Nicholas Hoult appears in the May issue of GQ to promote Mad Max: Fury Road. You can see the shoot (where a dalmatian steals his hat) here. If you’ve seen any of the movie’s clips, you know that Nick plays an absolutely bonkers guy (Nux) who careens through the desert wearing ghoulish makeup. Nick had to shave his head for the role, and he told E! that he enjoyed endured the experience: “It was quite freeing in a way. Once you’ve gotten rid of it it’s like ‘don’t have to invest in shampoo anymore. There’s also the moment where it gets very short, and then it gets like Velcro.” That quote is actually better if you read it aloud in the suave Hoult voice. Nick also gave some “advice” to GQ readers:
Does he like giving advice? “Not really. To be honest, I don’t think people should listen to my advice. And most of the time, people don’t really want advice anyway. They just want to hear what they want.”
The worst advice forever: “Drink more. Have that shot.”
Should you split a check? “You should always offer to split a check. There’s a lot of complications in that question because you have to take into account where you’ve gone, who decided the place. How expensive the place is, who ordered what. Always offer.”
If your girlfriend won’t stop bringing her friends on dates: “Put a positive spin on it. You want spend more time alone with her. Quality time. You have to say that. Always be positive.”
[From GQ]
Nick says all of these things in a self-deprecating manner, and he jokingly refuses to give advice to a reader who wants to ask his girlfriend to do some “ladyscaping.” The question about splitting a check is probably the most quoteworthy. He’s probably talking about a night out with friends, but I think it also applies to an initial date. So I’m gonna interpret Nick’s advice to also mean that ladies should be prepared to split the tab with a fella. Agreed? Go.
Here’s the “advice” clip from GQ.
Photos courtesy of David Burton/GQ & WENN
I like splitting the check because then I don’t feel bad eating whatever I want. If I want steak and chocolate cake and he just orders chicken, I am getting my steak, dagnabbit.
yes exactly! I always offer, and I certainly don’t mind paying my part.
If he accepts, great, no shade, if he says no and that he wants to pay, great, and I say I’ll get it next time.
My BF and I just rotate about who pays. I’d say he pays 70% of the time, but I always at least reach for it, and I cook more for him at home, so it kind of evens out. I try not to feel bad about the second glass of wine and the dessert.
I did the same during the dating period. It came down to a level of respect and understanding that neither was trying to take advantage of the other financially.
Forgot your wallet? Not a problem! And it was never mentioned as a way to punish. Like “I paid last time”.
It also depends where you’re from.
Here, splitting the check is okay if you’re ni high school and maybe in college, after that it’s considered rude. And not just men, and not just on dates, even when you go to grab a coffee with friends or colleagues, the person who does the inviting has to do the paying. And then next time you switch.
But we also never bring our own food to parties and stuff, being the “host” is very important and that person has to do everything.
@Franca, usually the only time that it’s okay to bring food to parties is if it’s already noted in the invitation, or if it’s someone close it’s at least polite to ask if you can bring anything. If it’s pot-luck style, everyone brings a dish. Otherwise, it’s weird to show up at a party with your own food.
Well, even notting it in the invitation would be weird here.Interesting how these things differe from country to country.
A pot-luck is typically a very informal get-together, and one that wouldn’t use a ‘real’, formal invitation. It’s something you do with your neighbors or a get-together with friends, or perhaps for a school function so that no specific person is stuck with all the prep. But for a real party, it’s weird to bring food of your own unless you have some big food allergy. Hostess gifts, however, are always welcome.
and Franca, where’s that? just out of curiostiy
That’s just how I was raised. When I had my first movie date at 12, I paid for myself. The boy really appreciated it. And the practice stuck. Although I think alternating paying is nice too so you’re not always calculating who owes what.
yep, definitely better I find. Whenever my boyfriend and I go out I always ask if he wants to get the check or if I should get this one. Usually if it’s under $50 he doesn’t mind (and probably appreciates) when I pay, but anything over $50 he always gets, although I do offer. We’ve been together 4 years and it’s always been like that, I think it works best. This might not work for every couple though.
My boyfriend won’t let me pay for anything.
But when I plan the date and pay, he does appreciate it.
But I appreciate having someone persue me and take care of me for once.
Probably because for once I don’t make more than my counterpart.
