Pippa Middleton’s ass is made of lies, ass experts say

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At some point, people really stopped caring about Pippa Middleton, right? Every media outlet was trying to make Pippa “happen” and then… nothing happened. Pippa continued to get pap’d everyday and women realized that she has skin damage and her style is pretty sketchy. Men woke and realized that while she has a cute little ass, it doesn’t even make the top ten of most men’s fantasy-ass lists. And I think everybody, men and women, realized that Pippa doesn’t have her sister’s reticence. Pippa wants to be famous. Pippa wants to be Uptradey. Pippa wants to get everything she can out of being associated with the royal family. And most people found that kind of gross.

So these are new photos of Pippa with her on-again boyfriend Alex Loudon. I haven’t heard anything about Pippa with George Percy in a while – do you think his family was like, “Seriously, you could do much better than Uptradey”? So Pippa had to go back to Alex and she had to make it look like Alex was her choice all along. Alex was playing cricket, and since I don’t know anything about anything involving cricket, I’m not even going to attempt to explain what’s happening in these photos. Something cricket-y. By the way, how old does Pippa look? She and Kate both look and dress like they’re well into their 40s.

In addition to that, there was/is a TLC special about Pippa, called “Crazy About Pippa”. Perhaps the last-ditch effort to make Pippa “happen” in America, I guess. Anyway, their “experts” suggest that the early days of Pippa-mania may have begun under false pretenses. The experts think that Pippa was wearing butt-padding underneath her maid of honor gown! A random spa owner says, “I’m not convinced that it’s completely natural. Because I think, if you look at other photos of her and you see her in jeans, she’s got quite a flat bottom.” Could be.

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Photos courtesy of WENN.

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64 Responses to “Pippa Middleton’s ass is made of lies, ass experts say”

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  1. aenflex says:

    Pippa Middleton has a monkey face and square shoulders. And tiny little hands at the ends of her freakishly oversized arms. People need ta get over it! Kate is and always will be the prettier sister.

  2. gee says:

    I don’t think it was fake. Just because she doesn’t have a huge ass doesn’t mean her body doesn’t have the natural curvature shown in that dress. I also think there needs to be more credit for the dress’s construction. It was flattering and perfectly picked for her.

  3. mln76 says:

    Can’t stand her and her fake tan. She is just so tacky and not even a little bit attractive.

  4. Susan O. says:

    Her figure looks all hers. I read Simon Cowell wants to take it to the bank, if only, he can get her to sign.

  5. bitca says:

    <3 the headline. Now I just want an opportunity to tell someone ‘your ass is made of lies.’

    She does give off a Hungry vibe. Hopefully if we ignore her, she will fade away. But re that show, the UK Daily Mail had a good laugh about the interviews with people who’d never so much as been in the same room w/her; ‘relatives’ she’s never met, etc. Funny, though: they didn’t dare mention the allegations about their beloved not-Royal, not-so-Hotness’ rear end.

  6. Elizabeth says:

    The boyfriend is wearing pants with an elastic waistband. Gross! I guess its not just for chubby girls anymore.

  7. Pyewacket says:

    Where anyone gets the idea this woman is beautiful is beyond me.

  8. LL says:

    @pyewacket – Word.

  9. Jen34 says:

    Headline of the day! LOL

  10. tracking says:

    Yeah, I think she’s all natural too. She’s super athletic, so I don’t doubt she has a nice tushie. An expertly tailored dress can highlight this, no padding necessary.

  11. Jules says:

    “Her ass is made of lies’ wouldn’t that describe Kardashian better? Pippas behind looked rather flat in the BM’s dress, what is all the fuss?

  12. Truthful says:

    she looks regular, not stunning. I don’t see it in the least bit.

  13. heylee says:

    Good morning! Wow, why the hate for Pippa? Not that I am standing in line to become President of her fan club, but the girl at least is a better role model for young women than her skeletal sister. We see pictures of her going to work, drinking coffee, going for runs, actively engaging in life, wearing non-trashy clothing on a semi-regular basis.

