Drew Barrymore covers People Magazine this week, which seems like a rather milquetoast choice for the cover. No offense to Drew, she’s just not that interesting lately, although people like to read about parenting stuff, as evidenced by last week’s Carrie Underwood cover. They styled Drew with really limp, lackluster hair, little to no eye makeup and that bright lip she favors. This seems to be Drew’s default look and maybe they were hoping to honor that. I do have to hand it to Drew. Unlike say, Jennifer Garner, Drew doesn’t seem to be pushing her everymom image in the press or with the paparazzi. Drew is just doing her thing and she usually comes across as genuine and down to earth.
Drew is promoting her new book, Wildflower, which she wrote for her daughters, Olive, 3, and Frankie, one and a half. She also has a movie coming out, Miss You Already, in which Tony Collette plays Drew’s BFF, who is suffering from cancer. (I mentioned in our last story on Drew that the movie was out already, but that’s only overseas.)
Many of you know that Drew was in rehab twice at the age of 14 and that she was emancipated from her mother at 15. In this interview, she indicates that none of that bothers her anymore and that she’s embracing her role as a mother. One thing Drew said that gave me pause is that she makes her marriage all about their kids. Here’s some of what she told People, with more online and in the print edition.
On if she’s affected by her difficult childhood
“I’m certainly not known for being boring, but I also think things that are emotional and raw are also a lot lighter than they seemed. Someone once said to me, ‘But your life… it’s so sad.’ And I was like, ‘Well, no, it’s not to me, but I could see how you would think that.’ My life is amazing.”On what she will tell her children about her childhood
“When I first started having children, people were like, ‘Well, what are you going to tell them about [your upbringing]?’ And there was always a connotation and insinuation of, ‘You should be ashamed,'” she adds. “But that’s crazy. [My daughters] are going to know I’m not some holier-than-thou person who just doesn’t want them to live. I just want to guide them in the best way possible.”Her marriage is all about her kids
“Honestly, I don’t know how it is for other couples but really I like watching him be a father. I know everyone says you’re supposed to put your coupledom first. But I really love it being all about the kids. Maybe that’s my compensating for not having parents myself or a childhood but right now, the focus is about how we’re figuring things out as parents.”She puts her kids before her career
“I got into trouble saying, ‘You can’t have it all’ so I changed it to, ‘You can’t do it all.’ But you just can’t. It’s not physically possible. I’ll do my best. I’m a workhorse, I always have been, I always will be. But work is very much second to my kids.
[From People, headers added]
Drew and Will’s kids are very young, so it makes sense that they’re so focused on their children. I do hope they carve out a little time for themselves, as that sounds like a recipe for burnout. I’m assessing this based on my middle class background, though. These two surely have much more free time than the average couple and they likely have several staff taking care of the house and their children. Drew seems to throw herself into whatever she’s doing, so it makes sense that she would write a book for her daughters and turn her role as mom into a career. It’s funny how so many celebrity mothers are doing that now.
After I wrote this story, Kaiser pointed me to this claim by Star Magazine that Drew and Will are having trouble and headed for a split. They place the blame on Drew, claiming that she’s emotionally volatile and that Will doesn’t know what to expect. Drew has a poor track record with relationships, but it’s mildly offensive to me that Star is painting her as crazy. This doesn’t ring true to me and I hope everything is ok with them.
photo credit: FameFlynet
She has two very small ones, a three-year-old and an 18-month old. It is kind of all about the kids for those first years with two little ones. I took it to mean kind of differently. She says she loves watching him with the children as a father. It’s them as a family unit together is what she’s all about these days. He works, has a job. So I imagine his time home is about the family. It worked for Linda and Paul McCartney.
Having said that, I’ve never gotten the feeling she’s crazy about him.
I think it’s pretty common. We were the same way when my son was that young. I wouldn’t leave him with anybody except for grandparents and for the most part, any activity we did was kid-oriented. When he was around 6, we started doing more “date nights” and I have to admit it was so nice to get dressed up and go out to a nice restaurant and eat good food and drink good wine! But, I will never regret spending all our time with our son when he was so little.
How on earth would you know that she isn’t crazy about him?
I love love love Drew always have and she is inspiring to those young people that have lost there way. She was so young when she was dealing with her issues and she conquered her demons and is a better person for it. I love her.
Maybe she’s all about the kids because neither one of her parents were about her ( outside of her making money off of movies) and so she wants her kids to know that they have someone that is really there for them.
As for the rumors, hopefully if they do break up it’s not a nasty break and they keep cordial.
