Jemima Kirke, 31, stars on Girls, which premieres its final episode on this last season on Sunday. She was a guest on the Recover Girl podcast with Anna David, where she talked about her three stints in rehab, two of which she was ejected from. Jemima recently admitted that she met her last husband, Michael Mosber, with whom she has two children ages seven and five, in rehab. Jemima and Michael are divorced but they were together for eight years so she considers that a success. She elaborated on how they got together, and on her personal philosophy of recovery, during the podcast. It sounds like she’s saying that it wasn’t that bad for her because she was a binge drinker, not a daily drinker, and it’s like she’s minimizing it. I don’t know her story but I do know that you’re told not to do that in recovery. I’m quoting E! below, which has a summary of her interview. On the page for the podcast they note that Jemima started drinking again a few years ago and their article is title “Drinking After Years of Sobriety With Jemima Kirke.” This is in contrast to E!, which states that she’s sober now. (I couldn’t listen to the podcast as it’s not on iTunes yet.)
Despite needing treatment, Kirke told David that her partying ways didn’t stem from a need to repress feelings but instead recognized it as a “tool.”
“I didn’t relate to [AA’s] psychic need for the alcohol. I recognized it as a tool and I know how to use it as a tool,” she explained. “I’m not someone who drinks excessively but I will drink for a reason sometimes. It’s a problem more than addiction. I think that’s possible.”
Even now, Kirke admitted that her problem wasn’t necessarily in line with everyone else’s she met in rehab. “I just was a problem drinker and user and I liked to party. I don’t know I just had, I mean it didn’t look the way a lot of other people’s looks,” she admitted. “I didn’t use during the day necessarily. I just went hard when I went. I would do a lot of three-day benders. That was like a party. That was normal. It takes a long time to come back from a three day bender and you’ve lost a week of your life.”
What “sealed” her “coffin” before finally agreeing to rehab was one final all-nighter.
“I came home to my mom’s house and I was like, ‘I can’t do it anymore.’ I was just so tired and coming down,” she recalled. “And she was like, ‘Yes, thank you. Of course, darling, we’ll check you in.”
The next day, however, she tried to back out but her mom forced her to check in. “I learned a lot about myself in rehab,” she said.
Kirke entered her first rehab facility, The Meadows, when she was 23. “It was fun,” she shared. “I have a lot of sober friends who never got to go to rehab. It was fun. It was just nice.”
Afterwards, she went to a facility named Lifeskills and then onto an “awful” place she didn’t name.
The Tiny Furniture actress was ultimately kicked out of Lifeskills and the nameless facility, but she didn’t mind leaving because of the “shaming” that took place. “‘Always the victim, Jemima,'” she recalled her rehab therapist telling her.
Despite not agreeing with the programming at Lifeskills, Kirke did admit that she had some positive experiences because she ended up meeting her now-ex-husband Michael Mosberg.
“You’re sick. I’m sick. I get you,” she said of her mindset upon meeting him. “I’m reacting against my whole life.” Although everyone told her it was a bad idea, she admitted “something worked” because they stayed together for eight years.
I’m pretty sure that if I gave interviews at the age of 31, after I started drinking again, I would have sounded very similar to Jemima. I wish I would have learned that lesson earlier. I was 28 when I first quit drinking with AA and was sober for two years. I went back to drinking like Jemima and nothing bad happened immediately but a decade later I was drinking every night and it was affecting my moods and relationships. It was harder to stop drinking the second time and I’m lucky I wasn’t in a worse place. (I go to AA now, but that’s not how I stopped this second time. I stopped drinking with SmartRecovery, which is free and based on rational emotive therapy, I highly recommend it.) I understand what she is saying about AA, it’s very circumscribed, it can be sexist, it can try to pigeonhole you and there are certain ways of thinking and talking about recovery in AA which are discouraged. It’s free though, there are meetings all over, and overall it’s a good group of people trying to live without drugs and alcohol. I try not to tell myself that I’m not as bad as the other people because I was miserable and that gets you nowhere. Plus I can relate to the stories. My life is so much better sober and I want to keep that.
AA doesn’t work for everyone. But therapy CAN help I feel someone does not like AA (REBT is a great orientation). Binge drinking isn’t absolutely serious and like you said eventually she won’t be “occasionally” drinking because that’s not how it works for someone with an addiction. I hope she realizes it before it’s too late.
I second therapy! My heart breaks for people that can go on a 3 day bender. I can’t even imagine. I’m totally addicted to sugar as my horrible can’t shake, terrible effects on my health vice.
