Liza Minnelli has “written” a memoir, y’all! I am going to preorder it too. It’s called Kids, Wait Till You Hear This!, and it’s basically just a book of interviews with Liza, as told to Michael Feinstein. Liza has lived an enormous life and she’s glorious. The thing about Liza is that even on her worst day, she has more talent in her little finger than nearly any other celebrity. She’s won multiple Tonys, an Oscar, a BAFTA and she’s just one Grammy shy of an EGOT. She’s had four husbands and many famous lovers and fiances. She’s goated. Well, People Magazine had a preview, with some fun, sad and hilarious excerpts from the book. Some highlights:

Her mother Judy Garland: “I’ll never forget the day she sat us down and gave Lorna and me a choice; Joey was less than 1 year old. We could stay in school in Los Angeles. Or we could come on the road with her. We’d be in and out of different hotels, schools (I’d eventually attend 22 of them), and cities. “When do we leave?” we answered in unison. At 13, I was my mother’s caretaker—a nurse, doctor, pharmacologist, and psychiatrist rolled into one. I lost count of the times I called doctors to say she’d run out of pills. I’d say: “I’m a kid! Please fill my mama’s prescription!”

Her marriage to Peter Allen. “One afternoon, returning early from an indulgent shopping spree, I walked into our apartment and found Peter having passionate sex. With a man. In our bed! As the other gentleman quickly dressed and disappeared, I felt fragile and afraid. Too emotionally frozen to vent my anger and pain. Then, Peter walked up to me and held me tightly. We both began crying. Racking sobs. He told me for the first time, “Liza, I love you more than anyone in the world . . . and I’m gay.” He apologized over and over, telling me that, alongside our active and very fulfilling sexual life, he was also attracted to men.

Her mother died in 1969: “I cried for eight straight days. Stress and tension overwhelmed me. I was reeling, and a doctor prescribed Valium to help me relax just before the funeral. What began as a one-day blessing soon turned into a habit, then a full-blown case of addiction in the years ahead. It was a final gift, a genetic inheritance from Mama I could not escape.

She didn’t think she had a chance of winning the Oscar for Cabaret: “Hell, I didn’t even bother writing an acceptance speech. I was jittery, proud, resigned, on edge. All of it. Papa was sitting to my right. To my left was my 19 year-old lover, Desi Arnaz Jr., whom I’d known since childhood—the gorgeous son of Lucille Ball and Desi Arnaz. He was also my fiancé! Finally, the big moment arrived. “And the award goes to . . . Liza Minnelli!” Oh. My. God.”

Her relationship with Martin Scorsese in the 1970s: “Truth be told, our love affair had more layers than a lasagna. We were both Italian. Passionate. Intense. Committed to our craft. We both had volcanic tempers. He was a diabolically handsome man who shared my love for film. I was a director’s daughter. With Marty’s guidance, however unorthodox, I did some of my finest work. I held back for once in my life. Me!

Her sister asked her to go to rehab in 1984: “When aides asked if I took any medications, I said, “Only a few, on weekends.” The intake guys didn’t bat an eye. I’d had a front-row seat to Mama’s demons. But I was convinced I was different. I used cocaine, but so did everybody else. Baby, I had it all under control. What bulls—.

Elizabeth Taylor made her go back to rehab one year later: “I’ll never forget the urgency in her voice and her words: “Liza, this disease is going to kill you if you don’t do the right thing,” she said. “Please, no more lies. Look in the mirror and see what we all see. You look like hell, and you feel even worse. You’re not able to do this alone.”

The 2022 Oscars, where she presented Best Picture with Lady Gaga: “[I expected to sit in a director’s chair but] I was inexplicably ordered — not even asked — to sit in a wheelchair or not appear at all. I was told it was because of my age, and for safety reasons, because I might slip out of the director’s chair, which was bulls—. I will not be treated this way, I said. My co-presenter insisted she would not go on stage with me unless I was in a wheelchair. I was heartbroken. I was much lower down than I would have been in the director’s chair. Now I couldn’t easily read the teleprompter above me. How would you feel if you were wheeled out, against your will, to perform in front of a live audience, and unable to see clearly? So when I stumbled over a few words, Gaga, who was at my side, didn’t miss a beat to play the kindhearted hero for all the world to see. “I got you,” she said, leaning down over me. After learning of her distress, Gaga came to her dressing room and asked her: “Are you okay?” I looked at her and said simply, “I’m a big fan.” I learned this lesson years ago from Mama and Papa. At a moment of high stress, you stay gracious.

[From People]

I remember that moment with Gaga, and Gaga did come across as very kind at the time, because Liza seemed somewhat discombobulated (I’m including the video below). I didn’t know that about the wheelchair though – I mean, Liza has every right to feel this way, but I also understand Gaga’s point of view and the POV of the Oscar producers. Liza’s long history of balance issues were definitely a huge liability for the show, which means Gaga was probably asked to insist on Liza’s wheelchair. Gaga even tried to check in on Liza afterwards, which is nice. Anyway, I’m going to read the f–k out of this book!

Photos courtesy of LFI/Avalon, Avalon Red, Backgrid. Cover courtesy of Grand Central Publishing.