Beanie Feldstein didn’t care about relationships until she met her girlfriend: ‘now I get it’

BeanieTeenVogue
I am loving that I’ve gotten to write about friendship this week. Beanie Feldstein spent two hours on a rainy Saturday talking with Teen Vogue about her work in projects including Lady Bird and her newest film, How to Build a Girl. (She’s also starting as Monica Lewinsky in season 3 of Ryan Murphy’s American Crime Story.)

Beanie chatted about some of the central relationships in her life:

Beanie… has tons of besties, and effortlessly forges new connections while retaining old ones. Throughout our two-hour interview, she gushes about her many close friends, including actor Ben Platt, the roommate she shares an apartment with in Chelsea, her two BFFs from college (she had dinner with them the night before), and Booksmart costar Kaitlyn Dever, with whom she lived during filming.

Beanie also talked about when she realized that she was attracted to her girlfriend, and discovering more about her sexuality:

She hadn’t yet explored her sexuality, which she’s just started to figure out in the past year and a half. She’s now dating producer Bonnie Chance Roberts, whom she met on the set of How to Build a Girl. Before “Bon,” as she calls her, she had always assumed she wasn’t the relationship type. Her brother Jonah would call her the “Dexter of relationships,” because she was the “most loving person in the literal world,” yet was icy when she spoke of her boyfriends. She didn’t prioritize that part of her life, even as most of her friends pined for romance. “It just wasn’t something I thought about or craved,” she says. Then she met Bonnie and thought, “Whoa! Now I get it…. I get why people write songs.”

The craziest part, she insists, was that she fell in love; the fact that she fell for a woman was an afterthought. “Not to sound flippant, but I was in love with her and all of her, and she’s a woman,” Beanie says. “That’s not scaring me or deterring me. And it wasn’t just women in general; it was her specifically.”

Though Beanie’s open about who she is, a big coming-out moment didn’t feel necessary to her, which she acknowledges is probably a result of the abundance of love and support she has in her life. In the few years since that first sociology class, the media has assigned her many labels — queer, feminist, “chubby” — but she’s not overly defined by any particular one. Still, she understands that proudly trumpeting one’s identity feels meaningful for many. A few days before our meeting, Sam Smith announced on Instagram that they were switching to “they/them” pronouns. “I was so moved by that,” Beanie says. “The more stories we have, both personal and fictionalized…it just adds to the effing conversation.”

[From Teen Vogue]

I appreciate so much that Beanie is sharing with Teen Vogue’s readers a bit about her experience of figuring out whom she’s attracted to. That’s not necessarily something that happens quickly or in a predictable way, and I think it’s great for teenagers to hear from someone who hasn’t always known that they were attracted to people of one particular gender or another(s). Beanie’s new projects sound interesting, so I’m definitely going to watch them at some point and make an effort to keep tabs on her work!

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my pride and joy always 🌈🌈🌈

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life of the party!!!! x2!!!!!!!!!! 🎉

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I’M TAKING THE DOG, DUMBASS

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photos via Instagram/Beanie Feldstein and Teen Vogue’s Twitter

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16 Responses to “Beanie Feldstein didn’t care about relationships until she met her girlfriend: ‘now I get it’”

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  1. Ally Theater says:

    “Dexter of relationships,” because she was the “most loving person in the literal world,” yet was icy when she spoke of her boyfriends. She didn’t prioritize that part of her life, even as most of her friends pined for romance. “It just wasn’t something I thought about or craved,” she says. Then she met Bonnie and thought, “Whoa! Now I get it…. I get why people write songs.”

    So the take away is supposed to be that she treated boys poorly because she was actually a lesbian? Riiight. That old chestnut.

    • Sassbr says:

      Noooo, the takeaway was that she wasn’t invested in her relationships because she didn’t feel passionately about them. She probably didn’t care where they went or if they started or ended. It doesn’t say she treated anyone badly.

    • tealily says:

      That’s not the takeaway I got at all. More that she was kind blah about her previous relationships, but then met someone she felt gaga over.

  2. bobafelty says:

    I’m getting lena dunham vibes.

  3. NotSoSocialButterfly says:

    Bonne Chance!
    LOL.

  4. lucy2 says:

    She was great in Lady Bird, and also on What We Do In The Shadows series (which I can’t WAIT to come back). I still need to see Book Smart, it didn’t last long in theaters here. :(

    I’m glad she’s so open here, I think it will be great for young people to read.

  5. shells_bells says:

    I didn’t know much about her before listening to her episode of Dax Shepard’s podcast (I think I’ve only seen her in Lady Bird), but I really enjoyed hearing her story and she seemed like a really sweet person. Of course, Dax seemed more interested in talking about big brother Jonah *rolls eyes* He hadn’t seen ANY of her movies before interviewing her.

  6. Musgrave says:

    When I fell in love with a man, I didn’t fall for men in general – I fell for that man.

    • IMUCU says:

      That’s how I feel too. I’ve only ever been with my husband. I kissed a couple of guys, but it wasn’t great and afterwards I thought I’ll just wait until there’s someone I really like a lot and want to kiss…And it happened to be a male that would become my spouse. I’ve never been with a woman, but if my relationship ended, I wouldn’t put it out of the realm of possibility that the next person who could intellectually and emotionally stimulate me enough into romantic attraction could be a woman.

  7. Jb says:

    I got slightly turned off from her when I realized she was Jonah Hills sister (I’m not a fan of him) and also came from a very privileged background which no doubt played a part in how she’s been able to land really great roles. That said she does seem like she has the chops to back up her acclaim so let’s see where she goes with it…the jury is still out

    • K says:

      I liked her in Lady Bird and Booksmart but had no idea she was Jonah’s sister. Only when I was about to text someone that Booksmart reminded me of Superbad (just a touch more modern) did I look her up and realize, yep, she certainly takes after her brother in terms of comic delivery. And looks – holy hell does she look like a pretty, female version of him! In interviews she seems adorable and witty and I think they are both quite talented. If his fame can help her get more opportunities to shine, I’m okay with it.

    • lucy2 says:

      She certainly had connections via her brother, but her talent is her own, and she’s proved herself in many projects now.