Just curious…do you guys in the US really spell it ‘check’? I thought it was ‘cheque’. At least that’s what it is in Oz…
Unfortunately yes, they spell it check
“Check” is wrong?
Heh. I had a very complicated end to a date after I offered to share the bill. Lets just say I got a text afew hours later that contained the word “feminazi”. Turns out alot of guys feel “emasculated” (I hate that word) by the offer.
My general rule is that for dates where we are just getting know each other, he who asks not only picks the venue but pays. If I really really think its going very badly, I offer to pay my half. A cut your losses and run type of deal.
Wow. Over splitting a check.
It’s a good way to sift out the trash, then.
Yikes! I can’t believe he texted you that…what a jerk!
I play it case-by-case. There are sometimes where beforehand it’s very obvious he wants to pay the full check, so I don’t ask. Generally, I offer to split the check and if they are emphatically no, I don’t push it because I think that’s a bit rude. I understand the “I don’t want to owe favors” approach, but I think it’s better manners and nicer to let somebody do something nice for you if they so desire. Of course, if a guy later said “well I paid for your dinner soooooo you owe me [x]” then he’s an asshole and I’m out the door. It was a date, not an escort service.
Yikes! I can’t believe he texted you that…what a jerk!
I play it case-by-case. There are sometimes where beforehand it’s very obvious he wants to pay the full check, so I don’t ask. Generally, I offer to split the check and if they are emphatically no, I don’t push it because I think that’s a bit rude. I understand the “I don’t want to owe favors” approach, but I think it’s better manners and nicer to let somebody do something nice for you if they so desire. Of course, if a guy later said “well I paid for your dinner soooooo you owe me [x]” then he’s an asshole and I’m out the door.
Rocket – Good thing you weeded out that loser fast by offering to split the check.
Yeah if that’s all it takes to emasculate him, he’s got issues that aren’t about you. Sounds like a turd.
Also I make it a point to totally avoid anyone who uses words like “feminazi”
Yeah, I dodged a bullet there. it was an awkward date and I knew I didnt want to see him again so I thought he would welcome the cash savings if I offered. Instead he scowled at me and didnt speak to me again until we were outside when I said that I would take a cab home. Then In got home to a golden nugget of a text. I think he was lashing out because he saw it as confirmation that I had hated the date. I dont even think he was that into me, he was just pissed at the rejection.
If he didn’t like you he would have go on with his business. I think he liked you but realized you weren’t into him. The money part gave him a way out with his ego intact.
Well, that was the opposite of a problem, girl! He ruled himself out before you had to!
Offer to split the check? No-puh.
If it’s a first date, he pays. If I offer to split the check, it’s because there will not be a second date, ever, and I want to make that abundantly clear. And if he assumes we’re splitting the check and tells me how much I owe? Again. No second date. Now, once you’ve been on a few dates, then it makes sense to start splitting costs or even offering to cover the whole tab every once in a while. But in the beginning, woo me. No, this is not a progressive mentality, but it seems to keep the lines from blurring too soon.
With friends? Yes, always offer. Always.
Lol sounds like that dude was a douche and not worth a second date anyway.
I am in my 30’s and married, but I totally disagree with splitting the check. When I was actively dating (just 3 years ago), if a date let me split the check with them, it immediately put them in the friend zone, if a man was interested in me, then I expected him to court me, which included treating me to dinner for our first date.
I really think that women don’t expect enough from men, we deserve to be respected and treated well and courted, if a man wants to pursue a romantic relationship with us…let’s stop selling ourselves short ladies!
Er… no. Maybe that works for you, but I l like owing no favours.
But see, that is EXACTLY why you should expect him to pay. If some loser guy expects something from you because he bought you a meal, than he has just shown you, very quickly, what a POS he is.
THANK YOU! I hate having to owe a favor as well.
If a man buys me dinner, I still don’t owe him any favors.
I can see what you’re saying, I have a lot of friends that think that way, but honestly I don’t see me not having respect for myself just because I offer to pay for half. In fact, I see the offer as ensuring that we see each other as equals from the start, and I want no drama about dependence and roles, etc. My general rule has been if a man cannot handle it, then he cannot handle me, and that’s the end of it. And it has worked out pretty well for me!
