Kate Winslet quit therapy once she realized she could ‘outsmart’ her therapist


Kate Winslet covers the latest edition of net-a-porter.com’s The Edit. The shoot is much better than Winslet’s editorial with WSJ. Magazine, let’s just say that. Anyway, Winslet has barely even started promoting Steve Jobs and I’m already exhausted with one particular story she’s telling about how she got the role of Joanna Hoffman, Jobs’ right-hand lady. To hear Winslet tell it, everything was stacked against her! She was too blonde, too British, too romantic to play a hard-edged Polish-American woman who, if we’re being honest, probably should have been played by Lizzy Caplan. So Winslet fought The Man and bought a wig and BAM, an Oscar-winning actress convinced some friends to hire her. Sure. Here’s more from The Edit:

No one thought she was right for the role in Steve Jobs: “They don’t think I’m right for this part. I just wasn’t entering their radar. Which is really OK. Girl doesn’t have an ego. Girl. Doesn’t. Have. An. Ego. So Girl turns round to Husband and says, ‘Darling husband – this is lovely Ned – while I’m at work tomorrow please go to a wig shop, and it doesn’t matter how s**t they are, just get me three brown wigs.’ The best way to be is to have absolutely no ego. Just go for it. I got myself a job that I really bloody wanted. This was: ‘I ain’t got nothing to lose, f**k it, just send the photo.’ And it was lovely to be reminded of that feeling of early auditions, waiting for the phone to ring.”

The idea that she’s a sex symbol: “Are. You. Mad? No! I’ve had three children. The idea is incredibly flattering, but that’s the [film] version of me. The real me… I’m certainly not against it, but it’s something I find more amusing than a triumph.”

Aging, confidence: “You can get away with a lot more in your twenties. You can get away with having one too many vodka tonics, and you can wake up in the morning and not have a puffy face. I couldn’t go out now and get rip-roaring drunk; I’d take a week to recover and I value my life too much. Plus, I have children. [But] I’m baffled that anyone might not think women get more beautiful as they get older. Confidence comes with age, and looking beautiful comes from the confidence someone has in themselves.”

She tried therapy once: “I tried therapy once and thought, ‘Oh God, I could outsmart you, goodbye.’ So I won’t bother with that again.”

Her experiences with Hollywood sexism: “I’ve always had boundaries; I’ve never felt exploited” – but she also admits she got “very, very lucky. The first job I did [Heavenly Creatures, directed by Peter Jackson] was very prestigious, which helped me professionally but also in terms of how other people perceived my personal integrity. It made a huge difference; I walked right into luvvie central and was welcomed with open arms.”

Her advice to young actresses: “They all seem to be doing OK. [Whispers] Some of them are a little bit thin [raises her voice again], but they all seem to be doing great. Shailene Woodley [her co-star in the Divergent films] – whom I adore, respect, have a little bit of a girl crush on – is an outstanding human being. She’s incredibly grounded, knows who she is and is doing great work, too.”

[From The Edit]

“I tried therapy once and thought, ‘Oh God, I could outsmart you, goodbye.’ So I won’t bother with that again.” I don’t get that? Therapy isn’t a competition to see who is smarter, the patient or the doctor. I mean… of all the reasons to not want to go into therapy, the whole idea that you could, what? Conceivably lie to your therapist and convince them of something untrue, thus “outsmart” them, thus therapy is crap? Many people find talk therapy beneficial, probably because they don’t treat it like an episode of Jeopardy. I’ll take Self-absorbed Narcissism for $600, Alex.


Photos courtesy of The Edit.

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128 Responses to “Kate Winslet quit therapy once she realized she could ‘outsmart’ her therapist”

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  1. Val says:

    I totally get the therapy thing. If I feel like I can outsmart the therapist there’s no point in me being there, I’ll get annoyed and frustrated with them. You have to respect your therapist, and if you can’t you need to find another one. They key is finding someone that works for you.

    She looks beautiful in those pictures.

    • Jess says:

      I agree. I’ve tried a few different therapists and while I stuck with them for a little while in each case, I always ended up leaving in frustration because they couldn’t tell me anything that I didn’t already know. I’m sure there are good therapists out there who could have amazing insights for me, but the truth is that a lot of them aren’t that smart and just want to repeat trite suggestions or philosophies.

      • GoodNamesAllTaken says:

        This is a sexist question, but have you tried both men and women? I find that, in my experience, men “tell” you things that aren’t helpful or relevant even, they start talking about themselves at every opportunity and don’t listen well. Most female therapists that I have seen encourage you to figure things out yourself, and only occasionally “tell” you things to help you gain more understanding of your own feelings. I know that’s a generalization and I’ve had a few bad female therapists, but for me, their sex makes a huge difference.

      • Shambles says:

        GNATTY says:
        “Most female therapists that I have seen encourage you to figure things out yourself…”

        In one of my Humanistic psychology classes, we watched a video of Carl Rogers speaking with a client, and he was never afraid to let a silence draw on for as long as needed so that his client could figure out what was going on in her own mind. That client-centered therapy is the reason I’m so attracted to the school of Humanistic psych. I don’t know if it’s so much the gender of the therapist that makes the difference, but the mindset. In general, a lot of men do have a habit of wanting to “fix” things while women are more apt to just listen, so that definitely plays a role. But imo any good therapist, man or woman, is able to put any of those tendencies aside in order to be totally present to their client. I definitely agree that the mark of a good therapist is one who is their to facilitate personal growth in their client, rather than to just give all the “answers.”

