Meredith Vieira on her husband’s MS: I can’t stand the limitations it puts on the family

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Meredith Vieira’s husband, Richard Cohen, was diagnosed with MS in 1973 at the age of 25. He’d been living with it for 10 years when he met Meredith. I didn’t learn of Richard’s condition until Meredith left Today in 2011. By that time, they’d been together over three decades. Richard is legally blind and uses a walker to get around. MS is a progressive, chronic disease, so symptoms continue to appear and can worsen over time. In an interview with People, Meredith admits that some days, caregiving for her husband’s illness is simply too much.

Meredith Vieira is not one to shy away from honesty.

“It’s been a constant search to navigate and make my own way,” Vieira, 65, tells PEOPLE. “But you have to pick your path and be happy.”

For Vieira and her husband of 33 years, journalist Richard Cohen, 71, that means accepting challenges when it comes to his health.

Cohen, who is legally blind, is also living with multiple sclerosis, or MS, an autoimmune disease that targets the central nervous system.

Today, Cohen is “doing okay,” says Vieira. “But it’s a progressive illness, so you don’t know from day to day. He needs a walker, and since he’s been using it, he’s much stronger. It was something he dreaded, but it’s been a blessing.”

Still, Vieira is frank about coping with the tough days.

“We definitely allow each other to vent,” she says. “That’s part of the deal. Certainly he’s allowed to vent, because he’s got chronic illness. But I am too. Because there are days I can’t stand it and the limitations it puts on the entire family. It’s good to say it. But we don’t dwell.”

Continues Vieira: “You can think, ‘Why us?’ but then it’s like, ‘Why not us?’ So many people are dealing with stuff and it puts it into perspective.”

[From People]

The article said that Meredith and Richard mostly deal with their situation with humor and that the “ability to laugh is indispensable.” I am a firm believer in both laughing through it and venting. Like most women of my generation, I was told – subtly or outright – to be stoic when it comes to any form of discomfort in my life. But Meredith’s way is much better, I feel. Just get it off your chest. Working it out can take various forms. Sometimes just saying, “this sucks” does the trick. But sometimes a person might need to shout at a wall or fight with a coat rack. The fact that Meredith and Richard have each other to vent to is amazing, because it really does help to know someone is listening. And I appreciate how they direct their frustration at the disease and not each other.

Meredith is still working, which also helps with coping. She’s hosting a game show on Fox called 25 Words or Less. Richard has also kept busy, he released his fourth book, Chasing Hope: A Patient’s Deep Dive into Stem Cells, Faith and the Future last year. In an excerpt published by Parade, Richard discusses when he realized exactly how much of a toll he’d put on Meredith and the family by, “nursing my own emotional needs and ignoring hers.” It sounds like they’ve both found a way to deal with their situation that works for them.

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Photo credit: WENN Photos and Instagram

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20 Responses to “Meredith Vieira on her husband’s MS: I can’t stand the limitations it puts on the family”

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  1. JanetFerber says:

    Wish all the best to them.

  2. terra says:

    I was diagnosed with MS ten years ago, two days after my twenty-second birthday.

    I’d never been the healthiest person, but since the age of eleven, I’d been stuck in a never-ending quagmire of illness. I had to be homeschooled because I couldn’t stay well enough to attend public school for longer than a week at a time, max. At first, everyone around me was sympathetic, but as I got older and no answers came, the support waned. Most people, including my own family, thought that I was just a hypochondriac who needed to get over myself already.

    When I was diagnosed I burst into tears, not out of fear, but out of relief. Finally having an answer felt like the best thing to ever happen to me. No matter what, I was still going to be sick, so why not be sick with something I could name, something I could treat?

    Ten years later, the bloom is off the rose somewhat. Of course, it is. MS is a BITCH. It tries me in ways I didn’t know a person could be tested. But no matter what, I am still grateful to no longer be stumbling around in the dark, clueless as to how certain symptoms I exhibit fit together.

    Right after my diagnosis, I went on an information-gathering spree. One of the first books I read was Richard Cohen’s first about his health. Meredith will always impress me simply because I know how hard it is to find a supportive partner who is willing to take on the uncertainty of loving someone with such an unknowable disease. It takes a strong person to walk into this knowingly.

    I salute you, Ms. Vieira.

    (Side note: Jessie Mueller! Three great people in that photo.)

    • Lizzie says:

      best wishes to you now and always.

    • Esmom says:

      terra, thanks for sharing your story. Best to you.

    • Teebee says:

      Thank you for sharing your story, though a few short paragraphs you communicated so much. My heart goes out to you, it is quite something to be have been so young when this disease struck. And even with a diagnosis there is still so much unknowing…

      We all wish you the best, and hope you do have the support you need.

    • terra says:

      Thanks, all!

      I know it’s not something you hear a lot, but I was genuinely pleased to have an answer. Do I wish I had something less…all-encompassing? Sure. Was it still terrifying? Absolutely. But a name to put to what was happening to me was pretty much all I wanted in life at the moment of my diagnosis. It was proof to myself that I wasn’t crazy, that what I felt was reality. I’d even begun to doubt myself sometimes, what with all the nay-sayers.

