John Mayer on breakups: ‘you will never see that whole person again’


John Mayer has a new album out called The Search for Everything. This news makes me so sad. Not because I fear someone will tie me up and force me to listen to it but because this means John will be out promoting it. So much John Mayer, so much douche. So, what does John use to promote his album? His past romances. John has notably dated Jennifer Love Hewitt, Jessica Simpson, Jennifer Aniston, Taylor Swift and Katy Perry. I guess he’s feeling nostalgic for love because last year, he put it out there that he was looking for a meet cute. Alas, there were no takers. So he started throwing hints out to Katy through his interviews that she might have been the one. She responded by telling James Corden that John was the best lover she’s ever had. That’s all lead up to the fact that John told Sirius XM’s Buzz Brainard that he has a new song, “Never on The Day You Leave,” that was written for an unidentified ex (Katy) which he can’t sing live because it makes him cry every time. Here’s what he told Brainard:

“Not long ago I ran into my ex. A lot of it was amicable. “It was very amicable. And I had this beautiful moment where I said, ‘A lot of it’s me. A lot of it’s in my head, you know, something happened to me and it’s just the way I work, the way my mind is, and I took it really hard, and that took a long time to be able to admit.

“Where this song comes in was that I was really, really sad, like the kind of sad …everyone’s there once in their lives, hopefully. I was sad about everything. And this song idea came to mind, and it was like, ‘Never on the Day You Leave.’ I don’t know where it came from, but I just thought, all at once it came out full-cloth, and the song was written in 20 minutes.

“There’s a line in there that is so brutal because it’s so true. I can’t play the song live because I don’t think I’ll make it through it. ‘She’ll fight for you like hell, then force herself to like some other man.’ That’s what women do. They show up 100 percent. There is a time they are there 100 percent with everything. And then, at some point for whatever reason, not making a judgement, you or someone else says, ‘Nah.’ And what they force themselves to do to get over you is so transformative for good and bad that you will never see that whole person again…

Every time I would sing that line I would cry in the middle of that line. It took me days and days to sing that line [in the studio].”

[From Sirius via ET]

You know what I don’t do – force myself to get over people. I just get over them. Especially if they are emoting curd-weasels who think they’ve somehow torn the fabric of my being. You know what else I don’t do? Show up 100% with everything. Sometimes I’ve let someone else carry the emotional load and didn’t reward them for it. Sometimes I am just as much of a douche as you are, John. What the hell does this mean, “And what they force themselves to do to get over you is so transformative for good and bad that you will never see that whole person again”? Is he implying that the effort it takes to overcome feelings for John Mayer is so intense that it alters the person evermore? John has a history of breaking up then rekindling with his exes. So, what this sounds like to me is that he tried to win one back and she was all, “Nope, moved on” and this is how he justifies it. As if the only way a woman could possibly get over him would be if A) if she forced herself to transfer her feelings onto someone else and B) if that cause her to forever change who she was, for better or worse.

Go take a seat John.

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22 Responses to “John Mayer on breakups: ‘you will never see that whole person again’”

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  1. Raina says:

    One part resonates with me…I have attempted to force myself to get over someone. Three someones, to be exact.
    All of my healing happened in its own way, it’s own time and organically. It took a long time for me to realize I couldn’t distract or wish away my feelings. That’s the only time that I could really move on wholly; when I went through each level of pain and allowed it to happen.
    I know I’d still be pining if I didn’t allow hurt to take its course.
    I’d just be a bitter person talking about never moving on.
    Best part of life is being humbled, sitting with it, and realizing you freaking survived.
    As an aside, whether I enjoy his music or whether I like him or not, I appreciate venting into the ear of creativity. Each their own.
    Do you.

