We’ve been covering Alyssa Milano’s asinine call for a sex strike in response to the anti-choice laws sweeping our nation. Her call to action is polarizing and tone deaf, as we’ve discussed. It’s far more powerful when celebrities open up about their personal experiences with reproductive health care and with abortion. Last week Busy Philipps told a moving story about getting an abortion as a teenager. A few other celebrities have discussed their abortions too, remember when Martha Plimpton talked about her “best abortion?” That was brave, as is Jameela Jamil’s recent admission that she had an abortion many years ago and that she doesn’t regret it at all.
I had an abortion when I was young, and it was the best decision I have ever made. Both for me, and for the baby I didn’t want, and wasn’t ready for, emotionally, psychologically and financially. So many children will end up in foster homes. So many lives ruined. So very cruel.
— Jameela Jamil 🌈 (@jameelajamil) May 13, 2019
Ps.. this isn’t any diss at ALL to foster homes. I’m in awe of people who take in children in need of a family and a home: but if Georgia becomes inundated with children who are unwanted or unable to be cared for, it will be hard to find great fostering for them all. ❤️
— Jameela Jamil 🌈 (@jameelajamil) May 13, 2019
The anti-abortion law is also especially targeted at those without the means/ability to move state. Women who are marginalized, poor or disabled will, as ever, be the ones to suffer the most. The wealthy will have so much more freedom.
— Jameela Jamil 🌈 (@jameelajamil) May 13, 2019
She makes a really good point about these laws affecting women without the means to move or seek healthcare elsewhere (even though some of those laws would prosecute women who get abortions out of state too).
Jameela is very committed to her causes, I’ll say that, and she’s been in a lot of beefs with celebrities for endorsing quacky weight loss products. Sometimes she goes too far with it definitely, and that’s why we don’t cover her that often. I appreciate that she’s been open about this issue though and that she’s so matter-of-fact about it. Abortion is a personal healthcare choice that should be available, for free, nationwide. The US is so far behind the rest of the developed world in healthcare and human rights that it’s despicable.
Milla Jovovich has also opened up about her abortion, which was medically necessary after she went into preterm labor at four and a half months. I would have led with this but honestly I didn’t read this story until after I wrote this. It’s heartwrenching what she went through.
Photos credit: WENN
I read Milla’s story, but when she started basically shaming people who take medication for mental health, I was out. It was a weird direction to go in…
I completely agree. Maybe in her mind it’s a matter of resolve and strength at her lowest point? I personally don’t think taking medication is a sign of weakness – my bathroom cabinet would definitely reflect that- but that’s all I can guess she’s thinking, wrong as it is.
Definitely a wrong turn into implicit shaming. Plenty of people everywhere are on medication to regulate heart, blood, kidney, liver functions. Why does needing medication for your brain warrant shame? It’s just another organ. Good for her for being able to solve her problem organically or whatever, but there is nothing wrong with getting that help another way. (And hey, maybe she is just saying she was grateful to avoid the many side effects of antidepressants, but it’s still some confusing language).
Anyway, hats off otherwise for sharing a very difficult story. I also appreciate Jameela for her frank and NDB abortion story. Your body, your choice.
She didn’t shame anyone. She just said she didn’t want to take medication. Which is her right. Maybe you should have kept reading.
Agree, she didnt shame anyone taking antidepressants! Read to the end! Anyway I totally understand, as someone who’s taken antidepressants, I tried hard to find alternatives, because I know how hard it is to get off of them, and I was trying to avoid it. But when you need them you need them, and you do what you have to do.
Yeah, this wasn’t shaming. You know what? Medication is hard sometimes, for some people (and for folks in the US, expensive as fuck), and we should accept that people will always not want to jump right into that. For good reason. SSRIs are harsh on some people’s systems–it’s not like popping an aspirin or anti-cholesterol pill ffs. As helpful and as life-saving/life-changing as meds are for some re mental disorders, they will never be as benign/neutral an object as that chair sitting over there. No amount of rhetoric will change that.
–Someone who’s been on all SSRIs and doesn’t want to go back.