      • pf says:

        “…the truth is that a lot of them aren’t that smart…” Wow! That’s pretty freakin’ offensive.

      • Val says:

        @GNAT I think that different genders will work differently depending on personality as well. I have tried female therapists and coaches and found that my personality meshes better with men. The communication style fits me more.

        @Jess I’ve left in frustration too, especially when they start pushing anti-depressants. If my answer is a categorical no then I should be respected.
        I’ve also had arguments about basic things where the person just refused to see my point of view thinking that they knew better than I did. People are just people, and some will be smarter than others, and I think it is your/our prerogative to find someone who we feel is at least your/our intellectual equal, especially if it’s someone you’re often speaking to and who needs to understand where you’re coming from.

      • GoodNamesAllTaken says:

        I agree with everyone that it is probably a matter of my personality meshing better with women than with men than it is that women are always better therapists. I do not feel as comfortable around men, except my husband, as I do women, and have a harder time expressing disagreement or asking for things from men than I do women. I just thought maybe if Jess had tried only one sex, it might be good to try another to see if it worked better for her.

      • KB says:

        @Val therapists should never be pushing medication, as their job has nothing to do with prescribing it. It sounds like you’ve gone to some terrible ones. My therapist would repeatedly tell me that she couldn’t recommend medication and would only refer me to psychiatrists to talk about that stuff. She did warn against me getting antidepressants from my general practitioner though. Especially after I was “diagnosed” with ADD by a five question survey. My issue is actually anxiety, not depression, so I’m not sure if I were depressed maybe my therapist would have other suggestions?

      • FLORC says:

        It might have been posted before but here we go.
        Therapists are there to help you work out issues. If their approach is to let you think you’re outsmarting them or for them to let you think you can manipulate it’s possibly a tactic. That she thought that makes me think she thinks manipulation is something she’s skilled at.

    • Elisa the I. says:

      Yep, and it’s not only about finding someone that works for you on a personal level, but also about finding the right kind of therapy. For some psycho-analysis works, for other issues behaviour therapy is the better option aso. One of my best friends is a systemic psychotherapeut and this would appeal most to me…

    • vauvert says:

      The point of therapy is not to see who is smarter. The point is to get help for issues that you cannot deal with by yourself. There are different practitioners out there using different methodologies, so yes, finding the right one is crucial…
      But saying I tried therapy once and I was smarter than the therapist so goodbye, is like saying I got a bad haircut once so I decided to just cut my hair myself from then on. Except that your mind and emotions are a bit more important than hair.
      Oh, and that photoshopped cover, please. A five year old has those ankles, not a grown woman.

      • Yoohoo says:

        That’s what my ankles look like. I even just pulled my pant leg up to check.

      • Lisa says:

        Eh some clients lie to their therapists to see if they’re paying attention. They just do it to feel smarter.

      • Jaded says:

        I have long slender ankles. And I’m 62.

      • Azurea says:

        My ankles look like that, also. I’m 57. I’m slender, but not overly so, and I have small wrists, as well. I think it’s called Genetics.

      • mememe says:

        What’s wrong with her ankles. They look completely normal. My legs are way thicker, but my ankles look like hers, too. Are you from Cankletown? 🙂

      • Namers says:

        That’s funny, I use that example too. If you get a bad haircut you find another hairdresser, you don’t stop cutting your hair.

        I am undoubtedly smarter than many of the therapists I’ve had. I have more education than some; I have street smarts they don’t possess. I was JUST in a conflict with mine (whom I’m know I’m smarter than) due to a misinformation of my health insurance. The difference is: she’s mentally more stable than I; she’s NOT worn down by my angst; she takes nothing personally and is not defensive. I feel better after our sessions because finally somebody just shuts up and LISTENS to me. It’s been a year and my problems haven’t changed much but she just gave birth this week and I have to find a sub. That’s tiring. Very few challenge me but the MINUTE I feel manipulated by her, I’d be gone. Prior to finding her, I had three very difficult ‘professionals’ (Phd., MD) that were so manipulative, I reported them. One saw me twice; she said I needed care “24/7” and since I hadn’t called her at all in 2 weeks, I knew is was BS and that SHE didn’t have the skills set to deal with me. I look forward to when my current gal returns from maternity leave.

      • qwerty says:

        “The point of therapy is not to see who is smarter. The point is to get help for issues that you cannot deal with by yourself. ”

        Well what are the chances you’ll get that kind of help from someone who’s less intelligent than you?

      • evermore says:

        I just realized that Kate Winslet was 39, …just turned 40 today. She is only three years older than Amal Clooney. Why do some people seem to think Kate should look like some wrinkled prune when she has been in her 30’s this past decade and just turn 40 today? She is a stunning woman.
        I had no idea she was so young. wow she is accomplished in film and a go getter from an early age.

    • lizzie says:

      i agree as well. i highly recommend talk therapy and got extremely lucky and had a wonderfully effective therapist my first time out. i’ve also been to a dud. a big part of therapy is finding things within yourself. if you don’t want to face the truth of something going on in your emotional life – you can easily lie to your therapist, who doesn’t know you from anyone at first, just like you lie to yourself, your family and friends. it could take a long time to breakdown a wall to be honest with yourself and your doctor. the better suited you are to your therapist – the faster that happens. i understand what she’s saying for sure. my SIL desperately needs mental help but “has tried therapy and it doesn’t work” b/c she did not have a fulfilling experience with two doctors in a row – she has completely ruled it out as an option of care.

