Jenny Slate on love: ‘I don’t want to meet someone on a computer or phone’

2018 Outfest Los Angeles LGBT Film Festival Closing Night Gala Of "The Miseducation Of Cameron Post"

I keep forgetting that Jenny Slate is “the girl” in Venom. Venom is about Tom Hardy’s normal-person character who gets infected with the evil whatever and he becomes Venom, best known as the villain in the Spider-Man canon. Well, Jenny Slate plays… one of the two “girls” (Michelle Williams plays the other one). Like, I think Slate’s character is some kind of informant within Riz Ahmed’s evil company and I trust that Slate’s character has more to do than be the mere first-act plot device. Even if her character is just Plot Device With Boobs, is that so wrong? Is it so wrong for a little indie-spirit actress to want to know what it’s like to work on a big villain-origin-story movie? Whatever. Anyway, to promote Venom, Jenny chatted with Elle Magazine, and I just remembered that she and Chris Evans broke up for a second time in March of this year. Okay, that’s why she’s talking about love and stuff. Some highlights:

On how she wants to meet Mr. Right: “You get to a point where after a while, you’re like, it would be nice to be in love again. That’s a major thing… I feel like an old lady, but I don’t want to meet someone on a computer or phone.” A single male friend told her recently that he wanted to meet his future wife at a friend’s birthday party during the day. “It was one of the most romantic things I’ve heard. And that’s kind of how I feel about it, too. I like the idea of meeting somebody at a dinner party filled with people you already like. [A more aspirational version is] I get invited to some weird eco-tech summit to do stand-up, and I meet a really warmhearted scientist who loves the earth.”

On feeling comfortable being by herself: “I’m pretty open and flexible, and I like the idea of getting into someone else’s world. But it’s taken me a while to understand why it’s nice to be alone. I mean, if somebody swept me off my feet today, that would be great. I’d be ready for it, because in a lot of ways I feel the nicest about myself that I’ve ever felt. At first, being alone, I felt scared and maybe ashamed or cast off or something…but I live in a beautiful old house that’s just big enough for me and my dog and maybe one other person…I like myself and I’m peaceful, so this is it [her dream life].”

On her drastic move to chop off her hair: A rat died a horrible death in her CA home, and Slate confronted a frustrating reality…her knee-jerk reaction was to wish she had a dude to fix her problem. “I kind of gendered it, and that really bummed me out. I was looking at myself in the mirror, and this is really odd, but I was like, ‘Why do you have long hair? You don’t even want it.’ And then I was like, ‘I have long hair because there’s a part of me that thinks that’s what men prefer. And I think it’s better for auditions.’ And so I called my friend Lang, and she came over and got rid of the rat. And then I called my friend Nikki, who cuts my hair, and I told her, ‘I only look like this because I am deeply trained to please an industry and cis-hetero dudes. Can you cut my hair into a triangle the way that I want it?’ ”

[From Elle]

When I hear women talk about being scared to be alone, I always feel like “WHY?!?” Being alone is awesome, and I’m not trying to sound like a sad sack. You can eat dinner at whatever time you want. You make your own schedule completely. You don’t have to share anything. You get to hang out with friends or strangers or no one at all, completely according to your own whims. There’s less drama in general. But I get it, in Jenny’s case: she’s a romantic, and she really thought she was going all-in with Captain America. But he had issues (commitment issues and more). And she’s right about the other thing too – sometimes I do wish I could dump some problems on a dude. Like, just basic stuff like changing a light bulb outside that I really don’t want to do.

Film Premiere of Hotel Artemis

Photos courtesy of WENN.

You can follow any responses to this entry through the RSS 2.0 feed.

60 Responses to “Jenny Slate on love: ‘I don’t want to meet someone on a computer or phone’”

Comments are Closed

We close comments on older posts to fight comment spam.

  1. Snowslow says:

    As a loner who is a mother of 4, has her parents around more often than not and has been with the same partner for 22 years, I can join you in the “why not alone?” train.
    Being alone is great and with all these great people in my life, I like travelling by myself, and regularly need some alone time around the house. I am very happy I have a family but that’s only due to the fact that I found “the someone”. I always pictured myself as a single loner and I am really surprised with the way my life turned out.

    • mx says:

      are you me?? also a loner mother of four, and although I love my role as a matriarch, it’s not what I expected and I fantasize daily about living by myself. kids will all leave the nest eventually and then I can just travel, right??

    • Astrid says:

      I have 4 with 3 out of the nest. I too counted the days till I could get some alone time. And now it’s soul crushing….

    • minx says:

      I love, love, love my alone time and refuse to apologize for it.

