Armie Hammer respects his feminist wife too much to pull her hair during sex

Armie Hammer does the new Playboy 20 Questions, and it’s one of the best interviews I’ve ever seen with Armie. It’s not that Armie is a bad guy or anything, he can just come off as a little bit vanilla and boring. But in this Playboy 20Q, Armie sounds… interesting. Funny. Silly. Kind of raunchy. Armie is promoting The Lone Ranger, of course, so there are some boring questions about the film (meh), but I’ll include my favorite parts below:

PLAYBOY: We heard Johnny Depp placed a scorpion in his mouth during the shoot. Is that true?
HAMMER: That was recreational on his part, and I still don’t understand it. We had these scorpion handlers on set for this freak-show kind of scene. Now, these scorpions were so massive that you’d barely be able to fit one in a cereal bowl. After the scene, we went to check out the dudes who handle them, and one of the handlers just opened his mouth and one of the scorpions crawled out. I was like, “Okay, I’m good!” and walked the hell away. But Johnny said, “I want to try that!” and just shoved it into his mouth. He’s a total character—a bohemian and an artist in the truest sense.

PLAYBOY: Did you find putting on the Lone Ranger mask addictive while you were filming? It was such a narcotic to Clayton Moore, the 1950s TV actor who played him, that after the show ended he fought lawsuits that attempted to deny him the right to wear it for personal appearances.
HAMMER: Let’s just say I kept one. [chuckles] And that my wife loves it.

PLAYBOY: You’re a guy who has gone on record saying he’s obsessed with tying knots and who often carries a rope and a knot guide with him wherever he goes. Now we’re hearing about a mask. Is there anything we need to know about your sex life?
HAMMER: Well, if you’re married to a feminist [journalist, restaurateur and actress Elizabeth Chambers] as I am, then it’s…. I don’t know how much we can put here without my parents being embarrassed, but I used to like to be a dominant lover. I liked the grabbing of the neck and the hair and all that. But then you get married and your sexual appetites change. And I mean that for the better—it’s not like I’m suffering in any way. But you can’t really pull your wife’s hair. It gets to a point where you say, “I respect you too much to do these things that I kind of want to do.”

PLAYBOY: And how does she respond?
HAMMER: The two us will literally break out laughing in the middle of it, finish up and be like, “Well, that was oddly fun!” So it becomes a new kind of thing that’s less about “I want to dominate you” and more about both of us having a really good time. It’s just a different style.

PLAYBOY: Should we assume those rumors about you playing the lead in the movie version of Fifty Shades of Grey are all false?
HAMMER: No one actually offered me the movie, but while I was working on Lone Ranger my agent brought it up, and I said “Nope.” I mean, come on—it’s just mommy p0rn. I’m not going to sit on top of the laundry machine in spin cycle reading about putting a ball gag in someone’s mouth. That doesn’t do it for me.

PLAYBOY: You became famous playing the super-rich, super-entitled Winklevoss twins in The Social Network, the movie about the birth of Facebook. One of your great-­grandfathers was Armand Hammer, the illustrious oil baron, philanthropist and art collector. How did you not become a Winklevii type?
HAMMER: My mom made sure I went to regular schools and not the ones parents send their kids to in L.A. to train them to become douchebags. The whole time my brothers and I were growing up, her thing was, “You’re no different or more special than anybody else.”

PLAYBOY: You love the yellow arches?
HAMMER: I have the most guilty, abusive relationship with McDonald’s. Left to my own devices I’d probably eat four Big Macs a week. My wife, Elizabeth, says, “You can’t fill your body with that crap—they put eyeballs in it!” And I go, “Sounds good!”

PLAYBOY: Lately horse meat has been finding its way into foreign hamburgers——
HAMMER: Which will make me a stallion, so I’ll take it! You know, in places like France eating horse is totally acceptable. Elizabeth says, “You cannot say that—you’re the Lone Ranger!” [laughs] But horse meat is apparently delicious and nutritious. It’s funny: When we were eating at a burger joint with the cowboys in Lone Ranger, I point-blank asked, “Did you ever eat a horse?” And every one of them said, “Oh hell yeah, man—that’s good eatin’!”