      • Val says:

        That’s a shame because I really do believe that therapy can be a great thing. The thing is you have to be open… if you’re not gonna go, or go and lie, or not give it any effort, then may as well not do it. I can imagine that it’s hard because there’s no one-size-fits-all and when you’re in a bad situation shopping for a therapist is a really difficult thing to do…
        There are amazing stories by therapists in the NYT (the column is called Couch), I love reading how people adapt and work to help others.

    • Palar says:

      I went to therapy once too. He wasn’t particularly talented at his job and I said “goodbye” too.

    • Chinoiserie says:

      GNAT- I have only seen two female therapist for a couple of sessions and they were both “and how does that make you feel?” when I wanted practical advice and encouragement. And my mother is a therapist and has been doing the same my whole life with a great deal of criticisim on top of it and using what I have said before against me when we are having arguments. After these experiences I have just decided that therapist are useless if you are in touch of your feelings and not dealing some trauma. So maybe I should see some men therapist to see if there is a difference.

    • allinone says:

      Maybe I have been lucky and not needed a therapist or know someone that has gone to one. I feel like if you have best friend or partner or family that loves you and not judge you they can help you deal with whatever is wrong. Unless you have a real issue and you need psychiatric help most of these therapists are just basically giving you advice without knowing you or having a MD. Why listen to the advice of a total stranger that you are paying ? Of course you can outsmart them… They don’t know you and they just keep asking a bunch of open ended questions hoping to get somewhere

    • Belle Epoch says:

      Exactly! Find another! A lot of them aren’t Einstein and they go by the book. A really good therapist is smart and intuitive and always one step ahead of you – so they lead you to an “aha!” moment and you think you did it yourself.

    • Lurker says:

      When I was going through a really tough time a few years ago I went to a therapist. In the middle of a session, I was describing how I couldn’t sleep, how I’d lie awake, furious at myself for not being asleep, bitter towards the people and situations that made me sleepless in the first place, really starting to circle that self destructive pattern of thought “if only I wasn’t here anymore. Just not alive…”

      And this guy responded, “have you tried punching your pillow? And then genuinely try to sleep?”

      Yeah, great advice mate. I won’t make another appointment just yet.

      The next one I went was straight up truth. Gave me all the facts, hard. Told me that I would again feel like myself, could stop feeling like my thoughts were not safe, that I’d feel at home in my own mind, but it would be work, work that I wouldn’t always feel like doing. So I called her a bitch to all my friends and stopped going. I believe I said I was smarter than her, too.

      Anyway, then I went to shrink number 3, but I was ready to hear hard truths, and less willing to tolerate someone who didn’t understand my perspective, and after a few months, I we agreed that I would stop going, and see how I did on my own.

      As I said, that was a few years ago, and I honestly do not recognise that girl that I was anymore. I’m lucky that my mental health battles are so far limited to that one devasting stretch, but I’ve also learned so much about myself, about my patterns of thought, about how to make changes. Basically, finding a therapist that will have a lasting impact might not be easy, but it is very very much worthwhile for large sections of the population. And saying “I’m smarter than a therapist” in a magazine doesn’t make you smart, or funny, or independent, or whateverthef-ck, it makes you an effing idiot.

      (Well that is way more than this wee lurker ever intended to write. I’ve to take a neurofen and have a lie down after that.)

    • shannon says:

      Oh boy….here we go….

      I am a licensed mental health counselor. A “therapist” if you like. I am also just one of many “therapist” type occupations. In NY, LMHCs are still trying to break free from social workers who have traditionally dominated the counseling field. Personally, I’ve had better luck with LMHCs than social workers because the training is different, the education is different. In my experience, people who want the experience of having say, mindfulness based cognitive behavioral therapy or want an existential focused therapist, like LMHCs. Our training makes us very theory oriented. People who want less emphasis on theory tend to like social workers (Again, both do similar work, its just the training that differs). Now, some people think they need to see an actual psychologist. Someone perhaps with a PhD in cognitive psych. Much more training obviously, but (just in my professional and personal experience), tend to lean toward diagnosing and medicating more. Wonderful if you have a more severe mental health disorder, or one that requires medication management, but those who are seeking support or going through general life stress sometimes find they are too clinical and wanting to push them on meds. I adored my psychologist when I was in recovery from a severe eating disorder, but I found once I stabilized I needed a different approach and linked with a wonderful social worker (aka LCSW). lastly, there are your psychiatrists. I’ve only met one who still did therapy, but he passed unfortunately. Psychiatry is almost exclusively medication management, but a few do therapy as well… I’m just not sure they would see someone who didn’t require medication.

      Knowing what KIND of therapist one wants is key. Find out what their background is, what their specialty is. Knowing your therapist is published, well known at a university or whatever can be very reassuring, but know their approach will likely be clinical. Some people need to know their therapist has gone through what they’re going through, and holding this too tightly or not being honest about it can sabotage the relationship from the get go. I work with people in active substance use. The best compliment I get is when they ask how long I’ve been clean (I’m not a recovered user, BTW). But some therapists and clients alike find this issue to be s deal breaker. The point is, therapy is a relationship. Its a therapeutic alliance. No good therapist should EVER give advice!!! I repeat, WE DO NOT GIVE ADVICE! It’s a running joke at my university the first thing you learn is any suggestion you’re offering, they’ve already thought of it. They key is to help them figure out why it was/was not helpful and HOW they want to move forward…or if they even want to. Some general rules I tell my clients and upcoming students: The client is the expert on their life. Therapists are mirrors to the behavior. Never tell a client what to do, we are not a parent. The moment a client is presenting with symptoms or behaviors we don’t fully understand or can’t get supervision for , refer out (think a therapist who has someone come in for eating disorder treatment and has never worked with that population and doesn’t have a supervisor to coach them through it). Finally, we are there to empower a client to fix themselves.

