At the end of last year a raccoon in Virginia broke into a liquor store and, er, sampled the product. Now a capuchin monkey in Tennessee broke into a pawn shop and wreaked havoc on the variety of wares, though cameras captured his particular aggression towards computer keyboards. He bashed three separate keyboards! That part I actually understand, as I’m sure this dexterous monkey, reportedly named Chester, simply feels as strongly as I do that there’s a greater capacity for learning to be had in handwriting as opposed to typing. With regards to the emerging pattern of animals breaking into businesses and trashing them, at what point do we concede that we have an animal uprising on our hands incited by humanity’s poor stewardship of this planet, politically and environmentally speaking? Pawn shop owner Loretta Bryant doesn’t get into this philosophical question, but she does paint a vivid picture of what she walked into after Chester’s rampage:

A Tennessee pawn shop is cleaning up after an unusual crime was reported over the weekend.

The pawn shop runs a tight ship, but 24/7 security and plenty of surveillance cameras couldn’t stop this break-in. It turns out a furry creature was looking for a little “monkey business.”

“We come in the door about 8, probably 8:20, um, and it was a disaster,” Loretta Bryant, owner of the Trade Center, said. “I went back and I said, what is it? And there was little Chester. The little brown capuchin monkey sitting right in that door.”

The culprit made his way in through a doggy door and passed the pawn shop cats, and it was all captured on surveillance video.

“There was monkey messes everywhere,” Bryant said.

It was a crime of opportunity.

“He really hated computer keyboards,” Bryant said. “There were three computer keyboards just bashed. The keys were laying in the floor.”

Even the best detectives have to wonder about the monkey’s motives.

“What are they thinking about? … I don’t know,” Bryant said. “In my wildest dream, could not have dreamed that.”

The hometown store is now back to normal, having recovered from the capuchin’s shenanigans.

The monkey was allegedly stolen from an Alabama farm, then taken to Tennessee and sold. Animal control wouldn’t comment on whether the monkey was stolen but said the monkey is now back with its owner.

[From WMUR ABC]

Well, if the local ABC news station won’t get into it, I guess it falls to me to address the elephant in the store: WTF were the “pawn shop cats” doing during this break in?? Were they sufficiently questioned by the officers who reported to the scene? How do we know these cats weren’t colluding with Chester?! For paw’s sake, the cats could’ve let the capuchin in in the first place! What if this is an inside job?? And speaking of inside, Inside Edition obtained video of Chester’s day at the pawn shop — that kid really went bananas in there! He ate snacks, figured out how to turn the bathroom faucet on when he got thirsty (and left the water running just to make things easier), and really gave a piece of styrofoam the what-for. Store owner Loretta said in that video that Chester was reported to have been stolen from an Alabama zoo, which the local Tennessee owner didn’t know when they purchased him. I hope Chester is cleared medically and finds his way to an environment that’s best for him. Obviously the Apple Store has to be ruled out, given his hatred of computer keyboards.

Note by CB: The photo of Chester holding a guitar is AI