I agree, but I grew up with an Eastern European mom with her mentality. She could have been bleeding to death and would have just held a dish towel to it to avoid a doctor. I’m not saying she’s right, obviously. I just think it’s a bit of a cultural thing.
She didn’t shame anyone, she said she wanted to try other options first before medication which is her choice.
Here is the UK many Drs are now giving people an option of Cognitive Behavioural Therapy or medication and many people are going down the CBT route. I have friends and family members who are trying that as they don’t want to take medication and potentially be on it for the rest of their lives. Medication is not for everyone.
I don’t think she’s shaming anyone. She’s just saying she personally didn’t want to take medication, which turned out to be the right call for her.
I’ve been on meds most of my life. They’ve saved me. But I do think many people have gotten way to lax about promoting their use in a well-meaning effort to normalise them. These are serious medications that all come with their own set of wide-ranging issues. So long as people are functioning and not a danger to themselves or others, they should try some other things before turning to medication. If that gets them nowhere or they can’t manage to try anything, then yes, medication, but jumping straight to that before you even attempt the most basic things like talking to someone or doing things that make you feel good is reckless. These pills have side effects and they aren’t fun to come of off. If you’re able to get well without them that’s a good thing.
If there’s no shame in taking meds for mental health issues, people should be able to be happy they were able to avoid them, just like they would be if they were able to, say, get their blood pressure down without taking meds.
I hope her comments didn’t hurt your feelings. I’m a bit sensitive myself because I’m going through a rough patch, but it helps to remember that my prescription helps me be my best self!
I don’t see it as shaming but I do take issue with her saying “abortion is a nightmare at its best.” No, it isn’t. I had a medical abortion because thank goddess I live in a liberal state (MD) and because I didn’t want to have a baby. I went to PP, they did the ultrasound, confirmed the pregnancy (btw they asked if I wanted to see the US and respected my decision not to) , had me lay down and take a pill (or two?) and wait for an hour or so. I walked home and two days later tucked four more pills into my cheeks and within an hour my uterus evacuated. Yes, I had a period for almost 3 weeks thereafter but it was not at all nightmarish. I took some medicine so that I did not have 20 years of servitude to a child I did not want to have. Simple.
My thought exactly. I’m glad yours is the first comment here.
I didn’t see that as shaming, and I do take medication for mental health. She only said *she* didn’t want to without trying other alternatives first. That’s not shaming, that’s just a choice she made for herself that we should respect. I don’t feel shamed by that.
She’s definitely problematic and a bit obnoxious, but I can appreciate her speaking out on this.
She posted an entire Instagram story about being so exhausted by all of her thankless activism, but she cared too much to ever stop, but thank god she was being rewarded by the universe for all of her work by going home to her boyfriend and that’s where I tapped out and unfollowed her on everything. That’s… not really how activism works.
Her message should be that men are responsible for 100% of abortions. They should suffer the same consequences for impregnating women as women seeking abortions face.
Jameela Jamil has EDS and may have truly dodged a bullet by getting an abortion. Pregnancy can be that much harder on those with this rare genetic collagen disorder. If she was young and lacking in resources and/or meaningful support at the time, it could have been that much more grueling for her due to her unique health needs.
Not to say that all EDS women suffer during their pregnancies and/or shouldn’t bear children. Simply noting that some folks with genetic rare diseases have one more reason to need to be able to have a safe, legal abortion if that is what they determine they need in order to remain healthy.
I have EDs too and thought the exact same thing. Pregnancy would be very dangerous for me and I have decided not to have children because of the risk of passing on this disorder. I am considering sterilization because of the threat to Roe v. Wade because I would die if I ever was forced to carry a child to term.
Cried this morning. Crying now. Stay strong everyone.
How terrifying. I’m so angry about this for you and others in this position. What is wrong with these politicians?
My husband is getting a vasectomy next month. I have used IUDS for over a decade. However, an ectopic pregnancy could soon become a death sentence if these laws keep getting passed so I can’t risk it. Women’s lives are at stake. Women like Milla. Women with a plethora of reasons for having an abortion that are nobody’s damn business, especially the government. I am about to rage stroke.