    • lisa says:

      I have lived alone all my life and adore it. My boyfriend and his kids live at his house 2 miles away and I am frequently there, but I get best restored at home, alone.

  2. BaronSamedi says:

    If I hadn’t read the other interview with her making the rounds (I forgot which publication that was with) in which she pretentiously blathers on about about being “horny” I would like her again after reading this.

    Unfortunately I DID read her trying to make “horny” be about a hunger for life and now I can’t with her anymore.

    Also, those pictures of her new haircut are kind of mean. The lighting and the moment the photographer caught her wouldn’t do anyone any favours and I’m wondering if there weren’t others available to attach to this article?

    • Vanessa says:

      I honestly thought it was a man at first.

    • C says:

      Did you read the part where she talks about her dentist? All I could think was if a man said something like that he would be trashed on SM, but it’s a woman, so people will be ok with it.

  3. Meg says:

    Is she still with Chris Evans?

  4. BlueSky says:

    I never understood women like that, scared of being alone. I’ve had women look at me in wonder, “How do you do it?” These women are usually in a bad relationship but stay because they are scared of the alternative.

    Being alone is great. I can come and go as I please, cook what I want, do what I want. If I want to spend Saturday afternoons watching a marathon of “Flip or Flop” I can! I am not lonely. I have great friends and I go to the gym. It’s nice and peaceful and drama free.

    • Case says:

      Totally agree! I have a great friend group and wonderful family. And when I leave them, I get to come back to my own house, cook what I want, watch what I want, etc. I love it.

    • isabelle says:

      I know this will ruffle some hair…but it is for financial reasons mostly and women fearing they won’t be able to take care of themselves emotionally, financially and want to be approved by their peers. They don’t want to be the odd duck out and fit in. It is a bit of HS mentality but you have bills to pay and have work to do. Women falsely believe its easier to have a partner so you can be more accomplished and have a more secure life.

      • perplexed says:

        I think it’s more that women are constantly asked why they might not have a partner if they don’t. It can be annoying to be asked that all the time and maybe it plays with the mind as to whether you’re missing something. Also, if you’re moderately attractive (not beautiful even, but just not totally ugly) and your personality is decent enough, people constantly wonder how that woman could be single.

      • perplexed says:

        Also, to add, it seems like a lot of women are more successful than men these days. It seems easier for a man to find a quality woman than vice versa.

      • laura-j says:

        What perplexed said… All the women I know are more financially successful and/or good with money… Recently out of a LTR, where I was the breadwinner AND the caregiver… and I have zero desire to get back on that merry go round.

        For all the nice snuggle time there tends to be a lot of compromising… and I need a little me time.

      • isabelle says:

        Agree perplexed. I’m constantly asked why I’m not married and they use a tone of voice when asking, almost like “are you crazy, is that why you aren’t married”, or “whats wrong with you, please tell me”? I would love the person that had the guts to honestly ask what others are probably thinking. Its funny how committed and married couples think something is wrong with you if you are semi-attractive. They never once assume they may be the “crazy” people.

      • Haapa says:

        When you live in an extremely expensive city, you are forced to have room mates. It’s really sad because it forces women to stay in bad situations. The city I live in has the lowest vacancy rate and highest rental prices in the country. It is awful.

  5. Sutcliffe says:

    Those shoes should be incinerated.

  6. C says:

    She has her issues as well. Evans seems pretty private about his personal life, while she needs to overshare to a point of making cringe. That rs must have ended because both have their issues, not only him.

  7. Meghan says:

    All I know is that she is the voice of Nanny on the Muppet Babies and I just can’t reconcile the 2. I don’t know why.

  8. Cass says:

    Wow, there wasn’t another photo you could use?

  9. DavidBowie says:

    I’m (happily) married and I change all the light bulbs, kill the cockroaches and I would probably end up disposing of a dead rat if we had one in the house.

    • Erinn says:

      I deal with the spiders and the majority of bugs. But I don’t kill them – I scoop them up and put them outside haha. I make my husband kill things like earwigs -they freak me out so much. I’m not ‘allowed’ (in the for my own safety sense) to change the light bulbs because I’m 5’2″ and standing on a chair has not gone well in the past for me the last time. I’m otherwise just as capable of doing anything in the house as my husband – minus the plumbing because that’s his profession. I’m in tech, so I’m the one dealing with the technology/devices.

