You can see the photos at TMZ.
This story pretty much floored me when I first saw it, and I sat there staring at the photos for a while. Then I stopped and thought about it, and it’s not even as bizarre as putting a deceased person in an open casket, which is common. This is the Duggar’s way of making sense of their loss, and giving an identity to the child that Michelle miscarried. It seems over the top to me, but I’m not them and they’re suffering a very profound loss. Their last baby, Josie, wasn’t much older than this miscarried child when she was born by emergency c-section three months early.
So as you know, Michelle Duggar, 45, miscarried around her 19th week of pregnancy. It would have been her 20th child. They named the baby Jubilee Shalom and held a family service for her. At a larger memorial for friends and family yesterday, the Duggar family shared black and white photos of Michelle holding Jubilee’s tiny hands and feet. On the photo of Michelle holding a little foot about the size of her thumbnail, there was writing in mixed cursive and serif fonts. It said “There is no foot too small that it cannot leave an imprint on this world.” It was an effective message, I’ll say that. It brought their sadness home for me. TMZ and Radar got ahold of the scans of the photos, which a relative of the Duggars tweeted. You can see them there. Here’s more:
The family from TLC’s “19 Kids & Counting” chose a unique way to commemorate the life of their 20th child, who passed away this week in a miscarriage — they took an artsy picture of the fetal corpse … and distributed it at the memorial.
Jubilee Shalom Duggar was due in April … but Michelle Duggar suffered a miscarriage on Sunday in her 2nd trimester.
The Duggars held a memorial today at their church in Arkansas, where they distributed the above photographs — containing messages like, “There is no foot too small that it cannot leave an imprint on this world.” – From TMZ
The deeply religious Duggar family held a memorial service Wednesday for the baby that Michelle Duggar tragically miscarried, and family members joined in prayers for the child.
Named Jubilee Shalom Duggar, Michelle and Jim Bob announced the sad news on December 8 that the pregnancy was not continuing as the baby had tragically passed away, and Michelle had a miscarriage days later.
Amy Duggar, a cousin who frequently appears on their hit TLC reality show 19 Kids and Counting, Tweeted a picture of Michelle holding the tiny hand of baby Jubilee and wrote “RIP precious Jubilee Shalom Duggar! Can’t wait to meet you someday, thank you Lord for giving our family peace.”
Michelle was five months pregnant when she miscarried what would have been the Duggar’s 20th child.
Jim Bob spoke lovingly of the child that they lost.
“We won’t be able to see this child’s life and the phases that we’ve seen for our other children, but we know we will see this child in heaven one day. We are thankful for each child, and we are blessed to have the children we have here and the ones we will meet someday in heaven.” – Radar
Now I’m wondering if they’re going to air any of this memorial or the service on their TLC show. I would assume they’ll show at least part of it, they’ve been open about the pregnancy and their loss. Those photos from the memorial that their cousin tweeted were deleted from her Twitter feed, though. It seems like cousin Amy realized that she shouldn’t have made those photos public, but they’re out now. I feel so bad for admitting this, but I wondered if they were trying to save those to reveal on their reality show. Maybe they were just meant to be for friends and family. It just seems like as nice as these people may be and as much of a tragedy they’re suffering, they’re reality stars and that trumps everything. Even if they don’t mean for it to, you know?
I’ve tried really hard not to comment on these stories but this family is starting to piss me off. At what point do you just stop and go ‘NO, I will not exploit my family and the interworkings of my uterus’? Dear LAWD.
And I’m trying hard (REALLY hard) not to judge the fact that someone took pics of a miscarried fetus (!) and then posted them on twitter (!!). They must be related to the Kardashians.
100% agreed. Putting photos out of your deceased child is disgusting. If you think of the child as an actual child, could you imagine if a family put photos out of their dead child? Holding their deceased child’s hands and feet? This is revolting to me.
This is how I feel as well. I’ve tried really hard not to judge them too much because it’s their lives and I usually read the stories and move on.
BUT this one pissed me off to the point that I actually teared up and had to take a little break from my desk. It just feels like even in death that little baby is being exploited.
I miscarried twins before I had my son. It took weeks of monitoring and hospital visits before my doctors ruled that I had an incomplete miscarriage. I was haemorrhaging and at the end I was given medication to “expel” my baby.
It was difficult having to go through the physical pain but the emotional pain was worse. There is no way in hell I could put my baby’s body on display like that for the world to see – especially soon after it happened. I still think about them, have their ultrasound picture and have talked about it with a very close set of friends. But this just feels wrong to me.
I know it might not be true, but the first thing I wondered was whether they really care about those children or are just churning them out for the show. It just feels cold to me. JMHO anyway.
@princess, I’m very sorry for your loss.
@PrincessMe I am so very sorry for your loss. I haven’t really spoken about this but I also miscarried twins before having my son. It was a harrowing experience! Even though it’s been over 10 years since not a day goes by that I don’t think about it. After reading your post I actually felt like I’m not alone in my grief and loss. It really helped me!!
I am very sorry for your loss, as well. I lost a baby boy when I was six months pregnant and I will never fully recover from the horrific experience. I completely agree with your comments.
I wish this story would be pushed down on this page. I feel sick to my stomach when I refresh the page and see her picture (I’m sure you’ve noticed the pictures are headlining every gossip site – it emotionally jolts me every time they pop up on the pages).
Thanks you guys and I’m sorry that you had to go through those things as well but at the same time, I think if we gain something from it, then we’re better off on some level. I will never forget my other babies and the pain that I felt, but I appreciate my son so much because of how the loss affected me.
Wow, I am so sorry for your heartbreak. Many hugs to you.
So sorry for your loss PrincessMe. I lost two children (not twins) between my oldest and middle child. My husband and I still look at the ultrasounds…
I think it’s time for the Duggars to go. I’ve not been a fan of them, because I think it’s insane how many kids they are popping out and exploiting.
after the last little one, and this one, she needs to stop and they need to go away.
There are photographers who specialize in photographing children born still. I have always found the photos hard to look at, but I get why people do it. I hope they find comfort in these. I don’t care for them or their beliefs.
You summed up my feelings very well.
I think it’s pretty morbid and gross, honestly. But then again, I wouldn’t tweet an ultrasound pic either. Some things should be private unless there is a very good reason for them not to be private. Pictures of dead fetus are one of those things.
Nowilaymedowntosleep.org is an entire website dedicated to “remembrance photography.” They display infant post-mortem photos and the stories of how the infant died. In some photos the parents are posed with their children (who appear to be sleeping).The services are free to families who have lost children and operate in 25 different countries (including the US). It seems odd, but post-mortem photography was common (especially with infants and young children during the Victorian era because mortality rates were extremely high). If you think about it, a post-mortem photograph might have been the only image of the child the family ever had.
A friend of mine lost her baby at 25 weeks and took pictures, which she displays in her home. She mentioned that a lot of people are uncomfortable when they see the photos, but it’s not about them. It’s about the parents and what helps them in their grieving process.
I have a friend who has pictures of her holding her stillborn framed. I mean I can’t speak for this family but everybody has their own way of dealing with loss. And as it pertains to losing one’s child I don’t feel it’s right to judge how somebody should cope with such a personal situation.
Nicely said Morticians.
are you the super cool mortician of “ask a mortician”?
@Morticians (unable to reply to your message to me) thanks for your kind words.
The way I look at it now is that if I had them, my son wouldn’t be here and he’s the sweetest baby ever (I know, I’m biased :)). I think I’ve grown a lot from the experience.
@Horizonte, LOL. No that’s not me. Although I’ve been in the business since I was 18 (13 years) and you can ask me whatever you like. I actually watched the first installment of “ask a mortician” and got annoyed because she wrongfully claimed rigor mortis lasts for 2-4 days when it actually lasts around 12.
@thea, thank you.
@princess, I’m so glad you were able to have such a great little guy. My two little boys mean the world to me too.
