Jodie Marsh has got to be the biggest sk*ank in all of Europe. I’ve only been there a handful of times, and before you get all bitchy with me – no, I haven’t seen all the sk*nks in Europe. But I feel like I’ve seen a representative sample, and no way does the sk*ankiest on her worst day compare to Jodie Marsh on her best. And it’s not just the sl*tty body (I hope you’re enjoying your *s today) or the ridiculous citrus fruit boob job. The worst thing about Jodie is her face, or as I put it last year, “she’s got a face that looks about as attractive as a half-eaten quiche.” Since then “quiche face” has become my favorite insult for someone, but with Jodie it’s not so much an insult as it is a freakishly accurate description.

Now if I were ever to describe Katie “Jordan” Price to someone who’d never heard of her, I wouldn’t exactly be talking about her charm and grace. But Jordan is at least twenty percent classier than Jodie Marsh. And that’s saying something. The two have had a long-running battle over who can get the most attention for the least attractive behavior. Right now Jodie’s in the lead, for slamming Jordan’s horsie trotting skills. Snap! Right where it hurts. She also said Jordan’s bad in bed and she’s thick. Um… not thick in bedroom terms, just meaning her body.

Jodie Marsh has been pretty quiet in recent months, but now she’s back with a bang. Or a rant, to be more precise. Jodie has re-ignited her long-running feud with Kate Price with a no-holds-barred, expletive-laden attack on her rival in a magazine interview which is sure to provoke a response.

“What does Jordan do on a horse? Dressage. Trots around, that’s all she does,” fumed Jodie in an interview in lad-mag Zoo. “She doesn’t jump. She doesn’t do f**k all. She just sits on it, poses and pouts.”

Then she tells us how a real glamour model rides a horse. “I started horse riding again recently and I haven’t ridden since I was 14. So I’ve got on it after 17 years, and it’s a beast. I cantered him, galloped him and got over proper jumps,” she boasts.

Then Jodie really gets her claws out, with a supremely bitchy dig at Katie’s bedroom prowess. “She’s [Katie's] not good in bed – she doesn’t know what she’s doing,” Jodie rails. “She’s as cold as ice, she’s got hardly any friends and she’s thick as s***! … I think anyone who wants to be with Jordan is a bit weird in the first place,” adds Jodie, applying the coup de grace.

[From Metro]

Slamming a glamour model’s horse dancing is akin to slapping her right in the face in Britain. I know absolutely nothing about horse riding, but from my limited understand Jodie sounds about right in terms of the dressage. I’m sure there’s some athletic subtly to it that I’m missing, but it made me giggle anyways. But calling her thick, the nerve! Look, when you slap some size Q implants on a woman, I don’t care what size her frame, she’s going to look thick.

I seriously don’t think Jodie actually cares about Katie Price. She’ll say or do anything for attention, and she knows that she’s the low rent Jordan, so talking smack about her will get Jodie some press. In the past she’s walked around wearing a sign begging for men’s sperm right after she announced she was a lesbian (hence why she needed to solicit sperm). Before she decided to be a lesbian, Jodie had an MTV reality show where men competed to marry her and she competed to wear a belt as a bra. I guess that’s not really a competition, since she was the only one doing it. And that was actually the second time Jodie pranced around wearing a thin strip of leather intended to hold up a three pound pair of jeans, not a 22 pound pair of boobs. Maybe next time she needs attention Jodie could just borrow some sock garters and strap those around her nipples instead. It’ll still get her the press, but decrease the odds she’ll get bitch slapped.

But I’m still going to call her a quiche face either way.

Here’s Jodie celebrating her 30th birthday last December. These aren’t the most recent pictures of her, but they’re definitely the trashiest. Images thanks to BauerGriffinOnline.

Jodie Marsh has got to be the most unattractive woman in all of England. And I’m not saying that implying that British people are unattractive. But to be the ugliest person in any country – even a really small country or some sparsely populated island – is really saying something. The only way you could look like Jodie Marsh naturally is if you stumbled on a wayward cobblestone street, fell facedown and smashed all of your important facial features on ever angrier cobblestones. That’s the only way a person could justify looking like Jodie Marsh.

I thought she was London’s most famous porn star, but it turns out she’s actually a glamour model. Though she is topless a lot. And since she’s got a face that looks about as attractive as a half-eaten quiche, she’s resorted to other means of getting attention, since she can’t really get much positive press for her face. Things like deciding she’s a lesbian, then walking around with “Give me your sperm” signs. Or what I call a nice Saturday night.

JODIE MARSH wants a baby – just weeks after quitting men. And if you didn’t think the veteran publicity seeker could sink any lower, she’s made an appeal for a sperm donor on national radio. Jodie appeared on TIM SHAW’S show on Absolute Radio, formally known as Virgin Radio, whose guests used to be of a fairly distinguished calibre.

Her on-air antics included snogging her new girlfriend and sucking a banana – standard Marsh stuff, really. Desperate Jodie made the appeal because she’s a lesbian these days, you see. She recently admitting she’s started a relationship with hairdresser NINA.

Jodie said: “I’ve had loads of s**t men. I can see why women turn lesbian, because you get to the point where you’re sick of hearing so much f***ing bull***t, so you start to look elsewhere.”

Indeed, she can now be seen falling out of clubs with poor old Nina on her arm, a pal of 12 years apparently.

If she does succeed at getting hold of some oddball’s sperm, she might need to start staying in.

Hang on, maybe this appeal isn’t such a bad idea…

[From The Sun]

The Sun has several pictures of Jodie holding various signs about needing sperm. Apparently that’s what she thinks lesbians do. Ironically Jodie got in a lot of trouble with gay and lesbian rights organizations last year after she made derogatory remarks about an interviewer who she thought was gay, noting:

On 16 May 2007, Marsh stood atop a giant wedding cake in Leicester Square in London, dressed in a white tutu, with two white belts covering her nipples and carrying a bridal bouquet to promote her upcoming reality series Totally Jodie Marsh.[26] During the appearance, she was interviewed by journalist Jody Thompson who asked her, in addition to other questions, why she accused her one-time Big Brother housemate Chantelle Houghton of marrying for publicity only to do the very same thing. Marsh finished the interview but was filmed walking off stating, “I actually wanted to punch her [Thompson] in the face. Lesbian, blatantly! That short hair! And butch, looks like a man . . . She was a bitch from hell, she was a complete cow.”

[From Wikipedia]

So apparently Jodie Marsh is a big fan of criticizing people for doing the same things she does five minutes later. Of course it wasn’t sexy and attention grabbing for her to be a lesbian in 2007, but now everythng’s changed… i.e. she’s given up on men completely. Or everything but their sperm.

Jodie Marsh is shown out in London on 8/28/08 (vest – Credit Bauergriffin) and on 10/5/08 (pink “dress” – credit WENN)

I usually ignore this chick Jodie Marsh, because she’s just some British slut who is only famous because she wears outfits like these. I always confuse her with Jordan, but she’s two steps down from Jordan. It’s hard to pass up these photos, though. She would look over the top at a porn convention, but she was attending the charity premiere of “Just My Luck” in London in this getup.

Marsh is also shown with the band McFly, which has a single out joking about Lohan’s affair McFly’s drummer Harry Judd, making it rather funny that they’re at the opening of Lohan’s crappy movie. Lohan says she never got with Judd, but Judd says she must have a short memory.

I showed these pictures to my dad. (I’m visiting my family in the states.) He thinks she’s desperate and said “how would you like to pet those puppies?”