Madonna invests in Brazilian “youth water” not plastic surgery

Hope For Haiti Now: A Global Benefit For Earthquake Relief held in Los Angeles

While I’m not certain Jesus Luz really did dump Madonna, everyone seems to be reporting it, and Madonna still hasn’t released any statement about it. Hello Magazine is running an interview with an unnamed “friend” of Madge’s, and this friend confirms the breakup, and also claims that Madge is taking a time-out. Apparently, Madge told this friend: “I don’t know what I’m going to do, and I’m certainly not going to rush a decision to satisfy the curious.” The friend then says: “The problem with Jesus is as simple as it is obvious. It’s the age difference. He’s 23. She’s 51. How long could it last? How it even lasted a year seems a miracle to a lot of people. He’s perfectly nice, a gentleman and very smart. But they are in such different places in their lives. They both benefited, but it’s pretty much over now. Or, as Madonna told me, “We’ve just run out of things to talk about. I mean, it’s really pushing it for us to have common ground these days. We have Kabbalah, but that’s about it.”‘ Hmmm…

Anyway, the investment in Jesus Luz’s pants (and his deejay lessons, and all the modeling work Madge got him) isn’t the only Brazilian investment Madge has made recently. Fox New Pop Tarts reports that Madge has invested $1.5 million in a special Brazilian “youth water”. It’s coconut-flavored water, by the way. Just in case you thought “youth water” was a euphemism for “scary plastic surgery in Brazil”.

Madonna is making a big $1.5 million investment in Vita Coco, coconut water made in Brazil. This will be her second major import from the country, behind her Brazillian model boyfriend, 23 year-old Jesus Luz.

Madonna will join her manager Guy Oseary and other celebs like Matthew McConaughey and Demi Moore as investors in the company. Friends of the singer give us the inside track into what hooked Madonna on her latest health sensation.

Sources tell us the Material Mom is obsessed with the water for its many benefits in health and aging.

“Madonna began drinking it in 2009 on her Sticky & Sweet tour and it became her drink of choice. Before Vita Coco, she was drinking a lot of coffee and having special brands shipped to her on the tour. She began drinking coconut water after workouts and shows. Madonna has a team of specialists around her including doctors, chiropractors and other people who could confirm that it’s a healthy choice.”

By investing in Vita Coco, Madonna can ensure that it gets publicized, gets new fans and will always be at her fingertips.

“It’s around for Jesus to drink, too. Madonna has it delivered everywhere she goes. Coconut water is something the Brazilians have embraced for years, so it’s no coincidence that she’s been drinking it since meeting Jesus. This is another way she can turn back the clock and pour something super healthy into her body. Madonna uses it to detoxify and cleanse her system.”

Other health benefits of coconut water include lowering your cholesterol, preventing diabetes, boosting your metabolism and immune system. You can buy your Madonna Vita Coco water at Whole Foods and other specialty food markets.

[From Fox News Pop Tarts]

Now, I believe Madonna has invested in this company, and I believe that she will continue to pay large sums of money to ensure that she looks “younger”. That included money for plastic surgery, money for clothes, money to pay off random men to be her boyfriend, money for expensive water, Kabbalah or coconut. But seriously, who looks at Madge and thinks, “Wow, she looks great!” When I saw her performance on the Help For Haiti Now telethon (these photos are from that event), every time she tried to move her face, she and I both winced in pain. But it was probably the coconut water, right?

Hope For Haiti Now: A Global Benefit For Earthquake Relief held in Los Angeles

Hope For Haiti Now: A Global Benefit For Earthquake Relief held in Los Angeles

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32 Responses to “Madonna invests in Brazilian “youth water” not plastic surgery”

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  1. tiki says:

    wow, i hope she doesn’t get the botox and the coconut water mixed up and drink the wrong potion.

  2. Sumodo says:

    Sting looks GREAT! Madonna looks like she’s spent a lot of money on bad p.s. Sting is vegan, is Madge? Also, that coconut water is a big health food store fad right now. Like all fads, they fade. Good luck, Madge, with your fading looks and faddish coco water. And, Sting? Man!

  3. dragonlady sakura says:

    Youth water my butt! It’s either plastic surgery or the blood of a thousand male virgins. Either way, just admit you’ve done “something” and call it a day.

  4. Squirrel says:

    Brazilian youth water…. is that what she chooses to call it? Yeuch!

  5. rreedy says:

    Good Lord, Madge, you are looking ridiculous…morphing into looking Norma Desmond-ish. Seriously, M, get some dignity.

  6. lucy2 says:

    Yeah, she and Demi Moore would share interest in the same “youth water” company! Both have the same formula for not aging – plastic surgery, Photoshop, and denial.

  7. hatsumomo says:

    Well, att least she covered up, no scary sinewy arms or leg bone protrusions.

  8. Johanna says:

    Holy crappers Juan Ponce de Leon was right, there is such thing as the fountain of youth! Only it was coconut water all this time… wait… what?

  9. snapdragon says:

    so “water” gave her those hideous looking cheek implants? hmmm.

