AG Jeff Sessions: ‘An island in the Pacific’ cannot dictate to Emperor Bigly

I’m cocooned by my Trump Fatalism Syndrome for the most part – once you let go and understand that everything is awful and Emperor Baby Fists will kill us all, you can really find some semblance of peace. But every now and then, something interrupts that fatalistic cocoon. Usually that interruption involves Emperor Bigly screaming at someone and waving his baby fists. This time, the interruption is none other than Attorney General Jeff Sessions, a racist squirrel from the 1950s who happened to find himself in the position of the nation’s top lawyer. Wait, did I say “the nation”? I meant Jeff Sessions is only AG for the states he personally approves of. Here are some stories going around today:

Jeff Sessions doesn’t think Hawaii is a state. Bigly’s Muslim Ban 2.0 is still making its way through the federal court system. A few federal judges put holds on the ban, including a federal judge in Hawaii. Well, AG Sessions thinks that’s all nonsense! He told radio host Mark Levin: “I really am amazed that a judge sitting on an island in the Pacific can issue an order that stops the president of the United States from what appears to be clearly his statutory and constitutional power.” Do you guys hear the dog-whistle? Hawaiians are not Americans to Jeff Sessions. Hawaii is not really part of America to Jeff Sessions. Jeff Sessions does not understand why a judge in Hawaii would even bother trying to interpret American law.

A DOJ official investigating Trump-Russia is stepping down. Mary McCord was a big part of the DOJ’s investigation into the Trump-Russia connections and now she’s stepping down. She’s been the acting assistant attorney general for national security since October. I find it suspicious that she’s stepping down, but sources insist that the investigation will march on.

Bigly just can’t take the L. Bigly still wants to work on healthcare and Republicans are putting together an Obamacare repeal bill and the vote will be held next week, probably. Contact your congressmen and senators.

The Jason Chaffetz drama. Chaffetz is a Utah Republican representative who chairs the House Oversight and Government Reform Committee. He was really looking forward to investigating the sh-t out of a President Hillary Clinton, and he’s been in the f–king wind ever since Bigly won. Well, Chaffetz announced this week that he would not seek re-election. He’s now saying it’s possible he might not even serve out his full two-year term now. He insists that there’s no scandal to come and he just wants to go back to Utah and be an empty-nester with his wife. The whole thing is bizarre and I can’t wait for the scandal to be revealed.

Speaking of conspiracies. I’m not going to do a separate post on this, but Bill O’Reilly’s team accidentally leaked their own email exchanges with Fox News – you can read some of the stuff here. It’s a portrait of an unhinged, paranoid, downward spiral.

Photos courtesy of Getty.

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81 Responses to “AG Jeff Sessions: ‘An island in the Pacific’ cannot dictate to Emperor Bigly”

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  1. Sullivan says:

    Time for this racist Keebler elf to head back into the deep woods, never to be heard from again.

  2. Jenns says:

    So, Pearl Harbor was just an attack on some random island in the pacific?

  3. Aiobhan Targaryen says:

    I don’t believe that vote is going to be held next week along with a vote to keep the government open. The house cannot get one thing done, let alone two things.

    That demented fossil is old enough to know that Hawaii is a state. He was at least 102 when it became the 50th state. I guess racism, entitlement, and the new power that he thinks he has finally pickled what is left of his brain.

  4. grabbyhands says:

    Hawaii is the 50th state and he can do that because it is in the F**KING CONSTITUTION.

    And then they try to double down on it by saying, “Well, Hawaii IS an island in the Pacific”. Jaysus.

    • Who ARE These People? says:

      The combination of their venality with sheer stupidity makes every day so hard to take.

      Can’t they just GOOGLE something once in a while? A 5th-grader could do better than that.

      “The Hawaiian Islands are an archipelago of eight [count-em eight] major islands, several atolls, numerous smaller islets, and seamounts in the North Pacific Ocean, extending some 1,500 miles from the island of Hawaiʻi in the south to northernmost Kure Atoll.” (Wikipedia because this is still better than anything they do.)

      Sessions is extra-pissy about Hawaii because to him, it’s the foreign land from which Barack Obama obtained that fraudulent long-form birth certificate.