@horizonte, I meant to say rigor mortis lasts 12 hours. I published my comment before I completed my thought LOL
They certainly have a right to grieve however they want, just as we all have a right to have an opinion about it. Apparently Victorians used to take photos of the dead all the time, as a remembrance. I can’t help feeling that it’s more a violation of the privacy and dignity of the deceased. And photos of a dead child who was not even born? I cannot imagine thrusting that poor soul more nakedly, literally and figuratively, into the eyes of the world. Surely, even in the deepest grief, there should be some sense of, for lack of a better phrase, the rights of the deceased. I pity that poor baby.
A girl at my undergrad either miscarried or had a stillbirth (I didn’t know her, I’m not sure how far a long, etc…I just know that it ended). She posted pictures of her holding the baby (very, very, very small) and dressing it up. They’re still on her facebook profile.
So I’m not really sure what to think about this situation…just like I had no idea what to think about the girl at school.
???dressing it up???… ON FB???
I would never, I mean never, exploit my kids for my own greed. Living, dead etc..
The Duggars have suffered a horrible loss. And for that I’m so sorry for them, but ENOUGH is ENOUGH.
I was going to post and say pretty much the same thing. At some point it just get ludicrous. Would they have posted a picture of the corpse one of their current children he/she died? It’s just mawkish and affected. It’s not that she’s grieving, but that she’s doing it so publically.
They didn’t post the picture publicly. A family member, not in their immediate family, probably not as aware of cameras and publicity and the lengths to which places like TMZ will go for a scoop, did.
I understand having photos available for a memorial service. And I understand photographing their child as part of the grieving process. I think we should ease up. These photos are not that abnormal.
I like money just as most people enjoy the luxury of having it but I can’t sell my soul to have it.
The next generation is gonna be RUTHLESS if this doesn’t stop. Its so sad, seriously have we been LEFT BEHIND???? Are we in HELL and don’t know it?
YouTube is filled with pictures of people holding their dead babies. The only redeeming part of this entire family is that the world can see that a baby is a baby no matter its location. I think it is disgusting that they live on TV to feed their non-stop need to reproduce. They have no personal privacy and that is why I believe it is all crocodile tears.
I absolutely understand parents keeping photos of their babies, which I’m sure is how they still think of their lost ones. But posting it all over freaking cyberspace and television is another thing altogether. God, would you please speak to this family and remind them about humility? There’s a difference between sharing one’s grief and marketing it. PS Christopher Hitchens, if you’re up there in heaven, I’m sure you could convince Her to throw a nice Old Testament thunderbolt or two.
First of all bitch its not that unusual its not like its the baby’s whole body, its just her hands and feet. Its nit like going to a funeral and. Seeing a dead body just laying there in the middle of the room. Get over it.
I’m of the opinion that when people put themselves out there as publicly as this family has it’s completely ok to judge them. Don’t feel bad for judging them. Please allow me to stress that YOU are not the one who is doing something wrong here.
Agreed.
ITA-this is not a private rememberance or grief, this is tabloid, reality TV exposure.
OK, leaving aside their beliefs for a minute, and the fact that they homeschool with curriculum from the 1700’s, this is absolutely horrible. Most families gather into themselves and comfort one another in private when someone dies, especially an infant or miscarriage.
This behaviour tells me that it is all for their agenda. The naming of the baby was also political, as the far right are staunch supporters of Israel as a political means to the second coming of Christ. This is not the place to explain it all, but the reason that the far right conservative Christians in the USA support Israel so whole-heartedly is because they believe that if Israel angers it’s neighbours enough they will all turn on Israel at once, and the threat of annihilation will bring on the second coming of Christ. So naming their baby “Shalom” is an abysmal use of political machination, the more so because their baby is not living (symbolizing martyrdom, perhaps?)
Terrible people, not harmless or well-meaning in the slightest.
I thought the same thing about the Jubilee Shalom name also.
I thought it as soon as I read what her name was. It is hard to believe that there are people who think that way until you meet one.
Yeah, because that’s the ONLY reason people are close to Israel. It has absolutely NOTHING to do with the fact that some Christian’s recognize their savior as being Jewish himself, and the fact that the word Shalom means peace, hello, and goodbye. You’re making broad generalizations of people. I know that there ARE people who think the way that you stated, but not ALL.
I actually think the name Shalom is fitting- hello and goodbye- they met the child and are saying goodbye all at the same time, and peace- it is resting in peace.
My father is a Christian man, and loves Israel. I don’t have to follow his beliefs, but he loves it because he’s a major history buff. And he’s allowed. Judaism fascinates him. But to say that he’s interested in it in hopes that Israel pisses of their neighbors and the second coming will happen is ridiculous. BUT if you meant in the case of the VERY right wing people only- the REAL wingdings (same as the uber left wing)- then that’s fair I suppose.
I think that your post can come off as a bit offensive, whether or not you meant it to, however.
I’m a Christian too, Catholic to be exact. I realize fully that our saviour came from their people and that they are God’s chosen people. I also wish them well internationally and hope that they can find peace, along with the rest of the Middle East region. What these People believe and push as a political/religious agenda goes WAY beyond that. Talk to a fundamentalist Christian for a few minutes on the topic and you will understand. I should maybe note here that I was also raised among people who DO think this way, and taught the exact same school curriculum that the Duggars use (ACE: Accelerated Christian Education). Only difference is that when I was taught it the dinosaurs were said to be a fraud; now they have decided that they were indeed there, and that Jesus’ contemporaries rode around on them like horses. I wish I were joking.
Shalom is used as a greeting, as “hello” or “goodbye”, but it means peace.
Thank you, Fancyamazon, my sentiments *exactly*.
Wow, my cynical side didn’t even come up on this one. I took the baby’s name as a pretty literal translation of what happened – a celebration, a hello & goodbye, and peace – and I actually thought it was sweet. Hmmmm though . . .maybe I was wrong.
it’s bizarre…
I’ve miscarried two babies before this one I’m currently expecting. It’s hard. I would never ever take that away from someone. However, I hadn’t already felt that life kick and wiggle around in me. I hadn’t even heard a heartbeat yet (I was only around 5-6 weeks in each case), so it was a little easier. I know this child didn’t have a life outside of the womb yet, but it was a part of MD’s body, and a part that she won’t get back. It was her child, and although legally it’s a fetus, it’s still her baby. Would I have allowed family members to take pictures? Under NO circumstances. But, I do not think this memorial was over the top or ridiculous, or anything like that.
That being said, if this is televised, it definitely will make me lose (more) respect for this family. You don’t televise a memorial service for your miscarried child. It just seems wrong.
Thanks for sharing…and sorry for your loss. 🙁
Thank you. I know it sounds cliche, but it does get easier. Sunday was my due date with the one I lost earlier this year, so it was a tough day. However, like I said, with time, it gets easier. I’m a strong girl, with a healthy baby on the way. Life is good 🙂
Samigirl, best wishes to you and your baby.
They make me sick.
Before this they just made me uncomfortable. Now they make me sick.
This is not easy for me to write and I have never written about it before. I suffered four miscarriages myself in my second trimester due to a health issue. It is such a private pain, I could never imagine being so public about it.
I’m so sorry you had to go through that 🙁
I am so, so sorry you had to go through that. You’re right. It is a very personal pain. Thank you for being brave enough to share.
@sosuzy, @samigirl, I’m so sorry for your losses. It takes true strength and courage to endure what you have. Be well.
@samigirl, best wishes for a safe delivery and a healthy baby.
Thank you dear.
If they’re going to count this miscarriage as their 20th baby, then by that standard, they should count the 1st miscarriage as a baby too. So it would have been their 21st baby.
And since they said that a main reason they were going for this recent pregnancy was to have an even number of children and that Michelle would gladly die to have it, this reasoning doesn’t make sense, since mathematically, it would have been their 21st baby.
Don’t religious ppl like these count the miscarriages as a child too? So, she had 2 miscarriages in addition to 19 live children = 21 children.
I guess they don’t cover basic math in their Christian education syllabus from the 1700’s.
