This dude is Thomas Middleditch. You probably know him from HBO’s Silicon Valley, where he plays the sort-of lead of the ensemble. If you don’t watch Silicon Valley, you might also know him from those annoying Verizon commercials. He’s been a low-key famous TV star for several years now, and he’s currently promoting a romantic comedy called Entanglement. Which is how he ended up being interviewed by The AV Club, in a piece that was published last week. Honestly, I saw some of the quotes last week and I was like, “Whoa, he does not come across well,” but then I forgot about it and I’ve only just now gotten the chance to read the full interview. And whoa, he does not come across well.
Keep this in mind: Middleditch worked with TJ Miller for several years on Silicon Valley, before Miller was pushed out for being a self-destructive a–hole and toxic narcissist. In addition to that, a former classmate of TJ Miller spoke to the Daily Beast last December about how he brutally assaulted her and raped her. None of that is ON Thomas Middleditch, but of course he got questions about it. And I guess no one really prepared him for what answers to give to not sound like a bro-tastic rape apologist. You can read the full AV Club piece here. Some highlights:
Whether Time’s Up & #MeToo will lead to the end of rom-coms: “I definitely don’t think that intimate movies will stop getting made. That just won’t happen. Even if there is a slowdown, everything’s cyclical or comes in waves… I also think, you know, movements—Hollywood lives in its own insular bubble. We tend to think there’s a perpetual importance to things we say. I mean, we’re one of the few industries that televises multiple award ceremonies to pat ourselves on the back. It’s crazy. So while we think everything we do is with the greatest importance, I think the rest of America sometimes rolls their eyes, and sometimes I side with them a little bit. I’m not specifically talking about #MeToo, but I would hesitate to guess that there’s a time limit for these various movements where people, even the people that are leaders in the movements, get kind of burnt out. ’Cause at one point you just wanna be like, “Well, talk about the movie you’re in as opposed to the statement.” But I do think it’s super important, as much as there’s growing pains with anything that’s brought into the spotlight, ’cause everybody has to adjust. Hopefully we get to the point where it’s good enough that we can move on. But I mean, it’s noisy at the start, and that’s just what kind of has to happen.
When challenged on the idea that Me Too & Time’s Up is only about Hollywood: “Oh, no, I didn’t mean to marginalize it and say it’s only us. I understand, and it should be a complete global movement. I think this is my reaction to just watching every award ceremony lately, and it’s tricky. When everybody has something to say about it, it sometimes feels flippant, I suppose. My concerns come from making sure any movement feels protected and actual, as opposed to [someone thinking], “I say this because it’s very popular to say, and honestly, not saying it is negative points.” So I want to make sure—which is a very cynical way of looking at it, I understand that—but I just want to make sure that all the movements that are really just and worthwhile aren’t sort of dismissed as leftist nonsense.
Whether there was ever any discussion within the ‘Silicon Valley’ community about the assault allegations against TJ Miller: “People who know him, sure, we chat about it. But I think that’s the tricky thing with all this stuff. Speaking as a guy, as a man, as a male human, it’s kind of scary, with this fervor that’s surrounding it, where an allegation can just pop up and then it’s really incumbent upon you to fervently defend your character. I’m not gonna dive into what’s real or not. I’m just saying it’s a little bit scary. I mean, I thought the whole Aziz Ansari thing was kind of absurd. Like, there’s a difference between assault and just kind of strange sex. You don’t want to live in a world where it’s just so stiff that there’s no, I don’t know, something? I don’t know where I’m going with that, but I don’t really know enough about [the allegations against Miller] to comment on. Just don’t know about it, really. But it is tricky, you know. It’s weird. It’s like we live in a world where currently the climate, let’s say, is where a j’accuse will really turn your world upside down.