But to each his own 🙂
my dear god. it’s just a date. just a dinner
I agree. Moreover, I think I show respect for myself by saying I don’t need another person to take care of me.
Agree. I’ve never been out on a date before, but I always said/think that if someone asks me out, I will say yes if I have money to pay my part (which, where I live, is 20-30 bucks TOPS), and if I don’t, I will make it clear that if I go out w/you that you’re paying, or say no. Either way, I want to make sure that I *could* pay my own way, if I had to, but if someone wanted to pay for my dinner, go right ahead. No big deal either way.
My gosh yes! I’m an old fashioned girl and I expect to be treated like a lady. open doors, call me, offer to pay, come to the door to pick me up, plan the first date. I’d want my daughter to find a man who treats her like that. Not a Dutch treat, texts “I’m here” from the car, get your own door type.
Yes, I’m old fashioned when it comes to this particular rule as well. In every other aspect of my life I am a progressive, independent, and liberal woman. But I want to be wooed, especially on the first date. If a guy pays, I am more inclined to think that he likes me enough to want to impress me. If we start going out, I am open to splitting the check or taking turns to pay for each other.
Courting someone has nothing to do with how much money that person spends on you. That’s called pampering and breeds this culture of entitlement that has spread pretty much everywhere. I deserve nice things like a nice ring and a nice house and a nice dinner and a nice car. Me me me! Perhaps you are only referring to the first date but there are many women who think like that. If women want nice things they should work for them. Shouldn’t expect from other people.
If women want to be treated equally, what’s wrong with offering to split a check? The man may or may not accept it, but at least offering, means that you’re on equal footing, you are just as capable and willing to pay for your dinner and you aren’t judging him by the amount of money he spends on you. For some men, not even offering, constitutes a turn off. It sends the signal that the woman may be materialistic and too high maintenance.
I offer to split the bill because to me thats the decent thing to do. And I wouldn’t get think of the man any less if he agreed. It never happened on the first date (married now) because probably paying for a woman’s dinner is part of the whole mentality imbedded in our patriarchal society that men should take care of the weaker sex.
This ^. Nothing wrong with a man paying if he’s invited a lady out to dinner but I will always offer and always ensure I have the money to pay my share. Why should I sit back and expect to be feted and not even show the slightest bit of gratitude?
Please, you don’t want romance, you want free dinner.
Lol
LOL, well nothing wrong with that I guess 😀
Money has nothing to do with it. Absolutely nothing. Being courted and treated nicely – dare I say it, with respect – is not about money. If that was your rule, you probably missed out a few times because what if he just cannot afford it? He notices that you’re that kind of woman and knows that he just can’t handle (financially) dating you. Wait, then he’s probably not the right guy anyway. No?
I will never understand women who expect to freeload their way through their dating life.
The best dates I went on were not expensive ones, in fact, the first date with my husband included two cocktails and a couple of tapas. It wasn’t an expensive date, but he showed me he was interested by paying, opening the door for me, and walking me to my car after.
I dated a lot in my 20’s and unfortunately, I dated a few guys that were very financially abusive, always needing money from me, and depending on me to get their bills paid.
I realized that a guy who can’t pay $40 for a first date, is not someone who I want to be with, because I have always worked, often times multiple jobs at once, and I don’t need a freeloading guy.
I have this belief based on my personal experiences, when I was generous with my money, I was taken advantage of.
Also, I don’t expect them to pay all the time, but a first date is crucial.
littlemissnaughty – I cannot possibly give your comment more of a thumbs up! Your last line is absolute truth.
Well said, respect has nothing to do with money, and it can’t be bought with money either.
I paid the check on my first date with my husband (it was his birthday, a fact I learned 12 hours before the blessed event). He didn’t feel emasculated at all…
…which may be why we’ve been together 9 years and married for 6.
@ Lonnie: But that’s your mistake right there. He showed interest by paying. What if he had been the best date ever (I assume he was, since you married him) but you had paid for your own drink? Simply because he doesn’t believe that showing his interest has anything to do with paying? I understand your experiences have brought you to this point but come on, we’ve all dated a few idiots. It’s the man that’s the problem, not the first date check.
And btw, how do YOU show him interest? No. You do other things, send signs, whatever you want to call it. And if he does exactly that, it’s not enough?
