Jennifer Lawrence on her upcoming wedding: ‘I feel very honored to become a Maroney’

Los Angeles premiere of 'Can't Stop, Won't Stop: The Bad Boy Story'

Jennifer Lawrence has not talked a lot about her fiance Cooke Maroney. They met last year, fell in love and got engaged several months ago, and they’re reportedly planning a summer wedding, probably in Kentucky but who knows. We know Cooke works for a New York art gallery and we know that Jennifer seems happy. While she was promoting X-Men: Dark Phoenix, she also said vague words about how Cooke is the “best person I’ve ever met in my whole life,” which makes him sound like a firefighter or a brain surgeon or something. I mean, it’s possible he’s a really good guy, but also: from what little we know of him, he sounds like a dude who came from a wealthy family and now works in the art world. So I was interested in hearing how else Jennifer would describe this dude and… well, she keeps going on about how he’s the greatest guy she’s ever met. It’s very… weird. But at least her wedding plans sound no-drama.

Jennifer Lawrence isn’t sweating her wedding planning. The 28-year-old star opened up to friend and former E! News reporter Catt Sadler on this week’s podcast Naked with Catt Sadler about organizing her wedding to fiancé Cooke Maroney. Lawrence revealed she wasn’t nervous about her wedding day — and that she’s already picked out a dress.

“I’ve been in a good place,” she said. “I haven’t been neurotic about it. I’m like too lazy to be neurotic. I saw a dress I liked and I was like, ‘That’s the dress.’ I saw a venue and I was like, ‘Cool, we got a venue.’”

Though she’s been taking wedding planning in stride, Lawrence said she had one “bridezilla moment” recently, while organizing her bachelorette party. “I thought I didn’t want to have a bachelorette party, and then last minute I decided I did. Then nobody was available because it was last minute. And then I started crying. I was like, ‘I don’t even know why I’m crying. I didn’t know that I wanted a bachelorette party. I guess I just feel pathetic.’ [Maroney] was like, ‘Oh my god, you don’t need to feel pathetic.’”

The Oscar-winning actress also gushed about Maroney, 34, saying, “He’s the greatest human being I’ve ever met. He really is, and he gets better. He’s the greatest person I’ve ever met, so I feel very honored to become a Maroney.”

[From People]

She’s becoming a Maroney?? Jennifer… Maroney. JENNA MARONEY. Will she record “Muffin Top”? Will she utter the words “Listen up, fives, a ten is speaking”? HER WHOLE LIFE IS THUNDER. Ah, sometimes I miss 30 Rock so much. I feel like J-Law probably misses it too, and that’s why she went hunting for a dude with the last name Maroney. She just wants his name. She barely even knows him, that’s why she’s just reciting these vague bromides about how he’s the greatest guy ever. She’s keeping her eye on the prize: legally becoming Jenna Maroney.

Also: new name AND a new face, huh?

Dark Phoenix premiere, held at Hollywood's TCL Chinese Theatre

"Dark Phoenix" World Premiere

Photos courtesy of WENN, Backgrid.

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180 Responses to “Jennifer Lawrence on her upcoming wedding: ‘I feel very honored to become a Maroney’”

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  1. Darla says:

    I can’t believe she would take his name. My gawd I thought so much better of her than that. Imagine becoming a world famous film star and….changing your name to some art dealer’s. Because you’re a woman. Come on Jen. Really?

    • Seán says:

      Don’t be so judgy. Freedom of choice, completely up to her. I’m sure she’ll retain Jennifer Lawrence for branding purposes. And it may be just a case of her saying she’s looking forward to becoming one of his family as opposed to actually legally changing her name!

      • minx says:

        Yes, that’s the way I took it—that she’s glad to join his family, not that she will necessarily be changing her professional name. We’ll see. I happily took my husband’s name for aesthetic reasons…it went great with my first name. My “maiden” (ugh, that term) name was long, hard to spell and pronounce, and was my father’s name—no thanks. We had a terrible relationship.

      • Tris says:

        “Don’t be judgy”??? This is hard-core basic patriarchy: Men own the women they marry, women don’t have rights (esp to own property) or identities of their own, hence women get absorbed into the man’s family name.
        Those days are THANK GOD gone, so should be the vestages of that time, like famous women taking loser nobody’s's names.

      • detritus says:

        Oh heaven forbid we criticize the patriarchal expectations that place women as lesser.
        Freedom of choice doesn’t mean immunity to criticism.

      • Monicack says:

        Gimme a break. It’s not patriarchy if the woman is in full control of the decision to take her husband’s surname, keep her maiden name or hyphenate. As long as it’s her choice it’s the right choice. Hell even our maiden names were our fathers’.

      • ElleKaye says:

        @ Tris,

        Your quote, “like famous women taking loser nobody’s’s names.” is troubling. He’s a “loser” because he isn’t famous? You talk of patriarchy, but what of your classism? You are perpetuating a culture of systemic oppression. A person’s worth and ability should not be based upon the amount of fame/money/power they enjoy. We are not a caste society. Discrimination/valuation based upon socioeconomic status should not be happening in 2019.

      • ex-Mel says:

        “Hell even our maiden names were our fathers’.”

        I added my mother’s surname when I was a teenager. (And criticised my mother for taking my father’s surname upon marriage – something I did not, and still don’t, understand.) That was almost 40 years ago.
        Who would have thought that all these decades later it would still be the less common choice.
        But it IS her choice, no doubt about it.

    • Ameara says:

      I know it’s a cultural thing (I’m not American), but it really pisses me off. I know it’s none of my business, but I can’t…

      (Emma Stone, please keep your name when you marry that McCary dude)

    • WingKingdom says:

      I think Cooke Lawrence sounds pretty good.

    • Kk2 says:

      Wow people are losing it over this name changing thing huh. I highly doubt she’ll be changing professional name and I agree that she probably meant this in spirit of joining the family not literally changing name. But if I were her I think I’d appreciate the extra anonymity provided by being “Jennifer Maroney” legally. Doesn’t catch as much attention as Jennifer Lawrence.

      • SM says:

        Who cares? It’s her decision. She is an accomplished, wealthy, independent woman and if this is what she is doing out of love, just let her be. Now, I would agree that new face along with the new name is a bit much. What was wrong with her original face?

    • Alex Schuster says:

      Love is the most intoxicating drug ever experienced, and when under the influence of this drug, we lose our fucking minds and do stupid shit such as moving basically with a total stranger after 2 weeks…. I despise myself in the love drug, not even during my black outs did not do stupid ass shit as when in love. Mazel tov😔

    • Clemetine says:

      What would you say if his family/he was for some reason against her taking his name? And she chose to honor them by not doing it? Would that not be far worse?

      She is *free* to choose his name or keep her own. It’s her choice. If you have a problem with that, oh well.

    • Dani says:

      Why is it a big deal? Maybe she’s thinking ahead and wants the same last name as her kids. I didn’t change my last name when I first got married and once my kids started school it became such a mess that I had a different last name, that I ultimately changed it. It’s really not that serious.

  2. Lara says:

    Uck at changing your name when you get married.

    • Sarah says:

      You must not like Chasten Buttigieg.

    • Jb says:

      “Don’t yuck my yum”. If it doesn’t hurt you, why do you care? Some women change it, some women don’t, some combine, some hyphenate…build a bridge and get over it.

