As someone who doesnāt post much of my personal life, I used to think the mommy shaming stories were overblown. Then I covered a mommy shaming story where people thought I had a bad take on it and got the brunt of the ire. I get it! Sometimes thereās genuine concern and reasoning behind the negative comments, which makes it sting more. Like the time an older lady berated me on the train for my infant not wearing gloves in cold weather. He had pulled the damn gloves off so many times before I just gave up, exhausted. I had so much other sh-t to do and felt isolated and overwhelmed. It didnāt make her wrong but I didnāt need her judgment at that time either.
Anyway Deena Cortese of Jersey Shore and her husband, Christopher Buckner, had their first baby on January 5th, son Christopher John Buckner! She posted a ton of photos of him on Instagram, including his height and weight, which I really appreciated. Itās nice when celebrities/reality stars are like “look at my beautiful baby” and arenāt posting just posting hand or foot photos. (If they want to do it that way or not share anything I completely understand that too, especially given this story.) Well people pointed out that Deannās newborn was wearing what looked like an inappropriate outfit for a baby. In the third photo in this set below (mouse over to see the arrows) he looks like he’s wearing a winter jacket. I had no idea about this, but I found safety information that jackets can be unsafe in car seats because the harnesses end up being too loose. Deena told negative commenters very clearly that they were wrong and that the baby was in a big snuggly onesie which was hospital approved.
This is how you handle it, you just say “thank you for your concerns.” I should have done this to the old Swiss woman making me feel like a sh-t mom but I ended up just defending myself because frankly she scared me. I wasn’t that confident in my parenting skills and I only spoke sh-tty high German, but whatever. I don’t know much about Deena except that she was wisely mostly absent from season two of Jersey Shore Family Vacation, which aired this year, because she was pregnant. So that was smart. Plus she dealt with this like a boss.
These sweet photos are giving me the feels!
I thought for a while I don’t want kids but lately I see certain babies and it seems like my womb is trying to talk me into it. This baby is one of those babies. He’s so sweet! I want to kiss that little head all over. Way to be Deena! Handled that like a pro and her new little meatball is adorable.
I never wanted them, we just had one, he’s 5 months and it feels like my heart explodes every time I look at him. I’ve never known what love was until now. That being said, mom shaming sucks, and it’s the reason I never post pics of him in a car seat or carrier, bc in the event he wasn’t in there perfect, I didn’t feel like hearing it from 60 “well intentioned” jerks
Jesus, people are so annoying. That’s not a coat, she’s right. The hospital usually does have to approve carseat/baby before you leave (did it to me both deliveries). Kids are allowed to wear thick sweaters while in a car seat. The harness has to fit them the same way as if they wouldn’t be wearing it. Everyone just really needs to mind their own snatch.
An old friend of mine does this for a living at a big hospital near me – inspects car seats, etc before every baby leaves.
Yeah, no jackets for anyone in a car seat. I thought that was car seat 101but I just talked to someone the other week who said they had no idea. Itās annoying because you put the coat on the kid for all of two seconds for the walk from the house to the car but whatever. Also, havenāt we all learned to NEVER post a car seat photo on social media at this point?! No matter what someone will find something wrong with it.
The best purchase we made for our new baby son, is his BundleMe car-seat “pouch”. It eliminates the need for a coat because it’s so warm and is just so easy, and also very cozy & comfortable for baby. It’s attached to his baby carrier/car-seat so I just strap him in and zip up the pouch and he’s prepared to go outside. (Of course if it’s especially cold, i put a hat & mittens on him, and a blanket on top of the pouch.)
Not to scare you but our baby class said never to use these because they’re flammable and slow to take off in emergency. I got one from registry and then was just too freaked out to actually use it.
The police man who installed the base also nixed the car saver for under the carseat. Basically my registry was all wrong
It’s rare in these instances that internet strangers are going to love and care for a kid more than their parents. 9/10 parents have asked all the questions, done all the research, and calculated all the risks so internet strangers can relax.