LoonieTinks, I 100% agree! We are different from men and I think courtship should reflect that – although we’re equal. Naturally, we’re softer and I believe that we deserve to be treated very well. After all, we bear children, get PMS, feel pain during our first intercourse (sorry for tmi). Like it or not, women live life very differently than men. Our boobs are for a purpose as well – used to feed OUR (man and woman) children. We shouldn’t compete.
So what’s covering the bill if a guy asks you out? Whether he’s looking for a mate or a quick scr., I believe we shouldn’t sell ourselves short. Our differences should be celebrated – especially when we can accomplish the same as a man regardless of those differences. I’m sleep deprived and haven’t had coffee, but I hope this comes across the way I want it.
Nothing against women wanting to pay the bill (if he asks if the bill is too high for him, lesbians, woman asking the man out, showing off how independent you are because of your own issues, etc.) but if you want someone to treat you well and let them know that you are to be valued and cherished, why not have him pay the full bill???
That makes no sense to me. Him showing he values me because he pays?
Ummm no. Sorry, in my eyes respecting me does not mean paying for dinner
@Snazzy It’s a treat. He’s treating you to dinner.
You lost me at the “different-but equal!” part. As far as I know, it really doesn’t work that way. In my experience, that old fashion “courting” doesn’t signify respect, it more comes off as trying to win a prize. A prize isn’t an equal, imho. To each his own, though.
Did I step into the 60’s today? I am now to be paid for suffering PMS and … I don’t know, having boobs? And if I should be rewarded for being such a soft little creature, why is it ALWAYS about money? Get me some ibuprofen when I have cramps, go buy tampons, do something nice. But I don’t expect anyone to compensate me for being a woman.
Goddamn it, a good man – a good match, rather – is hard to find. If you make money an issue, you’re going to end up alone or with the best guy who can afford you, not necessarily the best guy period.
Kizz, don’t be offended, but I would suggest you drop the “we” in your post.
You are softer and you feel you need to be treated very well.
Me, I’m not soft, nor do I want to be treated differently.
I also don’t want children, I honestly don’t get PMS, and pain wasn’t an issue in intercourse.
See, we’re all different but we’re all women. You really can’t speak for all of us I’m afraid, just for yourself.
@Kizz: I respectfully disagree. It turns out that different people have different expectations from a date, be they man or women, and it doesn’t mean that they aren’t respected or cherished. But I figure that if who pays for a date is a dealbreaker, that person just isn’t that great of a date to begin with. Someone’s worthiness goes well beyond who reaches for a check.
And I am not soft. I am iron.
Well for me it’s different with each situation. If someone invites me out specifically then he/she pays (but as we are referring to men then he). When i have been out more than a few times i pay the bill whenever i can, usually i go for 50% of the times BUT i am honest and say i have managed 25-30% on smaller bills.
With my friends it easy as we share our bills naturally unless one says no. I can even say i have no money with me and they pay with no problem. I am relaxed that way.
With male friends i have to admit it’s a pride thing for them to not let me pay. If there are 2 men and me together it’s sure as hell i am not allowed to pay and if i pay i have to “fight”.
I have never shared a bill with a date. Never even offered that as it would be a HUGE insult to do that here. It’s more appropriate to pay it all then to offer half of it. And i haven’t had to worry about what i have ordered as usually they have been the ones to push for me. I am very low maintenance. The only thing i can’t skip is dessert. I need that and they want to make take 2 portions. I have been lucky like that.
I am single by the way as you can never tell what assholes they are only by the first date. It takes time.
But men deserve to be respected and treated well too. Should a male teacher feel unworthy of dating a female lawyer because he can’t afford her favorite restaurant? Respect isn’t about how much he spends on you.
Yes absolutely
Well, ok, you’ve just equated respect and good treatment as splitting the bill – then let the man show the woman the utmost respect by paying. And like I said, if he can’t handle it, he should ask her to split it and depending on the kind of woman she is, she decides to see him again or not.
But if a man pursues you, why the heck would you split the damn bill??? This is what makes no sense to me. Can’t you see that by doing this, HE is getting the free ride? Our lives are more difficult. He works, she works but she has it more difficult going to work, that’s the truth. We are goddesses, we are strong and capable, but let him at least cover the bill if HE is asking and taking you out.