      • detritus says:

        Because it hurts all women when this is still normal.

        Don’t yuck my yum counts for personal choice that don’t impact others. A major movie star at the top of her game choosing to change her name to her husbands is a bit bigger than that.

      • Moses says:

        Give people the freedom to make their own decision, and don’t stick your two cents in when their choice isn’t the one you’d make. You may not want to change your name but there are others that do for millions of reasons. They shouldn’t sacrifice their wants to please you, Detritus. The arrogance, I tell ya.

      • detritus says:

        don’t yuck my yum, Moses. I like using my feminist lens.
        I don’t need to change my opinions to please you.The arrogance , I tell ya.

      • paranormalgirl says:

        My name, my choice. *shrugs*

      • Monicack says:

        What are you banging on about? Unless you invented one from scratch your own surname came from a man. Live and let live.

      • Godwina says:

        It hurts all women. It’s a dreadful-ass message.

      • otaku fairy... says:

        Being rightfully offended by the reasons why women have been made to do something doesn’t automatically mean a random woman’s personal decision to do that thing is actually hurting all women though, or even having any real impact on all women’s lives. The only people this may have any impact on is any children Jennifer Lawrence may have. Even then, the impact will just be that they carry the last name of their father and his male ancestors instead of their mother and her male ancestors. Unless the kids either alter their last names later, or the parents decide to hyphenate for the kids (which would be kind of unusual if Jennifer drops her last name).

    • Surly Gale says:

      my nephew changed his surname to his bride’s because he had no connection to his familial name but she had a dynamic and loving connection with hers…no shame laid

    • Anna says:

      There’s plenty of good reasons to change your name when you get married…reasons that don’t require you to turn in your feminism card. I changed mine when I got married because my dad was an abusive alcoholic, and I didn’t like having his name. My husband (and his family) are good people, and I was happy to drop the reminder of a shitty childhood.

      How about we just trust Jennifer that she’s an adult and can make up her own mind. Just like all of the other women who make that decision every day.

      • cannibell says:

        “There’s plenty of good reasons to change your name when you get married…”

        1. If you’re absent-minded or have AD/HD, you will never drop off the dry-cleaning/thing to repair/ in one name and try to pick it up in the other.

        2. If you have kids, everyone presumably has the same last name.
        (Note: I know of two couples who kept their names and, in one case, they did Dad/Mom last names, so the family with two kids has a nice even split, and the family that ended up with the surprise third kid has two with one last name and one with the other.)

      • Robinda says:

        I’m in the same position, Anna. Was happy to leave a name with lots of bad memories behind me. Could have changed it, anyway, but just picking something at random made no sense; changing it to be part of my husband’s warm and funny family seemed very natural. It was my choice, which ought to be the point.

    • Lex says:

      We can stop saying stuff when it’s an equal number of men AND women changing their names or even when it’s about 50/50 women keeping or changing their name but as it stands the vaaast majority of women change and claim it’s personal when it’s routed in ancient misogyny and ownership of women

    • Clemetine says:

      How about uck at not having a choice? Not uck at what many happily, with free will, choose to do?

    • Mash says:

      hmmm lets see….my maiden was from my maternal grandpa which by all accounts damn near tried to be the BRAKES off my gma (gma fought like hell back —great but toxic non the less)

      my father is a toxic man who didnt care about my bro and me and literally decided to NOT do right by us when my mom decided to stop getting cheated on, leave him and not continue any type of situationship with him outside of presuring him to be there for his kids (i saw this, this was not a one-parent feed story)

      so i’ll gladly take on my fiance name —plus it means farmer or cultivator of the land which we are becoming LOL

  3. minx says:

    Her face….she’s so young, wtf. Why?

  4. ds says:

    Her face really does look different. I know it’s been written about it before but I’ve just noticed it…. and not in a “losing baby fat” way. More Kardashian change. But whyyyy???? She’s so pretty naturally. I just rewatched the American Hustle and she looked so pretty there. Ugh, things I’ll never understand.

    • Elisa says:

      She lost quite some weight and her make-up in these pics is quite heavy. But I agree, it looks like she also had some work done around her eyes.

    • Eliza says:

      She looks like she got botox around her mouth, she’s smiling but the upper lip can’t move.

      • ans says:

        i’m convinced she got a “lip flip” – lil botox on the upper lip line. Some people use it as an alternative to fillers. I’d rather have fillers

  5. T says:

    I think the judgement for changing her name is a little much… If a woman (or man) makes the decision and chooses to change their name to reflect the union/family, why not? Professionally, it could be a bit confusing at first but otherwise I don’t see why someone would be so disgusted by it?

    • CharliePenn says:

      I agree. My maiden name doesn’t mean much to me. With my husband, I’ve found the true love of a real family. I feel more accepted and safe with him than I ever did with my family of origin. I took his name as a tribute to our togetherness, and as a symbolic way for me to shed my old family and embrace my new, true, peaceful, soul family with him. And now we have two children and I am very happy that we all share the same name .
      I reserve ZERO judgement for any woman who doesn’t take her husband’s name. Less than zero judgement, it’s whatever a woman wants. But women who choose to keep their maiden names should probably stop being so righteous about it. Like, good for you. But why are you judging a woman who chooses to make this change? You have no idea what this signifies to each woman. For me it was a very powerful, almost soul cleansing thing. There’s baggage with my family of origin obviously. My reasons for taking my husband’s name have nothing to do with subservience.

    • Eliza says:

      Since a lot of actors use pen names, she could legally change it but keep using Lawrence as her stage name. So not confusing for fans, but personally she’d use a different name.

    • Jegede says:

      @T – Thank you.👍👍👍👍👍

      I personally will never explain, nor apologise, for making such a decision.

      • Jb says:

        I don’t understand some of these comments with their hate for those who changed their name! Calm down, if you want to change your name cool! You don’t? Also cool! Stay in your lane ladies and put down your protest signs. Some judge Judy’s in here this morning.

      • Aoife says:

        I didn’t change my name but it’s the personal choice of each individual. And those who bash people for choosing to change their names for their own reasons are really not doing the feminist cause any favors.

      • paranormalgirl says:

        I kept my name because changing all my licensing and documents was really ridiculous (I’m a doctor). Plus, when I married my first husband, we actually had almost the same last name, slight spelling difference, so he changed his last name to the same spelling as mine. I have been widowed and remarried and I still kept my name because, again, the documentation nightmare. And I’m not all that crazy about my husband’s surname anyway.

        But as far as names are concerned, you do you. None of my business. Since what goes on in your body isn’t my business, either is what you choose to call yourself.

  6. Constance says:

    Is it her chin? I think it’s her chin that’s different. She is still beautiful but she didn’t need to do a thing to herself. Everyone is starting to look the same.

  7. Lulu says:

    Enough of the judging her for changing her name (if she does at all, for all we know she could’ve been speaking about being part of ‘the family’.)
    Feminism is about being able to make that choice for yourself, not having it foisted upon you. If that’s what she wants to do, then that’s what she wants to do.

    Odds are, she’s going to keep Lawrence as her stage/professional name since that’s what all her filmography is under.