      • Juls says:

        You hit the nail on the head, WATP. Obama was born there. Now that pesky Judge is throwing kinks in their plans. Sessions: “Hey guys. Guys! Let’s start saying Hawaii doesn’t count. Then let’s remove them from the union. They totally want to be sovereign, right? Then we can say Obama’s entire presidency was invalid, so we can throw out everything he did without having to go through the tedious process of drawing up all those EO’s!” I imagine his thought process being something along these lines, but in caveman speak in his brain. “Obama bad. Hawaii go bye bye. Trump King. Me good boy.”

      • Sarah says:

        Juls, I am starting to think the only chance the blue states have of staying in the 21st century is a secession of sorts. Maybe not a formal one, but I read a great article about how we should let the Republicans lower the federal taxes to as low as they want. Cut taxes to the bone. Then blue states who give a crap can raise their’s to make up for it, and instead of supporting the red states and a HUGE military, we can spend our money on education, healthcare, the environment and science. We can join with other blue states in a sort of consortium.
        So we will have excellent education, healthcare and civil rights The red states will have god, guns and a place that will be Ethiopia on five years. States’ rights never sounded so good to me!

    • boredblond says:

      But the judge would not be on THAT island..he’s in Honolulu, on Oahu …(my college roommate was from Hilo, and would correct everyone)

    • Down and Out says:

      I am currently on vacation in Hawaii (leaving later tonight, sob), and I can tell you I’ve seen enough MAGA hats on Waikiki’s boardwalk & planning day trips to Pearl Harbor to say that the right might wanna clarify to their base that they are no longer in the US because those people seem awfully proud of our 50th state. #islandinthepacific

  5. Nicole says:

    Someone buy these guys small atlases and pocket constitutions please. They are so stupid I would laugh if it wouldn’t also kill us

  6. SusanneToo says:

    As a resident of Alabama, sorry, World.

    • Chaucer says:

      As a resident of Utah I feel inclined to apologize for Chaffetz, particularly because there are millions more mini chaffetzs running around, if they’re not worse than him, I’ll be surprised .
      On the other hand, him not running is a YUGE victory for us in Utah who have been trying to boot him for the last few years. the scandal? I’ll give you a hint, it starts with R and ends with impeachment. The Kremlin has been upset with him for not doing a better job of pulling the focus off them.
      Honestly I hate Chaffetz more than I hate Mango Mussolini. I think Chaffetz is at the top of my loathe list and I previously made it my life’s mission to air all his dirty laundry and get him booted.

  7. D says:

    A friend of mine is native Hawaiian, he’s involved in the Hawaiian sovereignty movement so he will be very happy to hear that Hawaii is not a part of America, they want their Kingdom back. He tells me that this is a very very sensitive subject in Hawaii.

  8. Mia4s says:

    I’m sure it has nothing to do with the fact that so many of they are, how shall I put this, not….exactly…white? Couldn’t be that, nooooo, of course not. 🙄

    Wow America really is just open season for racist old white men these days. 🤢

  9. boredblond says:

    So this was the brightest, most competent person trump could find to be the top lawyer??? The white house has become the trashiest trailer in the park

  10. SusanneToo says:

    That last picture! I’d love to know the blood pressure readings and cholesterol levels of those ugly fvckers.

  11. Merritt says:

    Sessions is extremely racist but he is the type who thinks no one but fellow racists see it.

    I’m sure there is a proverbial live boy or dead girl involved in why Chaffetz is not seeking reelection and possibly resigning. Especially after that tweet he made about his wife yesterday.

  12. Ninks says:

    Sessions looks like an actor hired to play a racist, Southern lawyer hell bent on sending the innocent black guy to the electric chair in a John Grisham movie. I can’t believe he’s a real life person.

  13. adastraperaspera says:

    He knows Hawaii is a state. This is racist threat. What he really meant to say is, “nice little state you got there. Shame if something happened to it.” Not going along with the Tr*mp party line means harsh retaliation.

    • Olenna says:

      I got the same impression. His comment was a put-down and a threat rolled into one. Belittling someone or something because they truly believe they’re superior, openly stealing under the guise of leadership or corporate growth, doing whatever it takes to gain money, favors or power: This is how right-wing gangsters think, every hour of every day.