“Our lives are more difficult. ”
????
That’s really pushing it. And I mean really really reaching.
How the hell do you know what kind of a life he has led and how difficult it was for him?
A man is a human being just like a woman, we are no freaking goddesses, WTF. We’re all eating, pooping, wind-passing people.
I don’t think someone is better or worse than me because of the reproductive organs they have.
Besides, if we ascribe to your POV, Kizz, men are also the ones who fight, do heavy construction work, go to war, hide emotions, provide for more people than just themselves, and still you think your life is more difficult.
Sure, Kizz, sure, tell a soldier or a marine that. Or a police officer or a firefighter or a farmer. Please tell them all about your PMS and your difficult life.
Well, Kizz, there’s the difference. A date isn’t about rewarding someone for “pursuing” you. You’re not a prize to be won. A date indicates the two of you are mutually interested in learning more about each other. And in some cases it makes sense for one person to pay, but not on the basis of entitlement.
@Kizz: I think you are really, really over thinking this one.
I’ve been trying not to overpost, but A. Key, I laughed about this all morning:
” tell a soldier or a marine that. Or a police officer or a firefighter or a farmer. Please tell them all about your PMS and your difficult life.”
Almost stopped by the construction site across the street at lunch to give this a try.
If I were a man I would counter that if you were interested in me and not just looking for a free meal then you should offer to split. Respect goes both ways. So does courting.
See above.
to sum it up: if a man pays he will be seen as a macho and if he does not he is “put in the friendzone” as was said.
Kara is macho desirable?
my point was that there is no real consensus. it seems like no matter what a guy does he does it wrong. i can see how so many conflicting povs would be confusing. i mean even if he asked first it seems like he’ll be put in a box.
Oh, gotcha.Well, that’s sort of the point though. Men are people too. All the judgment seems unfair. An awesome guy gets “friendzoned” because he doesn’t pay or does pay but then doesn’t choose a pricey enough venue?
@Kara
People are different. If the opinions on money and gender roles already show to be different on the first date, the people involved probably aren’t a good match anyway.
I didn’t really read many comments saying a man is a macho if he pays for the first date. Many women here (me included) just say that they offer to split and don’t mind if he accepts.
I only have a problem if the guy feels offended/emasculated by the offer to split as mentioned in a comment above or if he insists on paying for EVERY date. In my experience that type of behaviour usually indicates that his and my opinion on gender equality are quite different and that things wouldn’t work out between us anyway.
I don’t even get this logic. Sounds like you are high maintence which guys don’t like either. Women deserve to be courted but so do guys. It’s not a one way road there. I never expect a guy to wait on me hand and foot to “court” me because this is not the Victorian era. I appreciate the little things and I reciprocate in kind. Because a guy likes to feel wanted too! It’s not all about you.
My rule is to always offer to split for first date. Later in the relationship If I pick the place I usually try and pay for the evening. Sometimes a guy splits and a lot of times they say “I’ve got this one you can get the next outing” and that’s completely okay with me. I don’t mind a guy trying to take care of me but I also like to take care of my guy as well.
“It’s not all about you.”
I’m guessing this will be a shock to many 😀
Clearly. This thread feels like I’ve been set back 100 years or so. Yikes
So if my man let’s me pay for half the check or the hole check, that is somehow showing me disrespect? I think it’s the ultimate sign of respect to let me pay. I paid for dinner last night. I can assure you that my husband is firmly out of the friend zone.
Ok. Let’s agree to disagree then. I believe in HUMAN rights – this is why we are equal. And because you’ve gotten used to living with the fundamental things that make you a woman doesn’t mean that living with it isn’t more difficult than living without them. He should treat you well across the board and that includes treating you with dinner. Not because you’re a ‘prize’ but because he’s giving you a treat (no, I’m not saying we’re cats and dogs, smart ones) by also sparing your pocket. It’s just a nice thing to do. Do you invite your parents to dinner and then ask them to pay half the cheque??? Ludicrous.
I’m done. Go ahead and pay. Go to an expensive restaurant that he may or may not be able to afford and then split the bill if a guy asks you out to dinner.
I’ve always split the check. I’m 34 and no man has ever bought me a drink or a dinner. I pay my own way. Good advice.