    • ds says:

      yeah, I wouldn’t change my name mostly because I have certain hate for the idea of a woman entering man’s family and leaving her former self behind in a way. The whole dowry thing as well, it bothers me. Like a purchase of a bride. I know it’s all traditions but still I never liked the sound of it. But I don’t judge women who do it, nor do I think it’s a no-no. I love the idea of partners choosing their new family names though, that seems cool, but I didn’t look into it yet. Like, you make a whole new family tree. So, to each their own.

      • Mash says:

        you know last names normally almost like 99.9% of the time since start of man has come from a man….so if not your husband’s ….then YOUR FATHERS smh lol

    • Veronica S. says:

      Yeah, I don’t understand the drama around it, either. I wouldn’t change my last name because I’m heading into medical school and that would mean updating a ton of licensing, but otherwise? We can talk about the philosophy behind women’s identity in marriage all we want, but nearly all Western last names are patronyms at this point. Young women who get married are likely trading their *father’s* name for their husband’s, so there’s nothing particularly feminist in keeping it. Even taking your mother’s maiden name is essentially taking her father’s name. It’s not really an issue I worry about too much.

      • Scal says:

        @veronica This touches a particular nerve for me as I kept my own last name when I got married and I got a fair amount of pushback from family on both sides saying ‘well it’s your dad’s name and he’s a man so what’s the big deal?’

        NO. It’s mine. My surname is not on loan to me from my dad until I get married. Just like my partner’s last name belongs to him and not his father or his grandfather. I also heard about how the mailman would be confused (as if I should care about that) and how would anyone know we were a family if we had kids? Strangely enough when I suggested to those same folks that he could change HIS last name to match mine that it was 100% out of the question because something something reasons.

        Change it, don’t change it. It’s a decision for every person. But it frustrates me that this always seems to be a debate for women and never men.

      • WingKingdom says:

        But see, I don’t think of my last name as my father’s name. I think of it as MY name. My father is a dreadful and cruel person and I did think long and hard about changing my name, but ultimately I realized that this last name is mine and has been my whole life. I don’t have to associate with him more than I associate with any other person with this last name. I have my own identity and it is NOT “daughter of so and so.” I did get married and kept my name, and our kids’ names are hyphenated, and we’re all happy with it.

      • Veronica S. says:

        It is your name, but it came from a male relative is my point. Arguing it’s inherently more feminist is silly to me because both names will have patriarchal origin. Really, it’s entirely up to the woman what she wants to do. There are lots of different reasons why women swing one way or another. My sister changed hers not because she was “honored” to take her husband’s name but because she wanted nothing to do with our father anymore. *shrug* It’s a nonissue to me that people turn into an issue on both sides. That’s the sexism to me – women having to justify their preference.

      • Vizia says:

        Yeah, I kept my family-of-origin name because from both a licensure and bluntly, marketing standpoint it would have been a pain in the ass to do the change-over. I don’t feel, and wasn’t brought up to feel that either my father nor a husband would own me. I don’t particularly care what name I use, except fo the practical reason mentioned above. I’m just me, no matter what I’m called. As for my first name, a salesperson in a baby furniture store suggested it and my parents went with it.

      • paranormalgirl says:

        @Veronica, that’s exactly what I just said. Licensing changing is a pain in the ass and an added expense.

    • Darla says:

      I do judge them. Don’t judge me for judging them if being non-judgmental is so important to you.

      • Laurie says:

        I agree with Darla! You can judge people and still be a feminist. I can accept that it’s her right to change her name but still disagree.

      • Lyka says:

        Soooo a couple questions for you judgmental-and-proud feminists: is your position on name changing based purely on white middle-class/wealthy Western standards? Would you judge, say, a working class woman from Karachi taking her husband’s last name? Or, hey, a Pakistani immigrant in the U.S. who did the same? Does religion or culture matter? Does abuse in the pre-marital family figure in? Is your stance specific to hetero couples? Would you judge a woman taking her wife’s last name? Is it because Lawrence’s name is famous?

        I guess I just think it’s ultimately a more complex equation that you’re making out.

      • Laurie says:

        @Lyka, like I said ” I can accept that it’s her right to change her name but still disagree.”

      • Darla says:

        It really is simple. One of the most famous women in the world changing her name to some dude’s, makes me sick. Period.

      • ElleKaye says:

        I took my spouse’s name, and I had my personal reasons. My father was not a good man and I did not want to be associated with him or his name. If you want to judge me for that, have at it. I don’t care at all. That’s on you. Let me ask you, though. What are YOU doing to further women’s rights? Are you out there trying to change laws, or are you simply judging while others are doing? I know I have fought for women’s and human’s rights for decades, and that is not erased simply because of the name I choose to use.

        Take that energy and fight for equal pay; for paid maternity leave; for access to women’s healthcare; affordable childcare; reproductive rights; racial justice; #metoo; LGBTQ rights…etc. The list is soooo long, and so many people are affected. If you are fighting the fight, then I am proud of you and your passion. I simply won’t allow you to make me feel that I have done something wrong for the choice I made. Women have had to apologize enough for who they are and I won’t.

      • minx says:

        ElleKaye, thank you.

      • Laurie says:

        ElleKaye, I’m sorry about your father. Truly.

        I have fought for women’s rights, I’m happy you have too.

        I guess maybe the word judge is too strong, but I think there’s nothing wrong with people disagreeing with each other. I understand why you changed your name and I think we should have the right to change our name, obviously. But I also think women shouldn’t change their name when they get married just because (I don’t know Jennifer’s case or reason). I do think it’s wrong, but I still think we should have the right to choose. Does that make sense? I know it’s a little all over the place, but it’s just my opinion.

        I’m sorry if I made feel like you did something wrong. You obviously didn’t and you shouldn’t have to apologize for you choice.

      • ElleKaye says:

        @ Laurie,

        You feel strongly, and I understand feeling passionate. Taking a husband’s name was akin to coverture (ugh). Would I do it again? I don’t think so. But I would educate people as to why I chose not to do so. And then use my mother’s maiden name.

    • Anitas says:

      It’s just snobbery masked as feminism. “I judge a woman for making this decision about her life that doesn’t affect anyone else, because she didn’t pick the choice I would’ve made.”

      • Lulu says:

        This is a great summation 👆
        Snobbery disguised as feminism describes a lot of white, middle class ‘feminist’ opinions.

      • Darla says:

        Your comment is very snobby. Check yourself first, or in the immortal words of me; girl you better learn how to blend before you come for me!

    • detritus says:

      This type of choice feminism misses the some major points of feminism, which is that not all choices are equal and some support patriarchal standards and misogyny.

  8. teehee says:

    I think she got her eyelids raised? She had deepset eyes, and looks like thats been a bit reversed –> eyes look a bit more open

  9. olive says:

    why does she feel “very honored” to become a Maroney? who the hell are they?

  10. Snowslow says:

    Like I said the other day, she is far more conservative than she wanted us to believe… She even sounds a bit robotic here…? It saddens me a bit because I equate this change with women falling for the patriarchal structure of erasing themselves (and changing their face) for the “greatest person in the world”.

    • Wisca says:

      Yup. In a patriarchal culture, men very rarely make the “choice” to lose their family name.

      • Snowslow says:

        Exactly. It’s not really taking the name of the husband but the attitude that comes with it. My kids have a bunch of names (cause we’re Portuguese) that end with my surname and them my husband’s because sound wise it works better. But we did discuss have my name last (which my husband wanted) and I made the decision of not doing it because it sounded bad.
        I did not take his name for myself and now I regret it. I would have liked to have our names associated but never to give up mine.

