Back in July, Ariana Grande made headlines because she stood in a California donut shop, licking trays of donuts and declaring her hatred of fat people and America. It was a weird story, and Ariana took a big public hit because of it. It also made it difficult for Ariana’s defenders to reject this notion that she’s just misunderstood, that she’s truly a nice person or whatever. Nope. She’s a brat. She’s an America-hating, donut-shaming, fan-shading, left-side-preferring diva-brat. While Ariana did offer a weird video apology for Donut-gate, she did get some good advice and kept her head down for the rest of the summer.

But on Tuesday, Ariana mush-mouthed and baby-talked her way back into the public sphere. She sat down with Good Morning America for what turned out to be a hilarious 4-minute interview intended to shill her new fragrance, Ari by Ariana Grande. First of all, the optics were amazing. She must have pitched a toddler hissy and GMA producers rolled their eyes and allowed her to be photographed on her left side. No other celebrity is angled this far away from the camera, to the point where the interview is basically done in almost complete profile. Also: I never even realized this before, but her left side isn’t that great. Secondly, who wears this much makeup on morning television? Why is her lipstick so comically over-applied? Anyway, here are some of the words Ariana spoke, with my translations below:

Ariana: “First of all, my behavior was very offensive and I apologized. There’s no excuse, or there’s nothing to justify it, but I think that as human beings we all say and do things that we don’t mean at all sometimes, and we have to learn from it. I mean that’s part of our process. We have to learn from our mistakes – that’s how we grow.”

Translation: “I already apologized once and I’m not going to do it again OMG why are you still talking about this? This is why I hate America.”

Ariana: “I think one of the biggest things I learned from that was what it feels like to disappoint so many people who love and believe in you. And that’s an excruciating feeling.”

Translation: “It was so difficult to feel like I wasn’t the most beloved toddler diva, it hurt me so much, I can’t believe how all of those mean fatties ganged up against me.”

Ariana: “You have to remember that your words, your actions, have ramifications, and you have to really think about what you’re about to say and do because it’s important. It’s important to so many people.”

Translation: “I promise to never get caught on camera speaking candidly about how much I still hate America, fat people and donuts. God, I hate all of you so much, buy my perfume, losers.”

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Photos courtesy of WENN, screencaps.