No man has ever bought you a drink, ever? That, to me, is the opposite extreme.
When I first started dating my fiancé, I was making much more than he was. He was finishing his masters, blah, blah. I paid for most of our dates. I wanted to go out all the time and he couldn’t afford it, so I paid. That went on for about a year. Now, he almost always picks up the cheque, unless I’m really firm and insists.
I think the first time you go out, the person who issued the invitation should treat. If you continue to go out, then you can take turns treating. Splitting the check is so gross. “You had the extra roll…” Even splitting it evenly is awkward to me.
One thing women do that really burns me is when a group of coworkers or friends go out, and the women just leave without paying, or leave ten bucks when they had much more to eat and drink. In that situation, you should pay your share, plus twenty percent.
ya for sure. When I talk about splitting, I really mean just dividing by 2, and not checking who ate what. That’s just tacky …
And YES totally agree about the group thing when women walk away without paying. So annoying
It’s a cultural thing as well – what you consider tacky might be completely normal in other places. Where I’m from, dividing a check evenly when you are out with friends is not something people do. We always pay for what we ordered. It would be considered inappropriate if someone even mentioned splitting the check evenly. We are one of the poorest regions of EU, but the food here is super expensive (people in England couldn’t believe me how much we have to pay for necessities), in comparison to other countries and it would put a person, who can’t afford it in an awkward position. I have a friend whose stomach seems to be a bottomless pit. She doesn’t even look like it but she always orders huge amounts of food and as the wealthiest of us, also some expensive alcohols. If we were to always split a check, the tension would probably lead to some unpleasant things.
@Snazzy – I don’t mind calculating who owes what, especially if there is a big difference in what everyone ordered. If you get one person who ordered just a salad and ice tea while everyone else orders a steak dinner, drinks and dessert, then dividing it equally isn’t fair. Especially when you consider the person who ordered the least may have done so because that’s all they could afford (that’s my life story).
I agree. You should pay for what you ordered, none of this splitting it evenly. Even a small amount can mean a lot for someone who is on a budget. If I ordered the chicken and a water, I don’t want to pay $10 more because you got tea and steak. I know that sounds cheap, but when you’re broke, every $ counts.
Agreed. Add 20% and divide the total by the number of people. Unless there is one person who had way less than everyone else (she had water and an appetizer when everyone else had multiple drinks and a full meal plus dessert) but people should be aware of that and factor that into the equation without the “I had this and that so my total is ??” nonsense.
No sorry, as one who has been broke a lot, I only order what I can pay for. Drinks, dessert, appetizers…they’re expensive. If you get one more drink and a dessert, why should I have to pay a portion of that? If everyone calculates what they actually ordered, then it’s all fair.
i agree, i find splitting a bit weird and as was said it does not reflect who ate what. i find taking turns on paying way better.
its of course a tricky situation when you casually date and there migh be only one date but then the one who invites the other should pay.
That clip made me cringe and I don’t know why. Seemed kinda cheesy.
Offer to split the check. I had experiences with guys who thought paying for women meant the women owed them something. Not a good situation. My boyfriend and I either split it or take turns, especially if we’re doing something after. Whoever got the concert tickets does not pay for dinner.
We don’t get checks in Australia. We get bills. Just sayn’
Whoever does the asking/inviting should pay. I’ve been with my husband five years, married one and I still pay if I invite him out, even though I make way less. I love it. It’s like a little treat. The same while dating. I never asked anyone out and expected them to pay. But if they invited me I’d let them pay and offer to pay the tip.
This is how my husband and I do it too.
Always offer, whether you’re dating a guy who makes $30k or $3m a year. I don’t want anyone to think that I’m coming for a free ride. My preference though is taking turns. Money wise, you end up spending the same as if you split each time but somehow, its more intimate.
Among friends and colleagues we always share equally. People who know that have ordered more drinks or food end up paying more. Not awkward at all! It’s fair.
He kind of reminds me of Ethan Hawk in the looks department.
I can see that although I find this guy more attractive overall somehow.
First date if he asks then he pays. Alternating is good or whoever invites should pay.
