Tom Cruise, politician: ‘If f–ing Arnold can be governor, I could be president’

Tom Cruise

Let me first start out by saying that I am seriously bummed that our photo agencies didn’t get any photos of Tom Cruise at the Tokyo premiere of Jack Reacher. Tom is always very manic and entertaining when he hits Japan because he’s pretty huge there, and I mean that in a figurative and literal sense. Not only do the Japanese enjoy Tom’s movies, but Tom loves the fact that he can actually tower over some of the men in the country. But we will have to make do with these (sort of) old photos of Tom while he was in NYC last month to appear on Letterman (where Tom learned the “F” word). I never noticed before how much I love how Tom’s shadow is wearing lifts too.

Tom Cruise

To divert slightly from the main point today, a story in this week’s In Touch paints a lovely picture of Tom’s new relationship with Cynthia Jorge, the 26-year-old restaurant employee with whom he was dirty dancing in NYC clubs. Apparently, Cynthia feels that dating Tom “feels like a fairy tale,” and “they have a lot in common and are seeing where things go.” But they’re taking it slow! “They’re getting to know each other. It’s like any relationship in the beginning phase.” This basically means that Scientology is performing its filtering functions right now. Cynthia is probably undergoing the usual processing method of introductory auditing and incisor filing, and I wouldn’t be surprised if her family and friends haven’t spoken to her in weeks. So sure, it’s a “fairy tale” if there ever was one.

Now back to the “F” word. Tom has spoken that word before in some of his movies, but I’m not sure that he knows what it means. I’m not trying to be rude — that’s just how I see Tom: asexual and (to paraphrase Mimi Rogers) the proud owner of a “pure instrument.” Yes, I believe that Tom is Suri’s biological father, but I’m not entirely convinced that he had actual sex to get there. Instead, it seems like Tom has a hero-like fascination with CO$ leader David Miscavige.

The relationship between Tom and Dave is being detailed further in a new book by Lawrence Wright (staff writer from The New Yorker) called Going Clear: Scientology, Hollywood, and the Prison of Belief. The Hollywood Reporter provides a multi-page summary of this book, but it’s a lot of stuff that we’ve heard already (including the familiar details about how Miscaviage and Tommy Davis instructed Isabella and Connor Cruise that their mother, Nicole Kidman, is a raging sociopath), so mostly, I am going to excerpt the parts about Tom and David Miscavige’s strange relationship. In short, not only are Dave and Tom the ultimate “big beings,” but they also plan on getting in their little spaceship of love together for an actual rendevous with L. Ron Hubbard himself once day. Here are some excerpts, which include a disturbing story about Dave’s dogs and Tom using the “F” word to describe his hopeful candidacy in running the United States:

Miscavige’s taste in music and movies: [Every evening], Miscavige retires to his den and drinks Macallan scotch and plays backgammon with members of his entourage or listens to music on his $150,000 stereo system (he loves Michael Jackson) or watches movies in his private screening room (his favorite films are Scarface and The Godfather trilogy). He usually turns in around three or four in the morning.

Miscavige makes Scientologists salute his dogs: Miscavige keeps a number of dogs, including five beagles. He had blue vests made up for each of them, with four stripes on the shoulder epaulets, indicating the rank of Sea Org Captain. He insists that people salute the dogs as they parade by. The dogs have a treadmill where they work out. A full-time staff member feeds, walks and trains the dogs and enters one of them, Jelly, into contests, where he has attained championship status. One of Miscavige’s favorites, a Dalmatian/pit bull mix named Buster, went on a rampage one day and killed 10 peacocks on the property, and then the dog proudly laid out his kill for all to see. Buster also attacked various members of the staff — sending one elderly woman to the emergency room — before being transferred to another base, causing staffers to joke he had been sent to the dog equivalent of Scientology rehabilitation.

Tom & Dave plotted to take over the US: “Bush may be an idiot,” Miscavige observed, “but I wouldn’t mind his being our Constantine,” referring to the first Roman Emperor to convert to Christianity. Cruise agreed. “If f–ing Arnold can be governor, I could be president.” Miscavige responded, “Well, absolutely, Tom.”

Tom & Dave have a future rendezvous with L. Ron Hubbard: “[Miscavige would] say that Tom Cruise was the only person in Scientology, other than himself, that he would trust to run the Church,” one former Sea Org member recalled. Rathbun observed: “Miscavige convinced Cruise that he and Tom were two of only a handful of truly ‘big beings’ on the planet. He instructed Cruise that LRH was relying upon them to unite with the few others of their ilk on earth to make it onto ‘Target Two’ — some unspecified galactic locale where they would meet up with Hubbard in the afterlife.”