      Therapy should be a process, but there’s a lot of bad ones out there that ruin it for the rest of us. Those with a god complex, those who haven’t addressed their own issues, those with a martyr complex. A lot of bad therapy experiences come from people who don’t fully understand the field – and why would they? But a therapist is a weird hybrid of physician and friend, coach, teacher, your own projections. I wish more people understood that, that it’s such an individual thing and has NOTHING to do with who is the smartest. Although I would argue a good therapist knows their client and whast they want. If theory is important i have to be able to deliver. If nurturing is important i have to project that. Some perfer more cut and dry. Clients are not one size fits all, therapists should not be either. I would actually argue the best therapists I’ve ever known and had myself had a license and masters degree, were 100% present in the session, were extremely empathic and welcomed me challenging them. They didn’t subscribe to a specific theory, didn’t pretend or show off to know more than me. Hopefully this not so little rant helped a few people look at the therapeutic process a little differently 🙂

  2. Shambles says:

    “The best way to be is to have absolutely no ego.”
    And women who have had 3 children can absolutely be sex symbols? She sounds a little ridiculous.

    As far as therapy goes, a lot of my professors have told me that people tend to quit once sh!t gets into the nitty gritty. Those who stick it out are the ones who receive the benefits once they wade through some of the tougher waters. But if she truly didn’t have a good connection with that particular therapist, that’s understandable. Some of the best therapists are the ones who can say, “okay, I’m not right for you, but I can get you in touch with someone who is.”

    • zimmer says:

      How does she not have an ego if she’s talking about outsmarting people? Not buying it Kate….but the second pic is really pretty!

      • senna says:

        And yes, the best way to prove you have no ego is to send your millionaire Richard-Branson-relative husband out on errands to buy you shitty wigs for your A-list movie star audition. So humble!

      • Azurea says:

        I agree with all of you. This may be the interview that turns me against her. She sounds like an absolute narcissist, thinking she’s oh-so-clever & putting one over on us all. Just about everything she says here smacks of a gigantic, yet ultimately fragile ego.

    • SamiHami says:

      Jayne Mansfield had five children and was insanely hot.

      The more she speaks, the less I like KW. I used to be quite a fan, but now I see her face and instantly have the urge to roll my eyes because I just know she’s going to say something ridiculous.

  3. original kay says:

    is she an GOT fan or something?

    what’s with the calling herself “girl”?

    I want back the minutes it took for me to read her rubbish.

    ETA: Lovely husband does’t work? He runs her wig errands for her? good grief.

  4. bettyrose says:

    Well, um, I agree with one point, that women get more confident and thus sexier with age. But do I really need to see a third (fourth?) Steve Jobs movie? I think instead I’ll just go buy some apps for my iPhone.

  5. InvaderTak says:

    That therapy bit probably means her therapist was trying to tell her she was doing something she should change and she didn’t want to. She then rationalized what ever the behavior was and declared that she out smarter her therapist. I’ve tried to deal with someone like that. It’s not pretty.

    • Shambles says:

      True, so true. You usually can’t get help until you’re open to it.

    • qwerty says:

      I disagree. I’ve had the same experience, dealing with a therapist who I genuinely thought was less intelligent than me. I kept going to her for much longer than I should have cause I believed it was me, not her. Then I switched to another one and she’s great… very insightful, always sees right through me. I don’t mean I have a habit of lying to therapists, I don’t do that. I mean she’ just GETS what I mean, I don’t have to explain stuff to her, which was a big issue with the previous woman. She needed me to clarify things for her, she didn’t get sarcasm (which I realised way too late, it cracks me up that she must’ve taken all my sarcastic remarks seriously, that must’ve really messed up the way she looked at me lol). With the new one, I just look into her eyes and I KNOW that she understands what I’m talking about. And no, it’s not cause she’s new and I’m still in the phase where we haven’t clashed, quite the opposite. We had serious issues along the way but the fact remains she gets me, so I decided to look past that.

  6. LAK says:

    Her response vis a vis the therapist made me laugh. I once had the same reaction to a therapist.

    However, I recognise that therapy is a great tool if you find the right therapist, so I wouldn’t knock it like Kate is doing.

  7. Jennifer says:

    This is, frankly, a red flag, and a misunderstanding of what therapy means.

    You may well be smarter than your therapist. You may also be smarter than your plumber, but you don’t then decide to do your own plumbing. A therapist offers guidance and skills, not a college course in psychology. People go to therapists not to have their intellect challenged, but to trust another person with a particular skill set to guide them through their own psyche and the unique difficulties they face.

    To want to “outsmart” a therapist is to misunderstand the bond that’s required: you need to trust them and tell them the truth, and they need to respond with empathy and strategy. It disappoints me when people say things like this. It’s entirely too common.

    • Shambles says:

      Amazing comment. Thank you for atriculating the true meaning of a therapist-client relationship so clearly.

    • MariaTR says:

      Wow, right on. That’s what I thought when I read this too, but you said it so eloquently! I love the plumber analogy!

