In case there was any doubt whether or not Britney Spears really is trailer trash, I give you exhibit A: Britney attempted to try on underwear in a dressing room before buying it. Can you imagine what could happen to you if you bought her discards? I bet those things could crawl away on their own. Sideways, of course. (Get it? Because of all the crabs. Because Britney sleeps around a lot. Okay that wasn’t funny. Carry on).

Shortly before 1 a.m. on November 18, Britney Spears entered the X-rated Hustler Store in West Hollywood. Spears loaded up on naughty skivvies and headed to the fitting rooms. But store employees “told her they don’t allow people to try on underwear,” a source at the scene says. “She was really upset. She looked out of it. There was nothing going on behind her eyes.”

At that point, Spears threw a fit, and took off her own underwear before trying on a pair of boyshorts (with “Barely Legal’ stitched across the rear end) in the middle of the store while 15 other customers looked on. An eyewitness tells Us, “The employees kept saying ‘Don’t change out here!’ She’s just like, ‘Well, I couldn’t take them in the fitting room!’ It was like dealing with a child.”

[From Us Weekly]

Um, Britney, the problem isn’t that you can’t try on un-purchased underwear in the dressing room; the problem is that you can’t try it on at all. You don’t see other customers stripping down in the middle of stores on a regular basis, right? They don’t have that rule as an incentive to get women to flash their ladybits next to the cash register; they have it to prevent your various strains of syphilis from latching on to the person who purchases the underwear you tried on and then discarded.

I have no idea what kind of delusional world Britney’s drug-addled mind lives in. I kind of imagine it’s like the heffalumps and woozles scene in the Winnie the Pooh movie. Britney’s bouncing around, kind of disoriented, and there are a lot of animals with stripes and spots that are constantly changing shapes. And who could really manage to act like a normal person and pay attention to basic hygiene when that elephant’s head just broke off from his body, turned into a balloon, and floated away?

Picture note by Jaybird: Here’s Brit on her way to Petco on November 18th. No word on what panties she’s wearing in the photo. Or if she bought crabs or brought her own. Images thanks to Splash Photos.