After that answer, The AV Club puts this note in brackets: “At this point, the publicist cuts in to say that we have one minute left, then asks that we return to talking about the film.—ed.” Which… yeah. That’s what the publicist should do. Really, the publicist should have taken him aside BEFORE the interview and said, “You’re probably going to get some questions about TJ Miller so please don’t sound like you don’t believe women’s stories and make it seem like lying bitches are trying to take down all of your bro friends, okay?” Imagine reading that Daily Beast story about how TJ Miller brutally assaulted a college classmate and your first thought is “wow, that must be so hard FOR TJ MILLER.” Rape culture in a nutshell – men accused of assaulting and brutalizing and harassing women are the ones given sympathy from other men. Beyond that, Middleditch is suggesting that people are only supporting these causes to look cool, and that Aziz Ansari being a f–king creep is just “strange sex.” WTF?
Photos courtesy of WENN.
There’s a lot of this with men. Centuries, well forget centuries, forever, horrific things have been done to women with really very little in the way of consequences. Suddenly, there’s consequences (I mean, sometimes) and, WHOA, this is gettin crazy bro. You can’t even say hello to a girl anymore!
And I think he lets the cat out of the bag on the thinking of a lot of these creeps…”this too shall pass”. They are awaiting the backlash. And there will be one. There is one now. But what they don’t know, what they can’t guess, is that OUR backlash hasn’t even hit in full yet. What they don’t know and can’t guess is what’s coming. They don’t know we’re not going back.
Right. They feel bad for themselves if they can’t even say hello to a girl anymore (which is ridiculous anyway). But let’s see… what can’t women do anymore… feel safe walking alone, have their asses not groped by strangers, be respected as human beings in the work place, be safe in their bodies, I mean basically everything that SNL song pointed out.
I had this happen to me on Saturday evening – was at my local tube station waiting for the train and some drunk guy thought staggering up to my face to say ‘Hello’ was ‘being nice and friendly’. I muttered Hello back and then walked away while his friend laughed at him and said ‘she’s walked away’ – i actually thought he was going to chase after me. Thankfully he didn’t.
It continues to astound me that men thinks it’s ok to harass a lone woman who is minding her own business waiting for public transport – that they think I must be in need of a boyfriend/male companionship as I’m on my own. It makes me angry that men think I’m a target if I’m alone. They utterly fail to understand that it’s not ok and that i don’t want their attention in anyway, shape or form. It’s not me whose insecure in that they crave validation of their masculinity from a complete stranger.
Ugh. I know. They have no clue.
I can’t even count how many times I’ve seen men openly masturbating on NYC subways. It is horrifying having to wait for the next stop to switch cars.
” is that OUR backlash hasn’t even hit in full yet. What they don’t know and can’t guess is what’s coming. They don’t know we’re not going back. ”
Maybe Im too nihilistic but if you read comments, and Im only talking about feminist women comments, how this is going too far and we dont need to believe every woman and blah. What could possibly come? This is already a huge story and most people dont care. So what really could come?
A political revolution at the polls. We do have a p-grabber as President you know. And we do NOT have equal representation or anything close to it.
PREACH.
I am starting to believe that most of the men who have these kinds of reactions to #MeToo is because they have acted inappropriately in the past and are trying to justify their actions, as well as normalize and minimize them. I saw this happen recently with a male friend.
I think that is why the Aziz Ansari story got the reaction it did, it is so common to people out in the dating world, the continuous pushing of her boundaries, hearing her say/imply “no” but trying to manipulate a “yes” rather than respecting the first “no”
yeah, it was the Aziz story that my friend was reacting to and was confronting the fact that he had done that kind of thing alot with women. I mean, he had done it with me when we had very briefly dated a decade ago
@ZAPP – EXACTLY!!
THIS.
Exactly – if women saying “I do not want to be harassed and assaulted” is “scary” to you, maybe ask yourself WHY? He totally sounds like someone who is afraid his dirty deeds are going to be revealed. If he’s nervous, there’s probably a reason why.
Same. Either they’re defensive about something from their own pasts, they’re paranoid about the legacy of other men they respect or admire being tarnished, or they’re just sexists who believe that men overall are more trustworthy, less cruel, or less manipulative than women.
Yes to Mabs a Mabbin and E. Fairy. These are the options. Exclusively. I know men, including my husband, who got roped into gawking at and commenting on women who walked by (by some guys he worked with), but when I pointed out how wrong this is (“no matter what she’s wearing, she is just trying to live HER life in the public, not for your consumption”) he got it, totally. Anyone who refuses to learn when presented with this kind of argument falls into the thee categories outlined above: afraid for themselves, afraid for men they elevate(d), or simply sexist/misogynist. Period.