I know this is an upopular opinion right now, but I know people who eat everything- sugar, meat, veggies, fruit, legumes, even gasp, fast food – and they are way healthier than the people who only eat “nature” and organic foods and obsess over their diet so they can have a six pack.
A really good book that talks about how sugar and gluten and saturated fat are not as bad as you think is The Gluten Lie by, of all people, a religious studies professor. He wrote about how 2000 years ago there were chinese monks advocating grain, sugar, and dairy free, eating animal foods, you will live forever, no disease will get you, people became scared of sugar except in fruit– sound familiar? (Paleo is 2000 years old basically…if it had worked back then wouldn’t it have taken over as the new diet for immortality? But people who ate paleo still got sick, surprise)
And he shows why we became suspicious of sugar as a society. Interesting stuff.
I am not saying eat a bag of sugar, but I also don’t think we all need to eat a poundof kale or carrots or grass fed beef every day, I feel like sometimes you want sugar, sometimes you want a burger, sometimes you want a salad, it all evens out, right?
But also because I know people (me) who went from alcohol to an obsession with green tea and detoxing and eating a right way to undo the damage and I realized I just needed to chill and accept what was done was done. I eat a variety, i walk, i sleep my 8 hours, my body knows what to do.
Pickles:
I so understand the sugar addiction. Cutting sugar out of my tea is a real struggle. And at 60 years old I am brushing up against diabetes. It’s a daily struggle for me to stop myself from eating that stuff.
great job on your sobriety celebitchy.
smh -this girl.
the print interview is FULL UP red flags.
she is in denial, definitely not recovered, and still making excuses to keep that addiction door wide open.
very sad, especially for her children.
Ditto to everything you said here, poppy…
I guess I get what she’s trying to say about there being a difference between “problem drinking” and true addiction. But I think she’s splitting hairs as a reason to justify her current drinking. It’s one thing to not be able to stop after 1 or 2 beers but three day benders are a bit more than just
“problem drinking.” Yikes. I hope she figures it out and finds a way toward peace and health without booze.
Good for you, CB, on your sobriety. If there’s one thing I learned when I stopped drinking is that alcohol consumption is so incredibly pervasive in our culture. Wishing you continued health and happiness.
Good for you Celebitchy! Yay for being sober and well. I love Jemima, have a big crush on her. While I understand wanting to pin down your differences as a binge or addicted person, it does seem like she is in denial. Which is a pity because I value her attitude so much – she gives women confidence with her very idiosyncratic way of being gorgeous and sexy.
Good for you, celebitchy! Keep up the great work.
Been watching Girls the last two seasons, (don’t like Lena Dunham) but I like Jemima. She’s stunning.
Same, I could stare at Jemima on mute all day, I also Love her for putting out there the lipstick she’ss been using in Girls which looks so Striking, went and got me the proper Black Girl shade of it ( MAC Retro matte -Feels so Grand is hers, mine is Dance with me) and Honestly I’m gonna have to get more, is an impeccable shade and formulation
Thank you for letting me know what her lipstick is QQ! Also yes she is insanely beautiful I really find her so stunning and interesting to look at.
I use therapy and a 12 Step Program. I find NA to be more open and accepting than AA. It has worked for me for 6 years and I am in my early 30s. My husband has 31 years clean. I applaud anyone who finds what works for them. I hope Jemima can find happiness and stay healthy. It is not an easy road, especially if you’re not willing to admit you have a problem. I don’t know anyone who went to rehab 3 times in a few years just because they sometimes drink too much.
I often hear, “Oh I don’t really drink” from people who once a week/month, whatever, get absolutely blasted. Copious amounts of shots, wine, beers, and half a bottle of gin later and they black out. It’s not exactly hardly drinking. She does say she has a problem but a couple of the people I’ve heard make comments like this seem to think they are teetotalers. Not that I’m perfect, one pint usually turns into three and I can put back a bottle of wine like it’s a berry smoothie but I can’t imagine a bender like that. I’d never recover.
I think there can be a vast difference between being addicted to drugs and alcohol, and being addicted to a certain kind of high risk/high drama lifestyle that involves a lot of drugs and alcohol, and I feel like most support programs don’t really acknowledge that.
I have a lot of friends who’d once go on benders, and they’re truly fine drinking now. They can drink some beers or a few glasses of wine and not feel any desire to keep going or do the same thing the next day. The alcohol itself was never their problem, it was just one of the thing’s they used to fuel the self-destruction/chaos that was their real addiction. They never drank just to drink, and it’s not a trigger for them to drink now because it’s just a completely different mindset.