PLAYBOY: You and your wife once bought each other guns for Christmas. Are you a big gun lover?
HAMMER: I wouldn’t necessarily say I’m a gun lover—I’m a gun appreciator. I appreciate their function, the way they’ve evolved and the mechanics of them. I’m not sure I think anybody should be able to just walk into a gun store and walk out with a gun, but statistically, if you look at places where people are the most armed, there’s less crime. I’m by no means advocating a completely armed society, but at the same time, I appreciate the recreation of guns. Going out and skeet shooting can be a fun, adrenalized time. My wife and I were supposed to go skeet shooting on our first date, but it started to rain so we ended up going to a bunch of art galleries and then a porno store instead.

PLAYBOY: Where do you stand on marriage equality?
HAMMER: I don’t think anybody should be telling anybody else who they should marry or not marry. That’s my official standpoint. This is social evolution, and the thing with evolution, whether you look at it in terms of a plant or a species or a mind-set, is it will always take time. But you just want to say, “The debate’s over, folks. Get used to it.”

[From Playboy]

His sex talk is interesting, right? It feels like he’s saying he loves his wife, he loves that he married a feminist, and now he feels like they can’t have wild, hair-pulling sex anymore. What’s the fun in that? Why marry a big, dominant lover if he’s not going to still pull your hair once you’re married, for the love of God? It has nothing to do with “respect” and everything to do with hot sex – “I respect you too much to do these things that I kind of want to do.” BS! Baby, I respect you too much to not want you to pull my hair. As for 50 Shades… he’s totally wrong for Christian Grey AND Armie is already a respected film actor. Why in the world would he do 50 Shades?

Photos courtesy of Fame/Flynet and WENN.

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78 Responses to “Armie Hammer respects his feminist wife too much to pull her hair during sex”

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  1. T.Fanty says:

    And yet, he has no problem talking about it to Playboy. Now *that’s* respect. (eyeroll)

    • Mrs. Peacock says:

      Playboy is an American institution, like it or not. At least he is contributing to the *articles*. Regarding respect, if the woman preferred he pee on her chest during sex, wouldn’t the respectful thing be to abide by that request? Eh, this is not news. Back to Nigella Watch.

    • teehee says:

      I know. he’s showing his totally confused concepts of what it means to respect a woman. Hu-dur…

      • Annie says:

        Sadly most guys do the same thing. I am not surprised yet kinda disappointed. I will never learn. I give guys too much credit.

      • AZ says:

        Or maybe his wife (like me) would find hair pulling in sex extremely degrading. Face it, that kind of kink for many women leaves us feeling like mere phuck jars. If I slept with someone who pulled that I may even want to know a little more about his childhood lol. I’m kidding but that kink comes with baggage especially for those with feminist sensibilities.

      • teehee says:

        Well actually — it can be a different thing. For me it isnt abotu degradation or assault, but it heightens the aspect of surrender – as in, surrender to the feelings, to the experience, and letting go.
        I havent had my hair pulled per say, but just being held strongly or gripped directly is already a much more livening experience than being touched incredibly softly the whole way through, or when a guy is barely assertive whatosever. There is something more raw and alive about the experience, while in no way shape or form being degrading. Its more obvious enjoyment rather than tip toeing.
        He’s doin it wrong if it comes across degrading- which was my point– its more likely he has his concepts jumbled and he’s deflecting the blame onto his wife.
        The guy is confused. LOL

      • T.Fanty says:

        Teehee, I love you on this thread (and maybe elsewhere, but I don’t really know you that well. Perhaps we’ll just engage in a little mutual hair-pulling).

        It’s about where it stems from, and that has nothing to do with the woman. A little consensual violence in the bedroom is fine, as long as it’s mutually pleasurable. But if the violence is stemming from a place of anger, on the man’s behalf, or a genuine desire to make the woman uncomfortable, then it’s different. Everyone’s taste and limitations are different, but to term that in a matter of respect is just naive. It’s the same kind of misreading of sexual aggression that the ridiculous Fifty Shades engages in. Many women find the BDSM spectrum empowering and deeply enjoyable. In a trusting relationship, they should be able to let go of issues of respect (because in a good relationship, respect ought to be taken for granted) and just enjoy fooling around in whatever way turns them both on.

      • sauvage says:

        He really IS confused, isn’t he? A lot of things turn me on when done by someone I trust and feel respected by – I like feeling someone’s passion and desire and power.

