Portia de Rossi covers the upcoming issue of OUT magazine, and she looks alien-like. That’s on the weird lighting, coloring, styling and Photoshopping of the photo, although Portia does look a bit Botoxy and pulled in real life too. (Just not this bad.) It looks like they stretched her lips out and gave her fake cheekbones and she’s about to suck out your soul. Those eyes! There are more photos from that shoot on Out Magazine’s website, and the effect is the same.
In her interview, Portia talks about the Arrested Development reboot, which will air on Netflix streaming May 26. I know a lot of fans are thrilled to hear that. She also discusses her career and if she plans to have a child with her longterm partner, Ellen DeGeneres. Her answer was kind of refreshing to me. I respect it when celebrities say that they’re childless by choice and don’t blow smoke when that’s not something they want.
On her career and women in television
“I’ve been very specific with my career,” she says. “I really love acting, but it’s important to me to be part of really interesting projects. Whatever I respond to, I really throw myself at. I like working with really smart people, and I like being on shows that are either challenging or say something about the culture that we all should be talking about or thinking about.”She has also plunged into producing, including a pilot she and DeGeneres worked on together about rival sisters. “I hadn’t been on the ground floor of a project and put it together,” she says. “I definitely am going to be developing more shows — not only for myself — in the future. I really liked being a part of the creative process from the beginning instead of just stepping into a role at the very end.”
Perhaps because she’s now had a taste of what more daring TV development can looklike with Netflix, de Rossi is particularly blunt about the much-heralded arrival (again) of funny women in TV. “Sometimes female voices are a little louder and sometimes they’re not,” she says. “But I think the general trend of network television is just money and how to make money. Until things actually change, the conversation sounds the same.”
On her idea for a show about actors bearding for each other
And her experience trying to produce gay stories for TV mirrors that gap between a powerful fantasy and the sometimes more uncomfortable reality. “I had a project that I was shopping around for TV called Butch and Fay, about two gay people, very famous actors who marry each other for the sake of their career,” she says. “That happened a lot in the past and probably still exists today. Every single person that I brought it to was kind of titillated by the idea but ultimately shut it down, saying that being gay in the industry just wasn’t an issue anymore. I know it’s not very popular to bring this issue up, but it’s still very difficult for actors to get certain types of roles. We need to hear it some more until things change.”The other half of the message that needs to be heard, she says, is pretty straightforward: “I really, honestly think that anybody who is openly gay and visible is powerful. It doesn’t matter what you do, you are impacting people.”
On Ellen
De Rossi’s smart, articulate self-awareness took center stage during her graceful coming out in 2005 and her 2008 splashy-yet-intimate wedding to DeGeneres, which included a marriage equality media tour featuring the cover of People and a full-hour fete on the comfy perch of Oprah’s couch. “We’ve settled into happily married life,” de Rossi says. “We really support each other in whatever we’re doing and we’re incredibly happy, which is why you don’t see us in the press so much. There’s no drama to report.”On if she and Ellen want kids
But don’t expect them to follow a more modern famous-family script. “There comes some pressure in your mid-30s, and you think, Am I going to have kids so I don’t miss out on something that other people really seem to love? Or is it that I really genuinely want to do this with my whole heart? I didn’t feel that my response was ‘yes’ to the latter. You have to really want to have kids, and neither of us did. So it’s just going to be me and Ellen and no babies — but we’re the best of friends and married life is blissful, it really is. I’ve never been happier than I am right now.”
Ooh I like that idea for a show on actors bearding for each other. I bet she has some real dirt on Hollywood couples who are doing this, and you know I’d love to hear it.
Recently Portia and Ellen showed off their 26 acre ranch estate, to Elle Decor. They’ve been trying to sell it, which is probably why they’re letting it be featured in a magazine. Elle has a slideshow and the design is rustic and homey with some contemporary touches. The property has eight “cabins” which are outfitted beautifully and look very relaxing. These two love their life together and they realize that they don’t want to add children to the mix. Children are not for everyone and they do change everything.
Portia and Ellen are shown in February and in September of last year. Credit: WENN.com
They are so cute. And I’m in the same boat about not being sure if I want kids.
They are so adorable. I love the picture of them laughing on the street.
I’m glad they’re happy together and are honest about not wanting kids.
That said, that cover photo gives me the willies.
The photo looks like an amalgamation of her face and Ellen’s. it definitely doesn’t look like Portia.
They are cute together and their thoughts on children are honest.
But that photo looks eerily like Anne Heche and that is creepy, knowing her history with Ellen.
Um… yeah. It says there is no substitute on the cover under Portia’s name, so what in the hell did they substitute for her in the photo???
I never wanted children; I’m 62 now, and I don’t regret that decision. (I have 3 dogs.)
I love to hear that. I am almost 32 and my husband is 30 and we don’t want kids. We hear a lot that we will regret it. Sometimes I think “Will we?” and hope we are making the right decision. So I am always happy to hear from older (and by that I mean older than me, not that you are old!) people that made the same choice.
I really wanted kids and I have them and I don’t regret it. My brother and his wife came to the same decision you did and made a choice not to have kids. They have about 6-7 nieces and nephews between them and really are about the best Aunt and Uncle that kids could possibly have.
Once you have a kid your life is never your own in the same way again and even when they are grown you still worry (so my mother tells me.) It’s a huge commitment and some people make it very lightly I feel and I commend people who thought about it and decided not for me 🙂
Having a baby is a wonderful experience but not for everyone. Don’t let people influence your decision by saying you will regret it. If you and your husband don’t want kids more power to you. Be honest with yourself, there’s nothing more important. There is nothing worse than having a kid when you really don’t want one.
I love my daughter and I love being her mom–but it’s not for everyone, and there’s no reason why it needs to be.
Will you regret it? No one knows. I hope not–everyone should get to live the life that fulfills them!
I had kids and am so glad I did, but even though I really wanted them they are hard – and make a lot of other life decisions (career, marriage) much trickier. I always tell people who are on the fence – don’t have kids unless you really, really want them. Kids are not for everyone and if you don’t feel an overwhelming desire to have them, that’s okay – don’t give into societal pressure. Re Ellen and Portia – they are such a cute couple and I love the candid pap shots of the two of them!
I’m a day late to this, so you may not see it Ash, but I knew a woman who was in her 80’s and had never had children by choice. She said the only time she ever regretted it was when she was ill or something and needed assistance and there was no one to help. Considering that that problem can be solved by immersing yourself in a good community, I think it bodes well for you.
I know a few people who are childless by choice and they are completely content with that decision. I respect them for knowing themselves well enough to know what they really want. All of then have nieces and nephews and are great with kids but didn’t want to be parents. Kudos to them!