So proud to be with you all here, you amaze me.
Quite.
“I’ve done this, and I’m a good person, so people saying it’s foul are being absurd.”
Um, no. People doing it are being foul. Get your head straight, and make some damned apologies.
Exactly this. The men who feel a knee-jerk reaction to defend their bros are the ones who have also probably done some questionable things.
I see nothing wrong with what he said.
Except for the part where he genuinely thinks a woman making a single accusation is enough to ruin a man’s life, a thing that has yet to happen. Even in the MeToo era, the few men whose careers have been affected have been accused of serious assault by multiple people, and no one has ended up in jail. I bet most if not all of those men are going to have comebacks.
Since a single act of sexual assault can ruin a woman’s life, it seems fair that a single accusation can ruin her abuser’s life. The “what about men” story line is so tone deaf.
I had no problem with it either. I specifically like the parts where he talks about Hollywood throwing parties to pat themselves on the back, taking themselves too seriously and the biggie…making a statement because it is the “in” thing to do.
He doesn’t understand why the movement exists, as such he is resentful that people who care “get points” for showing their support. He is belittling awards show as a context for his belittlement of Time’s Up and #MeToo. If someone wanted to hand him an Emmy or a Golden Globe, he would be all over it.
I don’t either.
Possibly because I have a close male friend who was falsely accused by a (very unstable, as we later learned) girl he rejected. I realize that is the exception to the rule and that most women are telling the god’s honest truth if they make an accusation, but because I saw the fallout up close, I don’t find it crazy that an innocent man would still be worried about someone using it as a form of revenge for being turned down/rejected.
The Aziz Ansari story was unfortunate and really muddied the waters, IMO. I wish it had been written by a more professional writer and published in a more reputable publication. A lot of people seem to see that story as a justification to the backlash, which really sucks.
Ah So because you had a female friend who was going through a depression report a robbery against a male, you now find it ok if police don’t ever believe robberies reported by women?
I knew a woman who accused four men in college of rape or assault – four men who say she climbed into their bed. I both felt for those men, who received justice and their names cleared, as we are wont to do for men, but It doesn’t mean I stop supporting or believing women who report they were assaulted.
Tina fey did a great comedy skit where she is the boss, and harrassing the men, and ALL the men are trying to get the women to believe Fey is harrassing them. The women stand in disbelief, and the men ask “how many of us have to come forward for you to believe us?” (About Fey harrassing the men)
“Eh, 50 or 60,” the women say.
I wish that episode would be projected across America. Nothing like empathy and comedy for people to get it.
He used a lot words to say, “There’s a good chance these women are overreacting.” However, it only took me a third of the way through to think “F this guy.”
Nope.
I’m so done with this narrative. “Oh let’s make sure a movement in which women are speaking up when they are assaulted is done the right way, please, so as not to offend or bother anyone”.
Get out of here with that crap. Guess when it will die down? NEVER. Because guess when men will stop assaulting women? NEVER. Guess when I will care about the almost nonexistent percentage of men who are falsely accused more than I care about the huge majority of women who are abused? NEVER.
👏
BOOOM!
I want to quote you on multiple social media platforms. Very well said.
Male privilege over centuries is hard to shake. I guess. White male privilege especially. This dude…. he’s going to be confused about life. White men have never had to navigate life. They’ve just had to sail through it. This has now extended to gay white males who have more rights than women now.
The burn and fear is overdue. Women have lived with rumour, innuendo, false accusations, secret shut downs of careers, rape, murder, for eons. This guy should be scared. He’s only beginning to feel a sliver of what women and girls have felt forever.
Suck it up and be accountable is my view of men. I am not here for their hurt feelings. F that.
This is a case where race has nothing to do with it. Men of all races abuse women all over the world. Please look at India, Africa, China, Morocco, Romania, Japan, absolutely everywhere. White men are not ‘especially’ sexist. I am always shocked when I travel at how aggressively sexist men from all over the world are.