I don’t drink alcohol but I like socializing with friends and colleagues. What I don’t like is subsidizing everyone else’s night out. I remember going out to dinner with friends who ordered 2 bottles of wine and expected me to split the bill evenly. I had to speak up because I think it’s rude when everyone just assumes a split when it’s obvious that it’s not really equal. If it’s a friend’s birthday then I’ll split though.
If it’s a friend’s birthday, the friend pays for drinks and food for everyone the entire night. That’s how it works here – if it’s your birthday you treat all the people you invited.
Really? I’m in my group of friends we usually split the cost of the birthday person’s meal. and rotate buying their drinks the entire night.
@Franca
I don’t know where “here” is for you, but it usually the same in Germany.
If it’s your birthday you pay and if you plan to only pay one round of drinks or anything you need to mention it beforehand.
It’s usually an unspoken agreement though, that the guests don’t order way higher priced food and drinks than the host does.
It’s in Croatia, and it’s pretty much the same. It may be one round for young people, but when you’re older you tend to pick up the whole check.
He’s so gorgeous. I’ll take him if Jen won’t have him back (how could she not, though!!!!).
Oh boy. This is tricky. I am in the south u.s. and I think a lot of guys here think paying is the gentlemanly thing to do especially when we’re over 25. I don’t see it as anything to do with equality. It’s just guys trying to woo us.
Im good with that I think it’s nice. If there was any thought of owing something in return then wow I picked the wrong guy for a date.
I think it’s kinda of simple. If we are causally dating – meaning you are pursuing/courting me and other women then I’m not paying for dinner. If we are in a committed relationship then I will pay for half of dinner and in many cases the whole date. I never had that mentality that if a man spent fifty bucks on me then I owe him something. I’ve never been in a situation where a man has asked me out and then expected me to pay for a date.
It’s a cultural thing. Where I’m from if you’re out with friends everyone pays for themselves. You order whatever you want and you pay for it. No problems and complications there. Dates are a bit tricky, but I’m all for splitting the check. I don’t like anyone paying my bills.
I have a theory I toss around with my girlfriends on why men should always pick up the check, and it’s all centered around the expenses of being a female and also how we are the ones who get pregnant. 1. Freaking tampons and pads 2. Beauty essentials, and that pink tax. While this varies by woman, I bet our monthly target bathroom buy comes out to be at least 20% more than our mail counterparts. Are men encouraged to moisturize their skin all the time? 3. Hair, the people at Super Cuts just don’t understand mine, and I live in a city that the starting price with a good stylist is $60. 4. The stress when that period is a day late, and you are a 100% sure you double downed on protection. Maybe that’s just me for that last point…
I don’t practice what I preach though and usually offer to split the check. The duds usually except and the good ones pick up the tab.
It’s not about the money. It’s about the willingness of a man to show that he’s worth your time.
Check out http://www.aphroditeastrology.com/2013/02/courtship-dating-benefits.html
What about the woman being worth the man’s time? Quid pro quo.
And what about the willingness of a woman to show that she’s worth his time?
Sorry, but the liked article makes me want to puke.
“It is a process that is traditionally done with the male taking the lead, masculine role – that of “impressing” – and the woman taking the submissive, feminine role – that of “observing.”
This might work for bowerbirds but I hoped that humans developed further than this.
I don’t want to take the submissive role and I think it’s sad that being feminine is still linked to being submissive and inactive.
I also like what Nicholas says in the rest of the interview.
“Not really. To be honest, I don’t think people should listen to my advice. And most of the time, people don’t really want advice anyway. They just want to hear what they want.”
This certainly sounds like a true thing.
Many famous people aren’t exactly the brightest bulb in the box, so why turn to them for advice over the people who actually know you and you individual situaton. Nothing against Nicholas though, he seems like a decent person.
It’s just the way female and male brains are wired. You can’t fight human nature. Men like to pursue…its just the way it is. I say let them. You also have to be confident enough to allow yourself to be wooed. Women deserve to be wooed. The women who always insist on paying for themselves all of the time are killing the romance, Traditional doesn’t always have to be a negative. And at this time in our history women are certainly not submissive. I say be confident enough and feel worthy enough to allow yourself to be courted. Most men dig that, if they really like you. And if they don’t, then they’re just not that into you.
You know what? Don’t generalize. It’s only your brain that’s wired that way.
