This is not the spanking picture
In Touch is featuring a cover this week that shows mother of eight reality show star Kate Gosselin smacking one of her daughters on the butt. The back story is that one of her sextuplets, five year-old Leah, was blowing a whistle while Kate was talking on the phone. Kate told Leah to stop, she didn’t, and then she spanked her. It all happened out in the front yard where the paparazzi captured Kate’s anger and Leah’s anguish.
We ran that story earlier today and many of you say that you were either spanked or knew someone who was and there’s nothing wrong with it. Others say it’s borderline abuse and can easily cross into that territory. My stance is that it can be cruel and that it’s not a good form of discipline because children tend to remember that you hit them instead of focusing on their misdeeds. There are much gentler and more effective ways to teach children right from wrong.
Kate Gosselin has issued a statement to Life & Style about the incident, and she basically says that she’ll discipline her children as she sees fit, thankyouverymuch:
In response to the recent controversy centered around photographs of Kate Gosselin publicly spanking her daughter Leah, the John & Kate Plus 8 star tells Life & Style exclusively through her reps:
“Whether the paparazzi are there or not, I am a mother first. I love my children and when they misbehave, I discipline them as I deem appropriate for the situation.”
[From Life & Style]
Incidentally, spanking is illegal in over 20 countries. In the US it’s not illegal for a parent to spank their child, but in 29 states it’s illegal for teachers to use corporal punishment. Why is it ok for us to hit our kids, but abuse when we hit a spouse or another adult? At least an adult can defend themselves.
Kate is shown playing with her kids on 6/17/09. Credit: INFPhoto.com, and shopping on 6/14/09. Credit: ANT GRIFFITH/bauergriffinonline.com
I agee 100%. HItting a child is awful.
LOL @ ‘this is not the spanking picture’.
This witch is getting far too prolific. Can’t we go back to mocking Octomom again please?
Now we will have to put up with endless photos of Kate being overly nice and kind to the kids.
Having seen the Kate pics, i say its a storm in a tea-cup. Many parents still use the threat of a smack as a bargining chip, and some kids do need that reality check. Not all though. What did bother me was the article that said she had ‘alledgely’ used a plastic spoon on one child, and other ‘items’ that are at hand when her parental chip over-loads. Which I imagine is often. It’s one thing to give a repeat offender a slap on the butt, it’s another thing entirely to use a stick or a cord or a spoon. looks like family implosion time, that will make for such well rounded adults after a lifetime of mommy pimping you out and Daddy not seeming to care.
It’s a pity they couldn’t be parents first, and moneygrubbers second.
I completely disagree! Spanking your children is not wrong. My daughter is now 10 and I have spanked her many times in the past when she did something that deserved it. She is very well behaved and not scarred or scared of me what so ever. Spanking and Beating are two totally different things!
If you tell a child why they’re getting disciplined and what they were doing was wrong, then they know not to do it, as to not have a spanking again. Spanking should be the very last step when a child continues to disobey. I never dwelled on my parents spanking me because I knew what I did was wrong. It is effective for most children, despite what you may think.
Your kid is your kid. My mom didn’t spend nine months carrying, feeding and helping me grow to have me come out bitching and screaming about how I want to touch the stove.
A good swat every now and then taught me not to do whatever it was I was doing that was wrong. I, personally, don’t remember being spanked a lot and I actually don’t remember what it felt like to be spanked. All I remember is how to behave properly.
I think it highly depends on the child.
At least she is a “hands-on” mom for once. We complain she doesn’t spend enough time with the children then we analyze her every move when she does. Whether or not spanking is an appropriate form of discipline varies from family to family. It isn’t illegal though and without seeing the incident it is difficult to say what we would have done. I think she can be a horrible person sometimes, but it seems that the media is following EVERY move this woman makes. It is exhausting.
Oh please. Spanking is not that big of a deal. It isn’t like she used a belt or a whip. Illegal in over 20 countries! How many countries are in the world? Oh over 192…so less than 10%
This woman is a b*tch and has done and said a lot of obnoxious stuff but I am not going to get on her for this.
She is a horrible mother.
That situation shouldn’t have been deemed appropriate! It was a little girl blowing a whistle! Take it away from her and explain that if she can’t play with it correctly then she can’t have it!