Thats not what the OP is stating. The OP IS not stating white men are are worse in their sexism and misogyny. The point is that in a society with a history of white and male privilege, it is white males that often bear less consequences for their actions. Now that severe consequences are being faced by everyone, I’m sure it’s actually very troublesome for them.
@ana stacia
they actually are… white men rule and have been ruling abusing and normalizing opression based on gender and race for a LONG AZZ TIME girl…lol
You make a good point about false accusations.
Some guy says you are a slut, or difficult or a b!tch, or crazy and boom! You’re done. Reputation trashed, career derailed. It’s a bit rich for the guys to be worried about false accusations now, and frankly I think it’s projection.
I hadn’t thought about it that way. My, how the tables have turned.
Your comment about gay white men is very true – one of my friends partner has kids from his previous marriage. A few weeks ago we were talking about politics and what’s happening with the MeToo movement and he said that his daughter is constantly reminding him about ‘white male privilege’ and that as a white gay man he has it better than any women regardless of age, colour or sexual orientation. He said that these conversations with her have been a real eye opener, esp as she only came out a few years ago.
I would be careful about comparing oppressions. In terms of sheer legal rights, there are still no federal protections in the US in terms of LGBT rights to job protection, housing or access to services. I am sure that a gay white man who doesn’t read as gay and who lives in a major city probably does encounter less discrimination on a daily basis than the average woman. But I am also sure that an effeminate gay man living in certain regions probably does fear for his safety on a daily basis the same way I do. And if the Kevin Spacey revelations have taught us anything, it is that men (especially gay men) are also at risk of sexual abuse. Don’t get me wrong, as a gay woman, I have known plenty of gay men who were misogynistic. But I have also known plenty of women who were homophobic. We can talk about the discrimination we face without jockeying for position in some sort of hierarchy of oppression. I am not interested in calculating which one of my intersecting identities suffers more. I live in a large urban Canadian city and when I am here, I generally feel more marginalized as a woman than I do as a lesbian. But I can’t say the same is true when I visit my mother in rural Florida. Most of all, I don’t want to muddy the waters of the #metoo movement by shifting focus away from women and our voices/stories and I feel like attempting to draw these types of parallels ends up being a distraction.
CARRIE1- I want to laugh like a cartoon villain when these guys whine about their “fear”. Just an ugly false rumor can do so much damage to a woman, especially in a male dominated field. Hell, I was in college studying architecture (appx 95%males) in the late 90’s when one my classmates that I had been assigned to do a group project with decided to tell our classmates we had sex while working at his apartment (absolute complete lie). I only found out when all of the sudden several other guys started putting moves on me and I got one to spill the truth. I was so sickened and absolutely raging. When my (usually very chill) boyfriend found me sobbing he tried to comfort me then strapped on his doc martens and left. I yelled at him not to hurt “Matt” b/c I didn’t want him going to jail and he promised he wouldn’t touch him. Well, the lying douchbag just happened to have a shiny new truck that his parents bought him over Christmas break. When I went to class the next day I heard that “someone” had kicked in the doors on Matt’s new truck so thoroughly that he could not even get into it. Matt did not say one single word to me all the way through graduation.
“Women have lived with rumour, innuendo, false accusations, secret shut downs of careers, rape, murder, for eons.” Preach! It’s definitely not men in general or Hollywood’s male public figures who I’ve been feeling most afraid for in this.
I don’t know this dude but whenever one of them goes on and on about the dangers of “some allegation” just popping up, I’m out. I know plenty of guys who aren’t afraid. Because they haven’t done anything. If this dude is scared, he’s probably at the very least been an assh*le to women. Check yourself. Then there’s nothing to be scared of.
Looking at him it does seem like sex is not only a stranger but something foreign to him. Anyhow, what a douch. Yes, let’s take a moment and realize how difficult sexual assault by men is on all men of the world.
And I juat realized that it must have been so scary and unpleasant for women to work on set of that show he did with Miller. Both mayor douchbags.
That’s an interesting point. These males don’t seem concerned about other males raping or assaulting women, they only seem worried about females’ accusations.
The only thing I agree with him about is the hope that these movements actually have reusults, and are not just Hollywood patting themselves on the back yet again.
