Do you guys remember Nev Schulman’s fiancé, Laura Perlongo? (Nev is the creator and star of MTV’s Catfish.) Laura went to the VMAs while heavily pregnant wearing an open bomber jacket which barely covered her boobs with a body chain on for emphasis. She later said in an interview that she didn’t regret he outfit choice and that she liked her pregnant body and felt hot. So if I told you that she’s a social media over sharer you wouldn’t be surprised, right? Laura has been going through some frustrating problems breastfeeding her newborn and she posted about it recently. Nev and Laura welcomed their first child, daughter Cleo, last week.
As much as it makes me wonder if she’ll regret sharing such a personal story, she’s nothing like me in that regard and she may have just helped a lot of new moms, and many future moms. There are so many great comments of support and commiseration from other moms on that post. I didn’t have nursing issues except for a blocked duct when my baby was a few months old but I also started going to La Leche League meetings early and had a support group. (Although I was tired and weepy for days but it was general postpartum stuff and lack of sleep.) Luckily Laura had someone to turn to when she had nursing problems. These two are extra but they’re also super cute together and I get the impression that they will be doting parents.
Laura also shared a video where she’s breastfeeding her baby close up. That’s NSFW (which it shouldn’t be but I have to say that) and you can see it here. It made me wish I had videotaped my baby nursing. It never occurred to me but I didn’t have a video camera on my phone at the time. My son is taller than me now, I’m 5’8″, and he’s not even a teenager yet. It’s a cliche to say it goes fast but it’s so true!
I am a woman and I might be pregnant one day, but bare pregnant bellies creep the hell out of me. I have goosebumps just from looking at these pictures.
They are incredibly thirsty and annoying, but if this helps some people, then God bless. I also like the name Cleo.
Agreed! I have a weird phobia about pregnant bellies too and I find it bizarre when people dress them up like they did.
Why would you want a videotape of you breast feeding your son?? Honest question-why would you need to watch that later in life?
Because it’s a sweet time with your child and it’s really fleeting.
@ C/B-I can understand that but aren’t the memories enough? Would you really want to watch that over and over again?
I’ve never been pregnant so maybe I should STFU but that seems like something I would cherish at the time, but not necessarily feel the need to relive it.
Maybe I’m wrong…
@Kitten, with you on this. My memories of breastfeeding my kiddos are still with me. But to each their own. I wonder though the filming is due to their life style – everything seems to be documented.
I think it’s a beautiful thing to have a baby and people should document whatever they want to document! The sharing part is a whole other discussion, because I can’t with people who share too much about their children on social media, but for the parents’ own use? I think a breastfeeding video is a lovely way to remember that time.
My youngest just turned 1, and the first six months are a complete blur. That’s how you get tricked into having more:)
I’m glad I have a photo of me feeding my kid under the brooklyn bridge. It’s where we were married. Totally SFW photo, except I’m still so chub. This was 11 years ago, so we didn’t record every single burp and poo, and none of it ever made its way to social media.
EVERYTHING you said I second Minus “cleo” as a full name! They are doing theeeee Utter Most #TheTokophobiaQueenHerself *waves*
I remember his comments to a BlackGirlMagic post. I ‘ve never liked him since and his tank size thirst doesn’t really help
Hey, I’ve got a 38 week pregnant belly right now and they creep the hell out of me, too.
I have been pregnant twice and I just don’t like the bare belly maternity pics. The lady who I use as our family photographer really wanted me to do a session and I’m like nope, I’ll pass. She did a milk bath one with wild flowers and to some I’m sure it was beautiful but I was just like eh too much. I was heavily pregnant last Halloween and I guess I’m super uncool because I didn’t do a pregnant belly themed costume either. But go on ladies, everyone has their own thang!
I’m very pregnant with my second baby right now too. I think pregnant themed Halloween costumes are super tacky and in incredibly poor taste. My 3 year old wants me to dress up. I think I’ll just wear jeans and a regular top and cape to go with his super hero theme, to celebrate with him. But no “Bun in the Oven” stuff. So tacky!
I was pregnant last Halloween, and went as a zombie Kim Kardashian. Her pregnancy was timed perfectly for my costume. I won the scariest costume award at the party we went to! Ha!