For years I thought I had a shopping addiction, and then I finally lowered and locked my available credit to the bare minimum. My interest immediately went away. I wasn’t addicted to shopping, I was addicted to that weird rush/anxiety feeling you get when you put yourself in a scary financial situation. As soon as I removed my ability to do that to myself, shopping just went back to being a normal thing. It took years of therapy to deal with the root of my issues, but the method I’d used (shopping) was and is a total non-issue now.
Yes! Omg this! Imo It is always about what feeling drinking/drugs/shopping give you. I know someone else who could stop, so they were comvinced they had no problem, but they hated being lonely and drinking and then later shopping for high price things made them feel like they were important and had tons of friends, and losing those friends and feeling lonely was extremely difficult if not impossible to change for them.
So basically she is her character? She sounds like a typical addict who is still in denial…she isn’t out the woods yet.
Yes, I also get the feeling she is playing herself.
I went just saying on the Amy Schumer thread that alcoholism comes in all shapes and sizes. My mom won’t stop drinking 2-3 beers every night even though she has a health condition that needs her to stop. Her excuse is she never gets drunk.
My uncle told me at a young age that alcoholism takes all different forms. I’m grateful he took the time to talk to me. He’s an alcoholic who, before getting help, was sober for 1-2 weeks at a time, always successful in business and personal life, but once he decided to start drinking on a Friday night it only ended in a blackout. He’s been sober and in AA for 30+ years. It would be dangerous for him to tell himself he’s not a true alcoholic.
People are very ignorant about addiction. I grew up with a family of alcoholics and I’m still learning. But I’ve seen first hand that it takes many forms and when not treated they all have negative impacts on the person and their loved ones. Her denial of having a problem (three day benders ARE a problem) makes me worried for her kids. How long can she white-knuckle that impulse away without treatment?
Alcoholism does take many forms. However, while some might say she is in denial, I am reluctant to label her as such. Maybe it is the case the she can drink in a ‘normal’ way now; there certainly isn’t any evidence in her behavior to suggest otherwise.
From what she says it does sound like she was a ‘partier’ rather than someone who needed alcohol just to survive. I don’t believe in labeling everyone that partied hard in their youth as unable to move on and develop a more healthy relationship with alcohol in adulthood.
I’m inclined to wonder about this too. She may very well be in denial — I really don’t know — but I do know plenty of people who were problem drinkers/ partiers in their younger days, but leveled out as they aged. They may still drink a bit, but they aren’t getting wasted. I don’t know if this is her, but I think many of my friends would likely have gone to rehab in their younger days if they had the money and flexibility to do so.
My parent is a school teacher so they only drink on school breaks, like winter, spring, and summer. I think binge drinking can be just as bad as daily drinking as I see how wasted they get drinking non-stop, like they did the other week when they were on spring break. Like summer’s coming, and I think of how unhealthy it’s gonna be, gaining all the bloat from alcohol in a short amount of time. And feeling like crap right before school starts. They can convince themselves they’re not an alcoholic because they don’t drink every single day, but this behavior is wrong too. I mean, this is the only thing they do with their free time. But there’s nothing I can do. They have to be the one to recognize the problem and make the change themselves.
I am very appreciative of your willingness to discuss your experience with drinking and AA.
I remember many years ago I would regularly attend a particular meeting. A very recognizable actor showed up to that meeting several times– he was a familiar face from a number of TV shows — a relatively young man, perhaps in his forties. One time he shared about his misgivings towards AA, and his doubts that he was really an alcoholic or addicted. Shortly after he appeared to have stopped going to meetings. He was found dead in his home about a year and a half later.
I perfectly understand when people express misgivings about AA. Its not a solution for everyone, and it does have its faults. However, it did save my life. I find myself concerned for Ms. Kirke.
I can’t even imagine a three day bender. After more than two drinks I turn bright red, my face gets super hot, I get a terrible headache and usually throw up. I’m Native American and I think it’s some form of Asian flush. I have the occasional shot of bourbon or some Underberg to settle a heavy meal, and that’s it. But I’ve seen alcohol ruin the lives of so many people I care about. And those that can be successful while still being alcoholics are still not very happy people.
CB – thank you for relating your story…this type of ‘real time’ sharing means a lot to people who’ve lived through the effect of alcohol abuse in their own or their family / friend’s lives.