If you’ve noticed, we haven’t been doing much coverage of Lena Dunham lately. Her promotional tour for her book this time last year left a bad taste in my mouth, and I still do not believe that she should have written about her sister, nor do I believe Lena handled the controversy correctly, at all. I’m not sure what happened after the book came out, but there definitely was a shift. Partly, I think Lena realized that she needed to keep a lower profile for a little bit, that people were getting sick of her. And partly it was that media outlets stopped caring so much. They promoted Amy Schumer as the new girl, the writer-comedienne-feminist who could fill the Lena Dunham role without the creepy sister stories.
Well, I don’t know if Lena is ready to come back and get in our faces in a big way or what. But here she is on the new issue (the November issue) of Harper’s Bazaar. You can read the full piece here. While speed-reading this piece, I realized that I had forgotten how generally annoying she is about even smaller issues. Some highlights:
On turning 30 next year: “I’m so excited about turning 30. I’m psyched about it because I think that being in your 20’s – especially as a woman – there’s an inherent tension. Ageism exists in all direction, but it isn’t the sweet spot for being taken seriously in the workplace. I’ve been really lucky. I got to do a lot of things before I was 30 that most people don’t. I think women, when they’re given an opportunity are so afraid it’s going to disappear. That was my 20s. I was like ‘This may never strike again. I’m a kind of weird-looking girl, with a very specific voice, and the fact that I get to have a job is insane.’ I’m just as excited for my experience and my age to catch up with each other.”
The torture of being a 20-something white woman: “When we were turning 24, one of my best friends said, ‘I hate this. We will never be considered precocious again.’ But I was like, ‘I don’t want to be precocious. I just want to be a person who’s in my life.’ There’s so much torture that come with being young, female, and trying to figure it out. I mean, I made a whole TV show about it.”
On having been the internet’s whipping girl: “I’ve been put to bed for weeks from reading things about myself on sites that used to be considered feminist gospel. I love the Internet because it helped me discover everything that matters to me. But I also hate the internet because every piece of true pain I’ve experienced as an adult – with the exception of death in the family and breakups – has come from it.”
When asked if she feels cool: “Cool is when you do whatever the f**k you want. I don’t feel cool now, and I certainly don’t feel cool when I go to industry events. If I do feel cool, I see a picture of myself later and I’m like, ‘That was a disaster.’ What I do feel is a freedom from certain kinds of pressures. Now I don’t give a sh-t if you know my jacket is from Ann Taylor.”
Explaining her mission: “To spread positivity. I know I’m not most moms’ idea of a role model, but I try to use the attention that comes with that wisely and not foolishly. Yes, I will tweet about my issues with underpants, but I also want to say things that matter.”
The hyperbole is strong with this one. I mean, I understand how hard it is to be late teens/early 20s and trying to figure it out and try to launch your adult life. It IS hard. But it’s not “torture.” It’s especially not torture if you’re like Lena Dunham, a wealthy, well-connected white woman who used family connections to launch her career. As for her words about the internet and the pain online criticism has caused her… she reminded me of Anne Hathaway and Annie’s “pity poor me” tour last year. It’s like the most devastating thing in the world for certain celebrity women is to be told that they’re overexposed, annoying and trying too hard.
Photos courtesy of Harper’s Bazaar.
Too much Lena Dunham
She’s really not that special.
Note to Kaiser: I haven’t missed Lena Dunham one bit. You can keep on not covering her. LOL!
+1 with Sarah,
Also, she looks like she might have had her nose done??
She’s the worst. Every interview I read by her is just an exercise in repressing eye rolls.
“…one of my best friends said, ‘I hate this. We will never be considered precocious again.’ But I was like, ‘I don’t want to be precocious. I just want to be a person who’s in my life.’
Who even says stuff like that? This kind of thing makes me want to give her a swift kick in the backside. I mean, WTF??
Seriously. I think I may have just vomited on that friend to see how precocious that was. Ugh.
