People Magazine has a new interview with Bette Midler, 68, giving her life lessons on love, work and more. It’s a nice thing to think about on a day which I consider a total letdown. Plus we never got around to posting these photos of Midler’s annual Halloween party, Hullaween, with proceeds to benefit her charity, the New York Restoration Project. This was her 19th year hosting the event, and the theme this year was a tribute to Fellini on the 21st anniversary of the Italian director’s death in 1993. Midler is some kind of very busty wicked witch (Hocus Pocus!) and her husband of 30 years, Martin von Haselberg, was a sunflower. I’m not sure how that fits with the theme. Michael Kors and his husband Lance LePere dressed up as members of the paparazzi, the term that Fellini popularized in 1960’s La Dolce Vita.

In People, Midler talks about communicating with her husband and how they work out their differences, and she also has some wise things to say about aging. I enjoyed reading this and imagined her telling me these things in person.

Advice for a happy marriage
The real secret is giving each other a lot of room and not being in each other’s faces all the time. And listening. Listening is very hard. And compromise. Compromise is the hardest of all. But sometimes you have to say, “It’s not worth it. The fight is not worth it. You have your way, and maybe next Thursday I’ll have mine.” And you have to keep supporting each other, and I think that’s hard too.

Time passes in a flash, and as they say, it’s not a rehearsal. It’s best to pick your fights wisely and just meditate. Stay calm. Don’t go from zero to 60 in two seconds. Don’t diminish each other. Don’t try to make each other wrong all the time. The blaming is the worst part. Honestly, you have to learn not to do that.

On aging
Certain things fall away. You don’t care if you’re sexually appealing. You want to be attractive, but there’s no desperation there. You’re kind of over that. And I learned independence. If you want it done, you’d better do it yourself – or ask another woman to do it! You learn that friends are fabulous, and there’s a lot in life. There are a lot of good people in the world. And thank God, otherwise we’d be overrun with monsters.

On putting things in perspective
On good days I have fun. On bad days I don’t, just like anyone else. That’s life. So you have to be nimble and adjust. The toilet is leaking? Just adjust. I’ve learned that some things are not worth getting upset over, and that’s a very big deal. It’s harder to get rid of the upset than it is to get rid of the problem. Some things are gigantic, and some things are just annoying. Get a grip, you know?

Her favorite exercise
I do a lot of dancing. Dancing is the key. Women love to dance, but it never occurs to them to take a dance class. They think, “Oh, I’ll go lift weights.” You don’t want to lift weights. They think, “Oh, I’ll get on the treadmill.” But you know what? Dancing is a lot more fun. Any kind of dancing. I was doing Zumba for a while, but now I’m doing something that’s like a jazz combination. It’s great. It gets your heart rate up. It makes you happy. You get to hear new music. And sometimes I sing along.

[From People, premium/print edition, headers added]

There were so many things in this brief interview that resonated with me. I agree that dancing is much more fun than regular exercise. A zumba studio opened up near my house recently so I’ve been doing zumba and I love it. The time goes quicker than in a spin or weight lifting class. (I do those too but weight lifting can be drudgery.) I also agree with her that there’s a kind of contentment to aging where you just don’t care anymore if you’re sexy. I’m still in my early 40s but I’m definitely getting there.

There’s more in the print edition of People, including Midler’s joy at being a mom and how proud she is of her daughter. Her daughter, Sophie von Haselberg, turns 28 next week and is working as an actress. Midler is a longterm environmentalist who believes in the power of green spaces to help transform neighborhoods. She proudly recounts that she purchased 52 gardens in NY City in 1999 as part of her New York restoration project. She sounds like a content, committed lady.

Here’s a photo of Bette and Sophie. They’re so cute!

photo credit: WENN.com