Yeah I work in a hospital and see people die all the time. I would like to have a family because it’s awesome to see everyone come together at the bedside to see their loved one off.
If I had a big, close knit family it might not matter. But I don’t so I think kids are a good idea. For me of course. I’d like to have someone to depend on.
I completely and totally agree with her. If your going to have kids then you should really WANT to have kids. My bf and I are both completely uninterested and know that its not for us so that’s our choice. I’ll never understand when people bother others(especially strangers) about not wanting to have kids. It is a huge decision and completely changes your life. No one decision in life works for all of us so why should everyone feel like they have to have children?
Misery loves company.
HA!
Well said. Whenever I express my desire to not have children everyone just gives me this condesendent look and tell me, “oh you are still young, you’ll want them eventually” but the thing is I really don’t think I’ll change my mind at all and I don’t understand why people find that so hard to process.
I KNOW, right?! I didn’t want children 20 years ago, and I still don’t. I did not hit ‘snooze’, I don’t think the clock was plugged in. I love my nieces and nephews, but I honestly have never felt the drive to have my own children, nor has my partner. One decision that changes (creates!) so many lives – you should really WANT to do that if you are going to have the stamina to carry the responsibility involved. For life.
Blame all the outspoken people that said they didn’t want kids, but change their mind.
I’m so glad to hear from other women that they truely don’t want children. I hear all sort of crap from my family that I’m being stupid and immature about this. But some people are just NOT MEANT to be parents and are not right for the job and I’m a person who moves a lot for her job, I’ve been changing cities every three months and I like it, how does that go with a baby?
I agree, I am in the same boat. Even when I was a kid, I always pretended that my cabbage patch kids were my sisters…not my little babies. During my entire life, I have never had the urge to have kids. I think this makes my parents sad…but at least my brother and sister are procreating and giving them grandkids!
I have thought about it, and if I ever have the urge to have children, I think I would start out volunteering for Big Brothers/Big Sisters and then consider adopting an older child. (I saw a special on adoption of non-babies, and this 6 year old said, “I don’t understand why nobody wants me”. I think helping a child like that would be more my thing.)
@Tiffany: that’s a great idea. I always thought that if time came and I would want children adopting would be the choice to make. So many children, young and older, need a mom and dad, I believe i would make a greater good chosing that option.
Yeah, the whole “you’ll change your mind” thing can be annoying. However, people say that because there are a number of people who said they’d never have kids that do change their mind-I’ve known a few. It’s easy to say that you don’t want kids when you are really young and most of your friends don’t have kids yet. Then you get into your 30’s and everyone is having babies and you really start to feel the pressure. Some people end up having children because they want to fit in with their friends and family or because their spouse wants kids. Some people change their minds because their priorities change. It happens.
I totally get what Portia said about getting into your mid 30’s and thinking about whether you’ll regret not doing it…I’ve been there. Actually, I’m 40 and I still wonder although at this point the window on having a biological kid is closing. Most likely my husband and I won’t have a child but we’ve gotten information on older child adoption…if within the next few years that starts to really feel like the right decision we’ll pursue it. If not, we’ll remain childfree.
It’s refreshing to hear intelligent comments from celebrities (parents and non-parents) on having children. It’s a big decision and I get tired of how lightly people seem to take it and how fake some of these celebs come across.
Yeah, it is pretty annoying when you say you have no desire to have kids, and people say “Well, you’re going to miss out on the best thing that will ever happen to you, it’s so amazing and life changing etc etc etc…” I have one friend who always asks me every single time we talk when I am having kids. I tell her it’s not likely. She acts like she can’t believe it. I notice she does this to some of her friends I don’t know on Facebook too. She pushes the happy mother / life is so wonderful now thing so much, it kind of makes me think she really isn’t as happy being a mom as she’d like us to believe.
I like sleeping in on the weekends, going on vacation, shopping for clothes, eating out at fancy restaurants, and drinking couple glasses of wine to celebrate Friday night. I like being cat mother, instead of a human mother. I’d much rather clean a liter box than a poopy diaper (I did try to toilet train my cats a few months ago, one was catching on but unfortunately my other cat is a bit of a dumb dumb and kept crapping on the floor).
I so agree with you! I feel the same way. Ok, I am very young but with every next year I feel like I want kids less and less.Maybe it’s selfish but I like to do stuff like meet my friends for one night in a foreign city. I also work full time and I come home and all I want is to watch a good film with a glass or two of good wine. I just can’t imagine coming home after 8 hours of work and take care of a bunch of kids.
I totally agree with you. I had 3 children all grown, and retirement is the best time of my life. I get to do what you do. Which is whatever I want to do. Don’t have a living husband either. Don’t like cats or dogs, though. Too much trouble.
I have nothing negative to say about them, ever. They are adorable and sweet. Love them separately, love them as a couple!
+ 1
Kids aren’t for everyone, and it doesn’t make you a bad person if you don’t want kids. They have every right to do what they want and you can still be in a loving marriage without kids. They always look so happy together and it’s easy to see the love they share.
Not everyone wants to have children and if she and Ellen feel that way, I respect them and their honesty.
The cover photo is creepy! Oh how she has changed from her Mandy Rodgers Geelong days. Love the honesty about the kids thing in the interview though
I never wanted children and I’m now in my mid 50s. I don’t regret never having them.
When I got married, I asked every married woman I knew if she had any advice, and EVERY SINGLE ONE OF THEM said, “I regret having children.” I took their advice.
I know many people don’t feel that way, but I thought it was amazing that all these different women said this. My mother-in-law was one of them, and she and my husband are very sweet. The others were women I worked with, and they all had very diverse backgrounds.
Wow, every one?
Most of the women I know have children and although I don’t ask, I don’t think they regret them. I know I don’t regret mine.
I’m glad you made a decision that works for you. I just find it odd so many women said they regret having children, especially since that’s kind of “taboo” to say.
I’ve had friends and family tell me that they regret having children as well. At family gatherings, my husband and I aren’t allowed to talk at all about our lives because “we don’t want to hear what selfish things you do with your time and money. We have CHILDREN.” so we stopped visiting.
PoliteTeaSipper: The martyr act some parents put on drives me crazy. They CHOSE to have kids! The big sighs and the attitude that “well, it’s different when you’re a parent”… ARRRGH!
Someone has to say it, so I will. This planet DOES NOT NEED any more people! Choosing not to have kids is not “selfish” – it’s the very opposite!!
This planet now has 7 billion people on it FFS. When my father was born, there were less than 2 billion. So I guess every other species on earth has to disappear to make room for our roach-like population growth? Gah!
Rant over.