  2. Lora says:

    I didn’t think what he said was so bad… sometimes it’s kinda true

    • Sojaschnitzel says:

      I have no opinion on this mayer guy, since I have never heard a song of his nor seen him anywhere on tv (hello from europe!) but I’m with him on this one. I have (developed) a tendency to invest 100% into a relationship and to be super supportive, which is the only way I want a relationship to be like in this phase of my life (30ies). The concept of that is awesome, unless it gets loop-sided and there is a taker and a giver in the relationship. It might take you years and years of unhappiness and denial to finally accept that no matter how much you invest in the relationship, the other one just isn’t giving back much. The support is one-sided. And that is when your heart begins to break. But I am one who doesn’t let go easily, and I am sure that is valid for many women. So yes, sometimes the only way for us to end a relationship that we really really want to fix but know we cannot, is to be wooed away by some other man and to accept the fact that we have to be happy with somebody else. Sounds stupid, but this is how it seems to work for many people. At least my new sweetheart made it very easy to become happy again. The new relationship is healthy and the support and attention goes both directions. No regrets.

  3. HeidiM says:

    so we’re free to blame this new faux woke katy 2.0 on john mayer then?

  4. ash says:

    Hecate…. listen i know the blogo-sphere gossip world generally doesnt like John Mayer. But whats he’s saying is mostly true tho… women typically just show up ready to give effort to who we deem we like because coming of sincere is huge for us generally….and men often times drop the mf (lol) ball.

    i just recently went thru this so when i read that like force yourself to like another man, its because you dont want to even be in that space, but life goes on and you have to push threw and carry on….. and i would argue it did take her some time to navigate that relationship with John as they were on and off and she like him A LOT (remember those cringey Good Morning America interviews promoting their single —she was all smiley and huggy and he was just 5,4,3,2,1 break time lol ughhh)

  5. detritus says:

    I dubbo, I think he means that when you are in a relationship, the person gives you all of themselves. You see the good, the bad, the strong, the weak. You get the real person.

    When you break up, you never see that person again. You see their image, what they want the world to see, you dont have access to that truth anymore.

    • Lora says:


    • LAK says:

      What detritus said.

      I’ll add that the forcing yourself to like someone else is also true.

      You put all your feelings for the ex in a box that will never be opened again and you force yourself to start over with someone new.

      It might be a long process or it might be instantaneous or it might take a rebound to help you do it, but it’s something we all do.

    • Coop says:

      Thank you for actually making sense of his weird way of talking. The man is no poet, despite what he might think

  6. Beatrix says:

    It’s for Giada DeLaurentis. Nothing this man ever does is without pretense or solipsism.

  7. Veronica says:

    What’s John Mayer’s idea of a whole women, though? A plastic blow up doll with H-cup tits and a name written on it in sharpie?

  8. Nibbi says:

    “emoting curd-weasel.”

    i salute you.

  9. Kylie says:

    Ugh, don’t like him but going through everything he said right now.

    Hurts so much. I cry every day.

    • Sojaschnitzel says:

      Hugs to you Kylie. I have no helpful words because at this point nothing can give you hope, but I can internet-hug you from a far distant. I am still crying many days, 2 years after losing my fiancee. But happiness has come back despite that. Don’t give up the hope!

  10. Raina says:

    I generally love this site. Why no approval on John…

    • ash says:

      because he acts like a rockstar (running threw women, manipulating them into wanting more with him, and kissing and telling)…. he has been a douche for sure but his statement here about breakups and exes and pain is valid im afraid

  11. April says:

    What goes around comes around, John.

  12. monette says:

    The only way to get over someone is to get under someone new! Worked everytime :))

  13. I Choose Me says:

    Although emoting curd-weasel is a thing of beauty that I am so stealing, I kinda get what he’s saying.

    You know what else I don’t do? Show up 100% with everything. Sometimes I’ve let someone else carry the emotional load and didn’t reward them for it.

    I need to be there where you are Hecate. Fifteen years emotional labourer here. It’s fucking exhausting and although I’m doing so much better since I decided to divorce, I still have a long ass way to go.

  14. K says:

    I believe the line is referring to the kind of vulnerability and intimacy with another person that comes with being in a relationship. And realizing after it is over, you won’t have access to those dimensions of that person ever again.