'09
Those of us who follow Gwyneth Paltrow’s Goop ramblings religiously (and really, who doesn’t?) know that Gwyneth fancies herself the second coming of Martha Stewart. Think about it – they can both come across as icy, haughty, snotty blondes with too much time on their hands. It sort of works. Except for the fact that Martha Stewart has every damn reason to be haughty – she’s actually a lifestyle goddess bitches, and she was put on this earth so we could all bake the perfect cake, make our own icing and create our own icing mold tips. Don’t forget the wax paper! The wax paper will help you not get all of your homemade icing on your beautiful antique cake stand that, of course, you bought on your little weekend escape to the Connecticut antique shops. What? You don’t live like that? Too bad. Martha does. And she’s the original. Goopy’s just a budget imposter.
Anyway, Fox News 411 is reporting that Gwyneth’s next step to becoming the snottier, goopier version of Martha is to launch a series of Goop-branded products. Part of the Goop brand will be beauty products, launched under the Estee Lauder umbrella. Which means that Gwyneth probably isn’t mad about the weird circumstances surrounding the loss of her Estee Lauder modeling contract – it was probably mutual, and Gwyneth remained friends with the Lauder women. Gwyneth also wants a “Goop For Moms” brand that she can sell through her website, or as Fox’s source says, she wants “to create products for real women.” Oh, barf. In Goopy’s mind, “real women” = fat peasants.
An inside source tells FOX411 that Gwyneth Paltrow has secret plans to shift her public image and become the next Martha Stewart. She wants to create her own lifestyle brands for women and families and cut back to doing one movie per year. Husband and Coldplay lead singer Chris Martin has even dubbed Gwyneth’s appointments to plan her takeover of the lifestyle sector her “Martha Stewart meetings”!
The insider, who works with paltrow, tells FOX411, “Her plan is to stay visible in the occasional film, but to create products for real women. She is working on new products for her own beauty line under Estee Lauder and looking at different products for moms at home that she can tie to her website, GOOP.”
And Gwyneth has new product lines all ready for launch, says the source.
“Her charity clothing line for ZOEtees, which will benefit Kids Company, is about to debut, and that was a major project. Other products will follow suit.”
Martin lightly mocks Gwyneth’s big plans, but he never asks her to stop them, the insider adds. “She still spends plenty of time with him and Moses and Apple and she continues to be a very protective and present mother.”
It’s a good thing Chris doesn’t try to hold her back, because he’d lose, says the pal. “She has become a power multi-tasker, so she’ll take meetings while she’s sitting around her movie sets. Gwyneth wants to create an empire, but her first priority is always to her family. She is finding ways to merge the two so that other women and mothers will be able to do the same.”
[From Fox News 411]
Interesting that Fox’s source seems to stress that Chris Martin is all for the Goop brand. Chris is probably thinking, “Anything to get her to shut her goopy piehole for two goddamn seconds.” The “source” is probably very much a Friend of Goop, because the rumors we keep hearing are that Chris and Gwyneth are having problems.
As for the main part of the story – would you buy Goop products? Perhaps “Goop Mascara” (yikes) or the “Goop Diaper Pail”? I could have fun with this – how about Goop Tissues, for when you’re feeling snotty (snotty = “Gwyneth”). Or the Goop “Roach” Killer, for when the paparazzi just won’t leave you alone?
Gwyneth and Martha are shown at the same event, the premiere of Valentino: The Last Emperor at the MoMA in NY on 3/17/09. Credit: Splash News
Written by Kaiser
Posted in Gwyneth Paltrow, Martha Stewart
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hahahahahahaha!!
Delusional, condescending, arrogant, confused twit. Detest her.
“I’m a vegan, I’m a vegetarian, I’m an actress, I’m a chef, blah, blah, blah…”
shut up and sit DOWN
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maybe she will fool some people — the people of Britain, perhaps?
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Good luck with that Gwenyth!LOL!
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Dueling Shiksas…they should work this out in kiddie pool filled with green tea jello. And razor blades.
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no, “n”, I’m pretty sure they hate her, too.
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Gwyneth says she is Jewish, Martha i’m not sure about her…
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Oh, Gwoopy Paltrow, you are a hot mess, aren’t cha?
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MM: Martha Stewart is Polish-American (Catholics), Stewart is her married name. Paltrow’s father was supposedly Jewish and unless the mother is Jewish, the progeny isn’t if they don’t convert (that’s Jewish law and a lot of faiths are the same).
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There are somethings I would buy from Gwyneth. Shoes… she has a kick-ass shoe collection… Purses, if she could demean herself to create knock offs of the expensive handbags she always totes… Maybe even linens (because how can you really mess up linens?)