[From Hollywood Reporter]

HAhahahaha. Tom Cruise as Presidential candidate? Don’t worry, it would never happen. Neither Tom nor the CO$ could afford the pay cut (the article points out that in 2004 alone, Tom “donated” $3 million to “the church”). Also, even if Tom managed to convince a political party to nominate him, there’s no way he could handle even one live political debate. It would be all about blinding-white smiles and sticking his finger in his opponent’s face. “But what about the economy, Tom?You don’t understand the history of psychiatry! I do.

There’s also a separate article from Hollywood Reporter that is devoted to the portions of Wright’s book that cover John Travolta’s “blithe” acceptance of “the faith,” and it details an auditor’s defection from the CO$ after her baby (who was denied vaccinations) had developed whooping cough: “The baby’s eyes were welded shut with mucus, and her diaper was wet — in fact, her whole crib was soaking. She was covered with fruit flies.” The really sad part of this story? It is probably all true.

Tom Cruise

Tom Cruise

Photos courtesy of Fame/Flynet

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72 Responses to “Tom Cruise, politician: ‘If f–ing Arnold can be governor, I could be president’”

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  1. Post-Its says:

    You know that Miscavige is totally acting out scenes from Scarface.

    “Say hello to my little friend!”

    And then he point at Tom.

  2. RocketMerry says:

    God God, save us from this!

    Can you imagine that? Tommy president of the USA?! He’d have auditing booths on every street-corner! He’d make the States a $cie-ocracy! He’d throw his pretty booties up on the ceiling of the oval room every time a country refuses to bow down to his alien-free people!

  3. cc says:

    this cult sounds criminal
    why can’t the gov’t step in and do something?

    • Rux says:

      It’s called the Constitution and unfortunately Co$ is under the protection of “Freedom of Religion”.

    • gg says:

      It is very criminal. Many have tried to stop them, but since they employ criminal means and threats and have bulldog lawyers, many have been unsuccessful. This organization is very much like The Mob as they use the exact same tactics.

      By the way, I read yesterday that the Cult has once again successfully stopped the truth from getting out, by threatening Lawrence Wright’s publisher with lawsuits, so the publisher has unsurprisingly pulled out and the book is not coming out as planned.

      • Miss T says:

        I heard that the book won’t be released in the U.K. because of the strict libel laws there. It will still be released in the U.S.

      • TrustMeOnThis says:

        The book was withdrawn from a planned UK release. I doubt this is due to “libel laws” (which are stricter over there, but you know the publisher already did research before green-lighting it in the first place) so much as threats from the $cilons and their lawyers. Even a frivolous suit takes significant time and money to defend, so even a perfectly legal publication can be quashed by the threat of harrassment suits. This is a favorite tactic of the $cilons (and one of the few they have that still seems to work at least somewhat).

      • Aotearovian says:

        @ Miss T and TMOT: I do some of my book-buying online from – big discounts and shipping to NZ is free, unlike Amazon – and it’s available from that, a UK-based domain.

        Maybe they’re registered elsewhere so they can get around it?

    • Stuart Horseley says:

      Sounds criminal?? It IS criminal, and Tom Cruise is its face. He makes me want to vomit.

  4. MoxyLady007 says:

    Why in the hell wasn’t the baby taken care of??? I don’t understand that last bit at all. What?!

    • TrustMeOnThis says:

      It’s the “Greatest Good for the Greatest Number of Dynamics.”
      Babies can’t work.

      (“Greatest… etc” is the nifty $cilon logic trick for why you always have to sacrifice everything in the service of $cilontology – $ci is trying to Clear the PLANET and you are making a fuss about a baby?! Selfish!!!”)

  5. eska says:

    Well you CAN NOT! Look at Arnold, now back to you…

  6. Sweet Dee says:

    Riiight…President of Insane Nation or the United States of Crazy maybe, but not of anything real.

    • Mitch Buchanan Rocks! says:

      Like Canada’s Harper only with better style and whiter teeth.

      • Jo 'Mama' Besser says:

        Now, I didn’t see Rock Of Ages (shock and awe), but I’m pretty confident that Stacy Jaxx would we quivering in his ‘Kohl Marks The Spot’ costuming after hearing the Prime Minister’s weasel-slapping rendition of ‘With A Little Help From My Friends’.

  7. Nanea says:

    Let’s hope that federal prosecutors in Belgium succeed in making their case against $cientology watertight.

    If… that should be the end, at least in Europe, and good riddance.

  8. Dawn says:

    No Tom you will never be President of the United States. Scientology has ruined all of that kind of stuff for you as I believe it has runied your marriages and your children’s lives as well. Scientology is nothing more than a cult, a shameful cult that expoits all sorts of people so the very few can be very rich.