I couldn’t do the bare belly maternity photos, but I had gained an astronomical 65 pounds (!!). Maybe I would have felt differently if I didn’t feel like the biggest person on the planet. It took more discipline than I knew I had to lose that baby weight.
yes to all of this plus an extra side of who the f*** are these people and how slow is this f****** news day if they are here
My friend just had a baby two weeks ago and named her Cleo. I love it.
I also share your pregnant belly phobia.
The frankenstein breasts are scarier- about day 5 postpartum for me. I kept saying on days 2 and three, ‘I think my milk is in.’ When it came , there was no question it was in.
For anyone who struggles, get help with a lactation consultant and la leche league. The latter is just amazing and a supportive place for new moms. Some kids take to it like pros, some mamas have health issues- it’s different for everyone and a loved babe is the most important thing.
Getting mastitis treated early on is key as well. New mamas need to treat themselves with lots of love.
I’m currently suffering through a bout of mastitis, after 10 months of pumping exclusively, so I can commiserate with the rock hard bolder boobs and crying uncontrollably. That said, good for her for getting the help she needed. Hopefully she and her baby have an easier time of it going forward.
I had a terrible time breastfeeding with severe mastitis. It was so incredibly painful and I was so ill that it was difficult to lift my son from his crib to nurse, and I would cry the whole time he fed. I think it’s incredibly brave of her to admit to the fact that sometimes things don’t always go as easily as you expect them to. Too many women believe in the fairy tale of a glowing and lovely pregnancy, an easy delivery where they instantly bound and begin nursing their baby while gazing down at them with peaceful adoration. But things aren’t always quite so sweet… pregnancy can be very difficult for some women, delivery can be dangerous and harder than you imagine, and nursing…something many women just take for granted as something that will be easy to do, can be frustrating and painful. Some babies don’t latch on well…sometimes they have a tongue-tie issue or sometimes they just don’t latch as well as others. Mothers can get serious infections that are so painful, and even without the infection…when your milk comes in, it can hurt, a lot. I think it’s really good to share the difficult stories as well as the positive ones, otherwise women feel like it’s just them and everyone else is doing great and not having any problems. It just adds to the guilt you feel as a new Mom when you can’t get the baby to stop crying (my first had colic) or don’t necessarily feel completely bonded right away, or a multitude of other things that people don’t like to talk about. Everyone wants to paint a picture of themselves where it’s all perfect and wonderful, but few are brave enough to say… look, it’s tough and it’s upsetting and I was naive and thought it wouldn’t be a big deal, but I was wrong and needed help. I think that’s a valuable thing that could help a lot of women get help and feel okay about doing it! And I love that look with the jacket and chain. I could never have gone out baring my belly like that at an event, but I think she looks great!
Thank you for sharing this. I don’t have children and am ambivalent about being a mother, and hearing stories of what it’s really like help me have a realistic view of what to expect should I go down that path.
So much yes!!! Our little guy was born about 2 weeks ago and I had no idea how horrible breastfeeding would be. Horrible, painful, frustrating…and I have inverted nipples so I have to use that awful shield our little one hates. I remember prior to his birth (he’s our first) when people would ask if I would bottle or breast I never gave it a second thought…all my friends who had kids never really talked about it so I really believed you just put the kid to the boob and bam! They’re done! And in the hospital I told my husband to go home and sleep so one of us could be “with it” and the nurse brought my son I to the room for feeding and just…left…I never felt so incompetent. Three lactation consultants and two home nurse visits later it’s improving, but dear lord I wish more people spoke about how emotionally and physically taxing breastfeeding is. I find them both a bit thirsty, but this is a subject I can appreciate.
To any women suffering with nipple problems/mastitis/cracked nipples, try silver nipple shields. Google them, but I SWEAR by them and recommend them to every single one of my clients (I’m a lactation educator/doula etc) who then recommend them to their friends and then I get a client occasionally who has them already on order by way of word from my previous clients. They’re magic. @sunnydaze my clients with nipple shape issues find they naturally draw the nipple into shape while wearing them. They also feel really cool, they collect extra breastmilk which in turn nourish the nipples and help heal cracks. They’re amazing and I wish I had them when I nursed my babies. You WILL look like a fembot but just trust me, these are going to be your BREAST FRIEND! Haha.