Not just morbid, downright creepy and weird. For those who dispute this, forget the fact it’s a miscarried baby, and think: if this was a funeral for one’s recently deceased aunt, would it be appropriate to put a picture of the dead person’s body on the front of a card?
Bingo.
Dear Lord, no! I know I actually came close to vomiting after realizing my great aunts funeral was open-casket… I don’t want her dead body staring me in the face on a card. Or anywhere!
Certain cultures DO take photos of their deceased loved ones to place in a photo album for friends and relatives to look at. The album is a review of their life from birth to death. Also, see my comment up thread about post-mortem photography.
Some cultures do, sure, but for the most part Americans haven’t for over 100 years when photography got faster and cheaper (I did a project in college on memento mori and Victorian mourning rituals).
I think what’s really making people uncomfortable about this is how public it is. I’m not saying a family who’s lost a child should hide in a cave for the rest of their lives, but keeping no aspect of it private just seems…unseemly somehow. And then there’s that question in everyone’s mind: how much of this is going to end up on TV?
People grief in their own ways, but putting the photos out there for the public (they are all over online), and allow the memorial to be filmed makes this NOT about grief, but about self-centered fame whoredom.
I also have my doubts about their grief.
Sorry to hear about the baby’s fate, and they should grieve as they please, but common sense is lost in this family.
Like one friend that lost her baby and would show everyone photos of the lil corpse on every occasion without even notifying you first what it was about, would just shove it on your face, i found it very disrespectful and made me bitter than sorry towards this sort of behavior.
Just for some perspective, she probably showed photos in order to create a dialog where she could express her grief. I’m sure it was uncomfortable for you, but I bet its cathartic for her.
I understand it now Mortician, but at the time i was like 15 or something and couldn;t identify with anyone’s pain…still i do think people should be warned first before being shown something they might find shocking…its just common sense =/
The fact that they posted these very personal,very private pics of their dead child; plus let cameras roll for the memorial is just beyond bad taste. They have clearly shown that they are no different than the Kardashians in their quest for fame, attention and money.They completely made a mockery out their own child’s death. Shame on you Duggars.
Consider they are a very religious family, and for them every life starts at the time of conception: so, a miscarred baby is already considered a person on his own, and they treat him as such – funeral, photos, ecc.
I find this kind of things…well, they are creepy for me. But again, I’m atheist, I’ve reacted to miscarriages in my family in other ways, and I know people who really believe in these things – I was also invited to the funeral of a friend’s unborn baby, and I couldn’t find the strenght to go…they have her (the baby) photo put on the grave, done at the time of birth, it’s really uneasy.
That’s it for me, I don’t mind the memorial/funeral service, to me that’s part of the grieving process for some people.
But the relative who took and then posted the pics? To me that’s not grieving, that’s a complete lack of common sense.
Again, I don’t know much about this family, but maybe for them it wasn’t strange: it’s their son, it’s the only occasion they’ll ever have to pick a photo to remember him like a family member…
Here in Italy you put a photo on the grave, it’s normal, and many cemeteries have a section for unborn babies (if I remember correctly, they should be at least 5 months) who got buried: in some case there are photos of them, usually ones who are almost full term. My grandmother had two brother who didn’t go past 3 days of life, and there are their photos.
Is absolutely nothing private any more?
I find this story disgusting and will not give these media-whore hounds the benefit of a doubt.
What is next – cameras in their bedroom so we can watch them create another “gift from god”???
Oh heavens no! They are much too “modest” to show that….
They won’t show their shoulders or their knees, but have no qualms about showing every other intimate part of your lives.
Jesus doesn’t mind as long as you make money.
I agree that it is heartbreaking to lose a child in such a way (not experienced personally but within my family) and that each family should be allowed to grieve as they see fit, but this is just icky and disturbing. This family is giving me the willies, and I wish people would stop watching this trash, along with the Kuntrashians, Virgin Diaries, Toddlers & Tiaras, etc etc etc. Such sad commentary on our society IMHO.
Fascinating info about the name fancy amazon/seal team 6, I never considered that.
I don’t care how religious they are, or how deep their convictions, or how strong their faith — this is just ghoulish. I know there was a Victorian tradition of dressing corpses in fine clothing and propping them up for one last photo (http://cogitz.com/2009/08/28/memento-mori-victorian-death-photos/), and I guess this is sort of in keeping with that practice. But that practice died out when society began to feel that such photos were “vulgar, sensationalistic and taboo” (Wikipedia). The Duggars are just that.
The practice is still somewhat common, particularly when the baby is miscarried or stillborn. See my comment above about Nowilaymedowntosleep.org.
In some countries taking a photo of an unborn child is somewhat normal. Here in Italy, where you usually put a photo on the grave, unborn children who are buried have their photo as well.
Photos are a pretty common practice here in the south as are bodies kept in the “parlor ” . Granted the body thing seems to mainly occur in small rural towns (where my family lives) My sister in law has pictures of her father in his casket. It gives me the heebies. I also went to the funeral of an infant patient of mine that was killed by her father with a post mortem photo on a stand by the casket . That was extremely disturbing to me.
excuse me for a second but what the f–k is wrong with these people? If you want to exploit your living children who have somewhat of a choice – thats between you and your god but a dead fetus? Thats too far. Let that poor child who never had a chance rest. I’m sure she’ll be knocked up in 3…2..
I find it creepy too…I don’t know but to take that pic someone had to wash off the blood, etc. from the feet and hands of that poor dead baby to even take those pics. I couldn’t do that.
I find it unbelievably creepy as well. I agree with everyone who said how devastating a miscarriage is, and how everyone needs to process her/his grief and commemorate the child. HOWEVER, not just cleaning the fetus off for the pictures (though I assume they make it presentable if the parents choose to hold the baby afterwards), but what really bothers me is that they POSED the fetus as if it was a tiny doll!
Did I feel sorry for MD when she lost this last baby? No. Why, you ask? Because this woman and her husband are seriously disturbed and this new story just confirms my thoughts. These people are just disgusting famewhores ready to pimp out anything and everything in order to stay “famous” including their deceased child. There is a special place in hell for people like this.
I’m torn. I know there are photographers that specialize in this. (http://www.thedailybeast.com/newsweek/2009/01/30/family-portraits.html) Alot of those involved late term still births. I can understand that in a moment of real grief a family wanting a picture like that, a picture which is the only one they are ever going to have of their child. I equate it to having a picture of a family member in a open casket-which is still something that alot of people take pictures of. I can understand the need to satisfy the grief and to try and capture a memory. Holding them in a blanket or having a picture to have in your memory is a important part of the grieving process. Some might think it’s morbid, but I can at least understand that mindset.
BUT, BUT-putting it out in the world for mass consumption is just wrong. Grief is such a private thing-using it for a reality show is just gross and they should be ashamed of themselves.
And on another note-the picture of the entire family posing together at the funeral-some with cheery smiles just rubs me the wrong way. You’re at a funeral. Not a photo shoot.
I said much the same thing as your first paragraph up thread. great minds and all that 🙂
Totally agree with you.
It’s a private and intimate moment. I can see nothing wrong with having those pictures. To me they are not creepy and I would probable want a similar memory.
But sharing them with the world for all to see makes it a spectacle and that just feels like a violation.
I find it hard to judge them at this time though. Losing a child at any stage is heartbreaking.
I am sure they are dealing with their loss in their own way. The fact that they have chosen to live their lives publicly in no way diminishes the grief that they must be feeling. If you are so offended by pictures of their baby, that’s your problem, not theirs. I think the photos are quite touching and I applaud their sentiment.
The vitriol directed at this family on this website is whack.
people who expose this kind of private things cannot claim to speak and act in the name of God. dlisted has pictures of the memorial and they where smiling for the cameras.
I just visited D-Listed, and there is also a pic linked in the comments section from the grave-side. I can understand maybe wanting a picture of your baby before you bury her (wouldn’t do it myself I don’t think). This is not for remembrance, though, that much is obvious.