As for the rest, yikes dude.
I’m usually quite a fan of him. He’s not shy when it comes to political statements. I feel like he kind of let himself get trapped in the position of having a friend who’s likely done some really shitty stuff – but who always was a decent person to HIM (like many guys experience)- and also agreeing that there’s an importance to the movement.
But I do know what he means when it comes to people making statements just because it’s the ‘in’ thing to do. Look how many shitty men have worn the pins and tried to jump on the bandwagon. He knows there are a lot of people who will automatically write the movement off as leftist bs because of all the Hollywood stars piling up to make a big deal about something they might not even agree with. It’s not really helping the movement when you have shitheads proclaiming the importance of it, while still doing horrible things. There’s a lot of cognitive dissonance, and it makes those people look even dumber.
That’s the only thing I agree with as well. So many random people making speeches because it’s the hot topic in HW. And youu can tell when it’s not genuine.
I was really hoping for “as a human male, it’s really scary to realize how prevelant this behavior is. That it happens to my friends and coworkers, and I had no idea how common it was.” Cause that is terrifying.
Wouldn’t it be amazing if a man said that. During this entire movement, I have never heard any men say something like this. That’s what they need to start saying and then reflect on how they have enabled this culture.
Beautiful!
Let’s hope for a “As a father of daughters…” statement with that message.
I vomit a bit into my mouth every time people refer to men and women in this context as male and female. You’re not looking at animals from the distance, dude, you’re part of this.
Any man who respects women ISN’T going to feel threatened or “scared” about this wave of reckoning! In fact, in my experience, they feel supportive and happy. But I hope the bro dudes and shitheads DO feel scared-and it makes them question every single action they have with friends, co-workers, women they date.
I know nothing about him, so I could be way off… But his answers sound like someone who has not been coached/trained into an appropriate response. I kind of get what he’s saying about Hollywood not being genuine in the movement.. We’ve seen male actors jump on the bandwagon to look good and then their own truth comes out, which is kind of where I think he was going with it..?
I actually find it refreshing to read an interview where the subject has not been coached to say whatever the current party line is. Even if I vehemently disagree, at least you’re getting someone’s honest opinion, you know? So many interviews come across as so staged, with many topics not even allowed to be addressed.
Good point.
Read Rebecca Solnit’s essay on the #metoo backlash:
http://lithub.com/rebecca-solnit-on-the-metoo-backlash/
This is bigger than douche-bros; when will they get it?
Never, cause they have been told since the dawn of time they have the right to rape women at there whim.
That was great, damejudi, thank you for posting it.
“They tried to bury us. They didn’t know we were seeds.”
Thomas Middleditch is following in the footsteps of Matt Damon I see…
I won’t be watching this douche in a romantic comedy anytime soon. And no need to tune into entirely mediocre Silicon Valley either.
His entire reaction to #metoo is dismissive and negative, and it’s so centered on how it’s affecting men only, it’s disgusting. And yet not unexpected.
You know what else can “turn your world upside down”? Being assaulted. Being harassed. Having your career and reputation threatened or destroyed when you speak up.
And who so far has been falsely accused? ??
Guys just need to stop talking! You open your mouth and you’re going to be looked at under a microscope. The only way it’ll work for them to speak is if they honestly have no skeletons (and know it) and are fully supportive of the movement. Otherwise, even if they are making decent points, they’re going to come across badly.
Scary that you might be accused of being a sexist douche when you act like a sexist douche? How bout constantly thinking you could be attacked/raped just by leaving your house or going out by yourself at night and being dressed up in a short dress or being in a not safe area? Try living your life like that you A Hole!
Why did he even comment, ugh. Yikes.
I don’t get the first question. Why would it be the end of rom-coms?
Agreed. Stupid question.
If your only take away from the Me Too movement as a man is to be scared then perhaps you should be.
I don’t know what he means when he says he is concerned about “any movement being protected.” Women can’t count on the protection of men, so he doesn’t really need to pretend like he worries about it, right? And shouldn’t we stop calling it “a movement?” It’s in the original platform of the 1945 United Nations that human rights are for “the equal rights of men and women.” Seventy years later, and still half of the human race is subjugated worldwide, for goodness sakes! Anyone who implies that men might have their toe stubbed by women insisting on the end to sexual abuse and sexist micro-aggressions is just being ridiculous.