I almost didn’t recognize her without the hair then I saw the frown lines.
Comment of the Week prize goes to;
Hash Browns!!!!!! TA DAH!!!!
for;
‘My mom didn’t spend nine months carrying, feeding and helping me grow to have me come out bitching and screaming about how I want to touch the stove’.
Mahooooosive LOLz – funny and true as all good comments should be!
Parents trying to be “friends” with their children or trying to be “the cool Mom/Dad” is partly why some of these kids today are so out of control.
Appropriately disciplining a child is correct. Letting them have free reign over you to where they become little terrors is the problem.
So I agree with Kate on this one. There is a major difference between spanking a child and full on abusing them. Let’s not get it twisted.
Oh screw this noise. Paddle a punk’s butt, because it makes them pay attention.
And what magic do we see with the “progressive” childbear types?
she’s not a horrible mother anna. I think the show is a terrible idea for them, but I would not go so far as to say she is abusive, physically or mentally. she probably gave that kid plenty of chances to stop blowing the whistle, telling her to stop over and over. we have all seen this or experienced this. she got a spanking for not listening, and its not abusive. that kid will probably grow up to be better behaved and not a whining little entitled brat than a kid who never got spanked. (if the show ended and they dont have cameras in their faces for another 3 years) “now jimmy, put down the whistle. now jimmy, i said put down the whistle. jimmy please put down the whistle like mamma said…” come on. parents these days are so paranoid and weak and lame. and they have kids that are disruptive and rude in public.
You know how come that it’s illegal to hit an adult? Because the adult has the *brain* to understand what we are saying, asking, suggesting, demanding. A child doesn’t have a fully wired brain and might not understand why it’s absolutely imperative s/he doesn’t throw a fit in a restaurant, for example. THAT’s why! I do think, however, that being over 18 doesn’t necessarily makes a person an adult, capable of self-restraint and the like (read: Lindsay Lohan and others).
“Why is it ok for us to hit our kids, but abuse when we hit a spouse or another adult? At least an adult can defend themselves.”
Celebitchy, do you have children, or do you know the difference between spanking a child for wrong doing and getting beating up by your spouse? Because the above statement leads me to believe that you don’t.
Please don’t confuse the 2. It’s two totally different things. As a mom, how I spank my child for wrong doing is totally different than how my step daddy beat the shit out of my mom just because he was mad.
ps., thank you HashBrown, that was very well said.
Sh1t, everyone is on FIRE with the funnies today!
LOLd my head off at ‘paddle a punk’s butt’ – nice one Devries.
It’s Ana. (Not being snarky.)
And I’m not saying she’s a horrible mother just for spanking her child.
I could list many other reasons for why I think that she is a horrible mother. But most have already been said a dozen times. I haven’t caller abusive in any way. I think that spanking can sometimes be appropriate but over a whistle? I wouldn’t sit there telling my kid to put the whistle down I would take it away after he or she didn’t listen. The punishment should fit the crime. You can’t play right with your toy then you can’t play with it at all. Not -You can’t play right with the toy so I’m going to spank you. You shouldn’t spank over every little thing.
I think other people agree.
Oh and a real mom would’ve given her children the water bottle first instead of drinking it and then putting it away.
Spanking IS appropriate in some situations. It’s far different from beatings or abuse. Just because 20 countries have outlawed it doesn’t make it wrong. Many Muslim countries don’t allow grown women to drive, work, vote or even leave the house without male permission and escort, maybe we should follow their lead too if we’re gonna point at the law in other countries like it means anything at all.
As for Leah’s “anguish”, gimme a break. Kids that age scream over having a toy taken away, over something their brother said to them or because they have to take a bath or eat their vegetables. The expression on Leah’s face in that photo is exactly the same as the hundreds of other times we’ve seen her screaming for no reason. It’s not “anguish”, how ridiculous. It’s just five-year-old drama-queen crap.
I think the Gosselins are idiots who’ve screwed their lives up and are far from the best parents but hyping the crap out of every little things just keeps them in the news.
I’m more disgusted at that video of Kate denying the poor bebeh water. That’s sick.