And just as a side anecdote, similarly to everyone else it seems like when I had my baby at 24 I literally thought you put the baby on and that was it, the magic took place and all was rainbows and unicorns. WRONG! My nipples bled to death, I winced/teared up every single time the babies latched on in the beginning. I remember looking down at my nipples and they were like this rose pink raw AF color and I thought to myself there is absolutely *nothing* natural about this!!!! And I had good nipples and a great experience! And it still was SO hard and took so much alignment. Man oh man.
So now I feel it’s my civic responsibility to nurture, assist, educate and empower mamas who are going through it. It’s HARD and it can be dehumanizing and guilt ridden if there are any difficulties, in addition to being beautiful and bonding let alone scientifically proven to be the best (and most affordable) option.
I also try and educate the importance of experiencing a guilt free connection around feeding your baby and there really is no “wrong” way. I have helped some mamas who were struggling through mastitis and working with an SNS tube and supplementing a little bit and those women are champions! I’ve also dealt with women who had mastitis, low milk production, it hurt so much they were full of fever, and the only option was to switch to formula so that everyone could stay sane. ALL of those decisions are perfectly acceptable.
@nastylittledarling
Do you have any advice for weaning while exclusively pumping? I got myself down to one pump a day and then got mastitis from the lack of pumping. Knocked me on butt. I’ve got enough milk stored to get my baby to at least a year. I did speak with my OB and she suggested packing my boobs with ice packs and binding them tightly. Any other suggestions?
@Kay Benadryl or any other antihistamine will help dry the milk as well, so I’d take those for a few days if you can handle it. Cabbage leaves are also pretty damn amazing at assisting with this!
ETA: freeze the leaves around a bowl then take themand put in your tighter sports bra. Mucinex/sudafed can also work. Also, make sure you massage and express any lumps (Warm shower and massage lumps out)
I’ve heard the same things from my sister and from friends who have had children! My niece in particular had a really, really hard time latching and would cry every time my sister would feed her at first. You would think that something that’s so natural and so good for the baby would come easily, am I right? Kudos to you and all the other lovely ladies of CB for keeping it real!
Going slow with tapering on pumping has worked for some women I know. Pump enough to take the pressure off. There may be some herbal methods, but check with a trusted physician first.
It isn’t for me, but I don’t find it offensive. I don’t always find plunging necklines sexy and dofind them a bit tacky at times, pregnancy not being a factor.
Lastly how dumb is she that she didn’t know this? I never want kids and I know that. I actually enjoy reading about the challenges of breast feeding or having new mothers share with me their experience. Maybe that interest is my innate biological clock thinking or something.
“Lastly how dumb is she that she didn’t know this?”
That is really REALLY unfair. There are a billion things new mothers need to know, and god forbid they don’t know everything. Your comment is part of the problem. I also never want children, but unlike you I have no desire to know about child rearing or childbirth and pregnancy and have no idea about breastfeeding issues. I always just assumed it was a thing all mothers could do easily, like all mammals.
Really?! That is very naive. Formula, and breast pumps wouldn’t exist if that were true. That is info a pregnant woman expecting to nurse definitely should know.
There are so many resources out there that it is almost impossible (and I said almost) not too know where to go to get help. Also, unless I’m mistaken, I’m pretty sure the hospital gives out all sorts of information to new parents. While I would not call anyone “dumb”, I find it interesting that she had no idea about some of the common facts about milk coming in which happens even if you don’t breastfeed. Not saying breastfeeding is easy either. I had it easy, but had friends who did not and daughters who did not have an easy time.
I feel like a natural mother. It’s just who I am. That said, I was as clueless as every other woman to to give birth for the first time. I did lots of research and reading, so on a certain level was informed about things that happen, but it’s not something you can truly know until you go through it. Every woman’s experience is different, and as long as an infant is cared for and loved, it’s all good.
Um I beg to differ. I’d like to think that I’m not a total idiot but I was also surprised at how hard breastfeeding was. It took me 5 weeks until my firstborn learned how to latch on and, believe me, the prenatal classes I went to never warned us how many women have hard time with it. All I was told was how to hold and position the baby while I nurse.