        Being “good in bed” (EDIT: I originally typed: “good in bad”, I guess now I have to call a shrink!) to me is not only a question of technique (although it CERTAINLY is required) but it has to be a combination of technique and respect to work for me longterm. Say, I trust you completely and I know that you would never intentionally harm me and that you will stop the very moment that I tell you to because I am uncomfortable – hell, yes, you can pull my hair, restrain my arms, bend me over the table, whatever, great!

        If I don’t trust you to respect me – don’t expect me to sleep with you, dude. Or call you back.

  2. teehee says:

    I think its a common conflict that MEN have witin themselves, and then they try to turn around and blame their “equal” or “feminist” or “strong” wife when they wind up dissatisfied and cheat. “But I respect her too much” well, if they would get over the sinner/saint complex and stop dividing sex so much into good and bad, maybe they would be able to have double the fun with both a respectable woman and a good time in bed with HER….. jus’ sayin.
    I blame the men all the way here. He is afraid of a strong woman cos he thinks rough sex is supposed to be demeaning or using. Well, boy, you got your definitions wrong!

  3. Olivia J. says:

    I don’t have a problem with his standpoint on feminist sex. Maybe she doesn’t like him to do that, and it makes her feel degraded / humiliated / uncomfortable even if it’s not coming from a disrespectful place within him. Maybe he just means “I respect my wife too much to do things she’s not comfortable with.” I think that’s an important view for a husband have.

  4. Poppy says:

    Ah man, he’s married? Bang goes that one!

    Re. the hair pulling – I am most definitely a feminist, of the strident variety most of the time. And I love having my hair pulled. My boyfriend is the same, he doesn’t like doing it because he feels like it’s degrading me somehow, but I keep telling him to get over it.

    I don’t think anything can be demeaning if it’s enthusiastically consented to between two adults. If you like being peed on, and your partner pees on you because you asked him to – is that demeaning? I don’t feel like it is. If the idea disgusts you, and he does it – that’s demeaning because he’s not respecting you.

    But then I have to keep telling my boyfriend – “pull my hair dammit. Spank me!” (why yes I am British, why do you ask?!)

    • Tessa says:

      It may be a bit demeaning to him if he doesn’t want to do it and you force him. Consent has to be mutual. I feel like you both have to be into it.

      • Poppy says:

        That’s the thing though, he does like it – he just worries that he’ll be upsetting me somehow by doing it. So he’s holding back from doing something that he does enjoy out of misplaced (but very sweet none the less) concern for me.

      • Tessa says:

        Oh, I hear you. Yeah, I think some men want to do kinky stuff, but they’re so indoctrinated by porn that they believe only pornstars and whores do those things, and that a regular respectable woman can’t, won’t, or shouldn’t. It’s kind of a mess if you think about it.

      • Poppy says:

        Oh absolutely – porn has an awful lot to answer for! There’s an automatic reaction that porn is ‘dirty’ and ‘naughty’, and therefore things that are done in porn aren’t done by ‘good girls’, which is such a load of crap.

        I like all sorts of kinky shit, and will try just about anything once, and not one bit of that makes me naughty, or dirty, or a slut. I told him when we started dating that if he ever called me a dirty slut I’d be out the door so fast! I don’t find it sexy to be called demeaning name (and I find dirty slut demeaning) for doing something joyfully and enthusiastically.

    • Kayla says:

      Hey Poppy

      Yup I’m a feminist too and I enjoy the odd hair pulling and spanking. I found my bf enjoyed the idea of it but was always worried about crossing boundaries or that i would feel disrepected.

      A good way around it (works for us anyway…) is I make up a story to tell him while we’re out and about, like: we’re stranger stranded on a desert island etc etc and then I say what he does to me ie spanking hair pulling and focus on me really enjoying it.

      Then when we get home most of the time we act it out and because I’ve already set the boundaries he often feels more comfortable with it.

      But if your bf genuinely doesn’t enjoy it then I think you just have to accept it, or find a middle ground by talking through fantasies in an unpressured situation so you can maybe find other common fantasies.

      Respect works both ways! Not all guys like to dominate :)

      • Poppy says:

        Hi Kayla,

        See above – he does enjoy it and would love to do it, but since I was very vocal about being a feminist he’s a little worried about offending me!

        We’ve done a few things where I’ve thought afterwards “Yeah…no. Don’t like.” and I’ve let him know and we haven’t done those again. Equally, there are some things that we’re yet to try because he didn’t want to suggest them initially for fear of upsetting me (or hurting me – he’s a big guy). I’ve tried to encourage him to understand that he can ask me to try anything – I might say no, but I’m not going to think less of him for asking. And equally, if I want to try something that he’s not comfortable with, he can say no and I won’t be upset with him for it.

