Tom Cruise ‘convinced he’s lost 1/4 of an inch in height,’ freaks out

Tom Cruise

Quite often within various Tom Cruise-centered comment threads, one person will pop up and ask why I find so much delight in making fun of Tom Cruise’s lifts. My answer: It’s not funny per se that Tom Cruise is “short” — but since it makes Tom so angry when people notice his lifts, it becomes quite the hilarious situation. Tom’s height is the only thing (besides Katie Holmes) that he cannot control through the mysterious (fake) powers of Scientology, and this upsets him to such a degree that he feels compelled to have three-inch heels built into every pair of shoes to ever grace his feet.

Unfortunately for Tom, his well-heeled plan has fallen apart after a lengthy tour to promote Oblivion alongside Olga Kurylenko. If you’ll notice, Olga (who, according to the internet, is 5’8″ or so) is towering over Tom (who is allegedly 5’7″) by several inches even though they’re both wearing high heels. She’s even taller than Tom when she’s walking a few steps behind him, and Tom is not happy about the situation at all. As producer, he no doubt chose an actress for this role who would not make him look (gasp!) little, but the plan has backfired because, according to Tom, he believes that he’s shrinking. This is getting good:

Tom Cruise

Tom Cruise

Tom Cruise has always been insecure about his 5’7″ stature — and word is, his recent press tour for Oblivion now has him really worried. “Since seeing the photos from the red carpet with Olga Kurylenko, Tom is convinced that he’s lost a quarter of an inch,” a source says. Tom could be right: Studies show that men over 40 shrink by a quarter-inch every decade. Of course, being Tom, he is consulting experts. “He’s not ready to resort to surgery or anything extreme,” says the informant. “But he just wants to be sure he’s taking all the preventative measures.”

[From Star, print edition, May 13, 2013]

Crazy old Tom is so paranoid about his height, and now I’m envisioning him trying out various “home remedies” such as hanging upside down in his bedroom closet like Arnold from “Different Strokes.” He probably even made a call to his favorite Brazilian plastic surgeon to see if anything could possibly be done to remedy the situation. This story is probably true, right?

I realize that it’s perfectly plausible for a tabloid to have been short (heh) on stories for the week until deciding it would be great to shoot at an easy target; that is, Tom’s lifts. However, I think we’ve got some solid evidence for this story being true, albeit on a time delay. Remember, Tom and Olga did many appearances together for Oblivion, but then Tom had some time to analyze the various photos, and by the time the last premiere rolled around on 4/10 in Los Angeles, Tom and Olga did not pose together on the red carpet. Yes, Tom made Olga pose all by herself. Also, look closely at the last few photos that I’ve included — Tom’s hair is huge! That’s at least an extra half an inch of height-altering, hairdresser magic. Just wait, the shorter Tom gets, the bigger his hair will get. In a couple of years, he’ll look like Yahoo Serious.

Tom Cruise

Olga Kurylenko

Tom Cruise

Tom Cruise

Photos courtesy of Fame/Flynet and WENN

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43 Responses to “Tom Cruise ‘convinced he’s lost 1/4 of an inch in height,’ freaks out”

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  1. Belle Epoch says:

    He’s looking really tweaked, and the hair is AWFUL. His mother can be his body double now.

  2. Bianca says:

    Wow, Olga is absolutely stunning.

  3. Barrett says:

    This makes no sense, he has married 2 women taller, taller than him even when he wears his lifts. Why would he care about a costar looking a little taller?

    • mercy says:

      Yeah, I’m not a fan (and I’m sure he wears lifts), but it makes no sense considering who he was married to. But I like the tall hair theory lol.

      I hope this starts a ‘Scientology not only makes you look like a massive tool and destroys marriages, but it also makes you shrink!’ meme. ;)

    • V4Real says:

      Actually he married three women who were taller than him. Mimi Rogers was 5″8″.

      I’m not a fan of Tommy Boy but let’s be fair. Tom might be wearing lifts but Olga’s heels are like 5 or 6 inches high.

    • Vickyb says:

      Google the pics of his wedding to Katie Holmes – she’s crouching… ;) If he doesn’t care that much, why did he make her crouch?!?!

      Anyway, I think this post is more about he can’t stand to be shorter than Young Tom. Coming to terms with being short is one thing, coming to terms with *getting shorter every year* is waaaaay another thing!!

    • SydneySpy says:

      I don’t give a toss about this little twat, but from memory, all the taller women he married were the “it” girls of those times. And he just had to have the flavour of the month… I’m surprised he didn’t have it written into Olga’s contract that high heels were forbidden at any photo shoots involving the two of them.

      And for your information, L’il Tom, one does shrink as one gets OLDER. Alter your face and hair as much as you like, but you will not halt Father Time or Mother Nature.

  4. Dorothy#1 says:

    Why wouldn’t he just have it in her contract that she can’t wear heels? I call BS on this story!!

    And yes, his hair is waaaay too big :)

  5. Lady Satan says:

    With that hair, he’s rockin’ a very Shatner-esque bad toupee vibe. It ages him & gives him a real air of desperation.