All this abortion talk is very triggering for me.
4 years ago, at the age of 17, I got pregnant for my then-boyfriend. I was still in uni (I’m Nigerian and based in Nigeria, school is a little faster sometimes here) and I was preparing for exams. I was so scared. He was supportive about the whole thing and said any decision I made would be fine with him. I decided to get an abortion. Abortion is 100% illegal in Nigeria. We had to go from hospital to hospital to find a doctor compassionate enough to break the law and help us. It was the most traumatic week of my life. I had to hide my extreme morning sickness from my roommate and friends and still read for exams. Finally, we got someone. I was mildly sedated and then went through the D & C. I bled for weeks. I still had to hide this. I felt guilty for a long time. Sometimes, I wonder what s/he would have been like. My first child. But most of the time, I’m grateful I didn’t have to keep it. I currently have a great job and I’m still not ready for a child. I don’t know if it’s the best decision I ever made but it ranks up there. Sorry for the long post. Lol
I am so sorry you had to experience that but am glad you were finally able to find someone to help. I can’t imagine. 💗💗
Thank you for sharing, Anon. Best wishes to you. I too went through a situation very similar to yours when I was 19. I’m 44 now. Sending love.
The events in Georgia and Alabama are causing flashbacks for me. This time last year we were in the middle of a (highly successful) campaign to legalise abortion in Ireland. It’s so heart breaking to see these states taking such backward steps and terrifying to see how easily the things we’ve fought so hard for can be taken away.
I fully believe one of the reasons that the abortion referendum in Ireland had such a huge turnout and yes vote was because so many women came out and told their stories and made the decision so personal. People having abortions aren’t selfish sluts but women from all background, all ages, all relationship status, and far more prevalent than these old white guys realise.
Another reason I’m convinced the referendum here was so successful was that people here had seen what happened when they didn’t vote in the US with trump and in the UK with Brexit and weren’t going to leave it to chance. Voting is so important. Roll on 2020.
Yes and those brave women proved that they were NOT using it as a form of contraception which is one of the biggest talking points for the anti-choice fkwits. They seem to think its easy to get one, its not.
Time for NI to make it legal too.
The more I read about Jameela, the more I love her. Her intelligence, humor and honesty. I wish she was around when I was a teenager with terrible self-esteem.
So where are the laws that make men responsible for the babies they help create?? Why aren’t any of these states enforcing child support? Passing more laws to criminalize deadbeat dads? A bunch of men spend all this time deciding what a woman can and can’t do with her body. The sexism implicit in these laws is INSANE.
Yes, here is a good place to mention that Alabama just outlawed abortion (Planned Parenthood sent me an emergency email).
Oh my God. I’m so glad I got sterilized. Scary times for women.
Why are people adamant for government to keep out of business and right to own guns, issues that blatantly affect others, but are ok with them interfering with women’s bodies? Abortion is a personal, case by case, option. No one wants one but sometimes it has to happen. And even if all these babies were born it’s not like the state wants to support them. They’re forcing women to have babies and then providing no resources to help the said babies thrive. That is pro-birth and not pro-life.
I had an abortion at 16 and it was the best decision I’ve ever made. I don’t think a woman needs to explain why she had an abortion. It’s her business, nor should she feel bad about her decision. I’m so thankful that I live in a state that stands by women and their personal choices. I’m so deeply worried for the health and well-being of women who are in states that don’t honor women’s choices. My fear is that women will start to take drastic measures that will take their own life because they are unable to receive safe abortions.
How many of the 25 white men who passed this bill in Alabama have paid for abortions for their mistresses?
The Republican party need to be wiped from the face of the earth – I am now convinced they’ll start a war with Iran just to keep the Orange Sh!tstain in power so they can turn the US into the real life Handmaids Tale.
Why do republicans hate women so much?
Agree. All of it. Everything in your comment is spot-on.