        I think there’s a difference between not wanting to do something because you don’t like it, and not doing something for fear of offending, when more open communication is the key.

  5. GiGi says:

    I kind of find him very meh, but everytime I’ve seen him in a film, I’ve been really impressed. He’s a really good actor.

    And now I feel like his wife is uptight, lol! I mean, I’m glad he loves her & respects her, etc. but, come on – when it’s time to get down, it’s time to get down.

  6. Tessa says:

    You don’t stop doing something you both like in bed. That just doesn’t happen. One of them obviously didn’t like it. She probably doesn’t like it and has him convinced that it was his idea to stop because he respects her too much.

  7. MsAubra says:

    If she doesn’t like it is one thing, but sheesh, its the bedroom, my hubby will be reaping the benefits of the rough stuff regardless of principals outside the boudoir! LOL

  8. Annie says:

    Maybe he gets super super agressive and James Deen like and pulling hair is just a tiny part of it and he doesn’t want to treat his wife like that because she knows she will not like it. It’s also really interesting to hear that he thinks respect and some ways of having sex are mutually exclusive. Kind of interesting to hear a guy admit he won’t respect a certain girl if she agrees to do the things he likes. Reminds me of the doucheholes that say things like “I can’t respect you if you sleep with me on the first date” but sleep with a girl anyway because what the heck but never call her back.

    We want to think that men are very open minded and we hope for them to see that you can have all kinds of sex with a girl and still respect her but lol no. They have their own mind set. And it’s still pretty sexist.

  9. Micki says:

    His interview bugs me in so many ways. I see a difference between what he wants to project and what he truly wants.

    If it’s consensual sex and strangling an so on turns both on what is the problem?
    Does he imply feminist women like it vanilla?I take offence.

    His part about the guns (in a way… yes, in other way… no) reminded me of Miranda Lambert’s words how she is all chirch but appreciate and like and support gay people, tiptoeing around the subject of church views on gays and never taking a side.

    All in all big bla.

    • TheOriginalKitten says:

      ..yeah I’m totally confused by this.

      I like hair-pulling and spanking, never even thought that it was “anti-feminist” at all. I don’t think I could do strangling though, not because it’s perceived by some as “anti-feminist” but because it doesn’t turn me on.

      I just think sexy times should be a place of freedom and wild abandonment. Personally, I think it’s sexist to imply that women can’t like the aforementioned things because they’re disrespectful of women somehow.

      That was rambling but I’m giving a “plus one” to your point about as long as it’s consensual, I don’t see how it’s a big deal and a HUGE “plus one” to this statement: “Does he imply feminist women like it vanilla?I take offence.”

      • T.Fanty says:

        All that. It sounds like he likes mildly kinky sex, which is his preference, regardless of gender. It’s actually a little sad, and his psychosexual issues that suggest that he can’t let go and have fun with a woman he loves because of his fear of being disrespectful. I don’t take offense now, I’m just a little sorry for him.

        Plus, if his wife has educated him on this, then that makes her a fairly crappy feminist. She should try reading some Adrienne Rich. Or Angela Carter. Or pretty much any female writer since the 1960s.

      • TheOriginalKitten says:

        Yeah I think his comments really do reveal an underlying component of the virgin/whore characterization of women.

        Personally, I couldn’t marry or even fall in love with a guy I didn’t have sexual chemistry with, but I’ve definitely dated men that seem incapable of understanding the concept that strong women usually OWN their sexuality in the sense that they simply won’t allow for themselves to engage in sexual behavior that they’re not comfortable with.

        The implication from the aforementioned, all-too-prevalent male standpoint is that “The Man controls what happens in the bedroom and The Man dictates what is appropriate sexually and what is not.” It’s rather controlling and insulting towards women, as if we don’t know what is “right” and “wrong” in bed, which is all completely subjective anyway.

        ..kinda f*cked up when you think about it…

      • T.Fanty says:

        It totally is. Because, since the Bible, we live in a patriarchal culture, and to control female sexuality is to control female reproductive authority, which is the one realm men have no control over (and I’ll resist getting into Freud there). If he wants to empower his woman, then he can pull her hair, spank her until she’s black and blue and not judge her afterwards – as long as she asks him to do it. And if a woman can’t ask her husband to give her a swat on the rump when she wants it, then her marriage is in a sorry state, indeed.