      • Anitas says:

        Right. Where do you draw the line? Do women who wear make-up also fall for the patriarchal structure of expectations to be attractive?

      • Snowslow says:

        Make-up history is really complex. It always came about for men and women as a way to make themselves beautiful or even differentiate themselves from other social classes. It was both demonised, and freely used intermittently by both men and women. It still is the case. More recently, before it became widely used it was mainly for prostitutes if I remember correctly, and then it became, like a lot of more kinky fashions, used by everyone.
        Despite that, I don’t think make-up is as patriarchal as that. It really depends on how it is enforced and why and it is mostly contextual.
        Having to forego your name (from you father) and get another name (your husband’s) on the other hand… seems quite clear to me…

      • otaku fairy... says:

        @Anitas: I’ve got an even better one that most people don’t even want to touch on or apply that argument toward: What about a western woman’s choice to avoid things that are considered ‘slutty’? Is she automatically furthering or endorsing the message that girls and women are less than and to blame for male behavior if we don’t live up to patriarchal standards of what makes a moral, classy, respectable, and self-respecting women? Is she harming us? Or is there a more reasonable alternative where we, as feminists, can allow women to establish boundaries around that issue while still fighting patriarchy? How much of a woman’s personal life and body is she obligated to turn into a political statement in order for her message that women don’t deserve to be treated a certain way to be taken seriously and not picked apart?

      • Anitas says:

        OK, but would you not agree that in today’s society women are still expected to use make up to be in line with the idea of conventionally attractive? Because a woman’s value and social status is still largely dependent on how attractive she is considered. Are you also judging women who remove their body hair? Because the Western culture still largely sneers at and ridicules women who don’t shave their legs or armpits. And what about stay at home mums?

        Most of the conventional or non-controversial choices a woman makes daily are rooted in patriarchy. And you are probably selective what you get judgmental about, like all of us really. But these are your personal choices. There is no universally ‘right’ way to make these decisions.

        Jennifer Lawrence, or Maroney, didn’t say, “I’m changing my last name because I think a woman should take her husband’s name” – if she did, I would join you in judging her. She’s making a personal choice based on her personal reasons and circumstances. It’s hypocritical to say or imply, “I’m pro choice but only when that choice aligns with mine”. As @otaku fairy… said much more eloquently than I could, “How much of a woman’s personal life and body is she obligated to turn into a political statement in order for her message that women don’t deserve to be treated a certain way to be taken seriously and not picked apart?”

    • Jegede says:

      I thought it odd that she was kidding with Amy Schumer how she was going to ‘die alone’ after the split from Aronoksfy (sp), at the grand old age of 27??😕😕

      Then I remembered she’s from Kentucky.

      I 100% can see her wanting to be a Mrs & mother, before she’s 30.

    • otaku fairy... says:

      I think it’s a little over the top to imply that she’s pretended to be more liberal than she is just because she’s getting married and changing her last name though. ‘Lawrence’ is a better last name than ‘Maroney’ to me, but if she wants to blend her name with the family by trading her dad’s last name for her husband’s last name like plenty of other women in her culture do (and not always because they think women are inferior to men or should submit to their husbands), that’s fine.
      As far as the minimal work she’s had done over the past 3 years goes, we don’t really know if she whatever it is for her husband either.

      • Snowslow says:

        Yes, absolutely. This is an assumption on my side (I’m not even sure she’s had surgery but I get a changed “vibe” from her, Jane Fonda style when she herself got married).
        I assumed she was more rebellious than she is proving herself to be – I find the kind of wedding she is organising and the bachelorette thing very traditional having grown up in a context where this was no longer the rule. But I agree that it says more about me than her maybe ;-) ?

      • Dina says:

        “she wants to blend her name with the family by trading her dad’s last name for her husband’s last name ”

        It’s revealing that so many people phrase it like this rather than “she’s trading her dad’s name for her father-in-law’s name”.

        Or that the same woman who says “my name is just my dad’s” will not say or feel like she’s really just taking her father-in-law’s name.

        Or that “but your name is just your dad’s” is never, ever said to men who want their wives to change their surnames (i.e. the majority of American men).

        Unsurprising though – men are seen to “own” their surnames in a way that women are not.

  11. Ann says:

    I would never change my name for a man. Haven’t. Won’t. Ever.

  12. Fortifiedblonde says:

    The judgment for her changing her name is gross.

    We should be empowering women to make their own choices, not judging them for making different choices than we would have.

    • Loretta says:


    • Snowslow says:

      If that means suspending the analytical thinking necessary to spot patriarchy no, thanks.

      • Tiny Martian says:

        Assuming that women who make a choice to change their name when they marry are “suspending the analytical thinking necessary to spot patriarchy” is arrogant, imo.

        I chose to take my partner’s name after giving the decision a tremendous amount of thoughtful contemplation. The choice, in my case, was a logical one. I am a staunch feminist, not a pea brained idiot, as comments like this imply.

      • Snowslow says:

        This: “I chose to take my partner’s name after giving the decision a tremendous amount of thoughtful contemplation”. Is just what I’m saying. I’m not condemning taking your husband’s name. I am condemning being blind to the reasons behind this tradition. If there is a tradition, there is fire, if you see what I mean.

      • otaku fairy... says:

        @Tiny Martian: Right. There needs to be a conversation on the left about trusting women more to analyze their personal choices. I think if any group of women should really be trusted in this area, it’s liberal women. A lot of the personal choices left-leaning women get accused of uncritically going along with are actually choices liberal women have been considering the issues around since before they were even adults. Plus, women are socialized to always question their choices anyway and examine the experiences of other women.

      • Snowslow says:

        @otaku I think we are here analysing both women and men’s behaviour really… And why throw away our analytical power instead of sharing it with our fellow men and non-binary peers? I am constantly told that I need to be more like men, stop saying sorry, be more assertive. Don’t agree with that. If that’s being feminine, I’m with Wanda Sykes,, I wanna keep those empathetic and analytical powers. I enjoy and value my analytical power, especially in a society where anti-intellectualism and anti-intelligence is rampant. I’m an academic and speculative person naturally so it this is a feminine thing great! More power to examine experiences of people, not of other women only.

      • otaku fairy... says:

        I definitely think we should embrace those things rather than giving them up. It just seems like there isn’t much trust or understanding that grown liberal women have already been using those traits, and are aware that some social norms that women choose to participate in are also things that women can be coerced or forced to do.

    • Alissa says:

      I agree. The comments on here are awful. You’re not a bad feminist if you change your name! I changed my name because I love my husband and his family, and my last name was the only thing I had from my father – who I’ve been estranged from since I was a child. I wanted to celebrate that I was officially a family member with my husband and my stepkids, and part of that was having the same last name as all of them.

      • Tris says:

        Alissa, sorry to hear you don’t love yourself, or your own family. And that your husband didn’t love you and your mom enough to change HIS name to yours.

      • Lyka says:

        @Tris, you embarrass yourself with that kinda hate toward a stranger. Look within, pal.

      • MellyMel says:

        @Tris What a nasty person you are to say something like that. You might want to work on loving YOURSELF more.