Kath I agree with you! I’m a big supporter of people that have 0-2 children. I think the less children you have the better. But I’m probably going to be selfish and have a third!
Kath I agree with you! I’m a big supporter of people that have 0-2 children. I think the less children you have the better. But I’m probably going to be selfish and have a third!
Are you American? I am as well, and yes, its taboo in America to say you regret your children. However, I have lived in England and its perfectly OK to say how much you regret your children. The English have a very different relationship with their kids. Its not the same as in America. Just wanted to clarify.
I don’t regret having children at all. I do, however, regret not having parents or in-laws that would take them off our hands for a week once every year!
Wow! That’s really sad that every person you asked regretted having children. It amazes me also how insensitive and selfish people can be to those who are childless by choice.
I can honestly say, for me personally, having children was one of the best decisions I ever made and I love being a mom far more than I ever expected. BUT I still believe you should only have children if you really want them and choosing not to is just as valid a choice as choosing to become a parent. I love Portia’s comments. I think she is spot on.
Not crazy about her as an actress but I find Portia to be very like able and interesting in interviews. Love how honest she is and she is right you really have to want kids and it is completely ok to not want them.
It’s weird because I think deep-down I don’t want kids but feel like I SHOULD have them for the dumb reason that I’m an only child and my mom yearns for more than the granddog that she has now. I LOVE kids but at age 37 I’m settled into my way of life and am kinda selfish with my time. Kids would change it all. So…we may just get a second dog. LOL
See I’m 35 & want kids but am so scared that I’m too settled in my selfish ways & i will regret having them!!! But I know my regret at not having a baby would out weigh that
I hear you. I have the fear of not having kids and regretting it when I get to be a senior and have no grandkids…just an old ass husband to look at. lol
@Aussiegirl-I’m 34 and you expressed exactly how I feel.
Right now, I’m not ready for kids but it’s effin scary to think that by 45 I could want them and not be able to have them. Of course there’s always adoption..but still, will I even have the energy and drive at 45 to raise them? It seems so unfair that life only gives you a window of time to make such a life-altering decision. Then again, for every indecisive person like me, there exists 10 women who have kids and KNOW 100% that it’s right for them.
I feel comforted reading all the stories here of women who feel the same way.
OriginalKitten, it is a little creepy how much my situation mirrors yours in this area! I worry about the window too, but I know that right now I absolutely do not want kids. But as a rational person, I know that people change overtime..what if this is something that I will want later but it will be too late?
@Aussie – I know what you mean. I had my (only) daughter at 35 and thought I might resent her for infringing on my settled ways. I had also just become a partner in my firm. Best decision I ever made (although I know it isn’t right for all) was to have a baby. It does require balancing but it has been so worth it.
Yes, Tiffany-exactly. It sucks 🙁
I think there are a lot of women who feel as some of you guys do… that you aren’t ready for children yet, but what about the damn ‘window’??
More and more women want to wait for children, have a career… or just experience life more before having kids. It seems unfair that the body can’t adapt.
I don’t regret my kids… and I’ve never spoken to another woman that regrets theirs. I am sure some do, for various reasons, though I’m surprised at one of the comments in this thread that said EVERY woman they asked said they regretted having children. I guess there are different levels of regret… some may regret having kids because they felt pressured into doing so, or regret having kids too young. I honestly don’t think that there is a large percentage of women who put thought into having chldren, and came to the conclusion to do so (on their own), that regret it.
That is exactly how I feel. I sometimes think “Awww but they’re so cute.” and then I can’t come up with another reason to have a child. Seriously. I can come up with countless reasons why I don’t want them. The thing that makes me doubt my gut instinct is the pressure and disbelief. Societal pressure and the disbelief of every single person I mention this to. “What? WHY?” It’s like I’m a freak or something. And the ultimate question: Will I regret not having them when I’m too old? Aaaand here we go with the doubt.
I need more stories of women who didn’t have kids and are perfectly happy. So thanks to everyone on this blog who’s telling theirs.
That cover is supremely creepy.
I’m finally in a great place in my career & am finding I keep putting this off. At the same token I know I would make a great mother. Sigh!
I am 43 now and I never had kids and I don’t regret it. There’s some really great things about having children, but I never met the right partner so it just never happened and before I knew it I was too old!
I have to admit that I was a bit on the fence about having children, so in that case it’s better to not have them. In the end I knew it wasn’t the right choice for me, so I’m quite ok with it. I think there is a lot of pressure from society for women in particular to have kids, you’re almost looked at as incomplete by some judgy people. This makes me crazy. In my view, I think that there are more people than care to admit that regretted having kids and I think some people resent childless women for that reason.
Anyways, kids are not for everyone. I know they are not for me, I don’t think I would be a good parent and admitting that has been very freeing. Nothing worse than bringing a child into the world that is not completely wanted.
I think kids are cute too. I tell people at work, oh, look, this little girl’s so cute. And they’re like, somebody wants a baby. no! i just think they’re cute. I can think of a million reasons why NOT to have them. i like my life the way it is, no responsibility, can do what i want, when i want. i like spending my money on me! just b/c you like kids, doesn’t mean you have to have them.
Ok Little Miss;
I think that if you aren’t happy with your life and you have kids to make you happy, appease a partner, satisfy your parents or society in general you are placing an immoral and unobtainable burden on a child.
I think I lot of people have children by mistake, default, to find happiness or just to fit in.
Listen closely, it’s usually the ones bugging you that will be complaining about their lives and kids later. Poor kids.
There are some astounding parents out there, and I really enjoy watching them with their children. There are a lot of parents out there I just want to bitch slap for how they treat those poor kids.
I’m telling you my DOG is better cared for, looked after, better behaved, minds better and is more properly socialized than many children.
See, I know all these things you guys mentioned and they make perfect sense. I just feel like I rarely meet women who think like this or understand that having a uterus does not mean you have to sublet it at some point.
I know many people who I’m sure will make fantastic parents and want kids. Good for them. I’ll be there for birthdays and babysitting and general support. I feel like that’s enough for me though. Kids can be adorable but … they can also scream for 48 hours straight. And I’ve seen acquaintances of mine have kids and even before they got pregnant I thought “Really? You think you’re equipped to deal with the negative aspects?”
And they weren’t. I highly doubt I would be.
I hate the judgment and pity the most. I don’t hate kids (why is that always the go-to assumption?). I’m not selfish either. Which, btw, is the dumbest accusation of them all. NOT having a child is selfish? As opposed to having one even though you’re broke/unstable/trying to salvage a relationship?
This is such a hot-button issue and I have NO clue why.
@littlemissnaughty-Exactly! Everything you and Aussiegirl and Joanna said.