  10. Banana says:

    I was single for the first 24 years of my life and that might seem odd to people but I fucking loved it. And then I met my boyfriend who I’ve been with for over two years going on three on tinder… It’s not about what medium or channel is used to meet someone but understanding your wants and needs and having real expectations and confidence in yourself to pick the right person for you as a person whether that’s through dating apps or a birthday party or whatever. I hate when I hear people say this pretentious stuff about apps not bc I’m bothered by that judgment hut bc most of these people don’t even know what they want and blame it on dating apps. U know what I found thru tinder was that there were tons of creeps but I didn’t waste my time. I was upfront and honest about what I wanted and all the dates I had were with seemingly normal dudes. And my bf is truly fucking great. I think we all need to take time to figure out who we are as people before truing to mesh our lives with someone else and hoping they’ll fix our problems or fill the void that we need sealed.

    • Keira says:

      Amen! I met my darling bf on Tinder. The important thing is I met him…and never would’ve crossed paths with him otherwise. 😊

  11. Mopsy says:

    I’m happily married, but my mom and two of my best friends are single by choice. I see how appealing and fulfilling it can be. These women are living their lives to the fullest for themselves. My cousin is single, but constantly lamenting about finding a man, after each relationship ends, and it’s fine that she wants to be coupled and find a partner; I did too, but I wish she’d learn to enjoy the peacefulness of what she has at the moment. She’s tries to fix my mom up, and we have to tell her she doesn’t want it! She has work, grandchildren, friends, and the gym and a more swinging social life than I have! There are wonderful aspects to both being partnered and being alone.

  12. Jess says:

    I absolutely loved being single! I’ve been a loner most of my life, even as a child I was kind of forced to toughen up and deal with things on my own, so I do need to have my quiet time now away from my husband and daughter. It helps me recharge, I get irritated if I don’t have alone time once a week at least. I tell my younger friends to enjoy their alone time now, lol.

    I have friends who still won’t do things like drive long distances at night alone or know how to change a tire etc, I can’t imagine! The day I got my drivers license I drove halfway across the state by myself and at night, there’s nothing like blaring your music and getting lost in thoughts while you drive.

    And yes that picture of Jenny is god freaking awful! 😂

  13. Amaria says:

    I have no strong feelings about people being either single or coupled up, but with my experience with the elderly (and there is some), old age is a lot easier for folks who have someone to love – not kids or friends, but a life partner, whether romantic or platonic. Being carefree and single at 40 is cool, being alone in your house at 80 isn’t great. Needs just change.

    • Lani says:

      You dont even have to be 80. I am 35 yo, and have been single for most of the past decade. For me it gets harder each year that goes by. All the freedom and fun that comes with singleness are no consolation at this point.
      Anyway, it all depends on what you want and whether you are single by choice or not.

  14. Case says:

    I’m in my early 20s and have been single since high school. I’ve always been an introvert and really appreciate my independence at this point in my life — I don’t imagine myself settling down until I’m at least 30, so why rush into a relationship during a time in my life that is made for self-discovery and building my career? I feel totally comfortable (and extremely happy, actually) being alone with myself.

    It’s odd though — my family is fine with it and doesn’t question me. Most of my friends don’t seem to care. But one friend is constantly like “Let’s get you on Bumble!” and it drives me bonkers. She has been in relationships steadily since high school and I think it makes her upset for some reason that I haven’t been? Maybe she just wants to be able to double-date? I don’t know. It’s weird how your own confidence in doing your own thing can make other people uncomfortable.

  15. Other Renee says:

    You can be romantic and still meet your significant other on an online dating site. She’s watched too many Meg Ryan movies. I met my husband on line and we are both romantics. At least we think we are! Some of our best friends also met online and are very happily married.

    • BANANIE says:

      Or maybe not enough Meg Ryan movies. You’ve got Mail worked out just fine!

    • perplexed says:

      I think it might be easier to find love online if you’re younger (it’s easier to find a normal younger man online than an older one, imo). Past a certain age, some of the men on there are a little strange so I guess I could see why she’d have a bias against it.

      • Other Renee says:

        Perplexed, we were all in our late 40s and 50s when we met our spouses on line.

      • perplexed says:

        Maybe it depends on the site then. There are some sites where I can see why some of these men have never found love. I think there are likely quality sites that cater to people over a certain age (I would guess you’d have to pay a fee that shows that the site has filtered out the crappy guys), but some of those freebie swipe sites and OKCupid — yikes! If you are in your early twenties, you can find normal young men on there since they are just venturing out into the dating world as young adults and have grown up in a wired (or wireless?) world, but some of the men who aren’t quite as young are extremely creepy in their messaging and I can see why they’d strike out with so many women, either online or off.