      It’s a common issue that a person has to physically look sick to be considered as such for so many people. Absolute nonsense, but something that happens all the time.

      As far as support goes, there are still stubborn jerks who think I’m just over-dramatic when I say I can’t physically handle something, but the good more than out-weigh the bad, despite being outnumbered – my uncle, grandmother, late father, little brother, and best friend, in particular. They are wonderful and I will forever be grateful for them.

      It was hard to handle people who stayed stuck in the mindset of thinking ‘oh, she’s just a drama queen,’ at first, but I’ve learned to just ignore them. They aren’t worth my (finite) amount of energy. I need all of it I can manage to make it through the heat (thanks, MS, for making me incapable of regulating my body temperature – in TEXAS. That’s not important at all!).

      (Sorry for the rambling, but this never gets brought up places. Plus, I’m naturally a chatty person. Follows me through text too, it seems.)

  3. Mumbles says:

    I also think Richard had colon cancer twice. This family has been through a lot. I like Meredith a lot. I’m glad she’s working, but it’s a shame it’s not in reporting or news. Even there, she dealt with a lot of crap. She did a brief stint on 60 Minutes back in the day, got pregnant, and that was the end of that (Don Hewitt was NOT a progressive guy).

  4. Christin says:

    I appreciate the way the post specifies this is a chronic, progressive disease. I grew up with a parent who had RA, and it still frustrates me how some people seem to think autoimmune diseases are no big deal. The worst offenders I encountered were relatives who seemed to think their regular aches were the same thing. Or, some seem to think the sufferer just isn’t doing something or seeing the right doctor to “cure” it.

    The concept that not every disease goes into remission or “gets better” is a foreign concept to some. It takes a lot of strength for the sufferer and immediate family (caregivers) to not only deal with limitations, but ongoing ignorance.

    • Esmom says:

      Very good points. It’s not unlike people trying to tell someone with depression to just snap out of it. Sigh.

      • Christin says:

        Exactly. The depression example is spot on.

        After my mom passed. I finally came up with an example to help people understand (if they are willing or capable of that). It’s like saying occasional forgetfulness is the same as Alzheimer’s.

  5. hnmmom says:

    I really like her. She’s got a great sense of humor, isn’t sugar coating how hard this part of her life is and seems like a wonderful person. I wish them the best as they face these challenges. I miss seeing her on TV regularly. Side note: she also has great hair.

  6. Esmom says:

    “It sounds like they’ve both found a way to deal with their situation that works for them.” This was my takeaway and I was glad to see compassion running through her candor. The headline had me fearing that she was complaining about him somehow cramping her style.

  7. Sam Louise says:

    What an inspiring couple. Bold honesty is courageous. And at the risk of sounding superficial, I think Meredith looks beautiful. No botox or fillers; she looks her age.

  8. Vauvert says:

    Thanks for the candour, Meredith. When one partner has a chronic illness, it affects everyone and changes not how family members interact with one another, but how the whole family interacts with the world. I’ve been ill with Crohn’s for 13 years. My child was a toddler, and has grown up not knowing what it’s like to have a “normal” healthy mom.
    I am one of the 10-15% of unlucky few who do not respond to treatment. Not a single one. So every day is a full blown flare and it’s a miracle I have made it to 50. Any meal can send me to the hospital and be the end – because the disease has progressed so much and you can’t actually live without a digestive system. They can only feed you through a tube for a while. But anyway, i digress.
    The point I was trying to make is that there is very ;little formal or informal support for people who struggle daily with a long term illness. When you are first diagnosed people call, visit, but after a while its radio silence, which is emotionally crippling for both partners and impacts the kids too – having to deal with one parent who is sick and sad one parent who feels they need to be a cheerleader and a rock all the time to compensate… and growing up it takes kids a long time to fully comprehend why their mom is not kicking a ball, or riding a bike, or canceling the trip last minute, or not going out to eat with the rest of the parents and the kids’ team after a tournament.
    So – if you know anyone with a chronic illness – don’t forget. They may no longer be fun to hang around not because they chose to, but because they have so many limitations. If you can, drop by in a while. Bring them a few cookies if you baked, or lend them a book you read and loved. Send a text for no reason telling them you think about them. Trust me, it will mean the world…

    • Christin says:

      I completely understand and agree with your post.

      I was the child of a parent with a debilitating illness (later the other parent had Parkinson’s). We could not do the things others did, due to the increasing limitations my mother experienced. And I did feel she became invisible to most family and friends. Her own sister (who lived less than a mile away) would occasionally call my father and seldom even ask about her.

      The whole experience made me more compassionate and stronger than I might have been otherwise. I saw a great example of fortitude and grace from my parents and that is something not everyone gets in life.

  9. Lightpurple says:

    My father was madly in love with Meredith Viera.

  10. Cleo17 says:

    My husband I have always had a very dark and sarcastic sense of humor. We really had to tap into that when I went through cancer. I mean, how in the hell else are you going to deal with having your husband give you an enema, or packing an abscess wound? It was such a crappy, absurd situation and making horrible jokes was the way we got through it.