I have a kid, but I can tell you that if I did not, I would not regret it. I especially would not regret it knowing what I know about parenting.
It’s not the panacea people make it out to be. Neither was pregnancy or childbirth or nursing. We’ve created this aura of magic and rainbows and unicorns around the whole thing, mostly to sell a really tough job to women. A job for which they won’t be compensated and will most likely bear in disproportionate measure to their partner (if they have a male one).
I love my daughter. I miss her little self when I am away from her at the same time I feel tremendous relief. It’s like anything in life: good and bad. Fun and tedious. Nothing magic.
Maybe encourage your mom to get an Ersatz grandkid? There are some programs that partner up wanna be grandparents with families (often single moms) who would like to have grandparent-like figures in their life. She could also place an add somewhere.
For once what a nice Hollywood gossip story.
Good for her for realizing this and sharing it. There is no “right” way for people to live their lives. I love having kids-and always wanted a big family-but it is not for everyone.
Bravo! This is exactly how I feel about having kids. It’s not just about having a good relationship and being able to provide for them. You have to really want them, and for all the right reasons. Trying to live up to the expectations of others, or worrying that you might be missing out or will have regrets later are not good enough reasons for me. I still expect to have kids someday, but only if and when it feels right for me and my husband.
I’ll hit the big 30 mark the week after next. I’m very sure I don’t want kids and I hope to find a partner who’s on the same page. I don’t think kids are the ultimate source of happiness, not for me at least.
On another note, I didn’t recognize Portia. And yay for the Arrested Development reboot. Can’t wait for May 26!
hi 5!!!
She used to be very pretty 🙁 I don’t like what she has done to her face.
With that said, is anybody else excited for AD Season 4?!!
Am really excited for the AD reboot! Loved the show
Sooo excited!!!!:)
I never really wanted children of my own, it was never part of the canvas and was not physically possible anyway as I found out in my mid thirties… with that being said, I’m about to marry into 5 kids and I’m honestly thrilled about that.
You are a special kind of women!! Joking aside, good for you
That’s cool! It sounds like you are going to be a great stepmom(:
fingers crossed! I get along well with the two oldest (20 and 18), but haven’t spent as much time as I’d like to with the three youngest (14, 11, and 10) yet.
If I had the dough I would by the farm in a heartbeat. I would love to spend a week there on vacation.
That property is beautiful, I love the decor, and especially love that Portia has a horse named Maeby.
Good for them for knowing what they want and being honest about it.
Holy crap their house is beautiful! If I had the money I’d buy that place in a heartbeat!
What a refreshing article! Would this be so hard to say, Jennifer Aniston?
I go through different phases. Mostly, I don’t want kids, and other times I do. My reasons for wanting them are that my long term boyfriend wants them. That’s probably not a good enough reason to have kids, so until I’m in it for the right reasons, no kids for me!
I really love Portia. Read her book on someone’s recommendation from this website a while ago (can’t remember who, but thanks!). Highly recommend it.
Sometimes people that don’t want kids aren’t into being around kids at all, but you can tell that even though Ellen doesn’t want them for herself, she enjoys them nonetheless. Maybe having so many of them on her show is the perfect compromise.
This is me! I love my little nephews but I can only take small doses. If I had to be around kids all the time I would become so impatient and grouchy.
Same here! I love my little sister (7 months) but I’ve also seen what it takes to be a mother, how much you sacrifice and how much work and patience it takes. I mean, just going to the supermarket takes a lot of planning (enough time between the last and next feeding, enough time before her next nap, enough time so she doesn’t have her diapers full). Enjoying kids and having ones is not the same thing!
@Alice – Apologies in advance for criticising but why do y’all live around the baby?
Babies are super portable and not as fragile as you think. Not to mention can sleep anywhere so you could strap that baby to you in a harness and go about your grocery shopping, housework within reason without being held hostage to the baby’s routine.
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=JURpJlDES7g
You see this everywhere in Africa, and the babies aren’t in danger because they are very securely strapped in, and they go right to sleep.
The woman in that video went on to cook, clean, garden and alot more with that baby strapped behind her.
These western customs and attendant hand wringing really flummoxes me.
Yeah she is crazy about their nieces always talking about them on show
Yeah, and I would say that Sophia Grace and Rosie have the best “Aunt” Ellen. 😉
@LAK
I guess I see it this way because everyone in my family does it this way. Also, every baby in my family had some intolerences or other complications related to food, so that makes it a little more complicate. I still think that a baby does change your life a lot and there’s no way back. With my lifestyle a baby just wouldn’t fit, I work for airlines so I know all the crap you have to do in advance to be able to travel with an infant and I travel once every week/ every two weeks.
I love love love this couple. But two complaints, Portia needs to get a more flattering haircut and stop morphing into her wife. And they have done a couple stagged paparazzi shots on vaca recently which is so beneath them. Other than that may they live long happy lives together!
Why are you calling Ellen her “longterm partner” instead of “wife”? Longterm partner implies you’re not married. Susan Sarandon and Tim Robbins were longterm partners. Portia and Ellen are married. It makes a difference.
Thank you! Just what I was thinking.
Also, they are one of my favorite couples in the world. They look like they would be the awesomest aunts on the planet. I imagine they have at least a few furry babies, right? Ellen seems to like dogs.
That was going to be my comment as well, they are married, not long-term partners. I am in a long-term partnership, unmarried for 13 years to my guy.
I loooove them together, what a great life they appear to be sharing together.
I want to watch ‘Butch and Fay’. It sounds like it could be a great show!
Good for them, good for them being honest!
I’m 48, i could never have kids and I am fine with that. I have a great career, a loving husband and 3 step kids and 4 step grand kids – that is more than enough.
What I’m not Ok with is being treated like less of a woman, an idiot when it comes to kids and, my favorite, selfish for not having them.
Hey, I didn’t get a choice but even if you chose not to have kids then why not enjoy the perks?
As I see it I PAID for a orderly house, more money and time to spend doing what I want and no baby hips. I have my life and I thoroughly enjoy it. Those with kids made a choice and, yes it costs you plenty right along with the many rewards of having kids.
When I hear “Must be nice to have money, time, blah, blah, whine, whine ” I’m like HELL YEAH it is 🙂
good for you!
I so agree with you! I really hate the shaming from other women when you say you don’t want kids. And I REALLY hate it when they say we’re selfish for not having kids. How exactly does that make us selfish? I think it makes us smart and self-aware to realize that it’s not all wonderful as it’s made out to be and that there’s a reason we don’t have that “biological clock” that makes us want to have kids.
And does having kids make you a self-less person? Hardly. I see plenty of people who should probably never have had kids. And I see plenty of people who have kids and are pretty selfish themselves.