  16. VeronicaLodge says:

    I’m all for the romantic locking eyes in a crowded room stuff, if it happens that’s awesome. I met my ex husband on a dating website and we agreed, it was nice having a lot of stuff dealt with like, do you want a relationship, kids, etc., before we met. Although it didn’t work out, we are best of friends to this day. Current boyfriend started spamming my dating profile with “I am Batman” until I finally went out with him. A year and a half later, we are pretty happy. And he’s not Batman, just a funny guy I probably wouldn’t have met anywhere else. And he loves my dog.

  17. DianaB says:

    Single life for the win! I adore my alone time; I actually need it for survival or else I’d go mad. Social interaction can be so draining, and I’ve come to the conclusion that I’m not in this world for settling for less than what I deserve. I’m an inteligent, profesional, reasonably interesting woman, I respect others and try to live life without prejudice, and if I were to get a partner that person would need to bring as much to the relationship and ladies, where I live, that is hard to find. So I stay alone and enjoy every second of it even if society thinks I’ll be a sad spinstter (what’s so bad about being a spinster?).

  18. Reza says:

    LOL. She said the same crap the first time she broke up with Evans; how she hasn’t been alone for 10 years blah blah, but she is alone and happy but also lonely- then she went running back to him. And she is blabbering the same bull now. Dear Jenny, STAND by what you say.

    • C says:

      That time she was crying on stage, crying on a pod cast, saying she hoped they would stay friends, all this while the guy was pretty happy jumping from airplanes and posting pics of his dog. This time she is more discreet, so I guess she realised they are not a good match.

      • Linney says:

        She’s discreet because she knows she made a fool of herself.

        That nonsensical tweet about her ‘boyfriend’ approving of her online shopping choices and that barf worthy twitter ‘flirting’. Its like she wanted to give a massive thumbs down to her haters because she managed to score the Cap back. She claimes she has changed but she still does the stupid posting/deleting crap like a kid. Still don’t get why he gave her a shot again, eventhough that has been his memo with his exes.

      • Margot says:

        Idk, it kinda feels to me like the second time was more like him trying to be a good ex and giving her some promo for her book announcement rather than genuine relationship. It was way too gossip-mags-driven and in a lot of instances so tacky that my teeth hurt. But I really truly regret he didn’t agree to another pap walk where yet again he’d look like he doesn’t now her and is utterly bored and disgusted lol

  19. perplexed says:

    “But I get it, in Jenny’s case: she’s a romantic, and she really thought she was going all-in with Captain America.”

    She was married before too though. People who have tried marriage generally seem to want to find romance again (so long as the previous marriage wasn’t completely horrific).

  20. Anilehcim says:

    It’s nice to be alone because, in my opinion, you REALLY get to know yourself that way. My sister is a serial monogamist who has routinely settled for relationships that made her unhappy and I truly believe that it’s because she has never had that alone time to get to know herself. She looks for happiness from other people. When you have that time as a single/alone person, you learn how to find fulfillment within yourself.

    I hope Jenny finds happiness within herself. I thought that situation with Chris Evans came off as messy and kind of mean spirited. Seemed like she worshipped him and he was keeping his options open. No one deserves that. I hope she takes some time to be single and learn to develop a relationship with herself. Sounds selfish, but ultimately it really is the most important one we can have. It’s essential that we all can handle being alone with ourselves. There are A LOT of people out there who can’t.

  21. mina says:

    That picture is shady lol

  22. Maddie says:

    She posted a poem on insta yesterday about how people wearing workout clothes on a plane is gross and that pjs on a plane is gross, but better. I fly all the time. And I wear leggings. I don’t see why it’s gross. And they literally hand out pjs in business and first class, so I don’t see how that’s gross either.

    • Linney says:

      Lol AND she kept her comments section off so people cannot leave comments about her being mean to those who prefer wearing comfy yoga pants on a plane. For someone having terrible taste in fashion herself, its funny how she comments on what other people wear.

      • Margot says:

        Well, that means a huge change because in the past, after the slightest criticism on her SM, she’d delete the post. Now it seems like she knows she’s an a*hole and decides to stand by it. Wow, like she said in one of the interviews, she truly has ‘matured’ smdh

  23. Patty says:

    If you want to be alone and enjoy it that’s fantastic. But for a woman who wants a partner, telling them how great it is to be alone is sort of insulting. People want different things out of life and that’s okay. Some people have a strong desire to mate and pair off; it’s not just about them being desperate, or wanting someone to help pay bills etc. Yes, it’s fun to have the freedom to do what you want when you want when you are happily single but it’s also fun for a lot of people to travel with their partners and do fun things alone sometimes but also with their partners; you don’t have the option when you’re just single.

    As far Jenny, I wonder if she regrets ending her marriage – also one of her sisters (or sister) recently got married. That probably made her think about a lot of things.