That’s how I read it. Her parents were doing their own thing (involved with drugs and alcohol) and she seemed to be left to her own devices. I can understand why, for Drew, it’s all about her children. I’m not sure she’s saying she ignores her husband.
At any rate, I’m guessing that her husband understands her position about their children anyway.
I like her so much and I doubt she’s “volatile”. Things being all about your child is the way I see things too. It’s just because your child is a vulnerable kid, and so the nature of the relationship is different than any other. Your spouse/partner, no matter how fond of them you may be, is an adult who can fend for him or her self.
Long marriages go through seasons. I have been with my husband for 15 years. We enjoyed our time before having children. Being spontaneous, staying up late, traveling more freely. Now we are in the “season” of parenthood. Our kids come first because they are small children. We are bonded in prioritizing the little lives we created together. All too soon, they will be grown and gone and we will enjoy yet another season of marriage. To everyone who is going to willfully misinterpret what it means to put your children first, I’d like to address the misogyny elephant in the room. I have NEVER heard a man chastised because he recognized and prioritized the profound needs of his tiny children. Often, what people are really advocating when they say, “put your marriage first”, is that women must be superhero mothers, who still have energy leftover to baby their pathetic, jealous husbands. You better breastfeed, but don’t you dare deny your husband sex if you’re touched out at the end of a long day. Cook your kids amazing healthy meals (and get them to eat it), as long as you’re still up for a late night romantic dinner with your spouse. Do all of the nighttime duties alone, but be a fresh, cheerful wife the next day. Nothing is better for a marriage than teaming up to accomplish shared goals. Being great parents together CAN be putting your marriage first, but only when the standards for being a good father aren’t ridiculously anemic when compared to those set up for motherhood.
That’s not how I mean it at all. I’ve seen couples who never go on dates because they think it’s “selfish” and “negligent” to leave their children with babysitters and go off to have fun without them. That’s the mistake I’m talking about, and it’s not directed at women at all, but at couples who are parents, and that could be two guys and not have anything to do with women at all.
I wasn’t responding to your particular comment (which hadn’t posted yet when I wrote mine). That said, my husband and I do not currently leave our children with babysitters, because I have an exclusively breastfed infant, and I hate pumping. He could pout and whinge about being neglected, but he praises me for temporarily sacrificing my freedom to nourish our youngest kiddo. We enjoy snuggling and watching movies after the children are in bed. We send each other articles during the day through email to discuss at night when we’re together, and often read the same book for our own mini book club. There are many ways to stay connected if you’re willing to be creative.
I know you weren’t responding to my other comment. My wording was confusing. My kids are older, so maybe I’m forgetting what it’s like to have an infant. It’s much easier to have date night when they’re not so little.
I totally agree with everything you have said Lia!
Amen sister. Love the seasons of marriage analogy.
x1quizillion, Lia. SO well said.
Yep, all that. And, not all couples need /want the same thing in order to feel secure or connected. We both work from home, so going on a date night when we have lunch together daily (by ourselves, our kid is at school) would feel like… Why? Our days are busy and crazy. We like family dinners, and family movies. When we go for a walk we hold hands and our kid scampers around happily. I don’t need to be alone just the two of us to feel loved or special or romantic. If that is what others need as a couple, sure, go for it. But for us, being all about the family works. And as Lia said, this time passes very quickly and before you know it you gave an empty nest and lots of time to gaze longingly at one another over a three hour candlelit dinner if that floats your boat. (That sounds deadly boring to me – would much rather play Settlers or discuss the election with both my guys.)
So agree! I work with my husband too!
hmm. One day the kids will be gone. Nurture your relationship, Drew, if you want it to survive the empty nest.
Don’t lose that man, Drew!!
Love her! The most down to earth woman in Hollywood, she embraces her natural beauty inside and out.
Lots of love for Drew Barrymore. I cannot help it. She’s a gem.
I agree with the first post stating it is all about the kids when they’re that little. It has to be. They can’t do anything for themselves yet and some of us don’t want to be away from them yet and have someone else take care of them. I commend her for that.
Re the split rumors, I certainly hope it’s not true. I also dont’ care for the accusation that she’s volatile. Her youngest is only a year and half. I was still reeling from hormones at that point. Maybe she is too.
I don’t have kids so I wouldn’t know but it seems like a recipe for feeling neglected, for both partners. I hope she’s just exaggerating because I’m sure with two very small kids it really seems to be all about them all the time because they need SO MUCH at that age. I am a devoted animal mom and it bugs Mr. Wren sometimes, so I can’t imagine how he’d feel if we had kids sucking even more of my time and attention. Animals can fend for themselves more than a toddler can.