Edit: I also dislike when people whine about how hard it is with kids. You signed up for it, so stop bitching about it and trying to make me feel bad for not having them just because your life is hell now. Misery does love company indeed :D.
+1 on the bitching about having kids.
Really brag about them, take all the attention over them, then try to shame me for enjoying my life and tell me I’m less than and have to easy life? I have the life I paid for. Ever been a Cathoic woman w/o kids. Ever been to mothers day w/o kids? Ever had countless people comment on your life without knowing the facts?
Just once I’d love to say “damn you got knocked up by some loser and now your stuck with his kid – you selfish, horny bitch – now your kid will pay” OMG can you imagine the flack over that!
I refuse to whine or be ashamed that I don’t have kids. I also refuse to glorify someone because they do.
One can be selfish, lazy, or irresponsible with or with out kids.
Choices people, choices – you have to live with them.
I burst out laughing at this – Just once I’d love to say “damn you got knocked up by some loser and now your stuck with his kid – you selfish, horny bitch – now your kid will pay” OMG can you imagine the flack over that!
Hahaha! I could only imagine the reaction to that! I too would love to say something like that :). But I guess we are too polite to ever actually say it lol. Doesn’t mean we can’t think it though!
My fiancé and I built our dream house last year. My best friend asked me, why are you building a house if you don’t plan to have kids? Um, what? So childless couples aren’t allowed to live in houses? The crazy things people with kids will say 😀 lol.
I agree 100% and i have kids. I know quite a few people who I think had kids purely from societal pressure and not from desire to have kids. They bitch about their kids and act put upon and I feel sorry for the kids.
My kids aren’t perfect but I don’t bitch about having them, they bring joy to me every day.
What I find funny is how the people who are all “kids are soooo expensive” and “must be nice” etc, well, THEY are the ones driving around in two vehicles, going on vacations, have the money to put their kids in umpteen activities.
All the while I’m wondering why me and my single income no kids, never has money for anything.
I agree. I struggle to support myself, despite a college degree. I just don’t know how people with kids do it. I know some get government assistance. to me, i would be ashamed to have someone else support me and the kids i chose to have. temporary assistance is one thing, but I know plenty of people who are on assistance and have ANOTHER child. if you can’t support the kids you have now, use birth control…it’s not that hard. says 37 yr old who has never been pregnant.
I admire them both for being HONEST with their fans. Something Jennifer Aniston doesn’t have the decency or guts to do.
maybe she’s not a 100 percent sure which way she wants to go.
I don’t think anyone is obligated to share their personal life decisions just because they are famous.
It’s also possible that people change their minds as life goes on.
I wish them well but their photos together always irk me… like they want to prove something to the world. Giant fake smiles with their faces pushed together… arms around one another. Bleh. It seems like theyre doing it for the cameras. I’ve never seen a couple take a photo like that one of them with their faces put together. I think my brother and I have a photo of us like that from 1986 and the photographer made us do it.
I respect their decision to not have kids. Although a part of me is sad for any babies they could have adopted. How awesome would it be to have Ellen as your mom?!?
But they have their reasons and its for the best!
So great to hear from all the childfree folks here! And I LOVE what Portia said! The reason the husband and I don’t have kids is because we don’t want them. Period. Sleeping late, being able to be spontaneous and having extra money are fantastic, but if deep in my heart I desired kids I would give that stuff up in a heartbeat. I don’t value those things more than parenting. I don’t have kids because I don’t feel that desire. I can hold a puppy and be convinced that I absolutely MUST get another dog. I can hold a baby, and while I LOVE babies (seriously, I just adore them) once I give him/her back to the mom I don’t feel an emptiness or yearning or anything. I feel very very fortunate because I am incredibly close with my nieces and nephews but I’m able to send them home at the end of the day!
Well put!
“There comes some pressure in your mid-30s, and you think, Am I going to have kids so I don’t miss out on something that other people really seem to love? “Or is it that I really genuinely want to do this with my whole heart? I didn’t feel that my response was ‘yes’ to the latter. You have to really want to have kids, and neither of us did. So it’s just going to be me and Ellen and no babies — but we’re the best of friends and married life is blissful, it really is. I’ve never been happier than I am right now.”
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
just when i didn’t think i could love this couple more…this thoughtful decision is revealed about them.
love, love LOVE them. 😀
I think that if you aren’t happy with your life and you have kids to make you happy, appease a partner, satisfy your parents or society in general you are placing an immoral and unobtainable burden on a child.
I think I lot of people have children by mistake, default, to find happiness or just to fit in.
Listen closely, it’s usually the ones bugging you that will be complaining about their lives and kids later. Poor kids.
There are some astounding parents out there, and I really enjoy watching them with their children. There are a lot of parents out there I just want to bitch slap for how they treat those poor kids.
I’m telling you my DOG is better cared for, looked after, better behaved, minds better and is more properly socialized than many children.
Reading these comments was like seeing my thoughts already written down. Wonderful wording and couldn’t be more accurate.
There are people whose lives genuinely would not have been as full if they hadn’t had children. Fortunately, my mom is one of those women and having children (and being a teacher) is what she considers her finest gift.
Too many people having kids, as said above, by accident, for attention, etc with very little true desire to actually BE A PARENT. Those people are oftentimes the first to be livid and self-righteous towards child-less couples.
While there are many fantastic parents in the world, I think that far fewer people would actually HAVE children if 1) they had experience with babies before getting pregnant or 2) they didn’t have an OOPS pregnancy. I wish that hands-on experience before getting pregnant was mandatory (babysitting certain amount of hrs, volunteering
t church daycare, etc).
Children can be a wonderful addition, but not necessarily for everyone.
ditto.
“There are some astounding parents out there.”
and like Ellen & Portia demonstrates, there are some astounding NON-parents out there as well.
😉
I’m going to be honest and say that I’m one of those people who probably would have had it have to catch me a little off guard. Because I over think EVERYTHING.
Jennifer Aniston could take a lesson from them.
Just be honest about not wanting kids. Its okay. It does not make you a bad person.
But instead Jennifer has used it to keep her mommy fanbase. It just makes her seem fake.
I’m not so sure about that. I’m one of those people who thought if I get pregnant well I’m pregnant if I don’t that’s ok too. That’s the impression I get from her. She doesn’t owe anyone an explanation. It’s a personal decision. I read Portia’s book on her eating disorder. It says alot about the fakery of Hollywood. I think these two are so cute together.
Exactly. There is no “right” way to be childfree.
I’m 49 and I never wanted to have kids and haven’t had any. Okay, so I will likely end up in a nursing home when I’m old, but there’s a chance of that happening even if you have kids. I, frankly, prefer pets–dogs, cats–and any small amount of maternal instinct I might have was placated with having pets.