Also, I would like to say that I am sorry for all the grief that commenters on here are feeling or have felt in the past due to miscarriages and stillbirths. I have had a miscarriage (many years ago, and did not know I was pregnant until it occured) and have had friends suffer both. It is not easy by any means, and my heart goes out to you.
If it makes sense for them to do this I can respect that. I cannot respect if they make a public spectacle of it on their reality show and I cannot respect the fact photos of this baby were taken. I hope the Duggars had nothing to do with it.
I dislike much about the Duggar’s beliefs, but the photos are lovely and completely appropriate. You cannot dictate how others should grieve. This baby died at around the same age the last one was born. How could they NOT view her as a lost child? And why should the end of a pregnancy that has progressed to a very public stage (whether or not you’re broadcasting it) be a “private” event?
I’m pro-choice, anti-extreme evangelical Christianity, etc etc. But please – the rabid hate of all things related to the Duggars is ridiculous.
I agree with L – that was harsh how they are all smiling in that funeral photo – very creepy. They are the same as the Kardashians if not worse.
Nothing is sacred anymore. I think they are DISGUSTING!
First and foremost I do send my deepest sympathies and regards to MD and the rest of the Duggar family. The death of a child no matter how young or old is always tragic and heart breaking. It’s the worst thing in the world for any person to go through to bury their child. I know first hand. 7 years ago I buried my 14 month old daughter who passed away from CHD. As for the pictures of Jubilee, how are they disgusting? Morbid, yes, they are of death so morbid I can see but disgusting? If anyone actually looked at these pics they are professionally done and to me are quite beautifully done. Do any of you have pictures of your children? I’m sure you do. Can you imagine the pain of losing that child and not having a picture to look at to remember them by? The duggars I imagine just want pictured to remember that she was here, she was and will always be a part of their family. I fully admit to having pictures lots of them of the day of my daughters death. I personally wiped the blood from her body from all the procedures to save her life. I bathed her, changed her diaper, dressed her and elf her. All the while a professional photographer from the hospital took pics. This was not disgusting, it was good bye. I chronicled my daughters life from birth to death in pictures and I cherish them. No they are not published on line but they are in my house. If you come here you will see them. If it makes you uncomfortable then leave. As for the recording of their service if it was done, so? I also recorded hers. I don’t agree with the publicizing of the children or the way they choose to live HOWEVER that’s just it I don’t agree and personally would not choose to live like that. I do not judge them for what they choose to do. To each his own. I’m sure the duggars make mistakes they are human after all. I have made plenty I know that, and I would hope that my whole being as a person would not be judged on those mistakes and I don’t believe that the duggars should be either. I think that it’s a shame that we have lost sight about te first and foremost fact of this story and that is that a child has died. And no matter what else is happening that child deserves to be grieved and loved….
@cathie, I’m so very sorry for your loss. You are entitled to grieve however you see fit. It’s really ONLY about what gets you and your family through such a terribly tragic life-changing event. Be well.
I had a stillborn at 20 weeks and it was pure hell. I was grieving but chose not to do a memorial or even see my dead child. And to put pictures out there to innocent people?! Its so tacky that, even as someone who had been there, I cannot even feel sympathy. My pain was my pain, not to be paraded about and used to make others uncomfortable. Plus, as I always reiterate- this is our tax dollars at work people! This family who lives like leeches under the tax-free guise of being a “church” will continue to take risks and make these innocent children and unborn babies suffer….while those people like me who cannot afford fertility treatments in order to conceive one healthy are paying 40% of my low wages to her irresponsible emergency hospitalizations and medical care. I hate to sound callous but I’m so absolutely disgusted with this family that even I cannot even summon any sympathy. The stories on this family make me cry because of my inability to have one, just ONE baby I would never risk leaving orphaned while I take unnecessary risks. In the name of a god who is only recognised for the good things that happen. They refuse to see that anything bad that happens is “god’s will”. My christan father-in-law is the same. To him every lucky coincidence is “god’s blessing” but when I ask why a natural disaster happens, or starving children live without food our why he cannot find a new job if it’s “god’s will” he has no answer. Sorry for the rant people, the Diggers do evil to my happy soul. No offense to Christians also.
Why are these stupid people dragging their dead fetus all over internet and TV for attention? Attention whores
I wish this website had a “like” button because I would have “liked” this comment as many times as I could. Well said.
If you don’t like the pictures, don’t look at them. My thought & prayers go out to the family. Just because they have 19 other children & put their lives on tv doesn’t make it right for people to be rude about the lost of their baby.
I know to some it does not make sense to have thos pictures of Jubilee taken, although it does not seem Michelle and Jim Bob meant for them to be public, at least not yet. They were probably revealed for the memorial. I have a friend who had a stillborn at 40 weeks and the hospital encouraged them to take pictures with their baby. The pictures were displayed at the memorial, where there was not a dry eye. They later posted them on their social networking site… it was their way of dealing with their grief. Maybe not everyone eould choose to do that but evryone heals in different ways.
I really want to jump on the bandwagon of disgust here, but I just can’t. Years ago, my dearest cousin lost her fiance to suicide and was so devastated. I, however, was appalled by her grieving process. She did things that were so weird and shocking, but at some point I realized that this was her own way of grieving and that appropriate and inappropriate didn’t even really enter into the equation anymore. She was still alive and had the burden of having to get through the process in her own way.
I can’t say I know whether or not Michelle Duggar was/is being exploitative in this situation, but it’s possible that it just honestly seemed like the right thing to do at the time.
Well said. I’ve seen very “strange” displays of grief, but who am I to tell people what’s appropriate when it comes to their grieving process.
As a mom who has had a baby die a few minutes after her birth, I understand wanting to remember your baby by taking photos – that part I don’t find offensive or weird. I have photos of my daughter, but they’re not for public consumption. They are personal and private for our immediate family only. The fact that the photos of the Duggar’s unborn baby are out there for the world to see seems wrong. Is nothing sacred anymore?
@sassy, so sorry for your loss.
I think it’s fine to judge them going public with the pictures and what not, but if you seriously think you are so qualified as to dictate how a person should grieve or keep memories of a deceased love one, take several seats and NEVER GET UP.
Who does anyone think they are calling someone disgusting or TACKY for wanting to take pictures of a child they’ll never see again? How dare YOU. Take that self righteous crud somewhere else.
I know what it’s like to lose a mother and a husband and for a few months I would wear my mom’s clothing. I moved into her room and I just shut the world out. I cut my hair into her style and everything. And I didn’t give a poo about how anyone felt about it. And to this day I have not removed a single item from her room. I needed to do something to still feel like she was around. And with my husband I spent days in his shirts and boxers. And I kept his clothes from the day he was killed. I can’t explain it, but it was the last thing he wore and I just needed to keep them. I just recently started clearing out his closet and it’s been two years.
Everyone deals with grief in their own way and as long as they aren’t harming themselves, children, or anyone else, people should just STFU.
Explain how engaging in yet another high risk pregnancy is not harming herself? And the emotional toll on the rest of her children that they lost a sibling because mom and dad can’t seem to stop breeding? And if she decides to become pregnant with a high risk pregnancy again? This woman has no problem putting her family through an emotional and incredibly publicized turmoil all for the sake of being on TV. There is no doubt in my mind that this is no longer about “god’s will” for them, but about the next paycheck they’ll be getting for their reality show.
People are free to grieve in their own way but this smacks of exploitation. The events surrounding the miscarriage or still birth or fetal death should not be the subject of media announcements or Tweets or even articles on a gossip site.
Please, let’s all move on from this subject.
It’s sad that they lost a baby. At the same time it’s disgusting that they exploit their children. I think the woman is insane to have 19 children. She needs to get her tubes tied.
I feel bad for them, but i certainly wouldn’t show it on TV, that’s disgusting.