And Truth-SF- I knew before I finished your post that you had personal experience with abuse based on how you saw a discrepency with CB where there wasn’t one. Even the same type of hit you use to spank a child is considered abuse when between two adults. I knew someone who got the cops called on her for “spanking” her boyfriend on the back. I believe that was the comparison being made, and more on the side of advocating AGAINST spanking than advoacating FOR your mom getting hurt. And along those lines, “spanking” is such a broad, all-encompassing term that it’s very easy for some parents to categorize a very harsh “Abuse” hit as a “spank”. So there is a point there.
@Truth-sf, I have a child, and I don’t spank him and I haven’t seen abuse at home so I don’t know the difference. It’s all abuse to me.
I dislike hamster moms. However, spanking is okay in my book.
I agree with Lucy. Kate is a money-grubbing bitch pimping her family out for fame and fortune.
That said, I was spanked as a kid a few times and I am perfectly fine. There’s a big difference between hitting and spanking. I won’t fault Kate for this, either.
My mom always punished us as she deemed fit and there was never an ounce of consistency. Sometimes we were smacked,pushed, or hit, sometimes she would fly into a verbal rage (that incidentally doesn’t leave visible scars), sometimes we’d be grounded for a month for the slightest infractions. I have felt her anger and I couldn’t tell you half of what I did to deserve her abuse. That look on Kate’s face reads very similarly to my mothers.
It makes me feel sad for Kate’s kids. I knew that I would never make my kids feel the same kind of anguish and uncertainty that my mother made me feel. I hope her kids make it through without too much damage.
I agree w KG on this one. She should discipline her kids as SHE SEES FIT. She’s their mother 1st not their friend so if they get a ltl upset at her or doesn’t like her for a cpl hrs after she spanks them too bad…they’ll get over it and be mommy’s “angel” once again. Stop making such a big deal out of this. Kids need to get spanked once in a while and thats a fact! (Especially those ltl demons running all over the supermarket knocking everything over then kicking and screaming at their push over of a mother standing there gently whispering “Tommy please listen to mommy”) Spank him & c how fast he’ll stop!
I must say I am a little shocked about how many of you think spanking your child is okay. Are you all from the USA? I daresay that – at least here in Germany – for most (educated) people this is a no-go. It doesn’t make a difference if you are a child or an adult. This is violence and NOT okay. There is no black and white with being your child’s “friend” as the only other option.
As to the above mentioned example: I would tell her to put away the whistle once. I she whistles again, the whistle will be gone for a looong time. It’s about immediate consequences, not necessarily about spanking.
PS: Of course there are more than 20 countries in the world, but not many that the US consider as equal regarding democracy and human rights.
Parents who spank their kids are lazy! Take the easy and fastest way to find a so called “solution” to the problem. If a child has behavioral problems, then sit your a** down and actually communicate with them. Make them understand that their behavior is unacceptable. Time-outs, groundings,and withholding items that they value CAN work! And I dont even want to hear all the BS that children dont understand, because if my two year old daughter can understand the consequences of misbehavior, then any child can.
GrnMtGirl – Aw, your comment about not knowing what you did to bring about your mother’s anger made me all choked up. How horrid.
Ahhhh, I just wanna give you a big squeezy hug now – I never get emotional about anything but here’s me now having a rethink about smacking kids…not that I have any to smack but you know what I mean.
I think it’s not anyone’s place to tell people how to raise their children.
Unless of course you place yourself in the limelight like this. Then you’re just opening yourself up for scrutiny.
If you choose or choose not to spank your children, that is your prerogative. I don’t think it’s fair that people are accusing CB of ignorance on the matter.
Obviously it’s on a child by child basis.
That being said, I think that spanking can be an absolute necessity.
Example: My mom spanked my sister and I and stopped when it came to my brother (he is 6 years younger than us) Guess which of her children are college graduates with bright futures and are socially well-adjusted? And guess who’s failing school, steals from stores and refuses to take tests just because “I didn’t feel like it”?
I think it’s funny when people say they have been spanked and it’s ok. Actually it made you think spanking is ok and that’s just sick.
I wholeheartedly agree with annie’s comment above particularly her “example.” Growing up, we were spanked (very infrequently, but it happened) – and my parents have raised normal, well-adjusted people. (My brother is a physician, sister has a doctorate and teaches, and well, okay here I am reading celeb gossip..no, honestly, I have a career too, but am taking a break to raise my kids.)
