I hate bad presents. Yeah it’s the thought that counts, but sometimes a present is the result of a pretty crappy thought. Everyone has that friend or family member who is known for continually giving crappy presents. I had a person who constantly gave me gifts of coffee. This was after I explained that I don’t drink caffeine (on purpose) and I don’t like coffee. I lived in Seattle at the time, a place where coffee is revered as next to Godliness. I explained that not only was my not drinking caffeine a deliberate health decision, but I wanted to be one of the two people in the Pacific Northwest that didn’t waste $5 on bitter or sugared crap. The giver was a coffee addict the likes of which I’d never seen, and apparently saw my decision as a personality flaw on my part. Thus I was forevermore given gifts of beans and grinders, even though I always politely refused coffee in the giver’s presence. As cranky as it made me, I now realize it really wasn’t all that bad. I could work with Will Smith, a multi-millionaire several times over, and be given gifts of free crap. Free Scientology crap. I’m pretty sure I’d then be begging for some coffee, so I could get the temporary energy rush from the caffeine that would then help me to kick Will Smith in the ear.
Big stars traditionally distribute “wrap presents” to crew members after completing a film. His recent gift after wrapping next summer’s comedy “Hancock” was a card good for a personality test at your local Scientology center. Fun! Never mind that such tests are given free by the church anyway. The quiz is designed to convert people to the religion by identifying personality flaws that – surprise! – Scientology can fix right up for you. For a fee, of course.
Smith, who is best buddies with Scientology booster Tom Cruise, has never confirmed that he joined the church. But he told “Access Hollywood” last month: “I was introduced to it by Tom, and I’m a student of world religion. I was raised in a Baptist household. I went to a Catholic school, but the ideas of the Bible are 98% the same ideas of Scientology, 98% the same ideas of Hinduism and Buddhism.”
Presumably the other 2% is the part about the evil space emperor who put the hydrogen bombs in the volcano.
I don’t think even Tom Cruise gives presents which are that crappy. He probably gives a lot of Scientology-related garbage, but I’m guessing he also gives something that costs more than… nothing. I think it’s pretty clear that Will Smith is now a Scientologist. I have a hard time believing that someone would give Scientology presents just for the awesomeness of it. I wouldn’t hand out Star of David necklaces just because I think Judaism is cool, nor would give someone a copy of the Book of Mormon because I thought it was a fun read. But I might give you a tiny statue of a fat Buddha, just because he’s freaking adorable. Maybe that’s what’s going on. Maybe Will Smith thinks Scientology is cute as a button. I don’t understand all of his Tom Cruise ass kissing. Will Smith is a major movie star. He doesn’t need to get chummy with wackos to help his career. Which is why I’m pretty sure he must actually be bowing down at Xenu’s feet right now.
Picture note by Celebitchy: Will Smith is shown on 1/9/08 at a photocall for I am Legend in Rome. Thanks to PRPhotos.