Let’s compare recent quotes from thespians Ewan McGregor and Jennifer Aniston explaining their movie flops:

McGregor on “Stay”:

Now here’s Jennifer Aniston talking about “Rumor Has it” in her typically simplistic, dismissive way that manages to blame everyone else for her personal failings:

Aniston, again we must coach you on how to give quotes. You’re supposed to be upbeat and vague. You may even get intellectual about it like Mr. McGregor and explain why the film gut mucked up, but you’re still supposed to act like it doesn’t bother you.

How much did you get paid for that terrible film? We’ve been much nicer about crappy websites that we had to build to ignorant CEO specs that cost a few grand. Get a clue.

From her bleak fashion to her even worse personality, Aniston proves over and over that she doesn’t have what it takes to be a big screen star.

Since we’re sick of Aniston, here are some pictures of the gracious and thoughtful Ewan McGregor looking a little worse for wear. Ewan is currently filming “Beatrix Potter” in London with Renee Zellweger and is wearing the moustache for his role.

Pictures [via]

A producer who has worked with stars such as Dido and Samantha Mumbo claims that he helped Blunt create his signature simplistic music, and that Blunt screwed him once he got a music contract. What’s more, Blunt’s music was even worse before this guy reworked it for him:

The UK Performing Rights Society thinks the claims are legitimate enough to be considered, and has stopped royalty payments on 6 songs from Blunt’s album “Back to Bedlam” until the case is resolved.

Also, Blunt’s girlfriend, who is supposed to be the inspiration for that terrible song “You’re Beautiful,” wants to dump his ass. Supposedly he’s not spending enough time with her, but we think she just came to her senses.

The NY Daily News reports that James Blunt is even more whiny and pitiable live than he comes off as in his simplistic music:

We reported earlier that the former lead singer of Blur compared Blunt’s shallow songs to greeting cards.

Now that the news is out that Blunt can’t perform live, he will hopefully fade into the background. I don’t want to endure any more of his lame songs running through my head for days.

Vince Vaughn has supposedly contacted Angelina Jolie’s manager to let her know that he’ll “keep the peace” in the war between the pregnant vixen and his girlfriend that takes place entirely in Aniston’s head:

You know that Aniston is obsessed with gorgeous Jolie and Vince is making a last-ditch effort to get her to calm the fuck down. Jolie thinks about Aniston about as much as she contemplates whether she gave a good performance in “Hackers.”

Meanwhile Aniston is still harping on her pain.

Here are pictures of Aniston and Vaughn in Aspen yesterday. Vaughn needs to take some supplements because he’s got that Eastern-European scurvy look. Maybe he can visit the same clinic that Paris goes to.

Pictures [via]

I really dislike James Blunt and think the lyrics to “You’re Beautiful” convey what a loser he is. That’s why I’m pleased to reprint the apt remarks of former Blur lead-singer, Graham Coxon:

Meanwhile, Oprah also agrees that Blunt is miserable.

I don’t enjoy giving Paris so much air time, but she’s hard to ignore. Her daily escapades provide a lot to write about. In the latest Paris News, she has broken a toe and is bemoaning the fact that she can’t fit into her high-heeled Choos:

Paris’ feet are huge too. Most stores don’t even carry her size - a whopping 11M.

Aniston now says that she’s feeling better and is recovering from the crippling depression that plagued her after her husband of four and a half years, Brad Pitt, left her for screen siren Angelina Jolie:

She goes on to bitch, predictably, about cheating men, saying “It’s men who usually do the cheating.”

Aniston, STFU. You should give vague, pleasant statements about how fabulous your life is because only .000001% of the population has access to the money and privilege you take for granted. You’re supposed to act as a representative for celebrities everywhere and make the lifestyle seem as great as the marketers do. Do not, I repeat, do not, tell everyone that you’re depressed or that you’re getting over a depression. Your job is to act, so do it.

Update: Vince Vaughn wants Aniston to be fat like him, and Brad is smoking again.

George Clooney has a long-standing reputation as a complete asshole when it comes to women. They only thing constant in Clooney’s life is his potbellied pig, and even the pig is on the outs.

That’s why Teri Hatcher is a fool for falling for her handsome neighbor after only a few weeks of dating. Page Six reports that Hatcher told her sad tale of childhood abuse in an erroneous attempt to share her pain at getting dumped by Clooney:

Teri, you dumb ass, you can’t change men. It’s also really, really lame to try to get a guy’s attention by being weak and needy. That’s why they leave in the first place. We all did this at one point in our dating careers, but Hatcher is old enough to know better than to make such a calculated and public mistake.

First Aniston wore a snore of a dress to the Oscars with the same hairstyle she had on the last two seasons of Friends. Now she’s talking about her pain - again. That’s all she ever talks about and people stopped caring about her months ago. Will the woman ever learn?

At least Aniston skirted the question by using another, lesser-known example from her sad life to answer the question. She should have said something vague like “of course, everyone has, but you learn to move on and enjoy life. I’m a lucky person and am grateful every day for the things I have.”

Earth to Aniston - your movies have all sucked so you have to compensate. Act like you’re happy and vamp it up, or you’re not going to get work.

First he got his teeth knocked out, and now has “prickly heat” from a bad sunburn. Sure he looks hot in a swimsuit, and all the legitimate Bonds endorse him, but he’s not too rugged:

Poor Craig. Girly-men are in now, though, so at least he has that going for him.