As a retired Child Protective Worker. My concern is that hitting a child teaches that child to hit someone smaller. Blowing a whistle is a such a small infraction. After hitting the child what do you do when they really do something serious, ie running in the street, setting a fire, etc. there is no place else to go.
It depends on the kid and the situation. Some children respond well to time-outs; others don’t. Having successfully raised a child myself I can say from experience there are times when the most effective discipline is a good swat on the butt.
It’s imperative to recognize that there is a difference between discipline and abuse. A swat on the butt with your open hand or slapping a kid in the mouth if he curses at you is not abuse. Beating him bloody is most definitely abuse.
Kate didn’t spank her child for blowing a whistle; she spanked her for deliberately disobeying her after she told her to stop. The spanking was deserved.
Cupcake: The last I heard, Germany is considering banning all violent video games because some kid who’d played Call of Duty (or something) has killed someone.
Millions of people around the world play violent video games and wouldn’t hurt a fly. That’s because millions of people around the world have no problem distinguishing fantasy from reality. But one German kid killed someone and instead of placing the blame on the one who did the deed and dealing with him and him alone, they’re gonna punish everyone else -in fact THE VAST MAJORITY – who have done nothing wrong, while driving the gaming community underground and losing all the jobs related to game manufacturing and sales not to mention tax revenue for the country. So much for how educated and superior Germany is to the US.
Maybe if that kid had had a spanking once in a while, he wouldn’t have grown up to be a murderer? I dunno, just a thought.
In any case I wouldn’t be holding Germany up as a shining example of logic and reason right now, if I were you.
I think spankings are fine..over a whistle is a bit much BUT maybe Kate should have had a few more spankings when she was growing up and maybe she’d be more likable..I don’t think I’ve seen many more self centered women than Kate is..
As a mother, I have spanked my child and I can say that it was neither effective, nor appropriate. It was an expression of my frustration and my desire to impose my will immediately on my child. It was wrong and didn’t achieve anything other than to make both of us feel badly.
What has worked is consistency, patience and an understanding of how children work. I strive hard to never spank again not just because it was ineffective, but because I want my child to do the right thing because he knows its the right thing, not because he is afraid of me. Obedience as the outcome of fear is not successful discipline.
The most successful discipline is non-violent, but it takes more work and more patience than corporal discipline.
“Spanking” a child when they misbehave and “hitting” your spouse are two totally different things! Who can not see that? I respect her for coming out against all this hoop la…She should discipline her children how she see’s fit. Like I said earlier, I was spanked, whacked, whatever. My parents loved me. Would do anything for me. It didn’t scar me in any way shape or form. Maybe I’m different. Maybe it’s society telling our children this is wrong that makes our children believe it to be wrong and have out cries about how they were “treated badly” or “beat”. I have seen the difference in our children and my parents children, and my grandparents children. There’s a HUGE difference. Children these days get away with a whole lot more than my parents children, and certainly my grandparents children. My grandfather was regularly beat! He left home when he was 15 and never went back. Some children have no idea what it’s like to be beat the way my grandfather was beat. And a “spank” on the butt is no where near what he went through.
I have to agree with CB and the minority here, spanking is the lazy form of discipline. And you have more than two options for discipline as a parent. It’s not just spank your child so he will behave or don’t spank your child and he will be a monster. Plenty of kids get spanked and/or beat regularly and still have behavior problems. The issue isn’t whether their parents spank them, it’s whether their parents consistently discipline bad behavior and acknowledge and encourage good behavior, or in simple terms consistently pay some attention to your children to reinforce the feeling that they are loved and safe. When kids don’t kid a certain amount of attention, they act out to get some, whether negative or positive, at that point it doesn’t matter.
I got spanked as a child and although I turned out OK, I’ve chosen not to spank my two sons. My mom and I are close, I don’t fault her for her discipline choices. But, I do believe that the good qualities and behaviors that I developed as a child were not the result of spankings, but on mimicking her good behavior and recognizing that I got more consistent, positive attention when I behaved myself. This is what I try to instill in my kids by praising their good behavior and making good discipline choices when they don’t behave, and they’re not angels by any means.
