn’t work that way. I hope to God you learn OOPS, Sorry just won’t cut it anymore.

    Now off to the slammer with you.

  50. KellyinSeattle says:

    She’s at the depths of addiction.

  51. Bess says:

    Is the Cracken still in Brazil? There was a story on another site that she went to the airport with her team of enablers and then didn’t get on the flight. Apparently, she’s holed up in some hotel with a female member of her entourage.

  52. Debbie says:

    I read through all the comments, and as far as I could tell, I’m the only one who … hm. Well, I wouldn’t say I thought it was funny so much as I thought “oh God no”, but … I guess I was surprised that she should have so much self-awareness and a sense of humor about herself to know that tweeting this would get a huge reaction (good or bad).

    But now that I type that, I realize that getting a huge reaction is her specialty. How else has she stayed “famous” for so long?

    The worst part of the story is that she gave Kaiser a headache. She’s so not worth getting tense about.

  53. ParisPucker says:

    that last photo just made my eyes bleed..

  54. Lulu.T.O. says:

    April Fool day late? Ha.ha.ha. Not.