I wanted to group all of these dresses together for some reason last night. I don’t remember why. In my defense, I was half asleep because the Oscars were so damn dull. Anyway, this is a post devoted to the “red dresses” of the Oscars. Look, don’t even yell at me because you think Michelle Williams’ gown is “coral” or “dark pink.” It’s a pink-orange-red. It’s still a shade of red to me. Let’s just start with Michelle’s gown, okay? It’s Louis Vuitton, and I dislike it. I’m not a complete hater, though. I just didn’t think it was so special, and the peplum gave the impression of a little girl’s party dress. Which… Michelle was probably going for, since she loves to dress like a little girl. Michelle’s hair is her thing, and while I personally dislike it, I’ve grown to accept it. It’s fine. Whatever. Michelle doesn’t make my best-dressed or my worst-dressed. I just wish she would go back to her normal speaking voice and stop with the affected, lispy little-girl crap.

Here’s Natalie Portman in vintage Dior. I liked it at first glance, but now that I’m really examining it… the polka dots are not great. The shade of red isn’t the best. The fit is off, especially in the bust. The necklace doesn’t go with the gown. Her hair is meh and her makeup is gorgeous, al always. And her K-Fed is shorn.

Here’s Janet McTeer, nominee for Best Supporting Actress, in David Meister Signature. I think she looks really, really hot. Her body looks great, the dress is flattering, and she seems like she was just having fun.

Emma Stone in Giambattista Valli – although she claimed it’s “fuchsia” – which it isn’t. It looked too much like Nicole Kidman’s gown in 2007. Plus, I don’t like Emma in stuff that’s high-necked. It makes her look stocky, which she isn’t.

And here’s Livia Firth in custom-made Valentino. It’s too puffy, and the bust is weird. She’s so supremely gorgeous though, I kind of forgot to look at her dress.

Photos courtesy of WENN, Fame/Flynet.