And yeah, your twenties are sort of hard – finding out who you are, marrying the wrong guy, finding out he’s an alcoholic who cheats constantly and wondering how that got by you – or was that just me? Lol. Life is hard, Lena. I have bad news…it gets easier is some ways and harder in others. But if you think the life of a successful white twenty something is “torture,” you better pull up your socks.
Ha ha ha! No…that was me too! Married an absolute idiot while in my 20s. He is never ever mentioned.
Goodness she’s annoying. Very full of herself.
She had a tv show and a movie when she was 25, she’s being treated better than most people in their 20’s, how has she suffered from ageism?
Yes, and she acknowledged as much:
“I’ve been really lucky. I got to do a lot of things before I was 30 that most people don’t.”
I find this woman tedious and overrated, but this quote stands out to me:
“There’s so much torture that comes with being young, female, and trying to figure it out.”
There’s a line from The Virgin Suicides by Jeffrey Eugenides after one of the characters attempted suicide. The doctor said to her, “You’re not old enough to know how bad life gets” to which she responds, “Obviously you’ve never been a 13-year-old girl.”
I get it that coming from Lena any talk about struggle is eye roll worthy, but whether a woman is black or white or any other race, it IS hard being a young woman. We’re expected to have healthy self esteem while having perfect looking women shoved in our faces as the standard of beauty beginning the moment we’re old enough to comprehend our surroundings. When I was a chubby kid, I used to torture myself over the fact that I didn’t look like the girls in magazines did. It sucked. There are a lot of struggles that come along with being a woman that Lena probably has no clue about, but she’s not wrong to talk about them. People roll their eyes at comments like this, but women remain one of the largest minority groups throughout the entire world.
Lena says dumb sh-t, but she isn’t wrong about this even if it isn’t her struggle directly.
Yeah I think you make great points here. Well into my thirties my now so it’s easy for me to forget about how irritating my twenties were. But it is a rough spot in life for sure–fun, too, but a struggle for the reasons you listed here.
Yeah and adolescent boys can be horrifically cruel. I will never forget some of the things they shouted in the halls at girls about their bodies. It could have been said more tactfully, but I do have empathy for teenage girls. She still gets on my nerves. End.
There’s nothing easy about being young and vulnerable in a world that, even in the best places, it’s terribly friendly to women. If you’re not “too young to know about life” then you’re “too old to be doing X, Y or Z”. You’re not a worthy person as a young girl because what could you possibly know about anything, and you’re not a worthy person as an older woman because (as Val pointed out down thread), your life is defined by others and don’t be so selfish.
Of course there are harder things in life, people who have it worse, and so on. Bu the boo hoo what are you complaining about attitude just makes things harder for everyone. Dismissing legitimate pain because “others have it worse” just amplifies the message that you are completely unimportant. Which always makes everyone feel so much better and really drives them to better themselves.
I find Lena Dunham annoying and insufferable, but she isn’t wrong. And scorning her words doesn’t so much condemn her but all women who have suffered the injustice of growing up female.
I have mixed feelings about what you’re saying. On the one hand, when I was 15 and my first love broke up with me, I cried so hard I actually threw up. The pain was real and intense. I really felt like I would never get over it. I was lucky to have a mother who didn’t roll her eyes and say suck it up, you’re only 15 and you have no idea what love is. But on the other hand, I WAS only 15 and I didn’t have any idea what real love was. It just seemed so huge because I had nothing to compare it to. I had no way to know that I would heal and go one to bigger and better things. Your twenties are hard, sure. But you also have very little to compare it to. Trying to find yourself and who you are while learning to accept your body in a world not especially friendly to women – hard. But it just gets harder in a way – add kids to the mix, then aging parents, illness, mortality…I look back on my twenties in someways as one of the easiest periods of my life. In other ways, I wouldn’t be that person again for anything.