I can’t get on board with the judegment here. They lost a baby, to speculate that they are somehow insincere in their grieving because you disagree with the way they live their lives is just odd and mean. And as others have mentioned, taking photos of a stillborn baby isn’t uncommon. Someonw I know did this and showed me the photos. Yes it made me uncomfortable, but I also recognized it wasn’t about me, it was about the people suffering the loss and their need to acknowledge their child’s existence.
I’m sorry for all those who have posted who have suffered a similiar loss.
KsGirl…..thank you for this post! You are right…this is not about anyone else but them and their grief process. My daughter was stillborn at 34 weeks, perfect in everyway, 5lbs 13oz. Just beautiful. Her cord was wrapped….I have many photos, I wish I had more. It is comforting to me and I do share them often. And like you said, it made you uncomfortable, but it’s not about you….that is so true. I am sorry if anyone is made uncomfortable by little Jubilee’s hand and foot, but your discomfort lasts only a moment…the Duggers will have a lifetime with a child missing…an empty spot at the table, a stocking that will never be on the mantle or filled, a babies first Christmas that will never be…..
This. Thank you for posting something well thought out and respectful.
Gross. All jokes aside I think it is very clear that Michelle is mentally ill. Hopefully the death of this child will be a wake up call to her and her hillbilly husband that it is time to stop reproducing.
I have never had a miscarriage so I can’t even begin to imagine the heartbreak…but these pictures are SO disturbing! Are they trying to use this little girl’s death as an opportunity to make a pro-life statement? Ugh.
Personally I think the photos are beautiful. Sad, but it was their daughter. This is a stillborn rather than a miscarriage and as such there isn’t anything gross about the photos. I don’t believe they posted the pictures themselves. From what i read the pictures were posted by a cousin to her twitter and the news outlets got them from there. The cousin has since deleted the twitter post. I’m very sad for their loss, no matter how many children they have losing one is tragic.
Guys, have some sensitivity. There is even a volunteer organization to take photos of babies who have passed away called Now I Lay Me Down To Sleep. It is very VERY common for families to want pictures of the baby they LOVE and will never ever see again. You would not understand unless you have been there yourself.
I had a miscarriage at 18 weeks and my baby was born alive. I was in far too much shock and fear to even hold my baby but the nurses took 4 photos of him and I am more thankful for those photos than of anything else. They remind me he was here, alive, real and a part of my life.
Only my husband, myself, our mothers and my brother have seen the photos and I personally would not share them with anyone else but it is not something to judge UNLESS you have been there. Please be easy on Michelle right now, they love that baby and are hurting. Anyone who has lost a baby and has pictures of their tiny feet or hands is hurt beyond belief by anyone saying it is “disgusting” or “horrifying”. My own babies photos will never be public and I believe only someone who loves me and my husband and our baby should ever get the honor of seeing them but this is Michelle’s choice and should be respected.
I’m so sorry about your baby.
Thank you!~!!!! You are the first person to say “take it easy on Michelle”. I lost my daughter at 34 weeks to a cord wrap. I delivered my silent baby into the world and I have pictures. In fact, there is one at my desk at work. Thank you to Now I lay me Down to Sleep for the work that they do….these pictures are sacred. I am sorry that others can’t understand, but we all grieve in our own way, and should not be judged for it. I am not a Duggers fan, and never will be, but they are on reality tv and this my friends is REALITY!!!! To try and keep this from their show would be wrong…this baby was here, she was theirs, she was wanted and loved, and they will never get to see her smile or go to kindergarten. Michelle can bring some awareness to the people out there who have never gone through something like this and can show how MANY woman just like me suffer after the loss of our child. I hope that something good can come out of this that way. All this being said, find something better to do with your time people, rather than picking on someone who just had to say goodbye before they got to say hello.
So much this. Our third and last child turned out to be a spontaneous set of triplet daughters. One was stillborn due to her umbilical cord not functioning properly. We cleaned her off, held her, sang to her. Of course we took photos and have tiny footprints. To read that this was “disgusting” is really upsetting. My precious child never knew her parents’ love and it breaks my heart.
FWIW, I have never seen an episode of their show or pay much attention to them. The disgust should be directed at the fool relative who thought it was okay to tweet the photos.
Ladies, I am so sorry for your losses. It’s been 5.5 years for us and it still hurts.
People deal with grief and loss in all different ways, so if having photos, etc helps them, that’s good.
I just cannot get on board with the decision to make things so public. I truly hope they don’t air this on their show, but I’m sure they will. And I really don’t understand a family member putting it out there online. That’s awful.
She has said she will keep having babies until God tells her to stop. If she doesn’t consider what she went through with Josie and this miscarriage being her “stop” moment, she never well.
And I mean this no way in relation to the posters above who have suffered through their own miscarriages. People try so hard to have one or two babies of their own and I know the pain it causes (I’m adopted). I’m specifically talking about the Duggars.
I think the biggest issue here is that this was made public… in doing so, I think two things could happen — it gives the pro-life movement more food for fodder (despite the fact that late-term abortions aren’t legal except under very particular cases). Also, in a way it glamorizes the idea of late-term miscarriage. They did not discuss how the fetus got out of her body, except to say she waited for it to come out. Many women have to have D&Cs or take medication to “expel” the fetus. For the majority of women, the baby dying at this stage is incredibly traumatic as the baby is formed, moving, kicking etc. Portraying Jubilee’s corpse in this way makes it seem like her “birth” was normal in some way. I don’t know… it makes me uncomfortable. I think they can do whatever they want, but the public display can really send the wrong message to many women.
That’s how I see it, too. Taking photos to grieve is totally their business and grieving process, and hey, it was quite normal to photograph dead infants here in the US about a hundred years back.
But the publicity and language around this makes me uncomfortable. Their language about birth and babies downplays the biology of the situation. Giving birth to a stillborn that died days ago in utero… not a pretty picture. There is a reason they are only showing those tiny hands and feet, and that the photos have a stylized type of image. Babies that age have see-through skin, their eyes are probably still fused closed, they are covered in hair, may not have finger and toe nails. They are a different biological reality than most people’s image of a newborn.
This is sad and extremely disturbing. Taking pictures of your deceased child is okay for your own private grieving. BUT…to have a big service, all televised…standing there with all your children SMILING huge happy smiles while showing photos of your dead child is WRONG. It’s fine to grieve…but do it privately. There are many MANY people out there who find pictures of death disturbing. I am one of them.
Question: Did they do the same type of ceremony for their 1st miscarried baby? Or was this one more elaborate than the first because of the cameras & publicity?
I wonder the same thing. Disgusting people.
I cannot STAND AMY DUGGAR she is an attention whore – She is the one who originally posted the photo.
This is a new reality tv low.
Is there nothing sacred anymore? We have become a society obsessed with “knowing”. The gov’t wont show pics of a deceased Bin Laden but some in our society thinks its ok to exploit a dead child/fetus. Wow. I am truly stunned into silence.
I believe there’s going to be a 2-hr special. I don’t know when it’s going to air.
*sigh*… of course there is. It’s about ratings, after all.
Barf. Jeuvenile, but there it is.
Is there nothing held sacred anymore? Exploiting a death is never right.
In high school a girl in my soccer team lost her mother in December. The next month we traveled to San Antone for a tournament and when we were on the bus driving back home we all starting passing our cameras around to look at the pictures we’d taken. This girl still had pictures of her mom in the casket and people posing with her mom in thes casket in her camera. Some of the girls didn’t react to well to the pictures. I guess it’s just a different way of mourning so I can’t judge anyone for that. I know that when my husband passed away people telling me how I should or should not mourn were the worst. That said, how much y’all want to bet they sold those pictures toa magazine.
I clicked on the link, and I wished I didn’t. I stopped after the 1st photo. I realize that they are mourning the loss of their baby, but keep that private. And I also believe that she is addicted to being pregnant.
I agree Firecracker. This sort of reminds me of that syndrome where mothers deliberately hurt their babies or make them sick so they can continuously garner sympathy from others – same pathological need for attention. I think there is something very askew with this woman – and sick as it sounds, I think she’s kind of getting off on all the attention this miscarriage has brought her.