Thatās not my experience at all. Yes, 9/10 parents love their children more than strangers do, but they get it wrong a lot. I see my friendsā babies and babies where I work NOT strapped in correctly, lots of after-market attachments to make the car seat cuter, babies not in appropriate clothing, one-year-olds with soda in their baby bottles, babies whose family turns them forward-facing at six months or a year. These are actual safety issues and itās not sanctimonious to try to educate someone and possibly save a life.
Having said that, Deena had the hospitalās approval, so people really need to lay off.
I thought it was just Slavic countries (my culture) where random old women tell you off in the street for not wrapping your child in 17 layers of wool and Goretex.
What gets me is so many people don’t hesitate to shame you for stuff like that, but turn their heads the other way at signs of real abuse or neglect.
I was a very rebellious new mom. Everyoneās opinion bothered and I had to do my own thing. I had no idea social media existed. It would have been ye ol double edged sword – I was lonely but I was just not like my friends. The only breast feeder, for example. The only Co-sleeper and Bjorn wearer. I just didnāt need the feedback – even men wear their kids now, hip culture caught up to me. Sigh.
THIS so much THIS. the shaming and criticism for petty things but the real issues and abuse? nuthin…it’s not just the pearl clutchers though. boggles my mind.
She did great here – overall, I think she’s ultimately the least offensive of the bunch.
She’s the only one that doesn’t look like she bought a new face. And yes, she handled it well.
You can tell that it’s a onsie because it has those little “tabs” on the shoulders. My basic rule for interactions with complete strangers, especially on the internet, is to say nothing at all unless they are asking a specific question like “what baby carrier worked best for you”.
Iāll admit I saw that car seat picture and cringed at the fit and the āonesieā-but thatās it. Cringed in the privacy of my office and went on with my day. I donāt get the need for snark for a random celebrity.
The exception to this is if you donāt vaccinate your kid or take them out when they are sick.
The comments on that picture are intense and ridiculous, women calling each other c*nts over a freaking car seat?! I donāt understand the sanctimom mentality, youād think one or two comments would be good enough for those who simply want to educate a new mom, but thousands of women saying the same fkng thing in comments is laughable and proof they feel some urge to be right or feel superior. I see the same thing with circumcision arguments, people act like they truly care for the baby being hurt but once they tell someone they mutilated their child I know they have no interest in just educating, they want to shame and make that mom feel like complete shit. Itās a sick and pathetic way to go about it and if they really wanted to educate on the subject they wouldnāt say things like that, it instantly makes the other person defensive and double down on their decision to circumcise.
All of this.^^^
They were calling people c*nts over that? What the hell is wrong with people
It seems as though parenting is one of a very limited number of areas where society does not question the capacity of women to know what we’re talking about. Maybe these harsh comments are coming from the sense of insecurity those limits make us feel… maybe too many women just feel the need to talk down to other moms, after so many people have talked down to them. Though, of course that does NOT justify mommy shaming. I’ve been mommy shamed by neighbors and random people. mommy shaming sucks!
Yep, it’s the moms with no life outside their children. It’s their whole identity and the only way they feel good about themselves is to dump on others for not doing it as perfectly as they do. What a sisterhood /s
The hospital wouldnāt let them leave unless baby was totally safe in what he was wearing in his seat, buckled correctly and his seat put in correctly. They check every time for every baby. While it is unsafe to put babies in car seats in winter coats, that isnāt the case here. Unfortunately, there really does need to be more car seat safety information given to parents in general but I donāt see how shaming someone in social media is the answer to that.
Kinda want to know where she got that onesie though. Itās cute and looks very warm!
Seriously? They do that? Somehow that’s weird to me. Of course kids need to be safe and in appropriate seats, but the parents are adults and it should be their responsibility, not some hospital employee’s.
A friend does this for a living, so I might be biased, but I think it’s a great idea and not weird at all. Not all parents know what they’re doing, especially if it’s their first kid, and a lot of them are nervous and glad to have someone double check them. A quick, extra precaution for tiny babies is always a good thing, IMO.
I gave birth in England and when we were leaving the hospital we had to buckle the baby in the car seat on the ward, then the nurse checked if it’s all correct before we were given all clear. Interesting that we had to go through that check (not that I’m complaining, better safe than sorry) but Prince William managed to get George out quite clearly strapped incorrectly in his car seat.