All of this! OMG Digital Unicorn, your first line…I’m always thinking this about white, conservative, anti-choice men. I have some family members who unfortunately voted for Trump. They’re evangelical, single-issue (reproductive rights), anti-choice voters. I have challenged some of them by asking them if they really think Donald Trump hasn’t paid for any abortions. LOL.
I have a theory. I think women make men feel like they don’t have complete control of their bodies (irony) and so they subconsciously hate women for their own desire. It’s the only theory that makes sense to me.
I completely share your theory. It’s something I’ve believed for a while now.
The most disturbing to me is that a woman that’s been raped and gets pregnant must have the baby. That is DOUBLE punishment for the victim. Also, then why do these law makers see it as OK to “pull the plug” on someone in a coma who is technically “still alive”? Their way of thinking is so f*cked up.
This.
Worse a man could be DEAD and have an organ that a child needs to live but it would be illegal to take it without his permission even though HE IS DEAD and now the child dies. Bodily autonomy for men living or dead, no bodily autonomy for women. Makes total sense
I get where she is coming from. I’m currently on an antidepressant. It’s somewhat helpful but I am not skipping in the aisles and it is not without side effects. I would prefer not to take it, but I just ran out of good options.
This is such a hard subject for me. These laws don’t feel right, but abortions feel wrong too. I understand what Jameela was saying about not subjecting a child to a difficult life, which is what would likely happen if you have a baby as a teen and not ready to be a mom. But….the flip side of that is that there certainly is SO much potential lost from these humans that were never given their chance.
For the life of me I can’t find a comfortable place to sit on this subject.
#notjudgingjustbeinghonest
I get you, but taking away a person’s choice is just wrong. Every woman should get to decide what is right for HER and live with that decision.
I understand that. I PERSONALLY can’t imagine getting an abortion, but I am 1000% pro-choice because it is, indeed, a very personal decision that no one else should have a say in but the woman considering it.
@Cara, what about the potential of the girls and women carrying these babies? Would Jameela Jamil still have become an actress on a hit TV show, for example? We don’t know. Just ask yourself why you’re more concerned about the potential of the unborn than you are of the potential of the born.
As a woman with fertility issues, it is certainly not easy for me to hear about abortion and as a young Christian, I was against it as a teen. That said, I don’t want to see women mutilated, killed, or forced to birth children they resent/do not want/can’t afford because of these laws. I certainly don’t want to see rape and incest victims forced to endure more trauma because of these laws. I don’t want to see women with life-threatening health problems, like ectopic pregnancies, die because of these laws. Women have had abortions for millennia at this point, often at grave risk to themselves.
If you don’t believe in abortion, don’t have one. It really is that simple. I am personally against abortion but would never impose my beliefs on other women.
@Cara Just wanted to say thanks for commenting in this way. I am pro choice, I absolutely don’t agree with “heartbeat bills” and denying medical exemptions, but I don’t know if I still believe you should be able to abort an otherwise healthy pregnancy at any point as ferociously as I once did.
@Kateeee – then don’t have one. No restrictions should be placed on other women because you’ve backslid into a less tolerant viewpoint (because you’ve obviously never been IN any scenario where you were forced to consider or have an abortion – good for you, but that’s pure luck and privilege). You don’t get to have an opinion about other women’s uteruses, just like these legislators.
What if the healthy fetus is in the body of an 11 year old? What if the healthy fetus is in the body of a woman raped by her father? What if the healthy fetus is in the body of a woman with extreme mental health issues? Or is trapped in an abusive marriage? Or knows she is an abuser herself?
@Cara – your opinion on abortion matters as much as the men behind these bills. Not one bit. Your thoughts on abortion are your own, and apply only to your body and your uterus.
Um. Sorry you’re so incensed by differing viewpoints? Besides that, if you reread what I wrote: I am pro choice, I do not support legislation regulating a woman’s right to choose, and I can also understand moral objections like Cara’s. The last sentence doesn’t cancel out the first. As I said upthread: your body, your choice.