      • otaku fairy... says:

        @Tris: You don’t have to have your daddy’s last name to love yourself/other members of your first family, and keeping what your daddy and your grandpa gave you doesn’t automatically mean you love yourself. It’s not automatically a sign of allyship either. A girl or woman with her male ancestors’ last name could just see other women as rivals to compete with/ elevate herself over just as easily as a woman with her husband’s last name.

      • Alissa says:

        @Tris, what an ignorant comment.

        My husband had three children when we met, all with his last name. He was not going to change his last name to mine and have a different last name than his children. It was also important to me to share my last name with them, since they all consider me a parent.

        Furthermore, my maiden name is only attached to my alcoholic, absentee father. My mother reverted back to her maiden name after they divorced, and my sister has gotten married and changed her name. And my father had a different father than his siblings, so he’s the only person on that side of the family with the name. So yes, I don’t love my father that I’m estranged from enough to be tied to him forever, rather than the family that I love and married into.

        Sorry to hear you waste your time being judgmental about a stranger’s family situation that you know nothing about.

      • minx says:

        Tris, that is an awful thing to say. Come on.

  13. Nina says:
    I’m not hearing it, Liz!

  14. Mpea says:

    This is gonna end well.

  15. Malificent says:

    Definitely something with her eyes. And I don’t she had anything done to her chin structurally, but I think she had some fat removed to sculpt her jawline more.

  16. Adrien says:

    She had that Renee Zellweger eyes thing going on. Her famous hooded lids are gone. The change isn’t drastic but it’s noticeable. Maybe she had Thermage done on her eyes.

  17. Veronica S. says:

    Y’all do realize that a maiden name is a patronymal name, too, right? A child’s last name comes from their father in most cases, and even if they take their mother’s name, that came from HER father. There’s no way to separate female identity from patriarchy in that regard at this point and time. If you want to examine it from a more meaningful perspective, I’d do it professionally – women changing their names and possibly losing industry recognition for it. But it’s very likely Jennifer won’t do that. She’ll still go by the stage name Lawrence and may just change her legal name to Maroney.

    • Snowslow says:

      That’s not true in Portugal. We have names from both sides of the family, only the last name – traditionally – is the husband’s or the father’s. But it’s changing. My family broke that cycle for instance.

      • Ângela Barbosa says:

        Most women in Portugal don’t take their husband’s name. It normally goes first name + middle name + mother’s family name + father’s family name. It’s really weird for women to change their name or add something. Very, very unusual.

        Like Scal said, it’s not your “father’s name” or your “mother’s name”, it’s yours. You come from your family, whether you like or not. You don’t come from your husband’s family. I can see why some people change it (when they have bad parents, for example), but for the most part it’s just straight up patriarchy.

        The way they do it in Portugal or Spain is much better. You can’t even argue that your kids won’t have your name if you don’t take your husband’s name, because kids get both names. And each spouse keeps theirs. Easy!

      • Veronica S. says:

        I’m glad Portugal is more progressive on the issue, but we’re not talking about a Portuguese couple, we’re talking about an American one. And that’s the cultural standard here, right or wrong. So my point is that for most American women, it’s not a clear cut feminist issue because their maiden name is likely taken from their father, regardless of the status of their mother’s last name. It’s unfair to take American women to task over their choice when very likely there is no inherently feminine, personal name that doesn’t involve some level of erasure of female identity.

      • Snowslow says:

        That’s a bit disingenuous don’t you think? Chicken or the egg kinda thing… Of course if you break the cycle you are starting a new one where you keep your name (from your father) or hyphenize it and then your kids will no longer feel that they don’t belong to the woman’s family. Having a past doesn’t mean you can’t change the future.

        The situation in Portugal is that you only use your last name which is the father’s anyway otherwise it would be a nightmare to say the long-ass names we have. But the new generations are changing that they either hyphenize (so you use both names) or choose the one that feels right but you still have all the names you want and can choose whatever for your kids (I even picked a name I don’t have but my mother does for my children).

      • Ângela Barbosa says:

        @Snowslow most people use their father’s name but A LOT of people use their mother’s name. I think most people just assume that someone’s family name is their father’s last name. Look at José Sócrates. Sócrates is not his father’s last name. You can choose, like you said “choose the one that feels right but you still have all the names you want and can choose whatever for your kids”. I have never met anyone in Portugal with a hyphenated last name. That’s interesting, but there’s literally no point in doing that.

        I totally agree with you about the chicken or the egg thing!

      • Snowslow says:

        @Ângela, I didn’t know that about Sócrates! Fun fact, thanks (obrigada!). I don’t know a lot of people who use their mother’s name personally. The hyphenated option is not very common, I’m trying to set a trend!
        Good to have a fellow Portuguese here ;-)

      • Veronica S. says:

        It strikes me as more disingenuous to suggest there’s a specific way of getting around patriarchal norms when it’s an inherently personal decision mired in inevitably patriarchal constructs. Some women are attached to their maiden name and will keep it. Others will change it for a variety of reasons, whether it’s because they prefer the husband’s name, want to get rid of their father’s name, or for whatever other reason. But choosing to take your husband’s name isn’t going to radically undermine female agency in the way other, more serious forms of oppression may. The fact that women have an option to maintain or change the name is enough for me. It’s the social preoccupation with dissecting women’s motivations and assigning sociocultural value to it that’s the real problem.

        The culture is progressing, and yes, we are starting to see more hyphenated names or even men taking their female partner’s names, but it’s still not the cultural norm. It’s going to take a lot more time and work to unpack all of that sociocultural baggage, and suggesting this specific way is the only way to do it is insensible to me.

      • Ângela Barbosa says:

        @Veronica S. I totally agree with you. I wasn’t trying to suggest you should do it our way. I was just trying to explain how we do it in my country. I do think the way we do it is better (but I’m aware I’m TOTALLY biased), but I also understand it’s a cultural thing.

        Like you said: “The fact that women have an option to maintain or change the name is enough for me”.

    • frankly says:

      You can give a kid any last name you want. My second child has her father’s middle name as her last because we liked the sound of it. But we could have made her last name Pineapple or Traintrack or Muffinbaby or McDaughter or anything we wanted. Legally. You just write it down on the paperwork when they’re born. Boom. Done.

      • Veronica S. says:

        I am aware that you can do that legally, but in discussing the majority of American families and the cultural standard, that is not what is done. The women change their names and the children get the father’s name. There may be individual variations or couples that decide otherwise, but that’s the cultural standard. That’s why I said “most cases.” My point is more about splitting hairs on a topic that is not so black and white.

      • frankly says:

        You said: “There’s no way to separate female identity from patriarchy in that regard at this point and time.”

        And I’m saying, yes there is, and it’s not that hard. Like, literally you just write down a different word.

    • Elisa says:

      no, that also not the case in Italy.
      Women in Italy don’t change their names when they marry.

      • Veronica S. says:

        Do Italian children inherit their last name from both parents or just the father/mother? Honest question, not being sarcastic.

        Because that’s more my point about the American cultural norms. I know plenty of women who didn’t choose to change their names when they married, but most of them still have children with the father’s name because in this culture the patriarchal name is given priority. Framing Jennifer Lawrence’s choice as anti-feminist is silly to me for that reason because the likelihood is that her maiden name comes from her father. If she wants to take his name for her own preferences, that’s a personal choice and not one I see as personally indicative of her sacrificing identity or agency. She’s a wealthy white women with celebrity clout. She’ll be fine.