I wouldnāt call it a onesie. Itās a bunting, but those are no thicker then a sweater which is fine for your kid to wear in a car seat.
Thatās….a baby bodysuit (onesie). Itās fine.
The baby looks like his dad already. How cute.
Deena is snooki’s other half. She’s a meat ball and has had some super funny moments on jerseyshore.
Deena Cortese is a treasure — she really is. I adore and stan her. She is absolutely dear.
I am a sucker for baby pics, let me tell you. They are just so ADORABLE !!!
She handled that perfectly.
You can see the happiness and love she has for her newborn son, in her face. I bet she’ll be a great mom. I gave birth to my own first son 4 months ago, and I’m just so in love with my sweet baby boy, so i can totally relate to her joy.
I love seeing photos of happy people!
I used to hate it when people would insert themselves into my awareness just to start shit with me. It rarely happens anymore- maybe just because I’m older now and seem less vulnerable because my youth has fled, or maybe my Resting Bitch Face has settled into something truly off-putting. I dont know. But when people pulled that shit with me, I never felt like it was coming from a good place. I never felt their concern or whatever. What I felt was shit-upon, and I tended to not handle that graciously. I’d be as rude and/or dismissive of those people as humanly possible, because that’s what they goddamn get. I doubt if that ever made any of them think twice about being similarly obnoxious to someone else, but sometimes it’s kind of fun to really unload on someone who has it coming but isn’t actually a part of your life. Well… it was kind of fun for me, anyway.
That said, she really did handle it well. I think my approach really only works in person.
I felt the same way as a new mom 11 years ago but I was too scared to say anything back. Now that Iām older Iād love to unload my crap on anyone who dares say anything, Iām much more confident in myself as a mother now and take no shit. The only time I felt genuine concern was a random day at Target when a woman was cooing over my daughter and asked me if she was my first baby and how old she was, I said 7 months and she said āoh thatās great and I hope the newborn fog has lifted for you Mamaā, it hit me like a ton of bricks and I started crying saying yes it had, she hugged me and I felt this weird connection that we both understood how hard it can all be. Sweet moment where I didnāt mind a stranger getting in my business šš
Fun fact if you properly pull the harness tight and make sure itās sung your good. And your baby doesnāt have to freeze to death in the process š. I live in upstate NY and manage to have both of my children in cold weather appropriate coats AND have their car seat harness properly tight enough. My sister in-law has my Nephew in no coat in negative degree weather because of this āruleā heās always sick and has infections. š
Beautiful baby and pics!
Cute baby! She looks great for just giving birth. I’m very happy for her and her husband.
Our daughter is 4 and we still have blankets in ours cars to get around the no coat issue, itās annoying but you do what you have to do to keep them safe. There really is a difference in how tight you can get the straps when theyāre in the thick winter jackets…and weāve all seen the videos of the test dummies going flying out of the seats because of the jackets. So scary. That said, her kid wasnāt in a jacket! Lol.
Coupla things. I love baby side-eye and this pudding pop gives it well. Also, I am not a mother but at first flipping glance I could tell that that kid was in a onesie, hence the snaps along his legs. If you’re going to be shamey, back it up with evidence.
Has anyone seen that awful movie Truth or Dare, with Lucy Hale? That photo of Deena looks like she’s about to ask me “truth or dare?”
Deena’s a favorite of mine on the Shore cast and I like her more after how she handled this situation. Beautiful familyš
šš
Concerning the Pink/Hart story about exposing other people to your sick kids:
Nope, it is not okay to expose other people to your contagious diseases even if they are harmless like hand foot mouth. you never know if the other person has a weak immune system or is just recovering or whatever.
People are AWFUL to Nicole and Jenni on Instagram about their (completely, utterly normal) parenting and, although I’m not a parent myself, it is deeply upsetting to see. I absolutely hate that Deena is going to have to deal with this, too — she gets lumped in with the negative perception surrounding Jersey Shore, when she has in fact always been the kindest, most grounded person on that show.
She also seems to be deeply sensitive, and I worry how having to maintain a social media account (pretty sure MTV makes them all do so) influences her emotionally. I hope she maintains this gracious-but-firm attitude… because I know if I dealt with what they deal with, I’d snap.