        This conversation is also all about “good” and “bad” sex, too, which is equally sad. It implies that he believes in deviance as morally/ideologically undesirable (which I would also argue is true by his gay marriage equivocation). These are the men who hire prostitutes to do the things they couldn’t possibly ask “the mother of my child” to do.

      • Micki says:

        @Kitten: About “”owning my sexuality”.A friend of mine blackmailed me to read Maya Banks (I think). A trilogy about strong women, career, having their own opinion and strangely all 3 prefered to be strongly dominated/protected/cared after.
        However I tried to see it I was barfing mentally at the explanation. It’s just because they are so strong you see they choose and allow whatever happens in these books.
        The point I saw was that whatever achievements one woman may have she secretly prefers to be strongly dominated. She simply won’t have other ideas/tastes than her sex partner. It was cloying actually.

      • j.eyre says:

        I will go a bit further out on that limb here, because, well, who am I if not the crazy bonnet-clad chick swinging from the end of a limb.

        I feel like maybe he brought his preferences into the bedroom and she shot them down, which is fine. But then she told him his preferences were “wrong” because they are demeaning, which is why he has adopted this narrative. I think I agree with Fanty that this speaks more to her misusing a feminist platform to not have to do something she didn’t want to in bed.

        I also am big proponent of consensual sex between adults in any form. I don’t think it is for me to ascribe demeaning attributes to another’s sexual preferences. If Mr. Rochester wanted to wear a pair of my stocking and garter belt while singing “You’re a Good Man Charlie Brown” and it made my little governess tingle – good on us, I am not asking you to watch or judge. If I said I did not want to be forced to have my hair pulled from its precious little chignon while be ridden like Black Velvet and he insisted on doing so, then we venture into demeaning.

      • T.Fanty says:

        @ Miss Eyre,

        And who wouldn’t want to be ridden like Black Velvet using one’s hair as a harness? And I sincerely hope Mr. Rochester does like all that you described.

        I’ll go even further (and maybe too far): the fundamental balance of this definition is off, here. Feminism is about power and a recognition of a gender-imbalance, society wide. In that respect, in a good marriage that is a partnership of equals, feminism needs no place. Sex should *never* be about one person using their power to assert dominance over the other – even when people are enacting exactly that scenario.

      • j.eyre says:

        My heavens but you are sexy when you are spot on. Yes to your comment – too far or not. And honestly, I also kind of agree, if you want to discuss how much you respect your wife, perhaps you should refrain from mentioning that she doesn’t let you yank her hair in a national publication. Unless, of course, this is foreplay.

        And it is just mean of you to talk about Mr. Rochester handling those reigns; you know how embarrassed he gets when his one good hand gives during certain *crucial* moments and he topples off the back of the settee.

      • TheOriginalKitten says:

        @J-”I feel like maybe he brought his preferences into the bedroom and she shot them down, which is fine. But then she told him his preferences were “wrong” because they are demeaning, which is why he has adopted this narrative.”

        I could definitely see it going down like that. In that sense, women kind of do ourselves a disservice by using feminism as a reason to do/not do something (in a sexual context) instead of making it clear that it is one person’s singular perception of what is “sexually degrading” or “anti-feminist”. I feel like there needs to be a clear distinction between what one finds offensive, as in, THEY see it that way, versus filing certain sexy preferences as “good” and “bad”, as if it’s factual and not opinion-based. Which I guess speaks to what T. Fanty said about “good” and “bad”.
        That was totally redundant but I’m trying to say “I agree” in my own exasperating, roundabout way.

        @T. Fanty-”Feminism is about power and a recognition of a gender-imbalance, society wide. In that respect, in a good marriage that is a partnership of equals, feminism needs no place. Sex should *never* be about one person using their power to assert dominance over the other – even when people are enacting exactly that scenario.”

        Gah! I love this. Articulated my sentiments in a way that I was completely unable to. I should write this down…..

      • j.eyre says:

        No, I like both redundancy and what you said. This is what I think too. We associate deviance with “bad” so we have to justify not doing it. If I don’t want to eat tripe, I merely tell the waiter it is not to my taste, I don’t need to stand atop a manifesto declaring the subjugation of internal organs.

        I hate to sound like an old, married fart but part of the beauty of having this person I trust with every aspect of my life is the confidence that we may ask of each other anything and we are also at liberty to decline such requests.