Let’s not forget this dude is bff with Jordan Vogt- Roberts, a director recently accused of harassment on a film set by a woman who also accused tj Miller. I bet that informed this guy’s gross hot take. Some men would rather believe that ‘b*tches be crazy’ then acknowledge that their friends and colleagues are guilty. Sad (and by sad mean ‘pathetic’).
And yes, that director became friends with hiddles when filming Kong: Skull Island. I’d be surprised if anyone asked him about that though.
He obviously is very confused and stuck in an archaic belief system.
This obsession with just a simple allegation can derail a career is overblown. It can happen. Certainly. We know that. But it should hardly be the first thought when a man thinks about this. 99 women raped but we really you know have to worry about the one false claim. It is far from the biggest issue here.
With any movement comes problems that have to be worked out along the way but the past is over. It isn’t ever coming back. The comfort zones of men will have to readjust.
My husband never once said any of that kind of nonsense. Nor did he worry about flirting or any other stupid excuse people give because he already understood boundaries. He has learned some new things, but he doesn’t have to fear something from his past creeping up. I have gone on plenty of dates with nice guys who didn’t act like Aziz. Plenty who never groped or harassed. Plenty who didn’t pressure for sex.
The only guys I know who are worried about accusations are ones who probably did something insensitive or shameful in their past and are having a hard time coming to terms with it. One friend I know asked if he should call someone from 15 years ago about being an a-hole and I said No because you have no idea if she wants to hear from you. It wasn’t rape or assault, but I am sure she might not welcome a rehashing of the past.
I think some men are looking at their histories and don’t like what they see now that they understand what is unacceptable.
Just another boring random white dude who scored a tv role. On to the next…
Thanks. I’m not worried abt the men assaulting women, im worried abt women.
Any man who dances around #metoo and/or any degree of sexual harassment has something to hide. Period. He’s a douche at the very least for sputtering problematic waffling regarding this very important cultural shift. You’re either on board or you’re not, and the diplomatic tap dancing era is O. V. E. R. My sons, their friends, my husband, etc., endured my initial rants, shock, sadness, tears, victories, elation… all of it with patience, respect and grace. They agree the time has come. They agree men should shut up and listen. When asked, they feel apologetic that assholes exist. They are sorry for shit they haven’t done. They hurt for women. When we watch movies and some horrible thing is happening to a woman, they are disturbed and have to leave the room. I know, without a doubt, they would stand up for and defend and fight for something unfolding in front of them. They’re the ones who introduced me to the tea consent video lol (which BTW should be a PSA).
If you can discuss it, if you can understand the fear and hurt and oppression women have historically dealt with, then you have everything you need to be the hope for our collective futures. Because dismissive remarks, judging movements based upon shaky “protectionism” grounds or waiting for judicial prosecution is ludicrous and contemptible and properly illustrates, with full three-dimensional clarity, how you’ve lived your life to-date.
He personifies the saying that it is better to remain silent and be thought a fool, than to open one’s mouth and remove all doubt.
He’s a misogynist. And he’s the sort who would be absolutely indignant were anyone to suggest that to him. It’s classic dog-whistle misogyny. I would be angrier, but honestly, he’s just too stupid to bother with.
Sigh, no, for the umpteenth time, the Ansari anecdote was more than merely “strange sex.” At this point, I’ve stopped counting the number of times I’ve heard a variation of this said by both women and men.
So here come the facts from the mouth of an entitled boy.
Wonder what his mother has to say?
In all the discussion about all of this that I have had with my husband, he never once expressed fear or whatever that he or other men might now be falsely accused.
And why is because he would never dream of doing any of these things so he doesn’t project at all.
I said a few things that made him think deeper on things and gave him a woman’s point of view for more clarification.
But men who’s knee jerk reaction is to worry about themselves or other I give a huge side eye too. And it makes me pretty sure they have something to be guilty of , either their thoughts or deeds