    Seriously, why the hate? There are more public and more obnoxious and more obvious choices then Pippa for this type of venting. She is a pretty girl who from what I can tell is living her life and is about as scandalous as the average 20-something girls that I know.

  14. junk573r says:

    Yeah, I think she’s all natural too. The dress probably helped her shape but the jeans they say make her look like a flat ass might just be shitty jeans. I have a few pairs of those.

  15. UKHels says:

    ‘ass experts’ ha ha

    I think the dress was cut beautifully, that is all I have to say on the matter

  16. Ell says:

    I think she hasn’t happened because she didn’t want to ‘happen’ out of respect for sister’s position. I don’t think it would go down well with the royals if Pippa started trading on her royal wedding appearance. Looks like she’s got quite a good life anyway.

  17. That's Interesting says:

    Thank you for that headline Kaiser. Ass made of lies, I love it!

    And no, she’s not gonna happen. To be perfectly honest, I don’t think Wills and Kate will happen Stateside either as much as the tabs and the gossip sites want it to. They’ll milk the kid thing when it happens, but those two are just way too boring.

    Now making Harry happen, that I can get behind. He’s my little Ginger Fox.

  18. faye says:

    flat flat flat flat. Flat chest, flat ass. What kind of person would fake a flat ass? I just don’t understand the world anymore.

  19. Alice says:

    I’ve seen the photos from the wedding over and over again, but I have yet to see this ass everyone is going so insane over. No matter how hard I stare at the picture of Pippa from behind, I simply cannot see an ass. Where is this ass everyone loves?

  20. gg says:

    I don’t get the vitriol and I don’t get the worship. She seems like a nice enough girl and not sleazy, and I’d love to have a small figure like that, but “Uptradey” is hysterical. :)

  21. Adrien says:

    “The boyfriend is wearing pants with an elastic waistband. Gross! I guess its not just for chubby girls anymore.”
    —-
    Jogging Pants

  22. Amy says:

    He’s wearing a cricket uniform, elastic waist pants are part of that. Has nothing to do with his waist size.

  23. photo jojo says:

    Best. Headline. EVER.

  24. Blue says:

    @Alice thank you. I thought I was going nuts. Everyone is trying to make this chick happen and talking about her “nice ass” but I don’t see it. People need to just stop. This chick is really a nobody. They call her ” her royal hotness” but is she royalty because her sister married a prince. Or does the media have their lips firmly attached to her “nice ass”

  25. Nymeria says:

    Alice, I’m with you. I browsed photos from the wedding, taken of Pippie’s [yes, I said Pippie] behind (some photographers, it seems, were keen on her ass from the start), and I kept looking at the carpet around her feet, asking myself, “Did it fall off?”

    Then the headlines that day and days after were, ass-entially (heehee), “PIPPA HAS A NICE ASS!” Cue Twilight Zone music…

  26. Tazina says:

    This so called “expert” is totally wrong. That was all her, no padding involved. I don’t know what all the fuss about Pippa is. She’s just ordinary looking. I don’t think she wants all this attention either.

  27. Cheyenne says:

    Why are people bitching about this woman? She had on a gorgeous dress at her sister’s wedding and she was wearing the hell out of it. So what?

    The red dress she’s wearing in the pictures looks good on her too.

  28. Whatamess! says:

    everyone’s so focused on her ass because it’s obviously better looking than her face

  29. mariangela says:

    @Elizabeth The elastic waistband is because he is playing cricket. They need to be elastic just like soccer players, if it wasn’t elastic the pants would be too tight and most likely rip whilst they are playing.

    Haha not that I think too many girls would mind if many players’ pants ripped. Not Pipp’s bf (I have no interest in scrolling up and finding out what his name is)

  30. ashleighlauren says:

    I thought I was the only one. Once again, this website makes me feel better about my opinions.