        That and I don’t have to worry about finding my way home after drunk sex.

    • T.Fanty says:

      That wasn’t entirely his fault. I think Bertha shaved down the bottom of one of the legs so that it wobbles.

  10. Talie says:

    There’s a lot of interesting stuff in his background about his family, but it’s rarely brought up. I think his dad is a bit eccentric and conservative.

    I don’t know, I mean he got married at like 22…so how much sex could he have had?

  11. lisa2 says:

    I think couples that have an honest relationship can see each other in all ways. Men that get that have a great time with their women in bed. Some men get that women are different things. And when you get that the spark never goes away.

  12. Faye says:

    Some people touched on the madonna/whore dichotomy his comments allude to, and that strikes me as well. When I was reading his comments, I was thinking, here is this guy who probably feels so proud of himself because he respects his wife . . .hey, he’s almost a feminist himself! When he doesn’t realize that what he’s saying is that he treats her with respect sexually speaking, but to someone else, whom he didn’t respect, he would engage in certain types of behavior. And that’s actually kind of gross and not at all pro-feminist.

    I’m not commenting on rough sex versus not – I’m just saying that to HIM, it clearly represents a behavior that is less than respectful. So he reserved it for certain types of women, but not the woman he married!

  13. linlin says:

    There’s less crime where there are more guns? No. Sorry, but thats just not true.

    • Liv says:

      But probably more killing sprees. Or accidents. I remember this 5 year old boy who shot his sister – heartbreaking. He will never get over this.

      Being from Europe, I don’t get why so many people in the US insist to own arms. Absolutely not necessary and dangerous.

    • Jess says:

      I suspect crimes like breaking and entering to steal a dvd player go down in areas where it’s well known that everyone’s just itching to shoot anyone who trespasses on their property.

    • Rachel says:

      What he said actually baffled me – not that it should have because most people who own guns are misinformed. I once saw a chart that showed that the countries with the least gun-related deaths are the ones with the least guns – Japan and UK topping the list. The US only ranked above third world countries like Nigeria that are plagued with violence. How sad is that?

      I’ll never understand the mentality people have here about guns. When there’s gun violence, they go out and buy more guns. What the heck is up with that? My first instinct is to go out and buy a bulletproof vest and helmet. These people must assume they’re superheroes or something. Like, if there’s a shooter, they’re going to notice before they even get their first shot, whip out their gun immediately and shoot the shooter dead. …Um, yeah. That’s realistic.

  14. Jacqueline says:

    He and his wife own a very nice, pricey bakery in my neighborhood. They work there and are really nice. Armie is even more gorgeous in person, seriously. And I have seen him at Chick-fil-A, not McDonald’s, for the record. Haha
    Seriously, though, he’s damn fine.

  15. mandymandy says:

    “if you look at places where people are the most armed, there’s less crime”
    I wonder where he found those statistics…I only bring this up because gun control seems to have worked pretty f**king well in Australia.
    I’m not saying we have no crime, that’s asinine, but crime concerning guns has declined a huge amount.
    If you’re after an entertaining view on gun control, I recommend you check out the bit on Jon Stewart – fantastic!

    • Nerd Alert says:

      Well, ‘Muricans need their guns because they feel safer with them and it’s in the constitution, dammit! Nevermind that the 2nd Amendment was put in place to protect people from an overbearing government by allowing them to form militias, which would do no good in today’s society since our military could take anyone out with no notice.

      My opinion that we don’t need guns whatsoever is considered “radical” here, though.

  16. Leah says:

    whatever rocks their boat. It made him a little cooler now that i know he married a strong intelligent woman.

  17. PrettyTarheelFan says:

    I love his mama telling him that he is not special. In a world where we are raising our kids to believe they are special snowflakes, knowing a rich woman opted to tell her kid that he’s NOT special is the best.

  18. Chrissy says:

    Maybe he correlated hair pulling with dominance? He obviously wanted to be the alpha in bed, so why not show a little physical superiority to make sure women know whose in control??? And he respects his wife to ditch the whole power play in bed? Just my interpretation but I enjoyed his interview! It’s Playboy! I think he’s dishing according to the demographic. Doubt he’d be talking about his sex life with The New York Times, for example.