It’s called Munchausen Syndrome by Proxy.
(Not sure if I spelled it right, I’m really sick and my brain isn’t working right now)
Cue the “The More You Know” star and rainbow^.^
Taking pictures for a private family memorial and commemoration is one thing. I have no issue with such things taking place even if it’s not something I would do.
But these pictures of the fetus are not meant just for the family and close friends as a means of honoring Jubilee. They’re for public consumption. They had a camera crew and a professional photographer at the memorial taking family portraits and taped the entire thing as part of a 2-hour special. The voluntary exploitation of the miscarriage and their grief to make some money is what I find disgusting and I’m judging them hard over it.
Everything you said is just so exactly spot on.
Well said.
Yeah see you can take all the photos of the stillborn child you want and deal with grief however you want but DO NOT POST the photos!
This Michelle Duggard woman is mentally ill if you ask me.
If they are making money off this death then they are irredeemable.
It’s not how they choose to remember their child that’s creepy. It’s that they broadcast it on a social networking site, to millions of strangers.
These people disgust me.
This. Exactly.
Well said.
I once attended a funeral for a miscarried baby (family friends). The people were very devout Christian types. They displayed a huge memorial board covered with photos of the dead baby – each family member posed with it, all with huge smiles plastered on their faces. The dead baby was blue and malformed – I was so disturbed by it I had to leave. If people want to take pics of their dead fetus/baby for their own personal album, that’s completely understandable, but to share them with the world is incomprehensible!
I lost my second daughter at 3 mos and 9 days old to SIDs she just went to sleep and never woke up…and it devestated my husband and myself….
Months later a well meaning friend sent me some photos she thought I might to see. and one was of her in her little casket all layed out… and it brought all the grief back to the surface….that was forty two yrs ago and I still tear up looking at it..so I can understand the idea of this woman exploting that presious dead child like that…
That is heartbreaking. I am crying for you now. Wish I could give you a hug.
I understand everyone deals with the loss of a close one, especially a child differently but the fact remains that this family is in a reality show and ANYONE who choses to be on a reality show has their own agenda so if these pictures and/or funeral ends up on the show we should assume they did it for attention
I for one do not watch the show and I chose not to see the pictures. I gave birth to my first child two months ago and being that I’ll be 40 next week and thinking that the chances of him not being born at all tears me up inside, so it makes me wonder, what kind of impact they want the viewers to experience by making this public? It’s just disgusting the way people in reality tv decide that it’s ok to shove their personal lives down our throats and expect to not be judged
When my cousin was 18 she went to her 8 month check up and they couldn’t find a heartbeat. The umbilical cord choked the baby. They delivered the her in the hospital. My cousin had several pictures taken of the baby and everybody holding her. She posted them on her Facebook page and they’re still there. I find it a bit creepy because you can definately tell it’s a dead baby that looks full term. She also talked about her almost daily on fb for nearly a year. I found it disturbing but everybody grieves in their own way.
Im sorry ,they have gone to far….
I won`t be watching anymore
I just wish she would stop endangering other children with her womb. A human female is NOT meant to have 20 children. The last child being born at 1 lb. should have been a warning for them. This tragedy didn’t have to happen.
We lost our first child at 5 months (pg), and the (very few) photos I have of our son are the only photos of him that I will ever have. They are extremely precious to me, even blurry. If I had tasteful, appropriate photos of his hands or feet, I would have shown them at the funeral or someplace in my home, in the same way that I have up pictures of my 2 living children. I have been open about my loss because it was important to me that other moms don’t feel alone should it happen to them.
Every single person grieves differently, so even someone in your exact same shoes may not react the way you think you would have.
FYI, one of the most common books about prenatal/infant death is called When Hello Means Goodbye – it could very well be where Shalom was named from (as well as being a Biblical reference).
I find their beliefs and worldiew to be strange. But one commonality to almost all worldviews in the U.S. is cherishing children. Miscarrying an expected and hoped-for baby is a devastating loss for their family, and they have every right to grieve in whatever way helps them deal. Would I post pics of my miscarried offspring on the internet? No, but I won’t judge anyone for doing it. Grief takes many forms, and there is no one right way to do it.
I just…I just CAN’T with this family. While I think it’s nice (and lucky*) that they were able to have a service for their little one, posting the pix is positively morbid. Some things are deeply personal, and this would be one of them. You want pix; that’s fine. Have a service; that’s fine. Publicise the whole shebang? NO. This is not the 1700’s, where sending pix of dead folks (including children) is considered the norm.
*I lost a baby at 5 months along, and they kept it to “determine what went wrong.” (Military hospital, long ago.) After having to scoop my little one out of the toilet and deliver it to my doc, I never saw my baby again.
That is TRULY heartbreaking. I’m so sorry Bells.
Thank you sweetie. But (like some others here) I wouldn’t have had my eldest child, a truly wonderful human being, were it not for that miscarriage.
Oh, man, that’s horrible. I’m so sorry.
Thank you.
I’ve recently seen a Youtube video of a premature baby that died and they showed photos of the moment that they could hold the child. I watched the entire video and it didn’t piss me off. I found it heartbreaking and difficult to watch. If that’s their way of grieving, then fine. I find this Duggar story quite mild actually.
Don’t the Duggars get a pass because there the Duggars or because some people value privacy and integrity and can’t deal with such open displays of private/intimate matters? Would they also have the guts to rag on such Youtube videos (well knowing that the people who put it up can receive it and can answer back) or would you refrain out of politeness even though it irks you?
Popular celebrities who share their pain or put their newborns on a cover aka invite you into their personal space don’t get bashed this hard. Why? Because it’s happy news? Where do people draw the line then?
Not trying to slag off people but I find some comments really intruiging…
I posted about losing my son in a previous thread. I should not have clicked this link. These people sicken me. Am lost for words. I just don’t understand how money and fame and television could be so important to someone to dishonor their child like this. For fucks sake.
I have struggled with what to make of this family for many years. Having grown up close in and around conservative Christian families, I see much of the value in their lifestyle (there is a great deal of security for a child & sense of purpose) but the pitfalls are bitter reminders of how damaging it can be. I am especially disturbed by the lack of options the Duggar girls are provided. What you don’t see is that shame is a staple for women in that culture. It’s taken me YEARS to overcome those hurdles and have healthy sexual experiences, as well as feel comfortable displaying any outward confidence.
With all that said – I try not to be harsh on them. They really believe in the way they live, the same way my family did/does. They are not bad people – just very, very misguided.
This is what I would consider to be an example of them lacking wisdom. In Christianity, wisdom is prized above almost all traits, and yet very few living publicly seem to display much. Publishing these pictures shows a lack of judgment on their part. Regardless of intentions, it comes across as crass and greedy. That’s the last impression a wise parent should give, not only to the entire world, but their children who are left to cope with their own sense of loss.
what a repulsive, narcissistic couple.
My sister lost her 2 year old son in March. It was completely unexpected and it has destroyed our entire family. I fully understand that a miscarriage is a devastating loss, particularly when you fall in love with your child and you deeply want that child.For the posters who lost twins, that just makes me feel sick with sadness for you. But I have to wonder if it is the same when you already have 19 kids. It is true that every person grieves differently. I feel though that as a person holding my sister’s hand through this devastation, through the ghosts that haunt the night, through the days of darkness that have no end, I think there is something overly dramatic about what they’re doing. Real grief is so devastating you cannot breathe, you cannot move, you cannot lift your head, let alone publish endless statements and press releases carefully calculated to get attention.
I have had similar thoughts. I am not big into quantifying grief – “my pain is worse than your pain” – but they have 19 kids, the last one almost died, and they knew this one was at high, high risk. they’re acting like they lost one of the kids they already have.
I am so sorry for your family’s loss. I cannot fathom the pain of losing one of my children, at any age.
(I think that not only already having 19 children, but nearly losing your last child due to pre-maturity combined with knowing full well you are “of a certain age” for at-risk pregnancy compounds the emotions about this.)
