Joaquin Phoenix announces he’s engaged to his yoga instructor (update)

Well this is an unexpected development. Joaquin Phoenix visited David Letterman last night to promote Inherent Vice. The two started kicking back anecdotes and talking about back pain. As one does. Then Joaquin started talking about a bizarre yoga class experience where he was attempting the “harnessing the hog” position. Huh. Hatha yoga must have really changed since I was involved a handful of years ago. Is this a real yoga position? Joaquin attempts to replicate the position in the video for Dave, and it looks like a joke.

What wasn’t a joke? Joaquin dropped a bomb on Letterman. Dude says he’s engaged to his yoga instructor now. I’d suspect him of joking about that too, but Dave completely schooled Joaquin after that Andy Kaufman-esque appearance from way back. Joaquin knows better than to pull the rug out from Dave again. I guess Joaquin broke up with his 20-year-old DJ girlfriend, Allie Teilz. Now he’s found his lady for life:

“First we do these breathing exercises and I go, ‘I can do this’…and then she says we are going to get in the first position — the “harnessing of the hog,’” Phoenix recalled of first meeting his now-fiancée. “Before I can say, ‘Who is the hog?’ She grabs me — and it’s a compromising and vulnerable position — and she gets a strap and puts it [around me] and she’s thrusting [against] me and I go, ‘Oh, no! My back pain!’ And she goes, ‘No, that’s your emotional back pain … This is the crazy part of the story. We started dating, and I think she’s the one. I proposed to her and she said yes. If everything works out [Im getting married].”

[From The Late Show with David Letterman]

So who’s the lucky lady? Joaquin has not confirmed the identity of his yoga instructor, but he once dated a yogi named Aria Crescendo. This was way back in 2010 before DJ Allie. You can see Aria’s yoga poses on Facebook. She very closely resembles DJ Allie. Dude definitely has a type. Anyway, there is buzz that Joaquin is back with Aria, but it might not be true. He could have proposed to any random yoga instructor. God only knows.

Here’s Joaquin last week in Beverly Hills. Seriously, those socks.

UPDATE: Joaquin says he’s not engaged. He made up the story: “I think my life’s so boring, and it seemed like something exciting to talk about, and I wanted the audience to like me. They really like people getting married.” OH. Very funny, d-bag.

Joaquin Phoenix

Joaquin Phoenix

Photos courtesy of Aria Crescendo on Facebook, Fame/Flynet & WENN

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40 Responses to “Joaquin Phoenix announces he’s engaged to his yoga instructor (update)”

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  1. Claire says:

    Jokes about this is what a real engagement between two people in love looks like in 3 2 1…

  2. EC says:

    engaged to a yoga instructor, just like Alec Baldwin! Here’s hoping the similarities end there. Mazel!

  3. Abbott says:

    If only he announced his engagement a couple months earlier, he’d be Dr. Strange. Celebitchy could’ve been all yours, Joaquin!

    (I dunno how Hollywood engagements work anymore)

  4. PunkyMomma says:

    He’s a terrific actor, but a major nutzo.

    • aemish says:

      I checked out after reading he enjoys spending his free time at porn shoots in the valley. **hurl**

    • ichsi says:

      Second that. Then again, from his story the lady sounds weird too, so maybe it’s a match made in heaven.

  5. NewWester says:

    Actually those socks should have a post of their own!

  6. Jessica says:

    Those socks are amazing!

  7. Lindy79 says:

    Those socks are the kind I wear because they’re warm and comfy then realise I’ve got them on going through airport security and have to take my boots off thus exposing them to the world and blowing my “Check me out, I’m such a cool, seasoned traveller with amazing style” facade out of the water.

  8. Mikeyangel says:

    Those socks are awesome!

  9. Gretchen says:

    “No, that’s your emotional back pain” *eyeroll*

  10. Fatty Cakes says:

    Well, okay. But, um…did he really say he “thinks” she’s the one and “if everything works out” regarding a woman he proposed to? Aren’t you supposed to figure that stuff out and be confident in your relationship with your partner before proposing?

    Maybe I’m wrong. I am single, so I might be wrong.

    • GoodNamesAllTaken says:

      No, I’m married and I thought that was so vague. I’m engaged means you’re getting married. You should be fairly certain that she’s the one and that things will work out. Hollywood.

    • T.C. says:

      She’s probably the one through Oscar season then back to his 20 year old when the studios release the gun aimed squarely at his head. LOL.

  11. Belle Epoch says:

    She can have him.

  12. PunkyMomma says:

    He just commented on GMA that he’s not engaged. He punked Letterman again.

  13. Hazel says:

    He’s not engaged. He just said on Good Morning America that he lied about it.

    https://twitter.com/gma/status/542316222088740866

  14. QQ says:

    He is so EXHAUSTING when not in a movie role… And just about nothing makes up for that type of walking shitshow

  15. Rose says:

    What a jerk for lying to Dave again.

  16. Beth says:

    PR!!!!! Harvey!!!! Os-caaaahhhh!!!!!!!!!!!

    Whoops, not a Cumberbatch post? Sorry. Carry on.

    P.S. The GMA tweet reads: “Joaquin Phoenix – not engaged. Says he needed to spice up his “story” a little bit to capture the audience. People do love engagements…” Is Joaquin throwing shade at Cumberbatch? :)

    • Bob says:

      No. He’s throwing shade at people who spend a lot of time arguing about whether or not Cumberbatch’s engagement is real.

  17. Ag says:

    what disturbs me, perhaps from a professional angle, is the fact that she was pushing him to do a position despite his claims of back pain. “emotional back pain”? really? a) thank you, “doctor.” and b) see how that works out with the insurance company once someone gets injured in your yoga class, you twit.

  18. Mikasa says:

    HAHAHa!! Good one JP! And he’s a got a point…
    Now just waiting for Cumberbatch to say the same thing about his enGAGment on April Fools Day!!!

  19. scarf girl says:

    I would love to have Joaquin Phoenix over to play Cards Against Humanity. Well played!

  20. Sumodo1 says:

    “Aria Crescendo?” LOLZ! Really!?? Still laughing. Really??!! Sounds like a Bond Girl name fail! “Aria Crescendo.” LOLZ!

  21. PrettyBlueFox says:

    The engagement story may have been fake, but we’ll always have the socks….

  22. mytbean says:

    After all he’s done can’t we recognize him as just the mischievous prankster that he is. We’re interested. We take the bait. He just puts it out there because he knows we want to bite. So what he lies about his private life and decisions? To me, the muddy water allows me to suspend my disbelief and just enjoy his acting when he’s on screen.

  23. Sara says:

    Do vegans drink red bull? Seems silly to apwbd all that time avoiding animal fat and protein only to ingest the most unhealthiest drink in the world.

  24. Bella bella says:

    Love the socks.

    And I think it is hilarious how he messes with the press all the time. Keep on keeping on, J!

  25. O-)(-O says:

    I think he is making fun of all the celbs trying to get attention by marriage, engagements, kids etc.
    Very funny in a wink, wink way.

  26. Belle Epoch says:

    Apparently that really IS a yoga position for “partnering” (two people strapped together doing yoga). Not a yoga class I would go to – with him, anyway! Maybe Viggo.

  27. Meg says:

    he lied again to david letterman? good thing dave is going off the air soon so joaquin won’t have to worry about not being invited back on the show. he didn’t seem happy about the documentary

  28. roxy750 says:

    He has such potential too