    • minime says:

      Thanks! Very well said!
      Every time I heard something similar from people doing therapy it just meant that they chose the wrong kind of therapy for them (cognitive-behavioural therapy is totally different from psychoanalysis) or that they were being reactive to the therapy, what is to be expected…The reaction tended often to be “I know better, don’t need to be here”.
      Of course like in any profession they might find a bad therapist or just someone that doesn’t work for them…but the “outsmart” thing…she just doesn’t sound very smart either.

      • funckes says:

        I honestly think most people in therapy know the solution to there problem, but are in denial what to do.

      • minime says:

        I think one of the main aims of therapy is to help people finding the answers to their problems. But this answer is not given by the therapist, the answer must be found by the person because that is part of the answer itself (I hope I make sense…it’s part of the process that people look for the answers to their problems). The therapist should just give them the tools and the space to help them find their way and answers.

      • funckes says:


    • Elisa the I. says:

      Perfect comment!

    • GoodNamesAllTaken says:

      I have found therapy to be an important tool in fighting my depression, and have seen a therapist on and off for 20 something years, so I was disappointed in her comment. She was obviously looking for an excuse not to continue if she met one therapist she didn’t like (because she could “outsmart” him/her) and quit after one session. I’ve moved a lot, so have changed therapists about 11 times. I have stopped a seeing several of them after just a few sessions because we weren’t a good fit. It’s like friendship or dating or any relationship- sometimes you click and sometimes you don’t. I hope her stupid remark doesn’t discourage people who would benefit from therapy from seeking help. I couldn’t have gotten through my divorce without my wonderful, supportive therapist, and I will always be grateful to her.

    • nicole says:

      Yes, my thoughts exactly! I’m a lawyer and had a client inform me once that he wasn’t listening to me, or any other lawyer, as he was smarter than all lawyers. First, he was not smarter than all lawyers always, second, even if he was smarter (again, no) that doesn’t mean he has the particular skill set or knowledge that a professional (of whatever) offers. People are ridiculous.

    • SamiHami says:

      Well said.

    • Dana m says:

      Jennifer, Yes! I completely agree.

      If you are trying to find ways to outsmart the therapist, it sounds like you are not willing or ready to work through your issues. So you’d be wasting time and money.

      A girlfriend I had 10 years ago would lie to me and her therapist. Soon enough she was not able to keep up with all the white lies. I caught her a few times and pointed them out to her. She was so emmbarrased about her cheating with married men and couldn’t even tell the therapist the truth about how many married men she’d been with, why she did it, lying about time lines,lying that they didn’t mess around but did, etc.

      It was exhausting being her friend.

      • funckes says:

        People like that sucks the life out of you. They are always going to bring the drama in your life. Shut her down, ghost her hard and bring peace into your life.

    • funckes says:

      You’re so right. A therapist is not suppose to solve your problems. They’re not there to tell you what to do. They’re guiding you through your problems so you can eventually decide what you want to do in the final analysis.

      • qwerty says:

        Exactly. WHY would you want to be guided by someone who’s less intelligent (and therefore less insightful) than you? Why would you trust them? Cause they have a diploma? Just because you finished the right school does not mean you’re good at your job. Studying is one thing, actual dealing with people is another. Some therapists simply don’t have the skill to do the latter, even if they can memorise all the stuff needed to pass exams.

    • Birdix says:

      I have had three (in my mind) unsuccessful tries with therapy, despite having struggled with depression. Perhaps my trouble like Kate’s is impatience–I spend enough time wandering around my own psyche that I’m not looking for a guided tour. Instead it’s insight I’m looking for, a perspective I don’t have that could illuminate why I choose self-defeating behaviors or the key to unlock the source of so much sadness. That seems hard to find, although admittedly, I have a small sample size.

      • funckes says:

        The fact that your so willing to analyze yourself and not blame other means your always headed in the right direction. You’re not alone because the majority of the people in the world feel just like you. There are no easy solutions to life. The only thing you can do is live your life the best way you can. Just try to being the best person you can and never let others guide you away from well being.

      • Kezia says:

        @Birdix Therapy is there to assist you to to discover why you behave the way you do. A good therapist won’t illuminate you on your behaviours or be able to unlock the key to your sources of sadness, Only you can do that, they will help you through talking and listening to realise these truths. No one knows you better than you but lots of us need a little outside help (I would argue everyone could do with visiting a therapist at one stage or another!) to get to the crux of our issues.
        Sometimes I think we can expect too much, they’re not miracle workers who can “unlock keys” , only you can do that while being supported by an empathetic therapist.
        Please don’t give up on finding “the one”, shop around some more, I went through many counsellors before I came to my one now and she has really helped me so, so much in the last year (in the end though it’s you that has to do the work in the sessions, they’re just a helpful guide).

      • minime says:

        Hi Birdix!
        I’m sorry that you couldn’t find a good fit. I think sometimes it’s really like that…you need to find in a therapist a person who you feel comfortable with and that’s not always easy. I don’t know which kind of therapy you tried but if you feel that impatience is your biggest struggle in therapy context I would strongly recommend to try someone that uses cognitive behavioural therapy (just in case you didn’t). It is in comparison to others more oriented to shorter outcomes and concerning depression it has very well established and researched protocols of treatment. I hope you can find some relief! Internet hugs for you! 🙂

    • L says:

      Perfect comment is perfect.

  8. danielle says:

    Sigh. I used to like her so much. Now she’s talking about herself in third person.

    • Astrid says:

      I’m with you on that. She was so amazing in Titanic but it all seems to have gone down hill from there…Ned RockNrolla?