Coming from an extremely religious, anti-abortion and Quiverfull background, I feel the media the Duggars have engaged around Michelle’s miscarriage may have been in part to prosyletize. They likely feel they’ve been given an opportunity by God to model to the world that a preterm baby is worth grieving, a memorial service, has a name, and was a human being.
In their minds, they likely feel they have been given a TV show as a way to “shine God’s light” and share their values with “unbelievers”. So they are thinking “we will use/redeem our loss for the Glory of God.” They probably think “this could save some babies’ lives.” (By getting their moms not to abort.) This is not “exploting” in their minds (nor mine, really) . It’s using loss to “honor God”. (Now, I no longer am religious but I’m explaining the way I used to think and was raised to think and how people from such zealousness mindset is. It’s always about God somehow and showing your faith.)
In my opinion the photo of Michelle (?) holding the tiny feet, in combination with the quote underneath, is a powerful piece of anti-abortion propaganda. I believe they know this. NOt that it was insincere- not at all. BUt they still know it. And I completely doubt it being shown to media was accidental. And I wouldn’t be suprised if it gets mass-reproduced and used as such by anti-abortionists.
I am pro choice now personally, and no longer religious, happy to be out of all that. Thrilled, actually, to be out of that subculture.
However, though I disagree with the Quiverfull doctrine, (and I dont care that the Duggars say they are not “Quiverfull”. They look/act like the ducks…)
I still certainly feel bad for Michelle . I always feel bad for any woman who wanted a baby, and lost it – and particularly as it may be her last. It’s just sad.
I have helped my friend (a former midwife) photograph a baby at 16 weeks. We did it for the mother. It isn’t “gross”. Certainly by the 2nd trimester the fetus looks like a tiny human with a face, lashes, eyebrows etc.
Yes, I totally agree and think you are right. I think this is what upsets me. It is disrespectful to exploit the loss of your child- disrespectful to grieving moms everywhere.
Not to mention, narcissistic.
I’m heartbroken by so many of the comments. Not so much by the Duggar narcissism. The death of the babe, and the babe herself, deserved better than being objectified. The Duggars are just plain sick and appallingly venal.
Interesting insight from someone who’s been around people like the Duggars! Thank you, and I bet your comment about the “messages” are right on.
You put into words exactly what I’ve been feeling about this, down to the anti-choice propaganda.
What you’re saying makes a lot of sense. I’m actually really happy about the idea of this picture being used in signs. Don’t get me wrong, I’m 100% pro-choice. And I think people who hold up signs of fetuses at sexual health clinics are disgusting. I personally have friends who were harassed by angry old white men thrusting graphic images at them because they were responsible enough to go get a pap smear. And even worse, a friend suffering from a late-term miscarriage. The only thing worse than going through a stillbirth has to be getting yelled at and called a murderer and told you deserve to go to hell when you have *literally* just lost your baby. And to be clear, women who DO go to sexual health clinics for abortions don’t deserve this sort of shaming either. It’s a private decision.
BUT if this picture is going to replace signs featuring cut up, bloody fetuses I can’t help but feel some relief.
I’m not going to read any of the comments about the Duggars tragic loss because frankly some people can be horribly cruel, I’ve experienced this type of loss (medically called Intrauterine Fetal Demise, since it is a rare, late, non-explulsive type miscarriage), and Ive recently dealt with a very troubled pregnancy.
Taking photos of their deceased child is not unusual at all. How they deal with it publicly is another matter though we all know this is pretty uncharted territory.
There is actually a ministry called Now I Lay Me Down to Sleep. It is a network of professional volunteers who will come to the hospital so that parents can have photos of their children who have either already died or are expected to die soon. No one’s first reaction to such news is ever, “Hey, grab a camera.”. Many parents aren’t ready to see their deceased child right then but will want to later. Many want to try to capture the few precious moments their child is alive.
People grieve in many different ways.
And as far as I know, the services that ministry offers are completely free. They have a website but as you can imagine, you may need some tissue. The photos there are absolutely heartbreaking but beautiful. Many are black and white or are obviously photo-shopped because frankly once a person dies, even in utero, physical changes start happening pretty quickly. Unfortunately I know this from experience.
That is a wonderful option for families who have suffered a loss. My problem isn’t that the photos were taken, my problem is that they were handed put to people at the memorial AND plastered on a screen. They are on reality T.V. and knew these would come out to the media.
Grief takes you to strange places and the only way to recover is to go through it there is no wrong way to grieve.
i must be some horrible person or weird or something I thought the tribute to jubilee was kinda touching and beautiful. They honestly feel that the child they lost made and impact on their lives. This baby was wanted and to have that hope the potential lost is devastating. look at the photos there was a foot perfectly formed a hand that had five fingers so tiny impossibly small but beautiful a life that could have been but gone before you could say hello. I don’t…. know My mom lost my brother she was full term went to the hospital to deliver and came back with no new baby. He was stillborn. I was 3 or 4 I clearly remember her big belly and her coming home so sad with no baby and not being able to where was they baby why was he gone. that was 30+ years ago and i still wonder what would he have been like what did he look like as a baby what would he have looked like now. My mom does not speak of him she has nothing tangible of him and i know she wishes she did.. Maybe this was their own weird messed up way to having something tangible of jubilee. If i were in her shoes i would want a photo that little tiny person was inside of her and she was a life and she made an impact on the people around her. who are we to judge?
The Duggars believe that life begins at conception so it is understandable that they would want to celebrate and commemorate Jubilees short life. What I find disgusting is
1.) a family member would “tweet” this KNOWING there are those that will judge them for their beliefs. Seeing these pictures drives home the abortion debate. Regardless of your personal beliefs, seeing Jubilees pictures should give everyone pause.
2.) People judge the Duggars on their (the posters)own set of morals and values, or lack there of.
3.) That gossip sites would publish them.
Because someone (Cousin Amy) felt the need to tweet these pictures should call into question her motives and not the actions of this family.
Why rage and vent about how this family chooses to commemorate THEIR child’s life?
I feel that anger should be directed at Amy whos callous and inconsiderate actions have subjected this family to more hatred and criticism.
Call me cynical but I feel like the only thing Cousin Amy took away was TLC/Duggars’ opportunity to release the pics for maximum PR exposure when it was time to help sell and promote the 2-hour special they’re filming.
If these pics were meant just for the memorial attendees or family/friends to remember Jubilee and never meant to be seen by the public, then I’d be harshly judging Cousin Amy and her tweeting for invading their privacy and exploiting their grief for tweet hits. But that’s not the case. The pics, little Jubilee herself, the entire situation is for sale by the Duggars. Why judge the cousin for releasing the pics when the Duggars themselves are exploiting their grief and miscarriage in a 2-hour special?
I’m not judging them for taking the pics or even having the memorial. I’m judging them for having it filmed by a professional camera crew and exploiting the miscarriage and family grief for a paycheck. It’s not even being filmed just as a “story arc” for their regular reality show. This is for a 2-hour special beyond their reality show. Extra profit.
The profit aspect to this situation is what I find very distasteful.
@PleaseICU – Good points!
I was involved in the funeral industry and people deal with their grief in many different ways. I see no real problem with taking the pictures for personal reflection, however, I have a real problem with handing the pictures out to people and sharing them on t.v. I think it is quite obvious these people will do anything for money and I am disgusted.
I think they are getting use to the media attention. For just average people all that spotlight changes you. We saw it with Kate G and John now we have them. Not to mention that other couple with the 6 babies. Fame is addictive. Some people are able to put it into it place and move on. Others not so much.
They need to back away
These photos were shown to the national public for a reason. It’s quite political, IMO. BTW, Shouldn’t they be happy for Jubilee Shalom? She’s in heaven now. She got to skip the trials of evil in this world and got a direct pass into the pearly gates. She’s actually quite lucky. That’s what they believe, right? I mean, let’s be consistent here.