  18. Endsoftheearth says:

    I saw nothing weird or wrong about what she said, as I listened to the full podcast where bits were about Cooke and her personal life. It’s awesome by the way, if you like her and Catt sadler, you should check it out by googling it. She discussed other very important aspects of her recent break, what she learned from it among other things.

    Also Cooke does seem like a nice and supportive partner. It seems that since she met him during her break and got to be with each other all the time as opposed to her being off on set for months helped build their relationship quickly. Unlike other ordinary couples who have to both work at the same time and rarely see each other to fully know about one another. It was different in her case because of the circumstances of her life at the time and how much time she had to build what they have. His line of job as a gallery director helps too..Also she explained that she will obviously keep her maiden name for her work.

    I don’t understand the comments about her new face? Her chin is the same, her eyes are the same and yes she lost a lot of baby fat and her cheeks aren’t as big as they used to. Check her recent no make up pictures, I saw them on The Daily mail like less than a month ago. She looked the same and even gorgeous without any make up on. Her eyelids are still droopy and there is no change. The recent make up artist she works with is the difference here, he is known for fully altering one’s appearance in a good way, because she looked amazing at the premiere. Plus she got some veeners, that’s the one thing I noticed.

    • otaku fairy... says:

      Yeah. I think she may have slightly altered one or two things about her face subtly but that the rest of the change we’re seeing is a combination of her getting older, losing weight, and changing the way her make-up is done.

  19. Tara says:

    I can’t believe she’s only 28.., she looks 35

  20. lobstah says:

    Not changing your name when you get married does not automatically make you a feminist.

  21. maya8 says:

    All jokes aside, i also genuinely believe that she barely knows him. This was all so sudden and not like her at all. I mean obviously i don’t really know her apart from interviews etc…, but she was never like this with previous relationships, even though her partners were all famous. She was barely getting photographed with them or talked about them. I think this is a PR stunt orchestrated by her and her team because of HW. I think her past association with him is continuing to hurt her a lot. It’s wildly unfair of course, but that’s what i think this is. She took a year off to travel around the country to get people politically engaged (where was that btw?), then she said she would go live on a farm(or whatever that was i can’t remember), and then all of a sudden she’s in a ”super serious relationship” with some random guy. Oh now she’s engaged, oh now they’re getting married because Jen is actually very traditional. I don’t buy it.

    • Tara says:

      While I don’t believe it’s a pr move and she’s just (possibility) stupid in love I do think she didn’t get enough crap for working with Weinstein. He put her on the map and orchestrated her career and her oscar and she definitely knew what kind of man he is (not necessarily about actual raping or crimes, but about inappropriate behavior and sexist tendencies)

      • otaku fairy... says:

        “she definitely knew what kind of man he is (not necessarily about actual raping or crimes, but about inappropriate behavior and sexist tendencies).” But men who are cheating jerks and have sexist tendencies are just about everywhere. Are women- especially women in their early 20′s, which is how old JLaw was when she worked with him- supposed to stop living, stop pursuing anything, and just stay in the kitchen because of that? Guess what, they exist in families too.
        I’m sure most women as employees, students, girlfriends, wives, voters, friends, and online commenters have chosen to engage with problematic men or communities/institutions (and women) in some way. Not just those of us in our 20′s either. Women in their 30′s, 40′s, 50′s, 60′s, 70′s, 80′s, and 90′s+ too. How many of you have ever associated with or continue to associate with men who have shown little respect for fidelity, who have slut-shamed and slandered women, , who have victim-blamed, who have said something homophobic, or who have said something problematic and gaslighty about women of color specifically? How many of you have been part of online communities (including celebrity gossip sites and social media) where those behaviors have gone on, but said nothing? Or worse, tried to silence other women for saying something because you’re Not Like Those SJW girls?
        I think Jennifer Lawrence has taken more crap than she should for working with Harvey. She has already been subjected to misogynistic abuse and put at risk over it and will likely continue to be subjected to all that as long as the public is aware of her.

      • maya8 says:

        @otaku fairy…
        ”I think Jennifer Lawrence has taken more crap than she should for working with Harvey. She has already been subjected to misogynistic abuse….” Agreed. That’s why i believe it’s all pretense. It was starting to really hurt her career.

      • Julie says:

        Weinstein didn’t ‘put her on the map’. She worked with Weinstein one time, after she already had one Oscar nomination and two lead roles in big franchises.

        Weinstein didn’t even want her for Silver Linings Playbook, he was trying to get Anne Hathaway instead right up until shooting began. He put together a much bigger Oscar campaign for Bradley Cooper too. Jennifer was everywhere because of her personality, not because of Weinstein.

        Why is Jennifer Lawrence always dragged into the Weinstein conversation like she worked with him a lot, while actresses who actually did, like Amy Adams, never even get brought up in connection with him? Weinstein has just become a stick to beat the actresses people don’t like.

      • Meganbot2000 says:

        Sexist nonsense.

        JL had a successful acting career since she was a young teenager. She got her big break when a FEMALE director cast her in a low-budget indie, and she was so spectacular in it she got nominated for an Oscar. She was cast in Hunger Games off the back of Winter’s Bone.

        Yes she got an Oscar for the film she did for him but she worked with him once, and was already an Oscar nominated actress with a major franchise before she even met him.

    • Jenna says:

      And for the insinuation that her political work didn’t pan out, she’s actually been pretty visible with Represent.Us, appearing at fundraisers, conferences and in promotional materials. And just this week she’s been active in trying to get ranked choice voting to be the new standard for NY elections.

      Like, she’s out there doing what she said she would.

      • maya8 says:

        @Jenna It was one promotional video as far as i’m aware and a couple of other appearances with that organisation. A week’s worth of ”work” tops (she prob just showed up), i would hardly call that ”the whole year” that she claimed. So no, she isn’t out there doing what she she said she would, sorry.

    • ElleKaye says:

      The women associated with Weinstein are victims, and shouldn’t be treated as if they somehow are accomplices in his actions. He had been abusing women for years, and they feared coming forward. Michelle Williams, Kristin Scott Thomas, Nicole Kidman, Cate Blanchett, Julia Roberts, Molly Ringwald, Amy Adams, and many more were in his movies, yet these women are not treated the way Lawrence is treated. When do victims stop being victimized?

    • otaku fairy... says:

      @maya8: I don’t think the relationship is fake because of that. But, I do think it’s possible that that could be part of the reason why the relationship is playing out the way it is publicly. Sometimes people do react to stressful situations by distracting themselves with big life changes (like getting married, as opposed to taking things a little slower in the relationship). Part of it could also be the fact that she’s at an age range where she’s just starting to feel an urge to settle down, and begin that chapter of her life.

  22. Queen Meghan’s Hand says:

    I know this is about her “Who? Him?” fiancé but her FACE! She looks markedly different now from that top photo in the summer. She was Charlize Theron-level beautiful and now while pretty she’s got LA Face (tm Lainey Gossip). Who are her people? She got engaged with her old face: if it’s not broke don’t fix it!
    And I know every person has the right to alter their experience however extreme and we shouldn’t make value judgements but it is a bummer when conventionally beautiful (as in meet the white hegemonic societal standard) do it. Because it just underscores how insidious and warped these beauty standards are.