Perhaps that is a failure of our healthcare system. I’d like to believe that there have been significant improvements in helping women to nurse and understanding the difficulties involved. This information is so easy to find now. I’ll take back the word dumb but it is extremely naive as a pregnant woman planning to nurse to expect it to be easy.
I agree. Breastfeeding was never discussed in my pre-natal class and the midwives never spoke about it either. The lack of discussion surrounding it led me to believe that it must be an easy thing to do. How wrong and angry I was.
I’m someone who considered myself very knowledgable about breast feeding before my first was born. I’d been to a class and read books and everything. But I don’t think anything prepares you for how hard it is in real life. Very rarely is it as easy as reading about it can make it sound, and that doesn’t even factor in the emotional roller coaster it will put you on, especially in the first few days (is anything coming out? Am I doing it right? Is she crying because she’s starving? Oh my god, I’m starving her! Maybe we should ask for a bottle? No, I’ll try nursing again, I don’t want to ruin breastfeeding forever….and that’s the first time trying! And it goes on and on and on). I think it’s very unfair to say that someone who doesn’t know how hard it is is being naive. Some things you just will not understand until you’ve experienced them.
For my first child, the lactation consultant at the hospital came in and spent my whole session teaching me how to cover up while doing it, which I couldn’t have cared less about. I will say that when my son was born, the lactation consultant was a lot more knowledgable and helpful. But that didn’t really make it any easier.
Easy now with the word dumb. You don’t know how the experience is going to be until you go through it. My mother is a nurse and a midwife. She’s had to tell off many ‘breastfeeding experts’ for being mean and dismissive to new mothers. The self righteous declarations don’t help someone who needs help. Either extend a helping hand without the judgement or leave it alone.
This is extremely unfair and naive on your part as well. I had access to amazing doctors and information but hearing/reading something is far different from actually experiencing it. In an earlier comment I made I mentioned my friends didn’t really talk about this and the hospital nurswho brought my son in to feed just wheeled him in and left, didn’t bother to actually walk me through anything…it was my first night as a mother, my first time having a child at my breast. you can read all you want, watch all the youtube videos and go to all the classes but most of us think “I can handle this, I’ll be proactive, I’ll sleep when the baby sleeps so I’m not stressing myself like everyone else, I’ll take all the classes…” if you want kids and your pregnant there’s a certain amount of confidence you have to have, and it sometimes bites you. Hell, our pediatrician even mentioned when she had her kids she had been in practice for several years and still couldn’t believe how much harder it was than she thought it would be. Plus, everyone’s experience is different – i HATED pregnancy but labor was a cakewalk for me. Some people loved breastfeeding, some didnt, but everyone’s experience is different and NOTHING can prepare you until it happens.
There is a huge difference in taking a class and learning about breastfeeding and hearing about complications, than actually experiencing a wonky nipple, or challenging let down, or how to properly massage a breast. I would be out of my lucrative career if that was the case. I work with high profile clients, CEOS, creatives, lawyers etc all very smart people who still need some coaching and assurance.
In part the healthcare system, while so much better now with assistance for breastfeeding mamas, they don’t often give proper follow up care or proper guidance past the three days in the hospital. A lot of times women go home, attempt to mimic what they learned on their own and find themselves overwhelmed and feeling inadequate. At that point it can snowball really quickly and a lot of women truly don’t know where to go beyond their doctor, when what they *really* need is a lactation consultant. Someone who has spent 1400 hours learning all about breast in a clinical sense and has taken college course work similar to the path of an RN. A lot of insurance companies will cover one home visit,
but it’s not an easy process with submitting claims etc and I think that deters women too. I think the best gift every single woman with the intention to nurse can give themselves is a two hour home visit with a lac consultant after arriving home, because 85% of all women experience issues with breastfeeding and I would say 100% of those women truly thought they were prepared.
Thanks for everything you do, Nasty Little Darling. I’m sure you’re a ray of hope for lots of women!!
