I have to admit I have a bit of a soft spot for Robbie Williams. I had never heard of him until I moved to the UK, where he is worshipped like a deity. He also looks a lot like my boyfriend, which is a plus (I should really stop falling in love with men who look like English celebrities, or else I will never get back home to the States).

Other than for his songs, Robbie Williams is also known for being really unlucky in love. He’s always going on about in interviews about how he is looking for the right woman, but hasn’t found her, and even went as far one time as asking out a BBC television presenter before his performance on Live 8 in 2005.

I thought that whole “woe is me, I don’t have a soulmate” act was just an act to make his female fans love him even more, but I see now I was wrong. Robbie was burned by a woman he will only refer to as “Tina”, who forgot to mention to him that she had a boyfriend when they went out. Robbie has just raged a emotional assault on his website against the woman, calling her a devious c*** and criticizing her looks. He almost makes Alec Baldwin seems friendly by comparison:

“There are a few dating rules people adhere to out here in Hollywood. And they’re all fucking stupid. Don’t call until the next day. Then don’t get back to him for at least two days, etc. It’s all rubbish. If any of these rules are applied to me, I respond in kind by never speaking to them again.

“I trust you (Tina) less than ever now. You have completely blown any trust I had for you by being a devious cunt. If I knew my girlfriend had been on a dinner and DVD night with another man I would be livid. I’m furious thinking about it!!!!! And it happened weeks ago.”

As I left the sweaty eatery I noted her carp-like eyes dancing a merry jig. A jig that said a: He’s got my number, he may call it, and b: Look at the paparazzi swarm his car. He is wanted - I must have him. Indeed, if she had a cock it would have been standing to attention.”

“She’s amazing from the front, but from the side she looks like a shed is about
to land on her on a special delivery from Kansas”.

Oops…did I forget to mention that Robbie Williams is also famous for having an acid tongue on him that would turn litmus paper red if he breathed on it?

Man, whoever this Tina lady is she better hide and go into a Pissed Off Celebrity Relocation Program. Maybe this is why he isn’t getting any calls back for dates.