    • Tara says:

      More like “charlize theron stung by millions of bees” (it’s funny cause I have similarly chubby face as her original one) Her face became contoured and photogenic only after she started tweaking it (about 8 years ago), but this time she went overboard.

  23. Ang says:

    Haha my boyfriend is a brain surgeon and I think he is also the best person I’ve ever met.

  24. HeyThere! says:

    After lots of discussions with valued peers and my at the time soon to be husband, I made the choice to change my last name. It was the best choice for me. I chatted with friends who did and didn’t, and thought for months about it.

  25. Malachite says:

    Yes, of course we women can do as we like in terms of changing, not changing, hyphenating when we marry.

    I think what’s missing in the conversation is the fact we are all steeped in a patriarchal culture that has made changing a woman’s name at marriage the standard and, while acceptable to do otherwise, it is not the default. It is terribly hard for humans, for myself, to recognize how ingrained and internalized patriarchal (and racist, classist, ableist, etc.) norms truly are. What *feels* like a personal choice is often, I think, far more influenced by these institutions of oppression than we allow ourselves to realize.

    If the default in American society were for women to keep their names upon marriage but it was acceptable to change them, I wonder if the number of “purely personal” choices to change one’s name at marriage would decrease.

  26. Darla says:

    Listen, listen, stop personalizing this. Are you one of the most famous women on the planet? No. And as far as we know Jen gets along great with her family.

    Her changing her name to some dudes is gross. Stop personalizing this and throwing distractions up with sad stories about well I did it because no body loved me till I met my man. Fine. That’s fine. This? This here? This is not fine.

    • Arnk says:

      You should stop personalising it and attacking everyone who disagrees with you as well. You don’t know how she feels either.

      • Darla says:

        This would be so on point if I had attacked anyone! But I haven’t so, it’s not. Oh well. Maybe you will have a more impressive 2nd try.

      • ElleKaye says:


        “Stop personalizing this and throwing distractions up with sad stories about well I did it because no body loved me till I met my man.”

        Your quote, and it sounds very personal, not to mention dismissive.

        Why does she have to be a spokesperson for everyone on the planet? She is an actress. It doesn’t make her omnipotent or omniscient. I feel people should make up their own minds, not model their behavior based on who is the most visible. You don’t agree, and that is fine; but expressing why it bothers you would make much more sense (to me) than just saying it is “gross” and standing firmly that you will judge others. It doesn’t save much room for open dialogue.

        Again, I ask, what are you doing for women and racial inequality?

      • Darla says:

        You first; what on earth does anything in this story have to do with racial inequality ? LOL Wow.

    • Alissa says:

      You’re personalizing it by determining that her personal choice is gross, especially since you have no idea how she came to that opinion, or whether she will continue to use Jennifer Lawrence as her business name.

      Whatever a woman chooses to do with her name when she gets married is nobody’s business except that woman’s. To pretend otherwise, under the guise of feminism, is what’s actually gross.

      • Darla says:

        I think less of her. You seem to be triggered. Obviously you changed your name. Stop looking to strangers on the internet for validation.

      • Sarah says:

        “You seem to be triggered.”

        Whoa, there’s some nuclear-level projection if I ever saw it.

        The fact that you’re so butt-hurt over some dopey actress (possibly) changing her surname shows that you have some serious, serious issues you need to work through. Good luck with that.

  27. Chickadee says:

    I couldn’t wait to change my name after I got married — and it had nothing to do with my parents (who I love deeply), or my political philosophy (I have a minor in Women Studies from 1991 — really before most schools were even offering courses on it), or my husband’s preferences (he couldn’t care less and, in both words and actions, is the biggest feminist I know). Rather, I just loved his last name — especially with my first name. It flows well; it’s easy to pronounce and spell; and I just think it sounds pretty.

  28. otaku fairy... says:

    ….And, the dreaded ‘Choice Feminism!’ strawman has cropped up again. Anytime you try to argue that a woman can make a specific personal choice and be a feminist, that get’s conflated with calling all decisions made by women feminist acts.
    I say all this as someone who has never been happy with the historical reasons behind women and children having the husband’s/father’s last name. But the fact that women have historically been forced or coerced into doing (or not doing) something doesn’t mean every modern situation where a woman- even if she’s a public figure- makes that choice needs to be made into another event where women whip it out and compare feminism sizes or stick fingers up each other to see who’s tightest. It also doesn’t to become another opportunity to blame female suffering and male behavior on the woman we see making that choice.
    I think it’s a reach to even say JLaw is actually harming women by swapping the name of her father, grandfather, great-grandfather, great-great granfather etc.- male ancestors also born in time periods where things weren’t so great for women- for the name of a man her own age, just because she’s a public figure. The only harm that girls and women may experience from this choice is disappointment or stress from all the things women have to be to everybody at all times in the name of ‘feminism’.

    • Snowslow says:

      That’s true – it is absolutely possible – likely, even, that J Law didn’t give it a thought and that doesn’t make her less of a feminist or more.
      But having been in this planet for a while now, I appreciate social shifts and thoughtful remarks, of which I see none here (in some of the comments and in JLaw’s). Unfortunately, and I am having more and more proof of this lately, the men-woman dynamic is still for the younger generations as screwed up as it was in the 1950s.
      As a forty-something I see her as a very young woman taken with the idea of getting married, submitting her own self to someone else’s which I don’t believe is the modern, contemporary way (empowering) to get together with someone. The trope she is reproducing, with a lot of love most likely, feels very traditional and stale to me (never having been surrounded by women or men growing up saying this kind of thing, men and women completely differently invested in likewise monogamous relationships by the way).
      Some of the friends my age changed their names, had the wedding and started behaving rather robotically, not even pausing to think a little about the tradition they were perpetuating. Which to me is a missed opportunity, especially for someone who has a platform.
      So, allow me to have a little bit of a doubt (also knowing the context her future man evolves in, professionally at least, which is super sexist unfortunately) but also wishing her the best and deeply wishing I am wrong. I am feeling weirdly protective and finding that young women like her who didn’t conform (she didn’t want to loose weight, she swears, she drinks) don’t realise that that is not really where the change is – it’s in the structures of society that still allow for a man to strip someone of her father’s name as a rule.

    • detritus says:

      Of course you you can be a feminist and not have every single act be feminist, but changing your last name isn’t feminist, and it’s allowable to critique it with a feminist lens.

      Positioning women as immune from criticism because of freedom of choice is reductive, and in a sense removes agency and responsibility.

      • Alissa says:

        If the woman makes that choice for her own personal reasons, I fail to see how it’s not a feminist choice. If she makes that choice because her husband says he wouldn’t be okay with her not taking his name, then sure, it’s not feminist.

      • Otaku fairy... says:

        But what exactly is she responsible for in switching her dad’s name for her husband’s? There have already been famous women who kept their names or hyphenated while married. Every single famous woman doesn’t need to make the same choice on this particular issue to show that we have other options as women. To wish she or someone else made that choice is one thing. But to treat women in such a monolithic way- as if we all have to be uniform in this particular choice just to prove that women don’t have to do the opposite – seems a lot more reductive and agency-erasing.
        I don’t think changing her name is a feminist choice, but I don’t think her choice is what’s harming feminism either. And of course being a woman doesn’t make someone immune from criticism. But not everything a woman does is worthy of the criticism of gets or needs to be made into a competition .