I too thought it was going to be easy…and it was fairly seamless until you start second-guessing everything. And cracked nipples, OMFG. I usually try to be very positive and tell about my awesome pregnancies and easy labour, but I will not sugar coat the cracked nipples. I will not miss those…
i know right, i dont have any interest in it and i know it. i mean they’ve build law and order episodes around failure to latch or whatever it is called
Oh, Harajuku, I’d have words, but the truth is that if you do get to have kids, there will be things you didn’t know. I guarantee it.
– formerly knew everything
@Harajukubarbie.
It’s more of a ‘bask in the glow of pre first birth ignorance’ thing than being dumb.
Theory is great, but the truth is breastfeeding has to be experienced to fully comprehend it.
Books and courses will only prepare you to certain extent. Nothing can duplicate what you, your child and your breasts will feel and go through.
New Moms or Moms to be shouldn’t be afraid to ask for advice.
Unfortunately both of them were arrogant enough to assume, as many new parents do, that it will all be unicorns and rainbows.
Babies are beautiful and they are hard work. Breastfeeding is wonderful if or after you get the hang of it, but sometimes it can be hell in the shape of boob.
Those are some thirsty pics of her pregnant stomach.
She’s not wrong about the horrors of early nursing. I say this not to frighten off anyone, but holy hannah, better to prepare for the worst and be pleasantly surprised if you get smooth sailing. Breastfeeding kinda sucks; I do it because my first needed it (winter NICU) and since I stay at home, my time is already paid for. But, oh, how I love when we switch to formula….
It’s rough at the beginning and that is coupled with being exhausted and having a baby who cries and hardly sleeps. I also got thrush once and it was beyond awful. The first few weeks are the hardest so I don’t mind that kind of overshare.
I tried breastfeeding both of my kids, but was unsuccessful. My son wouldn’t latch, and it wound up being too painful with my daughter. I wound up pumping for about six months the first time, but only less than three the second (just too hard to get in the time while also taking care of a toddler). I felt guilty and like I had failed, but in the end the only important thing is the nourishment of your baby, whether it be by breastmilk or formula.
I was unable to breastfeed also. I tried and couldn’t get my first son to latch on no matter what. I ended up bottle feeding. I had a lactation expert come in (who never had any kids go figure), tried every trick and just couldn’t do it. With my second son he latched but I wasn’t producing. He ended up with crystals in his pee even though he was on me for an hour every 2 hours – and I was freaking because I had 2 kids under 5 at home .. its was tough .. I just didn’t produce any milk. I still feel guilty about it, I know I shouldn’t but I do. I still feel guilty that I had to have caesarians and couldn’t go all natural like I wanted to. My youngest has all kinds of food allergies now .. but it happens and we do our best.
I’m sorry you had such a difficult time, and like you said, we try our best and that’s the most we can do. Things may go a lot differently than what was planned, but the effort was made and that’s what matters. 😊
/Hug and /touch face for your story and strength. Xxx
My son also had crystals in his urine and the hospital wouldn’t let me take him home until he was properly hydrated. They topped him up with formula but I was never aware that I should have pumped when he had a bottle.
My milk supply rapidly dwindled and I went on Domperidone tablets for 7 months and breastfed a little (he’d only feed from one breast), pumped frequently, and formula fed.
I stopped pumping when he was 8 months old after I realized that “fed is best” for my son. Ironically, the guilt that got me in the end was too much time with the pump and not nearly enough time spent with him.
Nothing wrong with any of this. I am not a TMI person of my own bunnies, but none of this bothers me. I took a maybe 30 second video of my 1 week old baby nursing and it’s the sweetest thing ever. I was so exhausted and breast feeding was a very quick experience for us(I didn’t really produce anything lol). It’s never something I would share. The video is a close up of his sweet little face. It’s kinda funny because my boob is twice the size of his head, but it’s how I fed my baby. I enjoy pictures/videos of the ‘firsts’. Also, I never felt sexier in my life than when I was pregnant!!!! It was crazy!! I always thought I felt sexy, but this was a whole new level. Haha Now post baby, I don’t need to drop weight, I just need to tone up but I’m in no rush. That’s not what’s important to me right now. (Not that it’s wrong if that is important to anyone else, just not to me at this time.)
It is hard and I’ve had the most success at exclusively breast feeding and pumping with my 5 month old who is my 3rd baby.