    • Meredith says:

      And back to other news : Suri Cruise had a normal day today where she attended school, socialized with other non-CO$ children and then walked home through the streets of NYC like a normal (rich) kid. Yay, Katie!

  9. Veruca says:

    He’s such a cockroach.

  10. dorothy says:

    Still amazed this guy is relevant.

  11. Cecada says:

    Suddenly I’d pay good money to watch Arnold beat the sh*t out of both of those idiots.

    Oh, sorry, silly me – STOMP the crap out of these idiots since they both are about knee-high to Arnold anyway.

  12. gee says:

    Here is my take on Tom Cruise – he is now at Nicholas Cage career-wise. They are both cheesy action stars in bad movies. BUT – Nicholas Cage owns it, he is in on it, he makes no bones about being B list, cheesy goodness and we laugh with him. Tom Cruise has no idea we’re laughing at him.

    • rightgrrl says:


    • Meredith says:

      I love the movies Cage is doing now. Sure he’s doing everything he offered because he’s owes so much money from taxes. But now it’s like he can do whatever kind of movies he wants and doesn’t have to worry about being artsy or anything. I find his movies alot more fun now.

  13. Stuart Horseley says:

    Just now reading Blown for Good, written by Marc Headley, former Sea Org member. Fascintating. Dave “Miss Cabbage” does nothing but bark orders (often psychotic) and kiss Tom Cruise’s worthless ass. An awesome read into a very criminal organization.

  14. KellyinSeattle says:

    Wow, I can’t believe he even had the nerve to say that!! I don’t get the part about the baby….she belonged to a Scientologist and was being neglected??

    • Carrie says:

      The woman was Travolta’s handler and auditor and was extremely close to him. She displeased certain ‘church’ members and her baby was taken away from her while she was sent to the RPF to atone for her sins. Travolta allegedly knew about it so it disproves the theory that celebs have no idea what happens to ordinary CO$ members who fall foul of the ‘church’.

  15. skuddles says:

    Sure sounds like Miscaviage and Cruise are madly in ♥♥♥

  16. QQ says:

    I wonder how long before the Scientoloholes come trolling on this thread: What’s the over/under?

  17. Skipper says:

    The phrasing in the dog paragraph was odd. I thought that one of the staff members simply “enters” one of the dogs on a regular basis.

  18. Andrea says:

    That baby story is really sad. Kids are dying from whopping cough because of lack of vaccinations…but the baby laying around in its filth long enough to attract fruit flies, for eff sake!

    I really really wish that nicole would just come out with a tell all about tom and the cult, including telling everything shes worried the auditors woild tell. If the kids already hate her, well shes not going to lose them again. (unlike katie who probably made a deal for custody).

  19. Lizzie K says:

    To paraphrase a great line from Lonesome Dove:

    I might not have made my fortune, but igod, I never threw a salute to a dog!

  20. T.Fanty says:

    He could – but that doesn’t mean he should.

  21. QQ says:

    I found it weird and fascinating in the excerpt about how Sea Org people HAVE access to news etc but since they get no education no money and no contact with the outside world and all these months out to sea the stuff becomes irrelevant, and some of them cant even name The President of the US!!!, or like pop culture stuff, Like no idea!

  22. erika says:

    damn it Celebitchy….I can’t keep myself away from reading the CO$ articles….and they disgust and infuriate me…(mostly disgust today).

    couple issues i have:

    1- animal abuse much? the dogs…it freaks me out, such ‘hyper’ attention to them. and a dog that goes on a killing spree with 10 peacocks? i really think must have issues (boredom? displaced energy? anger?).

    2- ehhh? mehhh….good luck Cynthia darling. Good luck. 26? really? tom…here you go again. You know, I can’t bitch about this one because if you are 1) female 2) have a functioning brain and 3) access to the internet then…

    Tommy is ALL YOURS. seriously. Really? if she has not done a thorough Google search on Tom then, she’s a brick for a brain. Doesn’t everybody who’s single/dating Google search their paramour? it’s like the first thing i’d do after being asked out.

    I once found a guy’s engagement/wedding announcement page online. I rode the bus to work w/ this guy, flirted a bit, he asked me out…I googled him. Found is engagement/wedding pages and realized that his WIFE worked for the same company I did and she was just 2 floors above me!


    • TrustMeOnThis says:

      OMG!!! Did you tell him? What happened? What a great story!

      • erika says:

        oh Hell yeah! I emailed him and mentioned that I just happened to work at ‘Such n’ Such’ company and that I thought his WIFE looked very pretty today wearing her scarf/top/whatever outfit!