I definitely neglected my husband during the first year. I didn’t realize it and I didn’t mean to. My mother saw and it and talked to me about it. I felt awful – I was so clueless. I made a concerted effort to make time for him and include him in whatever I was doing with the baby. That was 12 years ago. We’re couldn’t be stronger and we love our snippets of time just the two of us now that our son is old enough to do some things on his own or stay the night with a friend. Our boy is still the main focus – I’m just being honest, but we get our times when it’s just us. In fact, once your kids get to be about 8-9 yo (of age to stay nights with friends and vice versa) all of sudden you get date nights again, and opportunities to do stuff as a couple again. Nobody told us about that. It’s awesome!
Her children are really young, and at an age where they really demand most of the focus. But we have two sets of couple friends who are great parents to teenage kids, and they have always been very family focused and their lives revolve around the children. That’s all good, but my husband and I have wondered out loud what their lives will be like when the children are gone, which will be soon. They never do anything alone together, it’s all four of them or one parent with one child and one with the other, none of the four of them seem to have any interest outside of their children. As I said, they are really good parents, and maybe this is because I don’t have children and my husband is my family, but I think it’s going to be a difficult transition for them. We have other friends who are great parents, but they spend time alone and put some of the energy into their relationship. I think it will be easier for them once the kids are gone.
I’ve always wondered that too when I see a family where the parents are completely focused on the kids and seemingly not on each other. Of course it’s none of my business and I don’t really know what their relationship dynamic is, but it gives me pause. I’d hate to be left staring at my partner going, “well, now what?” when the kids left home.
Your question is very thoughtful and non judgemental.
Your friends had some life prior to having children, and it was filled with activities and emotions. The thing is, and nobody warned me about that, from the moment the baby is born, begins the continuous process of letting go: and with every milestone, the distance grows. First they need you constantly, day and night, then the weaning milestone comes (some mothers have a huge problem with going through with it, so they delay and delay to the point of ridiculous). Then they don’t want to give you hand, then go somewhere alone, etc. So it doesn’t happen overnight that they grow up, but gradually. And every time is hard to give them just a little bit more space. But unevitable.)) And then you fill that space with something else.
I would presume, based on your description, that these couples don’t do things without children, because they genuinely enjoy it more to do stuff as a family, all together. It will probably be hard for them to release the children into the adulthood. But many thing are hard. People get puppies, knowing that dogs’ life is shorter than humans. You fall in love with someone in high school, even though you can, well, at least suspect that you won’t stay with them forever. You still do it, because this is what your heart wants and not to do so out of the fear of getting hurt later means not to live to the fullest.
What a great response. I loved it. And yes, I think they do it because that’s what they love to do. – be with their kids. You’re right – they probably know it’s not forever (obviously) and that it will be painful and require adjustment. They do love each other, I believe, both of the couples, I mean, so they have that. Your thoughts make me hopeful that they will be fine. Not that it will be without a bump or two and some tears, but as you said, many beautiful and worthwhile things cause some pain when they’re over. That doesn’t mean you shouldn’t do them.
10 cannon salute Captain. Or one hundred… Whichever is greater than “infinity” as my little guy says…
GNAT, captain said it all. We do almost everything with our son – by choice and we love it. And once he is grown and out of the house we will continue to do the same stuff – my hubs plays sports and loves coaching kids so he will probably continue to play and volunteer, and I craft with my friends and will have lots more time (and money) and hopefully we will travel more. We really enjoy spending time with our boy – we wanted more kids but one is all we got so I am painfully aware of the time that flies. I don’t want to miss any moment, so our son has been going to museums and antiquing and musicals since he was young, activities that other parents perhaps would rather do without a child. We were lucky that he was both interested and well behaved so we could take him anywhere from a fancy sushi bar to a ski resort and we never felt that we were sacrificing (other than going to sleep early, and I was never a party animal to begin with). The only times we went away without him were child free functions – weddings, corporate receptions and the like. It works for us just fine. And I look forward to spoiling grandkids rotten one day!
my mother had no interests outside of me. im long into adulthood and she never developed any. it’s hard for both of us. she would like me to spend every day with her even though it would mean i would have no life.
my mother is like that as well. now that the kids have grown she has no life at all. And she was smothering because she couldn’t imagine her kids having a life without her being involved at every moment.