I guess it boils down to what Wren was saying. Yes, some have it better, some have it worse. That doesn’t mean it isn’t real to the person while they’re experiencing it. My 15 year old heart may have been silly, but it truly broke, and I’m glad my mom held my hair back while I threw up and didn’t tell me it wasn’t important. Thanks for reminding me of that.
I’ve found that many of those who are the first to tell young people to suck it up, life just gets harder don’t remember much about being young. They take for granted the life experience they themselves built up over years of being silly, naive and immature and then go on to scoff at others going through the same journey. Again, it helps nobody.
I completely see your point. I have a 13 year old daughter, and life is so difficult for her these days. Since she started 8th grade, it’s as if an alien has taken possession of her. I think she is angry/stressed out/confused by school, friends, boys, her changing body, etc. I started taking her for couseling in the summer, and her therapist laughed at me when I asked if something strange happens when a girl turns 13 or 14. I was seriously wondering if that was an onset year for mental illness. Lena is correct. The torture is real.
I find Lena disingenuous and entitled. I don’t think she’s clever or funny.
Really, really surprised to see her on Bazaar. She has no style, no fashion sense. Just annoying and grating.
She is so insulated by privilege that she can’t see how ridiculous her statements are. Just shut up Lena, you are incredibly smug and irritating.
When you say the only pain in your life has come from the internet, that’s real insulation..or the pinnacle of self-absorption.
It implies she hasn’t ever known any real suffering.
Exactly!
Yes! I’m so sick of her playing the victim, when she has a life that women in other parts of the world would grovel in the dirt to have.
I wouldn’t give her the “insulate by privilege” label. That’s too generous and it’s giving her an excuse. There are plenty of rich kids who are no where as self-absorbed. I’m not saying you have to be Mother Theresa but Lena has some kind of infantile symptom for which they’ll undoubtedly come up with an appropriate psychotherapy term within a few years. Narcissistic and worst of all, boring and vapid.
best post
Yeah Lena, it literally can be, if you live in Sierra Leone instead of NYC with your rich parents. Sorry, but I never jumped on the Girls bandwagon. It has funny moments but it’s a really annoyingly autobiographical, self indulgent show to me. Broad City for example, is more genuine and much funnier. I don’t get what the deal is with this chick.
Yeah, I’m gonna say no. I will not throw her privilege (external) into why her argument is ridiculous but more so that I Dont believe that conversation with her friend ever happened. Ever. Why? Because this woman makes up stories to sell her points. She is a product of nepotism, and connection. Most young Hollywood types are, but she tries to come off as if that is not the case. Also, her writing is dreadful and her ideas are recycled one sided nonsense. I do not, have never and especially after reading this may never like Hacklena Dunham. I wish I had a “Just Stop” button I was able to push and it would mute her every time she went to speak.
I don’t hate her as much as I used to now that I’ve seen Girls. Weird right? You would think that stupid show would have the opposite affect on me.
I don’t know how to explain it other than I guess that I gained some respect for her for creating her own show at such a young age.
Leaving aside how annoying she is, she brings up a very valid point, perhaps unwittingly. Despite all her wealth and privilege, it seems that a big concern for her is to be liked. The fact that she is not liked by some people, and vehemently so, is a source of pain for her. We can all sit back and chuckle, but think about it. As young girls we are conditioned to be “likable” and to “get along”. Much, much more so than boys. She doesn’t come right out and say it (perhaps because she doesn’t quite realize why), but this programming is so deeply ingrained that when confronted with such “failure” it causes all the rest of her good fortune to pale. Why is being liked so important? It really shouldn’t be, but it is because the two biggest failures a woman can be are ugly and unlikable, regardless of her other achievements in life.
Agreed. And this relates right back to the Jennifer Lawrence/Oprah post. Even with solid reasons, it’s hard to negotiate (particularly with an older male) for more money if you have been conditioned to be likable, and especially if they are aware enough to know you’ve been conditioned that way and use it to their advantage. When I was in my 20s at a nonprofit, I deserved a raise as my job had expanded but my paycheck hadn’t. I went up against a former oilman who had retired into being executive director and he read me like a book and squashed me like a bug. I liked the way JL brought up a serious topic in a light-hearted way. And envy her the agents to do the negotiating and the publicity platform that enables her to get what she wants and deserves.