    I watch a lot of TLC (don’t hate, I find Toddlers and Tiaras oddly soothing). Every time the damn Pippa special got pimped, all I could think was, “Stop trying to make fetch happen.” I don’t get everyone’s fascination. It’s not like I have some sort of bizarre hatred of Pippa, but I just don’t care.

    And now I know I’m not the only one.

  31. Quest says:

    @ Jules: “Her ass is made of lies’ wouldn’t that describe Kardashian better?”

    Nah …I’ll say Kim K ass is made of filler

    @ Adrien: The pants are part of a cricket uniform as Amy pointed out

    I’m wondering how much an “Ass Expert” makes per year.

  32. bluhare says:

    I bet she was told to cool it after the wedding. Not seemly to catapult off St. Kate.

    Her boyfriend has awesome hands.

  33. Mitch Buchanan Rocks says:

    Pippa looked great at the wedding, the dress fit her to a T; she kind of reminds me of Mary-Kate Olsen for some reason.

  34. zesty says:

    Headline=hahaha

    She really does look a lot older than her age. Is it because she doesn’t wear a lot of make-up? Or is it the black eyeliner? Or the heavy tan? Her looks are so emphasized in all these stories but it doesn’t seem like she matches the image.

  35. Kloops says:

    She doesn’t interest me in the slightest. The real star was that amazing maid of honour dress.

  36. Atticus says:

    Everyone is trying to make Pippa happen, it seems, except Pippa herself. I don’t get the hate either. She seems to be perfectly respectful of her sister’s royal position and doesn’t seem to be seeking fame. Maybe there is more coverage of her in the UK, but from what (little) I’ve seen in the US, she doesn’t seem to be famewhoring. All she’s done is be a bridesmaid in her sister’s wedding and now all of a sudden she’s a scheming social climber. Crapssake.

    And I think she’s quite pretty. Not flashy gorgeous, but very pretty. That picture of her in the sun is a good one, and people NEVER look good in pictures taken in direct sunlight.

  37. Mshuffleupagus says:

    Two words: Booty. Pop.

  38. Denise says:

    Happy Monday All! Just for the record Kaiser, I am in my forties and my sense of style is slammin’, so kindly pick on another age group.

  39. 4Real says:

    LOL@ “Something cricket-y”

    Finally we are coming around to reality. She’s not cute in any way.

  40. Anne says:

    @Kaiser–I have not paid much attention to Pippa, but I have never noticed anything that struck me as her trying hard to be famous. Could you tell me what you have read/seen that makes you think that? Just curious!

    And I don’t understand why one person can tell some bit*hy lie (i.e. her dress was padded!) and everyone acts as though it was true??!! This was a ROYAL wedding not some shindig at the local VA…if the dress couldn’t fit without padding, they would have used a different design!!

  41. Jaana says:

    why all the pippa posts? she is boring! she does nothing to deserve my attention! no personality! go to the club and get hammered plz!

  42. KsGirl says:

    Yeah, I don’t see Pippa famewhoring at all, either. It’s weird, I often find myself defending her/Kate in the comments and I actually feel pretty neutral on both of them. It just doesn’t seem fair to start picking her apart because the media, esp. the UK media, has decided to give her a lot of coverage.

    As for the butt padding – no way. No one here actually believes this, right? Anyone who knows anything about the construction of clothes and body types has to know there was no padding. Pippa is a very slender woman and that dress was made/cut *perfectly* for her body – even a slightly curvy frame would look wide-hipped/assed in that dress. I’m sure there are a few very slender women here who know how to dress to compliment their figures/avoid looking like beanpoles. I am 5 foot 4 and a size 4/6 and I couldn’t pull that dress off – I also know how to dress to my strengths. Most women do, after a while.

    Lastly, no, I don’t think Pippa is a great beauty. But I still don’t think it’s fair to be so vicious, she really hasn’t asked for any of the attention.