People are so afraid to discipline their kids now b/c of what everyone else thinks and fears MIGHT be happening. I talk to my kids every time they get into trouble. I also spank them when they deserve a spanking. They are not fearful, shy, or introverted in anyway. My children are respectful of their elders, have manners (THEY ALWAYS SAY PLEASE AND THANK YOU) and generally follow the rules set for them…obviously they aren’t perfect but I don’t see many kids now who’s parents enforce these principals. If my kids acted like half the kids in my sons kindergarten class I would be mortified to even acknowledge they were mine. There is nothing wrong with spanking when appropriate. And yes I’m not afraid to swat my sons on their butt in public. If someone thinks to say something…please have fun, oppinons are like you know whats and everyones got one! Stick to raising your own.
The people who are saying Kate should be thrown in jail for swatting Leah are ridiculous. The child was asked to stop blowing the whistle, in fact was very disrespectful by ignoring the parent. It’s not child abuse…it’s discipline. She’s not going to end up as a runaway and on the streets for one swat when she misbehaves. If children disrespect a parent, how do you think they will treat other people? It’s a swat. Get over yourselves. The only mistake she made was not taking her inside to administer the discipline.
Thats whats wrong with the world now, youth isn’t whipped enough and shown that parents are the boss!!!!!!! spare the rod spoil the child!!!!!!!!!!!
I’ve participated in countless discussions on whether or not parents should spank a misbehaving child and it seems the the people who are most against spanking are the people who don’t have children.
“Why is it ok for us to hit our kids, but abuse when we hit a spouse or another adult? At least an adult can defend themselves.”
You run a pretty good celeb blog, but I think you’re letting your personal opinions get in the way of logic on this one.
Acceptable “spanking” is understood to mean using your own hand on either the child’s butt or thighs. Hands are to be used to gauge the pain level — if your own hand hurts, it’s time to stop the spanking. Don’t leave bruising or marks, don’t spank mad, ect… It’s one of many techniques to teach children right from wrong — hopefully other methods would be used first, and spanking only as the last resort because the other methods failed.
The majority of adults/spouses hit falls more under beating, or using them as a punching bag. Also, no one’s responsible for teaching most adults right from wrong — there’s jail or fines for that.
My children didn’t live into their toddler years, so I’ve never dealt with it first hand. But my niece challenged me once, since I was the only aunt that never spanked her. I told her that was a big mistake to challenge me verbally like that, for now I had no choice but to spank her if she repeated her bad behavior. She made the smart decision, but I certainly would have spanked her at that time if she continued the bad behavior. The nieces and nephews minded me better than their own parents, and enjoyed themselves with me more than the other aunts and uncles; I understand other alternatives and used them well. So even though I’ve never spanked, I would have if the situation warranted. I have also made anonymous reports to protective services against parents that went to far.
It’s my opinion for you to group parents that give acceptable spankings into the same group as parents who beat their children is rude and rather short-sighted.
It frustrates me when people think children are little mini adults with the same reasoning capacity and the same rights. They are different – they are not fully developed cognitively or emotionally.
I read this article: http://www.msnbc.msn.com/id/17349066/
a while back and it is about the ‘narcissism epidemic’ in children now entering college and younger.
I truly believe that this is a result of a general lack of discipline, and this idea that each child is some special little princess/prince who should be coddled, indulged, and constantly built up.
Now, I probably sound like some sort of monster, but here’s my bottom line: The child is not an adult. The child is part of a family, and the parents – NOT the child – should be the ones to steer the family and make decisions on behalf of the family. Part of this family structure involves discipline. If you can discipline without spanking, great. But some kids are naturally more defiant and test the limits more frequently, and if they seriously cross a line, I see absolutely nothing wrong with a spank or two to the tushie, administered by a rational adult who is not spanking on a whim or out of anger. No, obviously, excessive spanking or spanking with belts, etc., could defininately cross over into abuse and should not be tolerated. But I don’t understand what’s so wrong with a spanking that is age-appropriate (like, probably not okay for a dad to spank his 12 year old daughter), non-abusive, and administered in a rational manner.