It’s something that I really struggle with as the parent of daughters– that balance of encouraging self-advocacy and the willingness to stand up for what you want and what you believe in without worrying about being liked and, well, the ability to live peacefully in a household with other people and not turn into a complete narcissist.
If Daniel Craig can get away with saying that he’d rather slash his wrist and attempt suicide then do another Bond movie and only be called a lovable curmudgeon, then how is her hyperbole too much and not given a pass? I am not even a fan of her and thought her comment about the internet being her major source of pain showed how privileged she is, but the double standard over the use of hyperbole is weird.
Because D. Craig was being facitious – he isn’t going to ever cut his wrist over a movie role. He was purposely exagerating, whereas, Lena is serious. She wasn’t joking or being sarcastic. It’s not hyperbole with her – just drama.
Does it really stop when you’re 30 though? The discourse just changes. Instead of the patronising “You’re so young and dumb” it’s “So you’re 30 and not married yet? You stink of desperation” or “Well you’re not a person anymore, you’re someone’s wife and/or mother!”
and then it’s “Aren’t you a bit old to be doing this?” etc etc
We never catch a break tbh.
Pretty much, Val. Depressing isn’t it?
Agreed. And when we hit our thirties and fourties, the compliments are backhanded such as, “you look really good for your age” or “I can’t beleive you can still wear that”, etc. like we’re expected to shrivel up once we pass our 20s.
Oh, just shut up, Lena. You’ve gotten where you are through nepotism and generating outrage. You have no talent but self-promotion. You learned about everything that mattered to you through the internet? That’s pathetic. You molested your sister and lied about being raped. You’re awful and just need to go away.
Well, she’s looked like she’s been in her 40s for years…whatever that’s worth.
Bwahahaahaha! I love you!
Best response to Lena Dunham I’ve seen!
I’m not a rich priveleged girl but I wouldn’t want to have that life, it seems to mess people up. Some of the most fragile people come from that social class. Being famous, too, seems a risk factor for all kinds of psychology problems, addiction, etc. It would definitely be worse to be a Syrian refugee or living in poverty, for sure, but if I had to choose, I’d pick my dull middle income life over private scools and upper east side way lifestyle.
i work with a girl from Connecticut who went to boarding school starting in 7th grade because her dad travelled a lot for work and her mom didn’t want him to cheat so she went with him everywhere. She only spent holidays and one month each summer with her parents and she said that was normal in their circle….money makes life too weird.
It’s not the best phrasing, but doesn’t she talk a lot in hyperbolic terms (esp. when it’s bad)?
Well, I’m 23 now and I’ve never been this unhappy before.
I pretty much hate the way I look, I’m pretty happy with my major in university, but the economy is so great that I probalby won’t have a job when I graduate ( and I’m studying something relatively employabel, not philosophy or soemthing like that). Of course, I’m not financially priviledged so I don’t have family money to fall back on which puts even more pressure. And because I live in a nice country, am from a nice family, been give acces to great education, I often feel guilty for feeling like that. Even if I wanted to talk about it, which I don’t, it often feels like you can’t even talk to people about it because everyone’s like you’re young and supposed to have the best time of your life now.
I think most women 30+ would agree that 13-25 can be rough at certain points. Different people experience highs and lows at different ages but discovering who you are, and choosing what you want in life is tough stuff. Mature of you to acknowledge you’re fortunate to have those choices. It gets better. Hang in there.
Oh Franca, as an old biddy I can assure you that it really does get better. Just hold on to your goals, and take advantage of every opportunity life offers you. My Grandma used to say she spent years worrying about things that never happened. It’s always easier to look at other people’s lives and think they seem to be doing well, and there’s no obvious reason for them to be unhappy. Quite often that is not even close to the truth. Life has a very weird way of working itself out, and if you try to enjoy even a small part of every day the journey is less arduous. It’s the old thing of life happens while you are busy making other plans, or, men make plans and the Gods laugh. Nobody can see round corners, but if you do the best you can good things do follow. Keep your chin up.