    Oh – Bluhare – *very* good catch on the boyfriend’s hands – you’re 100% right!

  43. kris says:

    SHE HAS NO ASS!!!!!

  44. JulieM says:

    heylee: ITA. I don’t give a rats bum (padded or not) about Pippa but at the very least she is not emaciated like her dull sister and she appears to have gainful employment, unlike her dull sister.

  45. Trillion says:

    I’m sure glad I’m not her. To be so harshly judged at every angle is just weird. Did she stand up and proclaim her body to be superior and I missed it?

  46. Meg says:

    i thought this too, TLC special was trying too hard to make pippa a big thing, she’s not and she won’t be. i don’t get it

  47. Twez says:

    How does one become an ass expert? One presumes there are special certifications.

  48. rebecks says:

    her ass looks CONCAVE more than anything in those posted cricket pics! Never did like the way she attempted to steal the spotlight at the wedding, but to pad your a** in order to do so? ridic.

  49. Franny says:

    I just want to give her eyebrows a nice waxing. I really think it would help a lot.

  50. Poppy says:

    @Elizabeth and Adrien.

    The pants with the elastic waist band are ‘Cricket Whites’, normal wear for men playing cricket. He was playing cricket at the time this photo was taken, his team lost.

  51. eternalcanadian says:

    Alex is so much better looking than William so Philippa wins that round. But Catherine totally tops that with being Queen of England. :P

  52. Memphis says:

    ‘ass made of lies’ haha..Love it

  53. Linner says:

    Oh for God’s sake. How stupid is this? Who cares? Obviously, a whole lot of you.

  54. Eryn says:

    Oh, please. I’m sure she was just wearing shaping undergarments like every other woman does in a wedding. It’s not a conspiracy.

  55. jemshoes says:

    Oh, for goodness sake! These ass experts are asses themselves (and it pains me to insult the animals by calling them this). Leave the girl alone! She may be ‘Uptradey’ now and worthy of general media disdain, but that’s no reason to tear apart her figure.

  56. Moe says:

    There is nothing remotely special about Uptradey at all. I’m glad that you people have finally seen the light.

  57. crtb says:

    So what if she padded her backside! None of you ever wore a push up bra? We all fake it one way or another: Fake lashes, fake nails, hair extentions, padded bras, push up bras, hair dye, girdles or spanx, hip or butt padds, spray on tans, make-up, the list goes on. Why are we picking on someone when we all fake it one way or another?

  58. ZenB!tch says:

    ***She and Kate both look and dress like they’re well into their 40s.***

    –ahem! I don’t look THAT old! Pippa looks more than 42. Oh right you said WELL into their 40s, nevermind.

    In all seriousness, she has a great body if “great” is defined by being very toned but her face looks like it is at least 45.

  59. Sabrina says:

    I will never understand the mass obsession that people have with discussing Kate, William, Pippa, etc. I just don’t get it.

  60. JT says:

    “A random spa owner”, seriously…this is someone you think is worth quoting? I can only imagine who the “experts” might be, a random post office worker?

    And when is someone wearing body enhancing undergarments suddenly a story?

  61. Darlene says:

    Can’t she just have been wearing a flattering undergarment? Heavens knows there are people who see me in full dress clothes who later might be, gee, her waist/butt sure looked a LOT better in that evening dress…yes, because I was ENCASED IN SPANDEX.

  62. Priya says:

    If it weren’t for the name, she would be just a random Plain-Jane.

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  64. BettyBlue says:

    I cannot believe all the haters on here. There is finally a REAL, attractive, NATURAL bodied young lady who is a good role-model and you trash her! Should she be out there making a sex tape like Kim K? Should she be dating a man more than a decade younger than her like Jlo? Should she get become a druggie like Lindsey Lohan? Instead of picking on the hooker wanna-be trash like Snookie, you pick apart a perfectly attractive and respectable young woman. Shame on you. Look in the mirror with all your “perfectness” Ha!