        I told him what a freak scoundrel he was that no more than 8 MONTHS of being married he’s already for something on the side. He FREAKED out and begged me not to say anything. The next morning he sent me an apologetic email and said that he and the wife had thoroughly discussed the matter the previous night and they’re on good terms….

        whatev. Turns out he was the CEO of a very popular SF start up and I bet you’ve used it!!!

  23. TG says:

    Why are Tiny tom’s ankles way up high in his shoe? It is so obvious he has lifts from within. Your ankles should be at the bottom of your shoe not the top.

  24. tabasco says:

    With John Travolta in Hairspray drag as First Lady?

  25. tabasco says:

    In the 3rd pic, it looks like the security dude is giving Tom a little handie action

  26. lucy2 says:

    “Miscavige keeps a number of dogs, including five beagles. He had blue vests made up for each of them, with four stripes on the shoulder epaulets, indicating the rank of Sea Org Captain.”

    This may be the best thing I’ve read all day.

    • EscapedConvent says:

      And Caligula believed that his horse should be in the Roman Senate.

      • LittleDeadGirl says:

        I always thought it’s a myth he actually believed that .. it was most just a sarcastic insult to the senate since he didn’t respect them and didn’t like the threat to his power.

      • EscapedConvent says:

        Hi, LittleDeadGirl,

        It’s too bad we can’t know for sure about this one! While I can believe almost anything of Caligula, history just isn’t sure. There are tales of him wanting to make his horse a Senator, or Consul, but some people think he was just kidding. 🙂

  27. Another K says:

    What is he wearing? He’s dressed like my 85 year old father. Except my dad’s not short and stubby.

  28. ladybert62 says:

    The more I read about the delusional Mr. Miscave, the more I think about the delusional Mr. Hitler! There are so many similarities. Scary….

  29. ladybert62 says:

    And as a second thought, I actually have respect for Arnold as the Governator – he had a difficult job and he did better than average (and I am not a republican). Tiny Tom on the other hand would run this country like his personal dictator-spaceship – now that is another scary thought.

  30. We're The Unicorns says:

    Bitch, PLEASE.

  31. Kats says:

    i want to comment but I cannot seem to find the words to express my thoughts regarding Mr. Cruise becoming POTUS. However, I still don’t know how Arnold became Gov. of CA.
    I would love to seem him actually put his name on a ballot just for the sheer amusement of it all.
    Maybe the mainstream media might take look at where Shelly is.

  32. Malificent says:

    Ya know, I’m actually going to give TC a pass on the whole president line because I can relate. Not a day goes by that I also don’t also say to myself, “If effing Arnold could be governor, then I should be president.”

  33. Anna says:

    You know what? I would like to see Tommygirl run for president. It would be hilarious, as long as he didn’t actually win.

    And he could use that podium that Jon Stewart had in his debate with Bill O’Reilly, the one that raises and lowers.

  34. TG says:

    I forgot to add so now we can blame the co$ on our failing education system?

  35. dcypher1 says:

    Crazy and crazier need to hop on their spaceship and go back to xenu cus they are insane.

  36. Carrie says:

    Lawrence Wright is a Pulitzer Prize-winning author and if these two snippets are anything to go by, this is going to be a wonderful book.

    The CO$ will be very unhappy with yet MORE negative publicity. Hah! I love it!!

    And watch out for a new series called ‘Dangerous Persuasions’ on the Discovery ID channel on January 16th. The first episode is a docu-drama based on the memoir of an ex-CO$ member.

    You can find out more details at the reporter Tony Ortega’s blog.

  37. Beatriz says:

    I remember when I watched Lions for Lambs I felt a little freaked out over Tom’s character: I got the impression he was basically playing himself, sort of. Scary stuff.

  38. bettyhelen says:

    The only real elegance is in the mind; if you’ve got that, the rest really comes from it.

  39. Monika says:

    i wish i could just slap tom’s plastic face till it’s ripped apart. the man is beyond stupid.
    miscavige deserves to be eaten by his dogs.

  40. kerry says:

    Is his sister still his publicist? Has he no clue about his dwindling popularity?

    Besides, Arnold did have an Economics degree, Cruise barely got out of high school

  41. Ranunculus says:

    I am pretty sure IF that ever happens, the ground will open up, a huge fire sweeps across the earth and aliens from far universes will come to safe us all.

  42. Aotearovian says:

    Oohooo, Lawrence Wright is serious business. He won a Pulitzer, I believe, for The Looming Tower. I look forward to reading this.

  43. Monika says:

    what the **** happened to this boy:

  44. LAK says:

    And TC apparently based his A FEW GOOD MEN character on miss Cabbage…..As much as i made a decision never to watch TC film since the mid-90s, i think i’ll go back and re-watch this with that snipet of info at the back of my brain.