I think too many people have kids because it’s expected of them rather than really thinking it through. Or there was an accident with birth control and they’d rather risk raising another human being instead of the alternatives available, abortion or putting up for adoption.
It seems these days, people end up with the kids living with you until they are 40 or you end up raising your grandkids until you’re elderly!
For most people I know, their kids won’t be in a position or want to help them (too selfish and entitled) when they are elderly and need care!
My husband and I are child free. My mother abused me for years because she realized too late she didn’t want kids. We will not lift a finger for her in her old age. The ones who are “selfish and entitled” are not my husband and I, but my mother who repeatedly told me she wishes I’d never been born…oh, and she expects to be able to move into our house and have us keep her in the lifestyle she’s accustomed to. Even if it means trashing our finances, our house, and our marriage.
Hell no.
@JL – you make some more really good points there. I agree about the grandparents raising the kids part, especially today (or at least financially anyway). Several of my cousins have had kids and EXPECTED their parents to give them money to help with their expenses. It just doesn’t seem right to me. I understand everyone’s circumstance are different, but if you are going to willingly have a child, you shouldn’t expect your own aging parents to give you money to raise your kids and pay your rent. I also realize that it’s possible to struggle financially as some point in your life, and if you’re lucky enough, you’ll have wonderful parents to help you out (like I have) – but to find out your pregnant and then go through the Sears catalogue picking out the strollers and baby furniture you want and saying, “Mom, buy all of these things for my baby” just doesn’t seem right.
@PoliteTeaSipper – good for you for being strong enough to say no to your mother.
My parents help us out a ton! I’m so grateful everyday. My husband and I could have moved away to better jobs. But we are trying to make it work here, because I’m the only kid of theirs that hasn’t moved away. I know it will be on us to take care of them later on and I’m perfectly fine with that.
@PoliteTeaSipper: With me, it’s my father. I do try to do what I can for him, but I set boundaries and keep them. He throws his tantrums, which is why there are boundaries in the first place, and I just disappear and do not feel that I owe him any explanation whatsoever. I do not have to justify myself for trying to keep myself mentally healthy by removing myself from someone who hasn’t got the common sense or mental acuity to see himself for what he can be at times and expects others to do all the forgiving, changing, and overlooking of faults. Nuh-uh.
I also suspect this played a large part in the decisions my brother and I both made at fairly young ages to not have children as adults–the cycle stops here. There is no reason it shouldn’t.
Good for them knowing what they want, although I think Ellen would be a great mom.
@cuddleslarue – you said exactly what I wanted to say. I knew at age 25 I didn’t want kids and could not get a doctor to sterilize me, as he thought I was too young to make that decision. I am now almost 56 and have never regretted not having kids. I didn’t get married until I was 48. I have a professional career and could not have imagined how my life would have been having a child. My husband has two grown up sons, and we may not even get grandchildren, and that is okay. Thank God my mom did not pressure me… I have a happy life:)
I had to have a laproscopic dnc when I was about 27 due to endometriosis causing a lot of menstrual pain and the first thing the male doctor said to me after surgery was, “If you want to get pregnant, now is a good time for conception due to this procedure.” Well, I was doped on Demerol but still lay there thinking, “Is THAT why he thinks I had this done?!” No, not because almost 3 out of 4 weeks of the month were hell on wheels, but so I could conceive. (Throws hands up in disgust!)
What a refreshing story. I love Ellen, don’t know much about her wife. Love that they are totally honest about not wanting kids. More people should really stop and think before having kids. I am the mother of one, stepmom of another. While I adore my daughter, my stepson can be a handful. Had my stepson come into my life prior to having my girl, I may well have chosen to stop there. Fortunately, my daughter is the older of the two, and precious in every way.
I guess my point is……why judge? I am a Mom who totally respects people who’ve chosen not to be parents. Some of my closest friends are childless by choice. Having kids is a vocation. Too many people have kids without putting thought into it, and the kids suffer. I have a relative who has 4 kids, hates being a mother, and never should have had any of them. Trust me, the kids know that she hates being their mother.If you don’t want kids, please don’t have them!
She and Ellen seem very happy together, so good for them. I admire them for being honest about not wanting kids, and not having them just as a celeb accessory. If you don’t want them, don’t have them; better than having them and regretting it.
It’s funny because just today I read a horrific article by a British columnist who said she regrets ever having her kids. They never did anything wrong, she just regrets she spent so much time and energy on them and felt they were “parasites” when they were little. I know not everybody who has kids likes it, but is it necessary to write an article saying that? Yeesh.
I love seeing photos of them…they really do look genuinely happy. I also love the idea of Butch and Fay…very clever! I wish someone would follow through on that idea.
Not wanting kids IS THE BEST REASON NOT TO HAVE KIDS.
To those of you out there who are happy without children, you should watch some of the stand-up that comedian Tom Papa does. My husband and I laughed so hard that we had tears…or maybe the tears were for our lost independence! We have three children and I do really, really love them, but so much of the co-misery and irrationality that you experience as a result…Well, it’s funny because it is true.
I love this thread so much. 🙂
Echo what everyone else has said, especially the poster above who said “my clock was never plugged in.” That is EXACTLY how I feel and how I have always felt, and I’m 35 now and circling perimenopause (it comes early in my family.)
When I was a kid I always played “business woman” or “hot single lady on the town,” I NEVER played “house” or “mommy,” never had baby dolls or a fake kitchen set. I had transformers and He-Man toys.
So sick of people telling me they’ll “pray for me” when I say I don’t want kids.
My mother doesn’t even want grandkids!! My mom is awesome, lol.
HA HA;
I got a Barbie one Birthday and promptly made her a parachute to play amazon explorer! I too never really found it in me to play mommy, school teacher,nurse etc etc. I liked to tear things apart and rebuild them. Now I’m an engineer, but my sister in law (who bitches about her kids) says I’m the barbie in the family because I have nice clothes (if you had kids to support you’d understand why I’m so broke).
No I understand I graduated from the #3 engineering school in the land, have worked my ass off for 28 years while you graduated from HS and immediately got married and had kids – it’s economics and I understand that just fine. Even with out kids no education or skills = no money, don’t blame the kids.
Wow, I don’t know how I would handle someone telling me that they will pray for my position on procreating!
Tiffany, I work with a pretty large group of older, what I’d call “churchgoing” people. It’s a struggle sometimes, lol, especially when they give their opinions on gay marriage (imagine an eyeroll smiley here bc I don’t know how to code them.)