    • LokiGal says:

      Absolutely agreed. It is a veiled threat couched with an obvious insult. It’s crazy how quickly American democracy devolved into some banana republic dictatorship.. Scary

  14. IlsaLund says:

    Dear Lord, I think the majority of us have learned our lesson. Please stop the punishment. We promise to be good for now on and will do our best to never let something like this happen again. We are WOKE (well, at least most of us are).

  15. Eric says:

    Doesn’t Alabama rank low on the list of most educated states in the union? Like 48th?

    Just sayin’

  16. robyn says:

    About this random “island” where Americans love to vacation: Sessions and all Trump supporters should have to take an IQ test before working in the WH. Sessions huffs and puffs and stomps around like some remnant of an ancient dinosaur. His tiny mind and perhaps as yet to be discovered large body of corrupt dealings will eventually be his downfall in the Trump regime. C O M P L I C A N T.

    It’s worrying about Mary McCord leaving … not sure what it means. Regardless, when are they going to face up to the fact that an independent investigation is needed about Trump and Russian.

    Meanwhile, Russia continues to make new moves on Ukraine and no one is noticing. And Tillerson/Exxon still amazingly had the nerve to try and make an oil/sanction/waver deal with Russia, a country that went to war and won against democracy in America?!!!!

    I wonder when we as inhabitants of this planet will wake up to the fact that if we continue to bomb the sh*t out of everything (as Trump likes to say) and suck out more and more oil from the innards of the globe we will all be living and quickly dying in one hell of a sink hole.

  17. Giddy says:

    Where will he go next, this phantom from another time, this resurrected ghost of a previous nightmare – Chicago? Los Angeles? Miami, Florida? Vincennes, Indiana? Syracuse, New York? Anyplace, everyplace, where there’s hate, where there’s prejudice, where there’s bigotry. He’s alive. He’s alive so long as these evils exist. Remember that when he comes to your town. Remember it when you hear his voice speaking out through others. Remember it when you hear a name called, a minority attacked, any blind, unreasoning assault on a people or any human being. He’s alive because through these things we keep him alive. ”

    That was written by the late Rod Serling. Like many others I couldn’t get over the parallels with the Trump campaign. The episode is titled “He’s Alive” and stars a young, gorgeous Dennis Hopper. Do yourself a favor and watch it. I saw it at 5:30 this morning because I have the flu.

    • adastraperaspera says:

      My favorite quote from this just perfectly describes Tr*mp:

      Rod Serling narrates:
      “Portrait of a bush-league Führer… a sparse little man who feeds off his self-delusions and finds himself perpetually hungry for want of greatness in his diet. And like some goose-stepping predecessors he searches for something to explain his hunger, and to rationalize why a world passes him by without saluting.”

      • Deering says:

        When Trump was elected, this quote from TZ’s “Death’s Head Revisted” was all too apt: “All the Dachaus must remain standing. The Dachaus, the Belsens, the Buckenwalds, the Auschwitzes – all of them. They must remain standing because they are a monument to a moment in time when some men decided to turn the Earth into a graveyard. Into it they shoveled all of their reason, their logic, their knowledge, but worse of all, their conscience. And the moment we forget this, the moment we cease to be haunted by its remembrance, then we become the gravediggers. Something to dwell on and to remember, not only in The Twilight Zone but wherever men walk God’s Earth.”

    • robyn says:

      Great and fitting quote. Trump is a cliché megalomaniac who like any megalomaniac would be nothing without his dastardly supporters.

  18. khaveman says:

    It’s a state. Remember Pearl Harbor? The judge in Hawaii is legit. Get over it?

  19. minx says:

    I can’t believe this racist goober knucklehead is Attorney General.

  20. Who says says:

    Jeff Sessions is “Amazed ” that a Federal judge “could” not “would” block an executive order! Sessions just exposed his ignorance of the law ,demonstrating that not unlike others in the Trump Administration he is not qualified for his position. By the way, what makes me annoyed, his spokespeople keep saying that his granddaughter was born in Hawaii, like that justifies his comments and ignorance. Speaking of fighting ignorance, let’s get out there and March for Science Tomorrow.

  21. Shelley says:

    That man makes me physically ill. He should be wearing a KKK hood. In fact, I cannot ever picture him without seeing a hood on. If someone has already stated such, I’m sorry. I’m pissed.

  22. Bahumb says:

    Wake up everyone. News is chaffetz resigning due to Russian blackmail!!!