  10. Brazilian youth water..otherwise known as cum of some young guy.

  11. Seer says:

    “Brazilian youth water”? Thanks Kaiser, I needed that laugh today! : D

  12. sassy says:

    As I eat delicious Chick-fil-A and sip a dr. pepper, I love that it doesn’t seem to matter that these celebrities spent all this time and money obsessing over every little calorie that they put into their body, eating organic, non processed, macrobiotic tastelss crap all to fend back father time AND THEY STILL AGED!!!!! HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA They did all that work FOR NOTHING! I love it!! I’m going to eat a ding dong now…

  13. e-non says:

    madonna got her movie icons mixed up — she’s turned into norma desmond when she really, really wanted to be marlene dietrich.

    lainey had some unretouched photos of her the other day, and they were not flattering at all. she’s headed towards jocelyn wildenstein territory…

    all that money, all that influence, anything at all … except she’ll never get her 20s back.

  14. Camille says:

    I’m glad someone else noticed that she was covered up. At least something was positive about it!

  15. Skipper says:

    I love how she invested $1.5 million in yet another health fad, but could only cough up $250,000 for Haiti – cheap-ass.

  16. why do i care? says:

    @ Sassy

    The organic thing really doesn’t benefit people as much as it does the planets ecosystems. I don’t really have the energy to explain, but a little research will give you a good explanation.

    As for Madonna, it is nice to see people taking care of themselves… But, uh, she has no confidence and it shows.

  17. grace says:

    I love coconut water, but never heard it was “youth water”.
    and I’m sorry Kaiser, but if she had had any plastic surgery in Brazil, she wouldn’t be looking this horrible. Brazil definetely has the best plastic surgeons of the world, even Dr Hollywood, Robert Rey, is brazilian…after all, everything in this country is about looks, and madona is really far away (like really far) from being beautiful on our parameters.

  18. Sally says:

    What does she make him eat so it’s coconut flavoured?

  19. Phowie says:

    I thought coconuts contained milk? Also, on a side note there was an article the other day that Madonna was paying to have Jesus’ teeth straightened. I guess the other kids at school were teasing him. Now she can do something about her own longinthetoothitis everybody will be happy.

  20. Sick of Celebrity- there's nothing to celebrate says:

    @ Skipper- good catch, I thought the same thing.

    Where I live, they’ve been selling coconut water at the Asian market for like ever, so why this place needs so many “investors” is beyond me. I know, the coconuts there probably aren’t as sexy as Brazilian coconuts though, so maybe that’s it.

    And yes, she is one scary lookin lady now! Guy Ritchie summed it up best when he said it was like trying to get intimate with a piece of beef jerky. So much for embracing your femme side.

  21. irishserra says:

    There’s no way that woman is plastic-free. She’s definitely had extensive work done. You don’t have to be an expert to figure that out!

  22. BrazilianGuyInDC says:

    We, Brazilians, know for the longest time all the benefits of drinking coconut water… the best way is sitting on a chair, on Ipanema beach, having your coconut cut and drinking from it, with no glasses, bottles or Madonnas…
    She looks good though, although the only Brazilian youth water I can think of is related to WS…which I’m sure Maggie might’ve tried in some point in her life…lol…
    And to Phowie, who thought coconut had milk instead of water, the milk is extract from the fruit itself (the white part of the coconut) but I’m unsure about the process of extraction.

  23. MsEllaneous says:

    The press release reads in part: “Vita Coco, the nation’s best-selling coconut water and one of the fastest-growing beverage brands in the U.S., today announced a group of high-profile new investors into the five-year old, New York-based beverage company. With over 60% share of the coconut water market and annual revenues more than doubling in 2009 from the previous year, Vita Coco is headed to record sales in 2010 and beyond. It was officially confirmed today by Vita Coco CEO and co-founder Michael Kirban that entertainment manager Guy Oseary and his client Madonna invested in Vita Coco. Oseary also brought on board Matthew McConaughey, Demi Moore and Red Hot Chili Peppers frontman Anthony Kiedis as additional Vita Coco investors.”

  24. Moops says:

    Isn’t coconut water a natural laxative and diuretic? Madonna needs to be keeping whatever meager stuff she ingests, not peeing/pooping it out.

    And as long as she’s throwing $$ around, why doesn’t she invest a few hundred in waxing that fuzzy billy-goat’s-gruff thing she calls a chin? In hi-res she looks like my Nana…

  25. Jin says:

    Vita Coco is a tasty, nutrient-packed drink. I’m working with Vita Coco, and they’re currently having a promotion on Amazon; just enter the code 2BUCKVIT to get a discount for a limited time only – by the way, you can join Vita Coco’s Facebook group if you’re keen on getting more updates!

  26. Regina says:

    I think Madonna looks great, and although I don’t really believe in a fountain of youth I do agree that Vita Coco has amazing health benefits. I’m glad I started drinking it, and although I don’t feel “younger” I feel better about myself in general.

  27. Selena says:

    Vita Coco is a great metabolism booster! I drink it every morning!

  28. hailey says:

    i drank coconut water straight out of the young nut while i was travelling in columbia! love love it…my appetite and thirst were both quenched and satisfied…it’s nectar from the goddess’

    vita coco at whole foods…tastes the same yummm…

  29. Riri says:

    I love Madonna, and I love Vita Coco!
    ps Vita Coco is greaaaat for hangovers.

  30. Jainey says:

    Vita Coco is the best coconut water out there! I love all the flavors it comes in, mango is my favorite. It keeps my energy up all day and has replaced coffee for me. I feel so much healthier.

  31. Holy landz is the first and only online store that sells holy water filled from the river jordan where jesus was baptized.