Everyone says but what of the baby that could have cured cancer? Not “what of the ten year old that died giving birth or who will never have a chance at a better life now that she is a child mother?” Why couldn’t she have gone on to cure cancel? Why is only her embryo seen as havin potential and not her?
Ugh, Cara….I totally hear you and thanks for your honesty…..sorry you are being judged….my confession is that I am a very liberal person who totally supports a woman’s right to choose and feel like the government, and aged men ESPECIALLY shouldn’t be making decisions about a woman’s body. But here’s the thing, I also believe that it is a much more gray, convoluted area than the language many pro choice activists adopt. Like, no, it’s NOT a super fun experience, no, I seriously doubt it’s the best decision you ever made…..the fact is, it is a life you are choosing to end, and while I totally support your choice (difficult or not so difficult) to do that, let’s not trivialize it to the point of recounting it like it’s a no biggie spa day. I’m not saying that everyone should be traumatized by it, I certainly wasn’t by mine, but we can’t as a society talk about miscarriages as rainbow babies or forever babies and yet use completely different language around abortion just because one child was wanted and the other wasn’t. My two cents. Ps, before you come at me, I’ve had both an abortion and two miscarriages and don’t regret any of it.
How about not policing how other women talk about their own experiences with it though? I’m sure another woman knows whether or not it was the best decision she ever made. If you made the choice and felt differently, that’s fine, but that doesn’t mean it applies to everyone else.
I didn’t have an abortion. I gave birth to Kiddo when I was 19, and he’s the best thing in my life.
I CHOSE to carry him to term and raise him. I didn’t have the government telling me I had to do it or be charged with a crime, that I had to do it or put my life in danger to do what was right for ME.
I was able to make a decision in a clear manner because I had choices, I wasn’t backed into a corner because some white male politicians have decided they speak for God or something.
Making a decision that can affect your life like this is hard enough and stressful enough without adding another layer of a government deciding what is good for you or deciding that you aren’t worth much in comparison. We need a blue wave before this becomes the law of any land.
Excellent comment. Thank you for sharing your story and I am thrilled for you that your choice worked out for you. And I am impressed that you don’t turn your story into “this is why all women should carry their pregnancy to term.” Very thoughtful of you.
I have a strong feeling that every single one of these lawmakers support the death penalty.
They typically do but consider themselves to be pro-life, despite numerous people being wrongfully convicted and executed. A disproportionate amount of these people are black, so they don’t care, though. What gets me is that Jesus revoked the Mosaic law of eye-for-an-eye/tooth-for-a-tooth. Jesus clearly spoke against this, but they ignore his words on the death penalty and spend their energy discussing issues like abortion and gay marriage that he never said a word about.
I’m so sorry for girls and women in Georgia and Alabama right now. Also for people who might have daughters who may at some point need an abortion, but wouldn’t have the means to just leave the state. Good for Jameela Jamil, Milla Jovovich, and everyone else for sharing their experiences and speaking out. With how aggressive and scary the anti-choice crowd can be in their actions, the things they say, and the laws they pass, it takes guts for them to share that.
I had an abortion when I was 21 years old. I was unemployed, had just broken up with a very bad man who had mentally and emotionally abused and gaslighted me for 2 years, I had to go to welfare to get enough money to pay my rent and buy food after I left him and was basically IN HIDING FROM HIM. Bring a child into that world? I don’t think so, I could barely look after myself. I cannot believe what’s happening in the US right now, I thank God(ess) I live in Canada where for the time being government stays out of dictating women’s reproductive choices.
A woman’s body, a woman’s choice.
100% agree that it’s the most vulnerable women in society that pay the highest price for these laws as do the children that end up being born into the cycle of poverty/abuse/ lack of education that is trapping the mother.
Makes me so, so ANGRY.
I had a catholic mother who put the abortion fear into me at an early age. I’m barely educated, but as soon as I was sexual I had my partners wear condoms AND used the pill & or sponge. When married I miscarried 2 unwanted pregs and kept the healthy pregnancy at age 40. I’ve had friends who did multiple abortions; why?? I get frustrated w all the birth control available, as abortion is an extreme solution. But I still vote for the right to choose.