Just like the televisions show…these photos are for those that wish to look at them. No one is forcing anyone to look at them. Everyone grieves their own way. I personally do not see anything wrong with what the Duggars have done now or in the past. They do not break the law, they do not get drunk in public and cause a nuisance where they go. They seem well-behaved, nice, giving (especially with their time!)people who do not sponge off the system.
I don’t think it’s that weird. As many of you said, in the Victorian era, many people took photographs of deceased relatives, sometimes even with living family posing with the corpse.
Yes, but those were the days of the Pony Express (or earlier) and/or when mail was actually shipped across the Atlantic (or world) to extended and/or estranged family members. Also, it was done for family albums (history) or death announcements.
Not for reality show publicity. Like I said above: take your pix, mourn you loss, but don’t plaster it out there for the entire world to see. It’s vulgar.
Someone needs to mention god doesnt like attn wh-res to these people.
I’ve seen pictures showing waaay more all around the web. You can watch Youtube videos with slideshows of parents and their dead babies. A personal blog I read “No Biggie” showed pictures of their deceased premature week old baby. So sad. I do not find it disgusting at all.
The pictures of the Duggar’s baby were tasteful and beautifully sad. These are the only pictures they will have of their daughter.
I’ve been lucky enough to never go through this, but from what I’ve read around the web, several women that have talk about how it seems to be a taboo subject. That people want to pretend it never happened or their loss is brushed off.
Exactly. Youtube is full of “in loving memory of” videos, where there are quite explicite and shocking photos, and nobody dares to make a comment there but everybody is sympathetic, so why shouldn’t the Duggars get the same treatment and sympathy when they take a picture of their stillborn baby?
There comes a point when the public declaratively says “Basta!!” The Kuntrashians are clearly at that point. Kate plus 8 got there before them. Now Mama Duggar and her brood are next. Enuf with the “reality” crap.
Also, the website mentioned above: Now I Lay Me Down to Sleep was used for the Duggars.
I gave birth to twin boys at 24 weeks. I was not due until September…but gave birth on May 8th–Mother’s Day. When I woke up from my C-Section, the nurse said to me,”Do you want to go to the N.I.C.U. to see the baby who lived…or to the morgue, to see your baby who died?” I was not prepared at that moment to see a dead baby…so I chose to see my 1-pound, 2-oz surviving twin. He is now 18 years old. He has cerebral palsy, mental retardation, and epilepsy…but he is alive. I just could not imagine what it took for Michelle Duggar to see her dead baby…but if it helped her, so be it. Losing a child is the worst pain a mother can endure. The hurt never goes away…ever. Thanks for doing this story.
I agree with the general sentiment that every family grieves how they choose. What is morbid to one is normal to another and I wouldn’t judge someone or try to tell someone how they should grieve. That is very presumptious in my opinion. Still, to make it public seems beyond strange to me but it doesn’t hurt anyone. Death has become a little too tabboo. It happens. We need to deal with and become comfortable with it.
At first, I was totally *horrified* by this story/pics, & was completely unfamiliar with this practice. But after reading several of the comments here, I can really see this from both sides.
I admit that I can understand why it would be a comfort to some, a way of making sure the world knows (& in the case of *displayed* pics, ‘reminding’ the world) that their ‘lost’ child existed, & is just as loved & important as their other children/family (both those still with them & not).
On the other hand, already being part of a controversial family situation, displaying something this enormously personal/painful to the world through the internet (*&* already being part of a reality show which is guaranteed child exploitation, no matter what)… I can totally see why people are reacting badly to this. I hate to consider that the family intends or intended to use this event as part of some ‘exclusive’ for publicity on their reality show, but after seeing the stunts others have pulled thus far, it isn’t beyond the realm of comprehension.
I just have trouble passing judgment on the way they’ve chosen to mourn, as I have not experienced this myself. My heart really goes out to those too many here who have shared their own tragically painful experiences.
It’s late on this post, but to all people who said that funeral, photos and all these things are creepy:
Here in Italy graves and tombs all have a photo of the dead person buried (usually aroud the last 5/7 years of life).
For law, a miscarred/aborted baby of at least 20 weeks has to be registred at offices, so he HAD to be buried – photo is not obligatory, but some times is there, especially for almost full term babies.
Under 20 weeks is not obligatory. The problem is, in some public hospitals (the few where it’s possible to abort) women face a lot of trouble because while abort is legal, doctors and nurses have the right to not perfom abort if they don’t want to – so if in a hospital nobody wants to do it, you are screwed. There are many accounts in Italy of women who dealt with aborts in the worst way possibile because of interferences of Catholic associations/doctors who refused to help even in extreme situations/anestesists who don’t give pain drugs because they are against/pharmacists who refuse to prescrive drugs for emergency contraception: in many cases women who have aborted in terrible situations and just want to go home have asked about the baby funeral immediatly AFTER the operation, when they are still shocked, because for law you have to bury them in less than 24 hours. Some associations want to have the possibility to bury aborted children as default, even if parents doesn’t want it.
All of these things because of old laws with the Catholic Church who still have a lot of judment in social, politic and private matters…
I completely understand why they took photographs. I am someone who needs to understand how things happened to process them. When my childhood friend committed suicide, I needed to know how it happened, and had to reimagine the scene to be able to put it to rest. Same for my grandfather’s wife who died of cancer. I know for a fact that if I miscarried I would need to touch and see my baby and remember it somehow, and photographs are a good way of remembering someone. Death is a part of life and pretending it doesn’t exist and denying it as many people do today ultimately isn’t good for anyone. We have a really unhealthy way of viewing death because of this.
As for how public this is, the duggars had a private service and the photos were meant for family members. How is this famewhoring ? They didn’t want the photographs to be released ! Here is what People says, and People always has the info directly from the publicists :
“Some of those photos have been released without Jim Bob and Michelle’s consent, according to a spokesperson for the family, and were intended for private use only. ” I repeat, how is this famewhoring ?
As for whatever they choose to reveal on their show, the way they see it is that they are helping people out who have had the same problems as they have (micro preemie and now late miscarriage). How people react to that is up to them, but in my opinion it is healthy to show these things, get rid of the stupid taboos and clear people’s misconceptions. We have this idea that fetuses are disgusting and that miscarriages are taboo. I think we should be more open about these things, so people know it happens and can relate to others if it happens to them.
well said!
I am for any parent grieving the loss of their baby, they see fit. My best friend suffered a similar loss of her daughter at 20-week gestation. They did put her remains for cremation and scattered them in a quiet place by the sea. However, we as her friends were not privy to her private plans or saw any remains. I did find the Duggars “blow up” of the photos and twitter pics to be a bit much and the whole church event to be “made for TV”. It seems that people who “Live” on TV, live their lives that way. It’s like the “Truman show” in real form. When do these people shut down and live their lives?
From what I understand, they made cards that were passed out at the funeral service. One of the relatives decided to take pics of the cards and posted them either on twitter or flickr. Supposedly, the Duggars did not want the pictures to be public.
I’m not a fan of them or their show, but how they grieve and/or handle the funeral is their own business. People shouldn’t judge the non-profit organization that takes pictures for the parents.
Hopefully, she decides to retire her uterus.
I don’t think those pictures were mean’t to be public, it was not Jim-Bob or Michelle that posted them online. As for all the kids that’s not for me, I only had one and stopped but it’s nobody’s business how many kids they have as long as they aren’t on any public assistance.
i dont think a miscarriage that early should even count as a child. and whats with this family and stupid names they are giving the latter kids. well maybe the next one will have a normal one
Enough is enough….your body is saying enough kids…if you didn’t have the TV show you would not be able to provide for them. Risking baby after babies health is not good. I agree you must be related to the Kardashians.
Jim Bob keep it in your pants!
I am not of their political beliefs nor can i imagine having all those children . Or why one would put ones life at risk and maybe leave the little ones with out their mother. Having said this its their business not mine. I am impressed at how well these children play and work togethre how well behaved. They are doing something right and I wish them good health and Happiness.