Anon, it sounds like you have the patience of a saint! 🙂
Damn Anon! I would tell them not to bother or to pray for something in my life that actually needs prayed about. Like winning the lottery. Lol
I’m cool with kids or not, you have to know your own self. But those stupid black frame ‘hipster’ glasses HATE THEM! People who wear them never had to suffer through the trauma of horrible glasses all their lives…enough already!
I’m with you on those wretched eyeglass frames. Hipsterism is hideous. I find it amusing when insecure people don a uniform identifying themselves as being followers in an attempt to appear strongly individual.
@BooBoo – I actually bought a new pair of glasses this week and when I showed them to my friend she said, “They look very hipster” LOL! I said, “they aren’t hipster, they’re granny chic” :D. They kind of remind me of glasses actress Andrea Martin would wear or the crazy old cat lady who lived down the street from you as a child lol.
Lilstar, i’m down with granny chic and cat ladies, but those FUGLY military issue crappers are horrible.
I love this thread! It’s like you guys are all in my head. I definitely don’t want children. No one in my life seems to understand that. I’m not someone who hates childbearing women or babies, quite the opposite! I don’t judge anyone for their choices, I wish I wasn’t judged for mine. I’m not a selfish person either or any of the other insults thrown at women who choose not to procreate. It’s nice to read all the comments from women who, like Portia do not want children.
Hello everyone! LONG time reader…first time poster! Love Ellen & Portia and it’s refreshing to hear someone give an answer that’s not necessarily p.c. or the norm. I’m middle-aged and don’t have kids. Wanted to when I was MUCH younger, but when I hit my mid-30s, instead of feeling a rushed panic….I felt nothing but calm. I knew it just wasn’t in the cards for me. That said, I love kids and am a fabulous (if I do say so myself!) and involved Auntie.
And yep, it’s a huge pain in the you-know-what when people I barely know ask me “what went wrong?” or “are you barren?”. Or worse. They stare at me like I’m the most selfish person they’ve met. Go Portia and Ellen!
I accidentally got pregnant when I was 18 and had a child as a result. Now he’s almost 18 and I’m ready for it to be over. I did my duty, I love him, I took care of him, supported him emotionally and otherwise, but the truth is that over the years it became apparent to me that had I not had an “oops” at age 18, I’d have never wanted to have kids. I’m glad the full-time mommying is almost done. I haven’t found it enjoyable or rewarding at all. I’ve been a very good mom and we’re quite close, but it’s still always been an exercise in doing something I never wanted to do. So, no, being a mom is not for everyone. I have a strong nurturing instinct and am a very careful, thoughtful, attentive mother, but nonetheless it’s something that, had I known myself better (aka been older), I’d never have done. That sounds bad, but it’s the truth. I love my son and he’s wonderful, but I do not love being a mother. I really have no desire to be a grandmother, either. I hope he thinks long and hard about having or not having kids.
Thanks for your honesty…and believe me, you are not alone. My BFF married young(ish) and had one child at 25. Two years later she had her tubes tied. She had NO IDEA how hard being a Mom was going to be, and she sure as hell wasn’t going to do it again. Her son is now 20 and she loves him to death. She did a great job raising him. But, she’d be the first one to say that if she had to do it again…..she wouldn’t.
That is a really powerful post and I think it takes courage to share your story (considering how society sometimes reacts). Thank you for sharing it. 🙂
Thanks for such an honest post.
THAT is exactly why I don’t always say what comes into my mind about selfish or immature moms.
We all make choices and though they may not be the best at the time that doesn’t mean we can’t make the best of the situation. Sometimes people have kids for all the wrong reasons, but step up and become good parents anyway. I try to encourage them. Sometimes it just takes time to grow up. I have a stepdaughter in that category – better but not great mom. Yes, she’s immature and selfish but telling her that over and over doesn’t help.
I wish there were more moms like you.
Its good some people are honest about not wanting kids. To me i wonder if it would be a lonely late in life time but im not one with a massive amount of friends so others may be more fulfilled. I got about 3 friends ive had since childhood who i know will have forever. Ive always liked kids but that comes from my mom running an in home day care as i was a kid through me graduating high school so i was always around babies and think they are great. My biggest worry is i wont find to someone have to
Its good some people are honest about not wanting kids. To me i wonder if it would be a lonely late in life time but im not one with a massive amount of friends or family so others may be more fulfilled. I got about 3 friends ive had since childhood who i know will have forever. Ive always liked kids but that comes from my mom running an in home day care as i was a kid through me graduating high school so i was always around babies and think they are great. My biggest worry is i wont find to someone have them with and ill need to figure out how to pay for in.vitro or some crap.
its good some people are honest about having kids compared to the massive amount that should NEVER have had any.
As someone with a very small family who doesnt get along and as I pretty much keep to my 3 friends ive had for 15 plus years I think in my situation It would be very lonely never having children. But im not speaking for others who have others ways to be fulfilled.
Along with that my mother ran an in home day care since I was a small child through when I graduated high school so Ive been around babies/children forever and I think they are fun (of course a hassle too) and I want em. What makes me sad is I doubt I am going to find someone to have em with so I have to come with figuring out how to either pay for in vitro or adopt.
I kind of feel the same way as you, except that my family gets along well.
What a relief to see all these posts! I’m 36 and recently married. My husband and I are both pretty certain neither of us want kids — but it’s a hard stance to take when everyone we know is married with kids. Now that we’re married we get the “baby/babies” question regularly and people are often taken aback by my saying “probably not”. I think if there wasn’t such a stigma placed on being childless we’d both be more comfortable in saying “nope, not having kids” but instead we both put the “maybe not” in there to soften the blow.
It’s just frustrating…
Anyway, thanks to all of you for writing in and sharing your thoughts and feelings. I wish there were more of you in my neighborhood! I feel lonely sometimes being a married lady who doesn’t want kids.
I am so happy to hear many of you write that you’re in your 40s, 50s, and 60s and still don’t regret not having children. I truly feel that we won’t regret it either and it’s so nice to hear that’s been the case for a number of you.
I love my friends’ kids (just spent the day with some of them today and had a blast) and I hope I can be their “auntie”! But I just don’t feel like kids are for me and I’m so thankful that my husband and I are on the same page (he’d prob not have been my husband if not…).
Cheers to all of us out there choosing what’s right for us – whether it be kids or no kids!
I love this thread. Frankly, I’m surprised and pleased to find so many like-minded people posting. Also, I would be heartbroken if Ellen and Portia broke up. Amy and Will almost killed me.
Yep. Can’t put ’em back in once they’re out, can you?
Sorry, that’s not at all in the right place. Out of context, it makes no sense.
It made sense to me LOL!