Nevermind, after reading the comments here, me, the feminazi, is starting to really pity men.
me too. No wonder men feel under appreciated by some women. Sounds like some people don’t court their men at all which is sad. they deserve romance too!
By “romance” do you mean a morning BJ? Because that’s the best thing I’ve done for my guy in a while.
And you better believe he had to pay the entire bill for brunch after that.
@Kitten, I spit my tea out reading that lol!
Reading the comments here – I feel like people are really overthinking this. If a date hinges on whether or not someone pays the check, it must not have been a very good date in the first place.
Right? So glad I’m not dating now. Seems like a gigantic minefield where everyone’s offended about everything.
I like when a guy offer to pick up the check although I always offer. Keep in mind though men make 22% more per woman in the same job so I feel zero guilt if a guy pays the whole bill.
Why Jennifer Lawrence would leave this beautiful man for Chris Martin is beyond me.
No comment on anything he said.
Eh. Dinner is so damn overrated anyway. I prefer beers and free bar snacks.
Eh, I’m torn on the check thing, and I’m glad he mentioned it can very depending on who did the inviting etc, because that’s important. I feel like if it’s a first date and the man has done the pursuing and inviting, then he can pay, but I always offer no matter what! I’ve been seeing a guy for a few months and he recently asked if I would please just let him pay for everything, but he appreciates me trying, this broke single mama said okey dokey! Lol. I do pay for everything when I cook for him at my house though, which is fairly often, so I feel better about him paying for everything else. Personally, I like it when a man takes charge like that, but that’s probably because I’ve dated so many men who were the opposite of this guy and I’m ready for a change.
Man, money makes things so difficult and awkward sometimes.
I agree with Newbie 100%. During the courting phase, I expect the man to pay and I have never once felt like it meant I ‘owed a favor.’ What does that mean anyways? That the guy will expect sex in return? That is ridiculous. I have been on many dates and never once felt this way. I always felt confident in that I expect someone to woo me and feel that I am worth enough to DESERVE to be courted. Now, when a relationship is established, I expect expenses to be split somewhat evenly by rotating and switching up treating each other.
I agree. Women deserve to be courted. It’s clear that some women don’t feel that they deserve that and need to always be paying their half all the time. Talk about a romance killer.
It’s not about not feeling like I deserve it. I know I deserve to be treated well. It’s the arbitrary rules you are placing on it and this b*tchy fake sadness at us ‘poor feminists’ that you’re throwing out. What you think of as essential to win you over I don’t, what you think should matter to me does not and I am just as happy and valued as the next person. My husband probably did pay for our first date I don’t remember but I know I would have offered to pay my share (and meant it) and I know he would have appreciated the gesture. It cuts both ways, he deserves to feel like his time is valued too and what better way to show that than by offering to pay as well?
Ugh I got into an argument with a guy over this on a date. I am very independent and I am not used to someone swooping in and paying for things. The guy kept insisting when he offers to pay, it means he is paying for the experience and offering to take care of the woman. I was just so annoyed! I kept trying to explain that it puts a lot a pressure on the girl who feels like she has to return the favor and that she has to enjoy the date. What if the food is terrible? What if the date is terrible? It just stresses me out unnecessarily. I’m from the split the bill camp. You can’t put a price on a good experience and the guy just didn’t get it. Rawr. That being said, I won’t fight the guy on it. But he was curious to know why I found the practice weird which is why we got into it.
Wow. Calm down, it’s a dinner not a diamond ring ffs….and if you think you have to sleep with the guy because he paid dinner then obviously the problem is you and your weird ideas. Just because you let a guy pay for dinner doesn’t mean you’re not independent, sheesh.
Getting into an argument over it is just….I have no words but I do feel sorry for the guy.
Splitting or not splitting a check depends on a country. In many countries it would be considered rude, or a sign that you are not romantically interested. In others it is a norm, and then there are others where it is situational. I just ask people around what one is supposed to do, you never know.
Wow, he’s incredibly handsome.
Why not splitting it? Aren’t we always wanting equality between genders?
Of course it is nice having the doors open and the cheque paid for… But, it’s really not that a big deal, I suppose.
For fun, sometimes at work, I open the doors for my male colleagues and say “Gentleman first”… They always smile and say thank you, though they usually insist: no, no,ladies first, after you… ” It’s hilarious…