    Dude, you’re short. You know it, we ALL know it, just admit it already.

    I’m surprised he doesn’t require all his female costars wear flats for photoshoots. Then he could tower over them in his own heels.

  6. MsAubra says:

    I’m gonna need for him not to freak out, BCoop is depressing me right now and I need Tom at his best! :)

  7. Faye says:

    About the “why are you so mean to mock his shortness” thing – I am generally very against making fun of physical shortcomings, especially when they can’t be helped. But if someone’s a nasty jerk, for some reason I feel like it’s all fair game. Maybe that’s hypocritical of me, but knowing the people he’s hurt (Nicole Kidman, Nazanin Boniadi, who knows who else), that he uses unpaid slave labor, and that he espouses a cult so harmful to so many, mocking Tom Cruise’s height seems very insignificant in comparison.

    • Charlotte says:

      I don’t have a problem with mocking his height because it’s ‘mean’; I just find that focusing on his stature is not paying enough respect to the fact that the man is a sociopathic cult member who endorses slave labour, forced abortion, ruination of families etc etc etc. I appreciate that being the ‘Big Being’ he is, he hates being mocked, but it leaves me concerned that the more we laugh at him for his lifts (which other short actors wear noticeably too), the more we see him as a comical figure and the less we buy him for the man capable of great evil. Which he is.

  8. Kaye says:

    Don’t worry, Tom. You’re already so short that no one will notice another inch or so.

  9. Eleonor says:

    “I can wear heels now”
    Nicole Kidman
    (that was epic).

  10. Mindy says:

    One word for Tom… BONIVA.

    Hey, he can take over as spokesperson for it if Sally Field is dropped.

  11. Ann says:

    Not too fond of the aging menopausal male movie star having a female co-star young enough to be his daughter/granddaughter — CREEPY!! I spend my money elsewhere, thank you very much!

  12. Nanea says:

    Getting shorter is just the usual process of aging in most people, and Tom is on the other side of 50.

    Not only is he getting shorter, and more botoxed, surgeried and whatever, but his big hair is also veering dangerously close to Al Pacino shade. Why can’t people deal with the fact that skin pigments change too with age and pick a slightly lighter hair color to cover up gray? This freaky brown with a reddish hue that Tom choose looks bad.

  13. lucy2 says:

    Look how high her heels are – LOL. I hope that was a little dig at him, that she’ll wear whatever she wants.

  14. truthful says:

    This whole post made me laugh so loud!!!

    Cruise and his lifts, now big hair, heehee

  15. Melissa says:

    Ba ha ha ha ha ha! Only a little Napoleon would worry about losing a quarter inch of height. Reminds me of little kids who insist that they are six AND A HALF, not just six.

  16. skuddles says:

    Don’t despair Lil Tommy, I’m sure Suri would be happy to carry you around in her purse.

    Maybe we’ll get lucky and he’ll just keep on shrinking until he disappears entirely :D

  17. mugs says:

    Maybe that’s why we have not seen new pictures of him and Suri, she’s taller than him now!

  18. Ashling says:

    I don’t think this is true.

  19. ramona says:

    Olga’s gorgeous, even in that poor Fassy movie Centurion when she’s covered with blue paint and tongueless. Babe.

  20. Cece says:

    I am not a fan of TC, but these stories are getting more stupid by the day. The man has had a long and huge career, and every single one of his costars must have been his height or taller. I really think that at this stage in his life and career, he is over it.

  21. KellyinSeattle says:

    I think I am about the only one who actually likes Tom….I find him attractive, regardless of his height.

  22. Jacqueline says:

    I’m thinking he’d go to Phil Spector hair, if it cs down to it. He’d rather look ridiculous than short

  23. MediaMaven says:

    For the love of Xenu! A whole 1/4″? Does he chart is growth with pencil marks on the wall? And step away from the hair mousse, little guy!

  24. Ally8 says:

    People, we’re all gonna get shorter as we age. The joints between the vertebrae in the spine deteriorate (like mortar crumbling between bricks) and unless you have amazing muscles holding you up (they also weaken as you age) your spine compresses and so do you.

  25. madchen says:

    I don’t care about his height fetish. I’m much more intrigued by his turtleneck fetish.

  26. Lily says:

    I’m only 5’3″ and I get a little self-conscious about being short sometimes, so I guess this is the one thing I can understand Tom Cruise on. But if it’s true, why doesn’t he just use his clout to have a gorgeous petite actress cast as the female lead?

  27. NEENAZEE says:

    Say what you will about Tom… the guy is a big time movie star who is more talented than people give him credit for and entertaining as hell.

  28. NEENAZEE says:

    And, c’mon, his performances as Les Grossman and Stacee Jaxx are hilarious and un-selfconscious… I think the guy definitely has a sense of humor!!!

  29. Memphis says:

    Maybe one of his staff is a fake $ci and they’re having fun altering his pants to make him think he’s shrinking.