Furthermore, the idea that spanking begets violence seems faulty to me. The most violent child I ever met was my cousin Sara, whose parents never laid a hand on her. Her mom knew how to yell and scold her pretty good, but they never physically disciplined her. She was also totally spoiled and never taught how to treat other kids. As a result, she used to kick the shit out of me and my little sister, two very well-behaved, fairly shy girls (who were both younger than her). She had no violent role model – she figured that out herself.
On the other hand, when I tried to hit my little sister as a kid, my mom gave me a spanking and I learned not to touch other kids in a hostile way.
I was beaten by my dad and verbally abused, and I hated him. My mom probably spanked me a handful of times and I don’t even remember that, because it was part of a loving but firm upbringing. Kids know when it’s fair and when it’s not. Ever seen a dog or wolf with their offspring? They are very patient, but stepping over the line gets a quick cuff which stops the bad behavior and is instantly forgotten. I don’t think this is abusive.
She did not “hit” her child, which implies she was just being mean. She spanked her child, which implies discipline. We don’t know how hard, or soft, the spanking was. When I spank, I do a little tap. They barely feel it, BUT they know it means I am serious. For all we know she did the same thing.
You want to know what’s ridiculous? It’s not that she spanked her daughter, it’s that so many people are talking about it like it’s some sort of big deal. We all know MANY ppl spank their kids…this is not news people. I spank my kids when it’s needed and it’s nobody’s freaking business. And yeah, I said spank, not beat. When ppl say spanking is an act of violence…I get nauseated. Please peddle your nonsense someplace else.
People still spank even in the countries where its banned and the only reason it ws banned; was because they had issues with child mortality related to child abuse.
i was spanked as a kid (we had a belt specifically for spanking). as awful as that was, it was the yelling/screaming and name calling that did me in. i don’t think either one taught me anything. it made me more afraid of my parents than anything else. i won’t say that i’m against spanking. it works for some and not for others. i just don’t see myself doing that when i’m a parent.
I’m sure this isn’t the first time Kate G. has spanked one of her kids. It says a lot tho that they edit it out of the show to avoid offending people
Would you be OK with other people spanking your kids? Their teachers, babysitters, relatives & friends’ parents? No? It’s only OK for you to commit violence on your child, right?
Clearly, those other people have to impose discipline in other ways: by creating an atmosphere of clear rules, calm and respect. You should do the same. All the more so because it’s your flesh and blood, and you’re picking on someone not your own size.
i don’t know why she spanked her kid, or whether it was just a quick swat or what. none of us do, we weren’t there and i think judging if she was “right” or “wrong” from this distance is asinine. but, i do think the fact that jon and kate are still filming their kids is sick…they have done alot of damage to them and need to stop.
I would encourage people who equate not spanking with not disciplining to educate themselves as to the alternatives. A parent who does not guide or discipline their child fails their child, just as a parent who does so through violence fails their child.
Guiding your children to adulthood is hard work. Just because I have chosen not to employ spanking, shaming or time outs does not mean my child is not disciplined. He is not spoiled, he is not violent towards other children and he doesn’t get his way all the time.
Spanking isn’t necessary and it isn’t okay just because it is the cultural norm. Do I think a parent should be thrown in jail for spanking? No, but I think we as a culture should focus more on teaching NON violent methods of discipline.
I loathe this woman. That being said, this is being blown out of proportion. She tapped her ass. Sometimes a child can’t be reasoned with and a little tap let’s them know right away you mean business. You are conditioning them to know it is not a behavior they repeat.
Spanking is sometimes necessary. I’ve seen the behavior of those who use “time out” on their kids…horrible. The kids don’t listen all you hear is the voice of the parent ove and over telling the kid to stop…annoying. I’m betting most that are posting that its abuse or not necessary don’t have kids of their own.
Oh, please. I saw the video where she “denied” the water. She was clearly zoning out the kids while there was probably a producer talking in her ear. So what? I only have three and I sometimes tune them out to preserve my sanity! Whining in my house gets an automatic denial anyway so that kid would have been SOL with me too.
And no one’s saying that not spanking=no discipline.
Since I am not the voice of others, I will say again, that a parent can raise their child however they like. And that there is a difference between abuse and spanking. And that some kids need it, while others do not. Of course, that is not in any way my condoning abuse. There is a line and a good parent who decides to employ spanking knows this.
Please get off your high horses everyone.