21-24 was rough for me too. There was a lot of change, finishing school, getting a job, moving, etc, and a LOT of worrying about stuff that years later seems very unimportant (like you said, why wasn’t I having the time of my life like other 20 somethings seem to?). I think as you get older and really come to know yourself, that stuff can fall away, and you can focus on what matters and doing what you want to do.
Franca, it will get better. I have a similar background to you but I am 30. I went to college when the economy was crashing and didn’t have great job options afterwards either and also no family money to fall back on. I took a job out of my field at a furniture store and then started working in my field at a newspaper, but I earned so little I worked both jobs for a while. I worked nights and weekends and made $12/hour while paying rent, paying off my student loans, car and insurance payments, etc and still trying to go out sometimes and have fun like a twenty-something. I also gave plasma twice a week. I did that for 5 years until I quit and moved to a different state with more job options. Now I have a great job that isn’t really in my field, but it makes me happy, pays well, and I have fun there. Don’t stress so much about finding a job in your field – just take what you can get, work hard, prove yourself, and collect any and all skills you can. Part of the reason I got the job I have now is because my employer was so impressed with my work history (I started working when I was 13, and often worked multiples jobs in high school and college) combined with my good grades in school. I have some friends that say “I can’t find a job!” but honestly, the jobs are out there. Fast food, restaurants, bars, the mall…there are jobs, but I feel like sometimes people feel ‘above’ them. When I first moved to where I live now I worked at a bar and a temp agency until I found my current job. Even with my college degree I never felt above doing any legitimate job that would give me some varied experience and some money in my pocket and that is the best advice I can give anyone coming out of college.
Also, please try to stop hating the way you look… I don’t know what you look like, obviously, but in my eyes everyone has something beautiful about them but maybe don’t realize it. I’m sure you have lots of great qualities – find and embrace them!
It’s also not true that just because you come from a rich country, you’ll do okay. Look how many people are struggling for work or to keep a roof over there head or to afford to eat. People are naive in that they assume every person of a certain type is privileged. Rich white woman or poor white prostitute…they are both white, both have different problems.
this woman thinks she’s just oh so smart, enlightened and is enlightening us with her knowledge. I find her overrated, overbearing and obnoxious. Being a teen is tough on girls AND boys.
I think boys have it rough these days too….there is a lot of misguided aimlessness in a world with too much technology and not enough direction in boys and they aren’t receiving encouragement to the same level young women are getting anymore. I look at my hometown and most of my graduating class who went to higher education were girls…. the boys either joined the army or worked in fishing/logging or got into the wrong crowd.
Two out of three photos with her mouth either covered or closed. Progress! I actually think she looks really pretty in the shot with the blue hat. But what she’s saying? A few things that are somewhat relatable but mostly grating and out of touch.
I think she looks quite stunning in the hat as well! But I still don’t like her and I don’t know why.
Go away, cannot stand her! Entitled,spoiled and a complete idiot
Buuut there’s so much wealth that comes with being white, privileged, and well-connected within the entertainment industry…
I think Lena suffers from just way too much self reflection/introspection. She may talk about bigger issues like feminism, but it’s always still all about her. Special Snowflake Syndrome. And she’s certainly not the only one, but just the most visible, and it’s annoying.
Have you watched Girls?
You’re basically describing her character here, except that Hannah is an extreme version, almost a caricature of a self-absorbed privileged white chick.
I think in a way she was mocking herself, showing that she’s cognizant of how insular and self-centered she is. In fact, all the peripheral characters in Hannah’s life point out how incredibly narcissistic she can be. I always thought (hoped?) that this was Lena showing a level of self-awareness.