    • Betti says:

      Me too but she tries too hard and i just can’t respect someone who married a twit who legally changed his name to Ned RockNRoll. He’s Richard Branson’s nephew who works in the family space travel business – doing what i have no idea, maybe writing space rock songs or something.

      • minx says:

        I’ve always been a fan, but lately she’s making it hard. She’s been on the defensive since she married this doof and it’s not an attractive side of her.

      • Betti says:

        ^ No its not and yes he seems to have brought out an insecure, unattractive side of her personality. Every time i see pictures of them together he has this smug, look at me vibe (just like Katie Bucket and Willy). He comes across as one of those blokes that is happy to live off his wife and family’s wealth and connections.

      • minx says:

        Betti, yes, she’s trying so hard to sell him and her fabulously happy life. Too hard. I would respect her more if she just stopped trying to explain why he’s so wonderful and why she has made such exemplary choices with her personal life. Enough.

      • Ankhel says:

        I stopped liking this woman a long time ago. She always praises whoever she’s with madly. Her life is perfect, she’s perfect. Then she has a child, grows bored, quarrels, splits, and says nasty things about her exes and others publicly. Nothing’s ever her fault. Rinse and repeat. Being her therapist must be exhausting!

  9. Nancy says:

    I like her. She’s one of the few in the recent past on this site anyway, where she isn’t moaning about losing parts to younger women. She’s aging great. Come on look at her and Leo side by side and which one looks better since Titanic……my point exactly. Kate!

    • Mrs.Krabapple says:

      She’s photoshopped to hell, and she’s had surgery and botox too. I wouldn’t care if she didn’t lie about it.

  10. We Are All Made of Stars says:

    ‘I’ll take Self-Absorbed Narcissism for $600, Alex. ‘

    Lol, it’s like she’s desperately trying to say things that don’t sound stuck up, bitter, and out of touch but she’s too much of all of these things to know how to choose correctly.

    • GoodNamesAllTaken says:

      Yes, I found that push and pull very amusing – oh, no, ME a sex symbol? How ridiculous! I mean, of course I am one because i grow more lovely every year, but, no ME? Don’t be silly!

  11. Drs. Fixxie says:

    1. By never taking her married name, &never naming her poor child that lastname, are

    2. By keeping her money in her pocket, meditate, and be a positieve contribution to society?

    Wich one she pick?

  12. j. eyre says:

    Isn’t ego exactly what Girl needs to get a part nobody thinks Girl should have?

    • Miss M says:

      This example and the outsmarting her therapist demonstrate she has an ego and it is not small…

    • vauvert says:

      Exactly. And there is no ego in trying to paint herself as this totally down to earth unicorn who overcame this huge disadvantage of being blonde! To play a brown haired part! Imagine the challenges for everyone involved in this movie, and how she had to work extra hard to play brown haired!

      • Kitten says:

        lol yeah I laughed my ass off at that sh*t. She sounds so incredibly out of touch. Shame because I used to like her.

        Something nice: these photos of her are fantastic.

      • I Choose Me says:

        And yup. So much try with Kate all the time. I don’t think she’s quite comfortable in her skin but she needs to convince us that she is.

  13. s says:

    I. Cannot. Stand her. Could not for years, though I can appreciate her acting skills.
    So rah rah and exalted, but wanting to be down to earth.
    I don’t think she’s inauthentic, I think she has a version of authenticity for every day of the week.

  14. Sassback says:

    Totally get where she’s coming from. Basically she means she goes in and tells the therapist what she’s supposed to say to make the therapist tell her she’s doing a good job. I used to do that all the time. It made therapy just a waste of time and money and I would just roll my eyes at my therapists constantly. But then I started Cognitive Behavioral Therapy and it totally changed my mind. It’s a back and forth dialogue and you actually focus on goals. Now the hour goes quickly and I feel like I’m learning something.

    • Wonderbunny says:

      I agree and understand it as well. With the issues I had, I naturally ended up making it look like I had everything under control, thus “outsmarting” the therapist. I wasn’t able to create a mature connection in a situation like that. If I would’ve been, I would not have been seeing a therapist in the first place.

      What I needed was someone to see through my bullshit and bring the real me to the surface. Luckily that happened, though not in a therapy situation.

  15. Tig says:

    I like her fine as an actress, and I can admire her candor in recognizing that many other beginning actresses didn’t have her luck early in their careers. Her therapy comments, tho- that’s a total mess.

  16. Samtha says:

    The more she talks, the less intelligent and likable she seems.

    And also, maybe she shouldn’t imply that being a mother means you can’t be sexy.

    • JFresh says:

      +1 I think she was trying to sound humble, but you’re right, the inadvertent effect was to sound dismissive of the possibilities of mothers being sexually appealing.

      Also I think she’s “protesting too much” about the not having an ego thing….

      And finally, I think she is beautiful but her performances are borderline unwatchable. To me she is the British Julia Roberts. I did see Mildred Pierce though. She did a good job in that.

  17. Kylie says:

    A lot of people think they have outsmarted their therapist. But that is not true. Therapists often know clients are lying. There is not usually a point to calling people out, because those people don’t want help.

    And while it may not have been her intention, Kate has just validated the logic that people with behavioral health or addiction problems often use to avoid helping themselves.

  18. Mispronounced Name Dropper says:

    “I tried therapy once and thought, ‘Oh God, I could outsmart you, goodbye.’ So I won’t bother with that again.” I don’t get that? Therapy isn’t a competition to see who is smarter, the patient or the doctor. I mean… of all the reasons to not want to go into therapy, the whole idea that you could, what? Conceivably lie to your therapist and convince them of something untrue, thus “outsmart” them, thus therapy is crap? Many people find talk therapy beneficial, probably because they don’t treat it like an episode of Jeopardy. I’ll take Self-absorbed Narcissism for $600, Alex.”

