Do you ever sit around asking yourself, “What’s the greatest thing about 1986?” Well whatever your answer was, you’re completely wrong. The greatest thing about 1986 isn’t the Soviet Union launching the Mir space station, it isn’t the Chicago Bears winning the Super Bowl, and it definitely isn’t the treaty that ended the Three Hundred and Thirty Five Years’ War between the Netherlands and the Isles of Scilly (yes I knew all of those things on my own and Wikipedia didn’t do a damn thing). It is Jermaine Stewart’s cautionary pop masterpiece, “We Don’t Have to Take Our Clothes Off (to Have a Good Time)” or “WDHTTOCOTHAGT” as I call it. I actually write that enough that spell check doesn’t notice it anymore. In case you missed this gem in the eighties, it gives us ladies the male perspective on dating, noting, “You just took for granted that I want to skinny dip” and “I’m not a piece of meat, stimulate my brain.” No I don’t have any idea how we females made it this far in our romantic lives without access to this knowledge. According to Jermaine Stewart, “A man wants to be approached cool and romantically.” And he definitely, definitely wants you to keep your clothes on.

Remember about ten years ago when Conan O’Brien randomly became obsessed with Dirty Dancing? He got so into it that the movie developed a brand new cult following and was eventually re-released all around the country. Now I don’t delude myself into thinking I have Conan’s following (it can’t be more than half, at the most). But I think we may have the power (and by power, I mean email forwarding en masse) to reinvigorate the greater North American population - screw that, the world as a whole - with this amazing song. So email this page to your friends, your family, your local radio station, and most importantly your congressperson… whoever it takes. I’m pretty sure both liberals and conservatives should love this song. It appeals to the cherry wine drinker in all of us. And frankly, I’m kind of surprised and fairly concerned that it’s not already part of George Bush’s “abstinence only” curriculum. Have you ever experienced anything that so made you want to put on a parka and not have sex?

Fair warning: listening to this song/watching the awesome choreography WILL make you want to have a dance party. There’s a chance I’m having one right now. There’s also a chance it involves a bright blue unitard originally worn in my 5th grade tap dancing class. Spandex is very forgiving. Don’t hate, I can whip out a buffalo faster than you can call me a loser. Now pass me some cherry wine.