At the end of the day however, Martha’s empire does well, not because people love her (many people don’t) but because she has the connections to get her products hawked all over the country. From K-Mart and Wallmart to her higher end stuff, its really about just getting the products into the stores. If Gwyneth has those sort of connections, she’ll sell well. Most people don’t really care about the brand or designer, they just go to the store and buy whatever they like best at their price point. So if she can design halfway decent products, and can get them into stores, there will be plenty of people to buy her crap.
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Why do you check her blog daily if you hate her so much? Seems like there is a little jealousy there, eh?
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Poop vs. mousse au chocolat .. they may seem somewhat similar only at first look but it’s really no contest.
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Martha’s a twofer: a bitch and an elitist. But she’s also a creative and marketing genius.
Gwyneth, on the other hand, has only one thing going for her: the good fortune to be born into a very well connected Hollywood family.
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Goop. Just one letter away from what it really is.
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I buy Martha’s Everyday cooking magazine, and every single freaking month I find something in it that my family LOVES. I also have a set of her mixing spoons and a set of her sheets, and I tell you, they are really good quality for the price point. Martha’s not a “nice” lady, but she, her staff and her empire make great products.
If Goop can make products of a similar quality, I would consider buying, but probably not. Martha has gotten where she’s gotten because she’s uniquely good at what she does. Paltrow is an actress with an opinion; they’re a dime a dozen.
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i don’t think martha has anything to worry about.
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“Martha has gotten where she’s gotten because she’s uniquely good at what she does. ”
Plus you can tell she loves it and wants to do it. Paltrow can’t get it into her head that Martha works to identify with the average housewife, not the average trophy wife.
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ahahahahaha i want to see that, i think julia stiles did anticipate this.
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I also see in the European fashion mags that Gwyneth’s not the Tod’s model anymore either. They’re using sets of Euro nobility instead.
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Isn’t Goopy into Kabbalah? That’s supposedly based upon Jewish mysticism. At least, that’s what the word is on the outside…
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Ok…maybe im late..but what the hell is GOOP? I even went to the website and have become more confused.
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Celebitchy –
Paltrow annoys me too. But you’re only helping her by constantly writing about her. I wouldn’t know about Goop if you hadn’t informed me.
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Exactly Tess! Martha’s a marketing design genius and she started to bake and make clothes for her family (parents + 6 sibblings) VERY YOUNG, as a child. She is a self made women, and she was organizing birthday parties of her classmates. She’s not perfect, but she is a hardworker.
Gwyneth is just copying the others, and some French cooks / designers, and Italian as well, and apparently she wants to copy on Martha Stewart now.
Her birth name is Marta Kostyra, born to Polish catholic immigrants. She’s sometimes cold, but she’s shy, I’m talking about Martha. Gwyneth is superficial and arrogant.
Gwyneth doesn’t know what she is. Christian mother, jewish father, she said she is raising her kids in BOTH religions, and celebrating Christmas and Hanoukah. A stupid Hollywood attitude, some say.
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“Martha has gotten where she’s gotten because she’s uniquely good at what she does. ”
Plus you can tell she loves it and wants to do it. Paltrow can’t get it into her head that Martha works to identify with the average housewife, not the average trophy wife.
I agree with both of you + she started from nowhere. She was baking to help her parents to raise her sibblings. I’ll have to check, but if she’s the oldest of the 6, she was a sort of second mother.
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Martha Stewart was born in Jersey City, New Jersey to middle-class Polish-American parents Edward “Eddie” Kostyra (c. 1912 – 1979) and Martha Ruszkowski Kostyra (b. Buffalo, New York, September 16, 1914 – d. Norwalk, Connecticut, November 16, 2007)[4]. She lived in Jersey City until the age of 3, when her family moved to Nutley, New Jersey.[5][6] She was raised in Nutley along with her five siblings.[7] Stewart graduated from Nutley High School in her hometown.[8]
Her family instilled in her a strong passion for activities in the home. Stewart’s mother taught her how to cook and sew. Later, she learned the processes of canning and preserving when she visited her grandparents’ home in Buffalo, New York. Her father had a passion for gardening, and passed on much of his knowledge and expertise to his daughter.
wikipedia, a model family somehow
Ans she was beautiful young : “Stewart began a modeling career”. Gwyneth isn’t so beautiful naturaly, her eyes aren’t special.
Martha is an institution of well living in America, Gwyneth is just a fraud.
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delusional that gwyneth
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Dear God,
Please muzzle this self-important, out-of-touch b#tch. Thank you!
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I can’t stand Martha but I LOVE Gwynnie. Kudos to her for taking on such a big challenge.
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A shame the second picture isn’t sharp..
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