Here’s news I didn’t know – ESPN has a magazine. Shocking! Not only does ESPN have a magazine, they devoted their new issue (I think it’s the November issue) to “The Body Issue”. Their cover girl is a naked, glistening Serena Williams. There’s already been some minor controversy about the cover shot – with internet commenters using some pretty gross language to describe what she looks like. Personally, I think she looks good. With all of the half-dressed or completely nude celebrities that seem to grace the covers of multiple magazines these days, it’s nice to see a naked woman with a different kind of body type – strong, athletic and beautiful.

In the end, though, I’m glad the magazine devoted more coverage inside the magazine to the glistening, built, gorgeous men. There are multiple photo layouts with some really good looking guys who obviously don’t care if they’re photographed completely naked. There are hockey players from the Edmonton Oilers – Ethan Moreau, Sheldon Souray and Andrew Cogliano. I have no idea who those men are, but Ethan is my new favorite. He’s got a great jaw line. And his strategically placed hockey stick is a great mind trick – it makes me think he’s really well-endowed.

I’m really worried about professional bull rider Shane Proctor, though. Between the bull’s horns and the rusty-looking fence, I fear his wang is in for a world of hurt. Cute face, though. Just a horribly staged photograph. Then there’s D.C. United players Chris Pontius, Bryan Namoff, Clyde Simms, Jaime Moreno, Santino Quaranta and Ben Olsen. They’re all naked except for their socks and cleats, which for the future, gentlemen, will not get you into most beds. I’m ready to make that an official rule: No cleats in the bedroom.

The issue has a lot of intense shots of just one athlete from various sports. Once again, since I have no idea who any of these people are, I’m just going to name my favorites based on their looks and their hot bodies. Zdeno Chara of Boston Bruins is absolutely delicious – he’s huge, and he has a Clive Owen-esque face. They note that he’s 6′9″. Jesus, I love a big man. Oh, they have a picture of Olympic swimmer Ryan Lochte – I actually remember him from the 2008 games. He’s so cute. And swimmers always have the best bodies. Who else strikes my fancy? Mmm… soccer player Oguchi Onyewu has incredible legs. Lovely.

You know what? If these boys played their respective sports in this state of undress, I might actually watch them. I’m making the exception with Ryan Lochte, who obviously swims in next to nothing, which is lovely. The only sport I see here where clothes are an absolute necessity is bullfighting. That poor bullfighter’s wang. Tsk, tsk.

Photos thanks to Tabloid Prodigy, where there are many more.

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