I guess it’s a fine line
It may not be right or nice, but I’m just going to say it. In the real world that is a good way to find yourself divorced.
I agree.
I love Drew, saw her in person many, many years ago when I worked in Century City (Los Angeles) and I never forgot it. She looked haunted and lost, this must have been around her Pretty Poison days, she was fairly young and had tri-color hair at that time, but she looked so sad and lonely. To see her now and how far she’s come, with a family and seemingly happy, does my heart good. I know she has had some hard times, but look at her now, she got through it and she’s thriving, more power to you Drew.
I lived in Los Angeles for a short time, and I ran into her on the street when she was about 14, I’d guess. She was so pretty, but as you say, she seemed drunk, for one thing, and sort of out of control. I felt bad for her and have watched her grow into a lovely and grounded woman with relief, and have always wished her well.
I just love Drew and how she remained so positive after her very tumultuous life (I would have become an angry, bitter little gnome if I had her upbringing). She’s the original Lindsay Lohan but she got herself straightened out, worked hard and became such a force of nature…her way. And I love how she embraces her mistakes and doesn’t strive for perfection..,just thoughtful and mindful actions.
She’s on the cover of the current InStyle as well, and in that interview says that it wasn’t love at first sight for them, that she chose him because he was stable and responsible or something to that effect.
Two lukewarm reviews for the hubby in as many weeks makes me think things aren’t going well. Then again, her more spontaneous/passionate relationships didn’t last, so who knows?
Elle, this brought to mind that In Style interview as well. She said she didn’t really fall for him until she saw that he’d be a good father and provide a stable family life. She left out the part about how they didn’t even get engaged until after she was pregnant.
It sounds to me like they might never have had much of a relationship outside of the kids.
As for Star implying she’s crazy and volatile, I think Husband #2 would agree with that. I know that was over a decade ago, but I doubt her temperament has changed completely – even if it is at odds with the contented Mom image she is marketing these days.
I don’t get it. You think a brief hot physical attraction that burns out is a better basis for a marriage?
Because that’s the only alternative?
I think it’s important for a marriage to be based on love, attraction, and friendship between the couple…Not two people who felt kind of blah about each other but shared a mutual desire to have children. That’s what Drew has made it sound like.
I didn’t have much of a childhood either. My absentee dad made sure he could buy me things, but he was never really there when I was growing up. My mum is a sociopath with schizophrenic tendencies, which meant I was constantly afraid at home. Due to my dad’s work we didn’t live in the same country as the grandparents for most of my young life, so I felt adrift. So when I met my husband who came from a relatively stable background, and who wanted to help me achieve stability too, I knew I should stick with him. At least for me, it wasn’t love at first sight.
We now have a 3 year-old and a 3 month-old. We don’t get to spend as much time as we used to, just us. We know though that our time with kids won’t last forever. And there’s all that time after the kids go off to spend together. So for now, we’re enjoying the chaos and mayhem, the sleepless nights, teething, bed wetting, you name it!
I hope for Drew that she has the happiness she lacked growing up.
She is just such a good person. I think she treasures her little family much more than comes across from the quotes. And she loves how she is the mother now and her husband the father, it is a new facette to their roles in the relationship and new things they discover about each other. She treasures her husband too, I’m sure. I read how they are raising their children Jewish, because it is her husband’s faith and she loves how family-oriented it is.
I like how she phrased this, ” [My daughters] are going to know I’m not some holier-than-thou person who just doesn’t want them to live. I just want to guide them in the best way possible.” Part of living is falling down and not accepting your children falling down is not accepting that they’re living. I like that. I was raised by an excessively shameful woman who was impossibly hard on me so hearing things like this are refreshing to me.
I adore her. It’s true, talk about such a comeback. She’s done financially and creativelly so well. She looks gorgeous, and naturally so. Her husband is from some prominent NYC family (I am in NYC)……if it was a pragmatic move based on head rather than heart, like all of us her heart will need that passion. She’s definitely a powerhouse I would love to meet or work for- she really rocks….and I do hope she’s happy with her man also.
As long as it mutual I think it’s great to put the kids first. My husband and I are completely on the same page on this. We both agree the kids come first and our schedule revolves around their lives and activities and we couldn’t be happier. We love spending time with our children and helping them thrive. We would both sacrifice our lives for our children in a heartbeat. I actually can’t relate to the marriage first people…we’d rather watch our kid at her swim class than go out to so e fancy restaurant. Plus we enjoy our time together every night after the kids are in bed we have great conversations about all kinds of topics.
Celebrity Divorce Pool 2016: this woman.