    I know. She sounds full of it and probably doesn’t want to scratch beneath the surface.

    • Sassback says:

      That does mean she’s self-absorbed, it means she got a bad impression of therapy her first time at it. She probably doesn’t realize there’s lots of different therapists out there. I was the same way until I found someone I thought could help me. The relationship between doctor and patient is super important and you have to try a lot of people sometimes.

  19. Cassie says:

    She has a very strong grudge against thin women, there’s no interview where she doesn’t talk about thinness. She should walk in the streets to see women of her body type and heavier.

    • Paula says:

      She can’t even hide it. She loves to talk about body confidence, but apparently this only applies if you’re curvy like her because she sees no problem in body-shaming skinny actresses. Such a hypocrite.

      This whole interview is a mess.

  20. Jaded says:

    She gets on my last nerve – she basically has nothing of interest to say because all she does is point out ad nauseum how much she loves her curves, how she’s the smartest, most well-adjusted woman on the planet, has the most wonderful slave of a husband and doesn’t botox. Ya right….

  21. Gabriella says:

    But for real, that bottom picture looks NOTHING like her.

  22. Tiffany says:

    I see my therapist as someone who is a unbiased third party who tells me what I need to hear and not want to.

    I am not paying them 200/hr to see if I am smarter.

    Jeez Kate, what is up.

  23. HilaryRClayton says:

    I actually get what she means. I had a similar experience once. It wasn’t that it was a competition of smarts. It’s just that the therapist tried really hard to convince me that they knew exactly what to say to make everything all better. It got to where I could anticipate what they would say in each session and it wasn’t helpful. I don’t hold it against them, but it didn’t work out. I wouldn’t say that all therapists are like that, and I don’t know that I agree with her saying that she’ll never try it again if heaven forbid, she needs it. But I get what she’s saying.

  24. tealily says:

    Is she drunk during this interview or something? What’s with all the soto voce and third-person speak? You know, I really do love her as an actress, but I think I may just stop reading her interviews. She’s always been kind of weird, but up until now I thought it was in a good way.

  25. funckes says:

    This women is a narcissist plan and simple. She is the only one that matters. She will tell you all her problems but have no time for yours. She thinks you are solely there for the purpose of her entertainment. You are always wrong and she is always right. And will always blame others for her problems. NOTHING is ever their fault. When I work with people I shut them down and walk away. They are drama 24/7.

  26. knower says:

    Maybe she could have saved all of her marriages she screwed up by going to therapy.

  27. Katija says:

    *whispers* “Some are a little too thin”

    JFC, even her throwing shade is classy af.

  28. TessD says:

    I find her to be a very boring celebrity – she just seems very middle-class and plain. Everything she says is very non-controversial and just… normal. It would be better if she never or rarely gave interviews. That way there’d be an aura of mystique about her…

  29. paranormalgirl says:

    It’s my job to GUIDE someone to finding out the answers for themselves. Therapy only works if you’re invested in the whole process. If you can or look to “outsmart” the therapist, then you aren’t ready for therapy. I’ve dropped patients with attitudes like hers. I’ve also suggested to other patients that we not work together because we are not a good match.

    • qwerty says:

      I do believe a patient who’s looking for ways to outsmart you would be terrible, totally. I knew a girl who needed therapy SO BADLY but one of her problems was lying and hating everyone who dared to even suggest she might be doing something wrong so… yeah. That wouldn’t work.
      At the same time, if you’re gonna trust someone to guide you you can’t see them as less intelligent than you. And sorry but it is a fact that some people are smarter than others. And no, the smarter one isn’t always the one with a psychology degree. It’s not about trying to trick someone or sell them BS, it’s about trusting they see things you can’t see yourself, and that doesn’t come from education. I believe being insightful is incredibly important in a therapist and some of them are just not.

  30. Wren33 says:

    While I generally roll my eyes at her, and think her comment comes across mostly as defensive against being diagnosed or challenged by a therapist, I also sort of understand. Part of depression and anxiety is way over-thinking things, and they couple of times I’ve talked with a therapist, I found that it was like doing quizzes in Cosmo. I knew exactly what each question was designed to elicit and knew what answers would add up to what diagnosis and course of action. It is not a competition and obviously you have to be honest to get good help, but it was a bit weird and off-putting.

  31. meme says:

    great actress but what a pretentious insufferable stuck up beeyotch

  32. belle de jour says:

    “So Girl turns round to Husband and says, ‘Darling husband – this is lovely Ned –…”

    Using third person + having to qualify WHICH husband = eye roll + snort.

  33. Kyra says:

    A therapist is not supposed to “tell you things you don’t know.” A therapist doesn’t have to be smarter than you to show you who you are. If you find yourself “outsmarting” your therapist, why are you paying to lie to someone?

    A therapist is there is help re-parent you, basically. We all have bad patterns from whatever parenting we experienced, from the truly terrible on up. No matter how good or well-intentioned our parents were, there are ways in which our needs didn’t match with what we received. The fact that Kate Winslet, or anyone, feels like a therapist can’t tell them anything they didn’t already know, or that they are someone to be outsmarted, reveals a tremendous amount about how they deal with parental figures, people other than the self, and one’s own self. Therapy may not be for everyone (sort of like how thought or introspection or talking isn’t for everyone) but let’s not confuse it with having a life-tutor or a coach or whatever.