      • detritus says:

        Because applying that thought process makes every female choice feminist, and that’s just not so.
        Certain choices reinforce the status quo, and certain ones do not.

        Taking your husbands name reinforces patriarchal stereotypes, whether you chose to do so for personal reasons or not. No one is required to live their life dismantling those norms, but we are also allow to examine and criticize those norms, and gossip culture and celebrities provide a look at how our culture views typical issues, like name changes.

      • otaku fairy... says:

        I don’t think a modern woman taking a husband’s name alone is reinforcing the patriarchal stereotypes about women being men’s property. It would take more than that. For example, if she were suddenly going the Candace Cameron Bure route along with the name change and started preaching about things like submitting to one’s husband, never saying no to sex to keep him faithful, or if she started going on about living sinful liberal Hollywood behind. Girls and women carrying the surname of their male ancestors aren’t the property of their male ancestors either, or submitting to misogyny that their male ancestors may have expressed.
        It’s always good to bring out the point that being part of marginalized groups doesn’t mean every member has a responsibility to performatively defy anything and everything that’s ever been required of their group(s). We can call out the pressures to make certain choices while acknowledging that that choice isn’t always a bad or oppressive thing in and of itself.

  29. prettypersuasion says:

    Everyone judging women for changing their last name must like their maiden names! I always hated mine, so I jumped at the chance to change it to something I liked better. Pretty sure I’m still a feminist.

    • Snowslow says:

      Of course you are. It’s not you as a person, it’s the structural misogyny that is the issue.

  30. Thea says:

    I have a long, hard to pronounce triple barrel last name. It was annoying as a kid when people asked how to pronounce (it still is) and I used to shorten it, but now I’m like f that, it’s my name. I remember my driver’s ed teacher told me I needed to marry someone with a simple short last name like brown and I rolled my eyes.

    I used to think that I would change my name, but now I’m not so sure. There’s so much history in my name that it would be sad to give up. Luckily, I won’t be marrying in the foreseeable future, so I don’t have to deal with it yet.

    Anyways, quick question. Why is that people always say you’re giving your dad’s last name for your husband. Why is my last name not mine, but my dad’s, while my husband is his and not referred to it as his dad’s name?

    • Snowslow says:

      Because the man’s name lives on both in his daughter’s and his sons’ and the woman’s name doesn’t. So it’s a gendered thing leading back to the patriarch which the man who gets the name inherits as a role. Traditionally speaking.

  31. HeyThere! says:

    I get it. I ask myself: would I have ever thought to change my last name when I married if it wasn’t the normal thing to do in society?!?! I don’t think I would have…it wouldn’t be a ‘thing’ so why would I??

  32. Sparky says:

    I just wanted to throw in my two cents on the name changing discussion. I always thought it was weird/insulting that my sister didn’t make our last name (okay–term “maiden” name is kinda icky) her middle name like our mother did. The other day I finally asked her about it. Her response? If she did that she’d lose her middle name which was our paternal grandmother’s name. The grandmother we never met because she was murdered in the Holocaust. Honoring our grandmother in that way makes perfect sense to me. Choices.

    • Alissa says:

      Yep. My middle name is a middle name that I share with both my mom and my grandma. It was more important to keep that than the last name I got from my crappy father.

      Plus, my full name with my married last name sounds incredibly redneck haha.

  33. StormsMama says:

    The most exciting and maybe the most unhealthy relationship I was ever in had me singing his praises with this same expression “he’s the best person in the world”
    I think that kind of extreme idol worship is dangerous. I worry that when the bubble bursts he will hurt her bad. He’ll end up with his college sweetheart or some other woman and JLaw and her “normal” phase will be done with once and for all.
    I see her with someone like Luke Wilson, who has fame, a family that grounds him, and is very handsome to boot. Oh well

  34. Originaltessa says:

    I hyphenated. I kept my last name, and I took his. I don’t care what other people choose, and it’s really kind of wild reading how opinionated some of the posters are here about other people’s choices. Patriarchy? You can look at it that way, or just look at it as two people becoming a family and sharing a name. Our culture a long time ago chose the male to keep his name, and female to give hers up. Ok, not great, but is it really that bad? Is it really hurting people today? There are worse things in my mind than a married couple sharing a name. Not everything has to be a bloody fight.

  35. Mina says:

    Perhaps it’s because I’m not American, but I find this whole last name debate so strange. To me it’s just weird that you (usually) change your last name when you get married, not because of patriarchy, but because you’ve been known in one way for so many years, I couldn’t think of myself with a different last name, then if you get divorced you either keep it or go back to the original or use your two husbands names a la Jackie O aaaah. Such a mess. But if someone wants to do it, I don’t see them as any less feminists because of it.

  36. Summer says:

    Wow, this thread. Your name, your choice. There’s endless options for women today — keep your name, take his name, make a new name, hyphenate both — so this battle has already been won. Choice is widely available and many will still find the societal (and genealogical) convenience of sharing a family last name to trump other considerations. Moving on!

  37. GreenTurtle says:

    I don’t understand how thinking your fiancé is the best person you’ve ever met is weird. You’re marrying them. To me, it would be weird if you didn’t find them amazing. I think my husband is one of the best people ever. It’s because he has so much kindness, compassion, and integrity. He’s not a brain surgeon or firefighter, but, um, there are plenty of assholes in those fields. People are not their jobs and they don’t need a flashy one to inspire great love and respect.

    • Lucy2 says:

      I agree! She’s happy and in love, and about to get married, I would HOPE that’s how she’s feeling about him.

      Also, at no point did she said she was taking his name, but even if she wants to, that’s her business. Wow, this really riled people up!

    • Darla says:

      I don’t think there’s anything wrong with that among normies. But these famous marriages usually implode fast and these over the top statements come around to be laughed over surprisingly quick.

  38. Coco says:

    There is no good answer to name changing. I kept my last name. My husband and I discussed creating a new one together but he didn’t want to disappoint his Dad who was the only boy out of five kids in his family. My husband’s brother only had one child, a daughter, so my husband felt pressure to carry on the family name. Plus, he likes his last name just as much as I like mine. We both have alliteration names. I’m CC and he’s BB and they sound good the way they are. I got lots of pushback from my FIL about not changing my name. Something, something tradition. My Mom and MIL both understood because it had been hard for them to give up their names. We are expected to give up so much as women. Why should I be the one to change my identity if I don’t want to? It’s mine. Sure, it’s technically my father’s last name but it’s the only name I’ve ever known and I don’t want to change just because it’s the status quo. It sucks that I have a different last name than my husband and son. I wish we could have made a decision that was best for us as a couple and family going forward, not feeling the pressure of outside influence, but that’s not the reality of the situation. It’s complicated and messy. People have pride in their names, whether male or female. There is just no good solution without hurting someone’s feelings. Everyone should do what’s best for them and their situations and hopefully, someday, there is a better solution or less pressure to continue family surname traditions. I just love the idea of a couple creating a new one together that represents a more equal bond. Wish that could have been my reality.

  39. Glowworm says:

    I took my husband’s last name, and we both took my last name as a middle name.