Some people are just inherently classy, and there’s nothing you can do about it. You’ll say to them, “Hey, why don’t you relax, be a little more casual, you’re getting borderline uptight with all of your sophistication. Come mingle with the commoners.” Porn star/former California gubernatorial candidate Mary Carey is just such a lady. Not content with organizing a bake sale, Carey has decided to auction off her recently-removed 36-D implants and donate part of the money to the Susan G. Komen Breast Cancer Foundation. The rest of the funds will go towards paying her mother’s medical bills. She jumped off a four-story building in 2006, and obviously suffered major injuries. She’s had 11 surgeries since then.

So far the bidding is at $210 with 44 bids. There’s a little over eight days left. The eBay listing notes:

Have a very “Mary” Christmas and win the best stocking stuffer of all time. Mary Carey… is giving holiday shoppers an opportunity to take home what could be the seasons’ best stocking stuffer - her recently removed breast implants.

“Now that I’m sober, I wanted a new physical state to go along with my new mental state,” said Carey. “I thought the auction would be a great way to spread some holiday cheer and to make sure someone out there has a Mary Mary Christmas.”

[From eBay]

Mary is one of the participants on VH1’s upcoming “Celebrity Rehab with Dr. Drew. “ VH1 hasn’t said what addictions each of the participants is dealing with. But apparently the breast implants have to do with her sobriety… and her mother… Carey gives a rather convoluted reason that I could interpret several ways, if I wanted to sit around and try to get into her head.

“I’m actually overall very anti-plastic surgery,” Carey said. “I watched my mom go through 11 surgeries (for her injuries) and it’s like, for me to voluntarily put myself through that, the only right thing to do is make money and donate it to charity.” Carey said the size 36-D implants were taken out two weeks ago and replaced with larger 36-DDDs and while under anesthesia she realized they could be used to raise money for breast cancer research. “The doctors asked me what I wanted to do with them and I said, ‘You know what, I’m going to keep them and try to sell them. Because my grandmother had breast cancer,” Carey told Reuters in an interview. “Now that I’m sober, I wanted a new physical state to go along with my new mental state. I thought the auction would be a great way to spread some holiday cheer and to make sure someone out there has a Mary Mary Christmas.”

[From Gossip Boulevard]

Oh my. I don’t know what I can add to that. I guess it’s a good thing that maybe her heart is in the right place? Probably? Considering the whole situation with her mother, I really don’t feel like I should be making jokes. So I’m just trying to present the statements Mary has given, with as little commentary as possible. Wikipedia notes that Mary’s mother has Fetal alcohol syndrome, and IMDB says she’s also been diagnosed with schizophrenia. Mary’s father has s cerebral palsy. Her grandparents got custody of her when she was three months old and later adopted her. Eventually her mother came to live with them as well. I have no idea to what extent porn stars are honest about their pasts and what’s invented, but the general story on the internet is that Mary’s grandparents put her in dance classes, in which she excelled and performed with the Miami City Ballet when she was 12. She won several dance scholarships, and ended up at Florida State University’s dance team. Her grandparents both got sick and she started working as a stripper, and then a porn star, to support the family. Depending on its accuracy, it’s an interesting and sad story. Never thought I’d say this, but it makes me hope Mary Carey’s implants fetch a lot of money. Bid away, readers.