  19. Vine says:

    What does it really have to do with her being a feminist? Surely some feminists like more of the rougher variety of sex play. It shouldn’t be a judgement of her character (or anyone else’s) in the least. She likes what she likes and doesn’t like what she doesn’t like. Liking this type of sex play has nothing to do with a political or social stance and it isn’t inconsistent with feminism if one does like this kind of thing. End of story.

    It should have nothing to do with whether or not one is a feminist and everything to do with what their wishes are.

  20. aenflex says:

    Shouldn’t being a feminist partly involve embracing what makes a particular woman a particular woman? As opposed to boxing all women into a single ideal, even if it’s a strong ideal? Each woman is different. If his wife personally doesn’t like it, that’s one thing. But simply because she’s a ‘feminist’, that’s just odd to me.

    He can pull my hair and grab my neck any old time.

  21. Emily C. says:

    Plenty of women don’t like their hair pulled, and doing something to your lover they don’t want during sex is completely despicable. But Armie doesn’t seem to have changed. Before, he did stuff he wanted to do. Now, he won’t do stuff — because he doesn’t want to do it, without referencing if she wants it or not whatsoever. It is incredibly creepy and gross and disgusting.

    Also, being “dominant” in reality means taking very good care of someone else and making sure they get what they want. The sub is really the one in charge. This creep doesn’t realize that. And you can be a straight feminist woman and still be submissive sexually. It’s all about active consent and choice.

    He’s really gross.

  22. Shelly says:

    Whatever happened to the concept “lady on the streets, freak in the sheets”. I’m sorry but I’m a whore for my man…grabbing and spanking is not demeaning, I think a man being dominant in bed is totes hot.

    That kinda stuck-up respect does not belong in the bedroom.

  23. Kim says:

    LOL! What a moron! He was doing an interview for Playboy!! His “feminist” wife must have loved that. No real feminist in the world supports a misognystic magazine like Playboy!

  24. diva says:

    Sounds like their sex is boring now lol. So feminist don’t like getting their hair pulled? Guess I’m not a feminist then lol.

  25. Nerd Alert says:

    Meh. I’m a feminist for sure and I like to get spanked and have my hair pulled, and I feel very respected by my (feminist) boyfriend. I don’t think it has as much to do with her being a feminist as it does her not liking to be dominated during sex.

    I know very many feminist women who enjoy being submissive in bed, and even one who likes to participate safely in rape fantasy roleplay with her partner. I personally don’t get it, but it’s not like she wants to be assaulted, or the others want to be submissive all the time. People like all kinds of stuff during sex that contradicts who they are outside of the bedroom.

    Sex can be a very healthy way to play out all these different sides of ourselves that we don’t agree with cognitively, just sexually.

    This makes me want to go read the Dan Savage column, LOL.

  26. MorticiansDoItDeader says:

    Ugh. With the term mommy porn. I’m so sick of people attaching mommy to a term in a condescending manner. If you want to talk about being feminist, let’s eliminate these
    terms and start looking at mothers as equals too. Mothers can be just as sexy as childless women. We don’t automatically become desperate and unsexy the minute we pop out a child.

  27. Jen34 says:

    He should have kept his mouth shut if he really wanted to respect his wife. His comments make me think they are sexually incompatible.

  28. Josie says:

    I’m getting increasingly annoyed at how people seem to think that feminism and what you do in the bedroom are always the same thing.
    If you want to incorporate the two, then do that.
    If you don’t want to, then don’t.
    Its your choice and its interesting how some supposed feminists can only respect the choices others make when they are similar to their own.

  29. Jade says:

    Yea, the only question is are both parties consensual? If yes then go ahead and do it. Don’t bring feminism into it (not sure if his wife used feminism to justify not being ok with it). If you’re not ok, it’s just you, not all women. How about for guys then? If a guy doesn’t like to be spanked, what does he say then? He will just say he doesn’t like it. He won’t say all men shouldn’t be subjected to being disrespected with spanking.

  30. Christina says:

    I really cannot think much further into this than thinking about getting my hair pulled by Armie Hammer. He is deliciously attractive.

  31. Christina says:

    Ok, after I was able to temporarily get the thoughts of Armie pulling my hair out of my head..I thought about this interview. First off, it’s Playboy. They get everyone to spill sex stuff, no surprise there. I am pretty sure that what he means by the whole thing is that his wife probably is not comfortable with those things and whether or not he likes them, he has to respect her wishes. Maybe she likes to be the dominant one, which is fine too. He is also still pretty young and may still be learning what he truly likes and does not like.