You have to understand, ten years ago, I barely watched any sporting events. Maybe I watched some tennis here and there, just because I knew even then that tennis gossip is the sh-t. But nowadays, I’m literally streaming the last women’s match of Wimbledon Day 2 on my iPad as the Women’s World Cup plays on my TV. How did I get here? I think it’s because I’ve become strangely patriotic, or patriotic-for-American-athletes as I get older? Anyway, of course I was rooting for the USWNT in the World Cup semifinal against the English Lionesses. And guess what? THE YANKS WON! WOOT!
In the first ten minutes, Christen Press scored a goal with the perfect header:
Then Alex Morgan got the second goal about 30 minutes in:
While the Lionesses managed to score one goal, the entire second half was mostly lead-management from the Americans, all as the Lionesses seemed to fall apart in a flurry of fouls, mistakes and whatever that VAR call was. I felt sorry for the English fans, but entirely elated that we, as a country, can tell Piers Morgan to choke on it.
All of us were concerned about Megan Rapinoe too, because she didn’t play in the semifinal at all – as it turns out, she got a “minor hamstring injury” during the quarterfinal which she described as “not even really a strain.” She wants to play in the final. YAY 4 PINOE.
Even with our beloved Pinoe, we still got some great memes and jokes. I especially love all of the stuff about the Duchess of Sussex.
BLEW A THIRTEEN COLONY LEAD.
— Franklin Leonard (@franklinleonard) July 2, 2019
The #USWNT should probably be Prime Minister now that they've successfully facilitated Brexit.
— Nate Silver (@NateSilver538) July 2, 2019
Just another tea party… 🇺🇸☕ pic.twitter.com/pdFQlEohFW
— FOX Soccer (@FOXSoccer) July 2, 2019
— Abby Gardner (@abbygardner) July 2, 2019
— U.S. Soccer WNT (@USWNT) July 2, 2019
I haven't seen England this mad since…. pic.twitter.com/5dVJOauLA8
— Reese Waters (@reesewaters) July 2, 2019
Significant Moments in Anglo-American Relations
1776 American Revolution
1941 America Enter Second World War
2019 Alex Morgan restores all damage Piers Morgan has single handedly done to her surname
🇺🇸 🏴 ☕️ pic.twitter.com/0AmgCJnTdj
— roger bennett (@rogbennett) July 2, 2019
Photos courtesy of Getty.