    • Pondering thoughts says:

      Therapists are supposed to tell you what you don’t know about yourself … why you do things that aren’t good for you and how to stop them.
      That is exactly what a therapists is supposed to do.

  34. Emily C. says:

    I don’t think it’s narcissistic. My father did the same thing. When you realize your therapist is nowhere near smart enough to have insight into your problems, well… what’s the point? He knew he needed someone who could challenge him, not just someone who repeated “and what do you think about that?” over and over again and tell him things he already knew. He did find one, btw.

    The problem I’ve had with therapists is that they invariably start telling me all about their troubles. Three therapists, three times. And these have all been highly-accredited therapists specializing in cognitive-behavioral therapy. It gets to the point where they should be paying me. Then there’s the therapist who told my mother to stay in her abusive relationship because “people can change.” I’ve not had good experiences with therapists. Just like with any other profession, finding the good ones is very tough.

  35. LilyLizard says:

    Wow. Did she really just diminish the importance of the therapeutic relationship because from her narcissistic viewpoint she’s smarter? Then by all means, she should go get her doctorate in psychology, perhaps that will open up her mind. And I really liked her, I’m appalled.

  36. 7-11's Hostage says:

    “Therapy isn’t a competition to see who is smarter, the patient or the doctor. I mean… of all the reasons to not want to go into therapy, the whole idea that you could, what? Conceivably lie to your therapist and convince them of something untrue, thus “outsmart” them, thus therapy is crap?” This, this is almost word-for-word my response. I can’t imagine going to see a therapist (and pay for it!) just to see if I can outwit them. What’s the point?

  37. Pondering thoughts says:

    I agree with her on psychologist- / psychotherapist – therapists. Often they aren’t too sharp. And many of them studied psychology in order to deal with their own problems. The rate of psychologists / psychotherapists with severe psychological issues is very high.

  38. perplexed says:

    I thought the stuff about auditioning made sense. Maybe if other actresses chose to get rid of their ego, they wouldn’t be working on lifestyle websites like GOOP and would be getting good parts instead. Or they could do both. The point is I think her mentioning what she needed to do get the part she wanted is good career advice to any actress reading.

    I didn’t really find what she said about therapy to be offensive or narcissistic — if she’s not suffering from acute depression, I could see how therapy wouldn’t necessarily be something she’s into. She seems like a generally happy go-lucky person (as far as it’s possible to be if you’re a Hollywood actress who has been married three times anyway) — I can kind of imagine fairly happy people like her who need a little help to sort out of life but aren’t ill or aren’t deficient in possessing “the chemistry of joy” (as Julia Roberts might put it) not really finding much use for therapy. If she were chemically depressed and dismissing therapy and additional help, I could see how that would be problematic, but since she’s never admitted to any kind of depression, I figure her perspective is more along the lines of what diagnostically normal people probably think about seeing a therapist. Or maybe she found a crappy therapist the first time out — that doesn’t sound unusual.

  39. captain says:

    Yeah, you don’t get that, because you’re not like her. For some people EVERYTHING is competition. Literally everything, all the time they’re either winning or losing, but never rest. I don’t know why she would need a therapy in the irst place though: sounds like she likes herself so much, it’s outstanding. She totally wins at loving herself, at being the sexiest woman, sorry, I mean Girl – and not too thin, mind you, at having no ego, at marrying lovely Ned, at teaching her daughter self-esteem, when all the other mothers can not come even close to her in their ability to do that. So really, Mrs. RockNRoll is so the best in everything, Mary Poppins is crying into her umbrella with jealousy.

  40. Illyra says:

    She is so smug and irritating. Yeesh.

  41. phlyfiremama says:

    If you are trying to “outsmart” your therapist rather than take away the valuable lessons they might have to offer, than YOU are the problem not the therapy. I’m just sayin’….

  42. Kate says:

    She’s coming across lately as a Botox-deranged blowhard.

  43. Blackbetty says:

    I know exactly what she’s saying. I’ve been trying to find a good therapist for the past 2 years. I’ve been sent around and around in circles and one told he couldn’t help and charged me $300 to tell me that. They were completely useless and just got me to tell my story over and over again- but NO ACTUAL help with my specific problem.

  44. TopCat says:

    I love Kate; beautiful woman and very talented. She’s had an amazing career and I hope she continues to surprise.

  45. Emmygrant says:

    All of us are built differently. I’m way overweight and older than Kate, but my ankles are still very sleek. 😉

  46. nnire says:

    when i was going through a rough spot during my school days, i saw about 4 counsellors before i found one that i felt really comfortable with (and i still see her a few times per year as needed…13 years later). therapy is a really intimate thing requiring a lot of trust and vulnerability, and i just personally wasn’t a fan of the ones that patted my hand and told me obvious things or things they thought i wanted to hear. i stuck with my current one because she presented as understanding and funny, but also intelligent and wasn’t afraid to challenge me when she thought i was being dramatic or unauthentic.

    too bad Kate didn’t stick it out to find someone she really liked and respected, because good therapists are certainly out there.

  47. Verity says:

    She still needs therapy 😀 FOR DAMN SURE XD

  48. LA Juice says:

    People who “think” they can outsmart their therapist have some serious faulking trust issues, and probably need a therapist more than most people. LOL. What the DUCK makes an “ego-less” person think “I can outsmart this jackalope?” Ego. massive faulking neurotic, distrustful egos.