Oh yes that is what happens when you come from insider wealthy New York hob knobbers. I don’t feel that sorry for her after I read what a little tyrant she can be and that latest glass throwing for the wrong drink tidbit did not endear her any more…
Does having your sister sexually assault you count as one of the tortures … Or is that something else?
Oh FFS.
I wish I could go back to my twenties. No serious responsibilities, a fun (albeit craply paid) job, lazy weekends and fun nights with my friends…
Yes there were tough moments but in hindsight life was sweet.
Give her two years and she’ll start going on about ageism.
Well – as far as celebs go, Lena would definitely belong in my “Like” column (if I made such things). And not too long ago I read her book, Not That Kind Of Girl, and really enjoyed it. (I’ll see myself out.)
Lena …… I really like you I do. I even like your show….. and actively watch
Now, please stop always talking about the trouble of being a young woman and the trajectory of your path of success and career and NOT mention that your whiteness and connections helped those door loosen if not open all the way the hell up. I mention this not in anger or jealousy….. just I know more hilarious thought provoking ground breaking young women who are completely engage when you talk about the experience of not only being a woman but race in this society we live in (see Issa Rae)….. (you’ll notice that Lena always ignores that component of the feminism discussion —- white privilege and the like)
Her makeup looks good in that last picture
Haven’t read comments yet. “Torture” , huh? This woman, with her background, using torture to describe any experience she has an authority to speak on is…… Well, I’ll go with laughable. Yep, she after walking a hard line of being “bullied” in 4th grade. That time when she was walking to her private prep school after her nannies packed her gluten free lunch and some classmates called her fat. Or in PE when she forgot to where deodorant and some misogynistic boy told her to get some Soft n Dry. Being a young girl is torture says she.
I’ll say something nice. These are some of the best pictures I’ve seen of her. In that picture with the hat she looks pretty.
Lena is a martyr for some great cause…not. People dislike her because she’s a massive flake with zero substance and her show’s a painful exercise in navel-gazing, and she tries to pass it off as a search for meaning and finding yourself thing. I don’t like how she gets abused for her body shape though. That’s really horrible, I’ll agree.
“if you’ve noticed, we haven’t been doing much coverage of Lena Dunham lately. Her promotional tour for her book this time last year left a bad taste in my mouth,”
You’re supposed to read books not eat them.
Yeah, I know, save the Dad jokes for the kids.
“When we were turning 24, one of my best friends said, ‘I hate this. We will never be considered precocious again.’ But I was like, ‘I don’t want to be precocious. I just want to be a person who’s in my life.’ There’s so much torture that come with being young, female, and trying to figure it out. I mean, I made a whole TV show about it.”
She’s like those fresh grads who just entered the graduate program at your workplace, all eager to prove how important they are. Self-absorbed to the max still. I actually feel sorry for her because whilst I was – like most people just out of college – also like this up the the 24-ish mark, she’s nearly 30 and still needing a good dose of reality: i.e., the world does not revolve around you.
Focused on the same quote Uber….“When we were turning 24, one of my best friends said, ‘I hate this. We will never be considered precocious again.’ But I was like, ‘I don’t want to be precocious. I just want to be a person who’s in my life.’ There’s so much torture that come with being young, female, and trying to figure it out. I mean, I made a whole TV show about it.”
So many things here…, I’ll take that her struggle was so tough, she made a whole TV show about it! That’s a beautiful gem. I think all of the average below income young women feeling no longer precocious should follow suit – rush out and make a show about it! go on…. Forget your shoes, run out and make a show about never seeing your parents while they work several jobs to pay for mandated health insurance these insightful, free thinking tortured film makers who are all about the common and bullied little guys helped put in authority. Go on… Get! Politics aside, she is vomit worthy and I appreciate that aspect of her bringing is all together.
What was it that Lena Dunham was famours for? Singing? Acting? Entertainer? Comedienne?
Famous for being famous(-ly notorious) like Paris Hilton except that she writes books.
20s were like a bubble for me. It was the best time of my life. Everything before and after sucks big time