Shoot. I have babies on the brain. I just want one to cuddle right now. When I’m in this mood I usually go take care of my baby cousins. Theres three of them and they vary in ages from 3-8. After visiting them I go home satisfied that I cuddled and ticketed a baby, but so damn happy I don’t have one right now. Unfortunately family drama has prevented this fail safe method of curbing my want for a baby. I’m stuck with YouTube videos of laughing babies and tiger cubs and I just wanna cuddle with either one of them right now.
Don’t hate on me for saying this, but I’ve always felt that she rode Ellen’s coattails so to speak. I can’t think of the last time she’s gone anywhere without Ellen for years.
As for the whole kids/no kids thing. I personally don’t care what other people do with their lives, but I personally would like to have at least one child someday.
Awwww…they are sooo cyute <3
Soon to be a 55-year-old woman and never, ever, wanted kids. Refreshing to see this relected in the media. What a nice world we live in that we can have this CHOICE today.
I had a child late in life and he is fabulous but if there are any stress marks in your marriage, a child will exacerbate them, for good or for bad.
I love them, and her. I’m a mom and I would never trade it for anything, but kids are NOT for everyone. I chose not to children until I was positive I wanted them– so my kids will be six years apart when no. 2 arrives in a couple weeks, but it was well worth the wait to be certain I wanted a second child. As a parent, I certainly share her philosophy.
I’m 41, happily married for seven and 1/2 years, and my husband and I decided early in our relationship that we don’t want to be parents. I don’t think I’d be happy as one, would be too anxious, which would likrly rub off on the kid. And I want my marriage to be my priority. Plus, the closest I’ve come to yearning for a kid is desperately wanting a dog (which doesn’t make sense for us right now). Sure, no guarantee that someone will be around to care for me when I’m old (if my husband isn’t around), but that’s why we’re both planning well for retirement. And having kids is no kind of guarantee, either – I’m sure many parents would admit that. Fortunately, he and I are on the same page and haven’t gotten asked about by either of our parents/extended families in the ten years we’ve been together. I’m glad to see so many women here claim childfree-by-choice, and to see moms not be jerks about it [thank you for not assuming my choice has anything to do with your or your kid(s)!]. For those who are still trying to decide please realize what a serious, expensive, lifetime commitment parenting is, and take a look at the many websites and books that are out there about making the decision. Don’t make the choice for anyone other else’s sake.
[Sorry for the typos and the duplicate comment; it’s late and my thumbs are tired. :)]
I don’t want kids and I’m happy with that. I’m so glad that today we have that option for ourselves. I wish more women would be honest about it with themselves and wouldn’t get pregnant just because “all of my friends are getting babies too, so I have too!!”.
i think they couldnt hAve any, got to live with it, and just went on with there life.They didnt want someone to carry for them..thats the vibe that i get.No matter, still love them: BEAUTIFULL couple.
I have one amazing teenage daughter who has been a joy to me. I admit I intensely disliked the baby stage but it’s over in what now seems like a flash. She’s an athlete and we’ve spent so many wonderful hours traveling to tournaments and hanging out together over the years and that helped us forge a very special bond. I changed careers to be there for her and ironically I enjoy my new career even more than the previous one. I never liked kids growing up but my relationship with my daughter has been the most rewarding of my life. Now she’s experiencing college and I’m thrilled for her.
One of the best articles i’ve read in celebitchy. I actually defend the fact that they are one of the best celebrity couples, very down to earth and they did change my views about same sex marriage. Seriously. Portia and Ellen should be set in stone as to how real couples behave. Totally meant for each other.
I dont mind at all other women not wanting children. I think its brave of them to make that choice.
My experience has been life transforming in the best way possible. It was love at first sight when I saw my son and he had been the easiest baby ever…to a ridiculous level.
Now he is a straight A 17 year old who always asks me how my day was, makes me tea when I look tired and he is the only person in the world who can make me belly laugh until I cant breath anymore. He has always been my biggest fan and strongest supporter. I wouldnt be who I am today without him and I cant imagine my life without him. It would have been a miserable existence. He’s literally a ray of sunshine. Im sorry others doubt how rewarding children are ….maybe perhaps my son and I have something very unusual.
Best article I have read here in a great long while. I am 32 with along-term bf and do not want kids. I get gasps from coworkers when they find out 1.) I don’t have kids yet and 2.) I don’t want any. I recently moved to Canada from the us, but the us in particular was brutal (I am an american). I got comments like, go off bc without your bf knowing and then he will want them (they don’t believe that I don’t want one truly). Also had people say, I am missing out, I will regret it when I am old (some people say I should have kids to have someone take care of me; how selfish reasoning is that??), and if I say I can’t afford it, I was told that is what the government is for aka welfare and food stamps. Nice eh? I must admit there is more of a financial incentive to have kids in Canada with the monthly stipends and year’s paid maternity leave (I am appalled at how pro family America is but yet, one is forced back to work and to not breastfeed over 6 weeks in the states, not mention a kid in daycare that young). I like many others said above, know people who literally regret having children (my mother sadly appears to be one with me, never a nuturing, loving mother, always treated me like a nuisance who should just go away, in fact, she treats me that way to this day when I call her up. I am asked, don’t I have a life, why am I bothering her? She acts like she wishes I would just go away. My father though loves to hear from me, which is why I call often, but how awful right? I also know a mother who neglected her child once she realized she hadn’t bonded with him and relies on her husband to do all the child rearing while she goes and hangs out with friends (this is a woman in her 30’s mind you). Not everyone is cut out for kids and no one should pressure people into having them. The people that try to pressure me the most into having kids are the ones with the most kids who are always complaning about having no money. They ask why I never complain about money. Um, I don’t have kids.
Having kids is not for everyone. My sister had a baby and couldn’t handle it so my mom became her guardian. I helped raise her too and it’s a full time job – it’s gets very hard when they reach puberty- especially the girls- they aren’t so sweet and cute anymore!
It makes me sad to hear some of these stories about people who regret having their children. I was SO on the fence about having kids for all the reasons listed above, and at 35 got pregnant accidentally. My husband and I were completely freaked out and I was sure then that it was a mistake and that my life would be ruined….
And yet, having my son has been the most amazing, beautiful experience of my life. I ache when I think about what I would have missed out on had I not had him. It is a love beyond measure and he has brought so much joy to my life. I know my husband feels the same way. We are absolutely head over heels in love with this sweet, hilarious little person. Maybe it helps that mine is really cute ;-)?
I am, however, quite a nurturing person, and perhaps those without that natural tendency would have a harder time.
As if they can have children in the first place. Makes no sense.
Good they didn’t jump on the adopt a baby bandwagon started a few years ago. It isn’t a fashion accessory, (Sharon Stone et al).