I have nursing videos. This is the first time I’ve used them for pumping when I’m at work. They recommend using a picture of your baby but the video is great.
I have tubular breasts and therefore not enough milk ducts and didn’t produce enough milk. That was all stuff I learned after-the-fact, so I had no idea I would be one of a small percentage of women who have insufficient breast milk to feed their baby. I was devastated. I tried a supplemental breast feeder to stimulate more milk production, but it didn’t make a difference. Still, I continued to breast-feed her to the extent that I could for 3 months. I was very angry that my issue was not well known and that people would assume I didn’t try hard enough, etc.
I find both of these people *so* annoying, but I feel her pain. I really struggled with breastfeeding and it made me feel like such a failure.
Extreme thirst disguised as a public service announcement for new moms from a Z list celeb!
This is why breast feeding needs to be talked about. I had a similar experience as the two ladies above me. We tried for 3 months but baby was almost 100% formula by day nine! I felt ashamed, detestated and embarrassed because I was always told how ‘natural it is and such a great experience’. Yet I couldn’t do it?? I was like what was wrong with me?? I took it so personal. Every time someone would ask “are you breast feeding still?” I would panic and almost cry while explaining my story. That’s how much pressure is put on new moms. It was the question I dreaded most!! Now, looking back, if we have another ill try again to breast feed but I don’t think I’ll care as much. My baby is fine, healthy and smart. In that moment it felt like such a big deal, looking back and talking to others about their experiences I now have a better understanding of how the process goes.
I’m 7 months pregnant now, and can i say how COMFY she looks at the vmas! Someday dressing that way won’t be weird and the public will except it. Being pregnant is uncomfortable and clothes suck because NOTHING FITS!!!
people will accept no shirt in public? i dont even like it when men do it
Her dressing was a total turnoff to me but I think it’s wonderful that she is letting other mothers and potential mother know about some of the pitfalls to nursing a baby. I work for a nutritional program and it supports and teaches women about breast-feeding. Many of them go through the same frustrations that this young woman experienced and it is really good of her to share her experience so they know they are not alone and that there is good resolution.
I was gung ho breast feeding forever. I was offered a spot with our local hospital on BF encouragement program. Then I didn’t produce any milk. Like, NONE. My boobs just didn’t do it. A lot of my PPD was about not breastfeeding. A LOT if my guilt was all the moms with pumps and frozen milk and I wanted to be that mom. Five years later it means NOTHING to my child who was fed, loved, never sick, smarter than I am and too tall for a 5 year old.
Can we just love our kids and stop this?
Breastfeeding was fairly easy for me, but there is a difference between being told it will hurt for the first week, and experiencing holy hell how much it actually hurts. Like the difference between knowing labor hurts and being taught breathing exercises and then actually going through it.
I would love to see an end to the mama guilt. It is our choice. We do get to choose how to react to others’ insensitive comments. Granted, postpartum, there can be major struggles. Harsh words are so much more hurtful.
Anyone who is involved in a discussion here wants the best for their babes. That is so clear.
I wish the new and expectant mamas smooth travels. It’s not easy, but these stages of crying babies all night and cracked nipples….mother nature erases or dulls the memories over time. It won’t last forever.
TMI alert- don’t grab a hand mirror and look down below right after giving birth vaginally. Just don’t.
I never realized how painful breastfeeding would be for the first week to 10 days. I remember biting into a pillow wanting to scream when my baby ”latched on”. But I stuck with it and after that it was a breeze. So easy and convenient, especially in the middle of the night. I breastfed a lot longer than I had planned (until 18-months, wanted to be done at 12) but I don’t regret it, I’m not a sappy person but I loved that time and bonding with my baby who is almost 3 now. Kind of wish I had some pictures of that time, the reason I don’t is that I always fed her in private, even if running errands or at a restaurant, I would honestly rather go to the ladies room or my car, than breastfeed in public.
Why any woman would want to carry a child for nine months, and as soon as the baby is born, it hangs on your breast for another year or two is beyond me. YUCK!
They are both really gross. Fully support breastfeeding though.
Nev is gross to me. I can’t forget that he hit a woman, and the whole mess he was in college, or so I’ve heard. I don’t think he has any redeeming qualities so she must be with him for the fame/money, right?