John Mayer has a new album out called The Search for Everything. This news makes me so sad. Not because I fear someone will tie me up and force me to listen to it but because this means John will be out promoting it. So much John Mayer, so much douche. So, what does John use to promote his album? His past romances. John has notably dated Jennifer Love Hewitt, Jessica Simpson, Jennifer Aniston, Taylor Swift and Katy Perry. I guess he’s feeling nostalgic for love because last year, he put it out there that he was looking for a meet cute. Alas, there were no takers. So he started throwing hints out to Katy through his interviews that she might have been the one. She responded by telling James Corden that John was the best lover she’s ever had. That’s all lead up to the fact that John told Sirius XM’s Buzz Brainard that he has a new song, “Never on The Day You Leave,” that was written for an unidentified ex (Katy) which he can’t sing live because it makes him cry every time. Here’s what he told Brainard:
“Not long ago I ran into my ex. A lot of it was amicable. “It was very amicable. And I had this beautiful moment where I said, ‘A lot of it’s me. A lot of it’s in my head, you know, something happened to me and it’s just the way I work, the way my mind is, and I took it really hard, and that took a long time to be able to admit.
“Where this song comes in was that I was really, really sad, like the kind of sad …everyone’s there once in their lives, hopefully. I was sad about everything. And this song idea came to mind, and it was like, ‘Never on the Day You Leave.’ I don’t know where it came from, but I just thought, all at once it came out full-cloth, and the song was written in 20 minutes.
“There’s a line in there that is so brutal because it’s so true. I can’t play the song live because I don’t think I’ll make it through it. ‘She’ll fight for you like hell, then force herself to like some other man.’ That’s what women do. They show up 100 percent. There is a time they are there 100 percent with everything. And then, at some point for whatever reason, not making a judgement, you or someone else says, ‘Nah.’ And what they force themselves to do to get over you is so transformative for good and bad that you will never see that whole person again…
Every time I would sing that line I would cry in the middle of that line. It took me days and days to sing that line [in the studio].”
You know what I don’t do – force myself to get over people. I just get over them. Especially if they are emoting curd-weasels who think they’ve somehow torn the fabric of my being. You know what else I don’t do? Show up 100% with everything. Sometimes I’ve let someone else carry the emotional load and didn’t reward them for it. Sometimes I am just as much of a douche as you are, John. What the hell does this mean, “And what they force themselves to do to get over you is so transformative for good and bad that you will never see that whole person again”? Is he implying that the effort it takes to overcome feelings for John Mayer is so intense that it alters the person evermore? John has a history of breaking up then rekindling with his exes. So, what this sounds like to me is that he tried to win one back and she was all, “Nope, moved on” and this is how he justifies it. As if the only way a woman could possibly get over him would be if A) if she forced herself to transfer her feelings onto someone else and B) if that cause her to forever change who she was, for better or worse.
Go take a seat John.
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