Last week, T.I. appeared on a podcast and he ended up talking about his 18-year-old daughter Deyjah. Iâm not even going to use his quotes, they were that offensive and I donât want to re-read them. The gist of it was that T.I. is a misogynist who views his daughter as his property, and he believes that heâs entitled to order medical professionals to âcheckâ on the state of Deyjahâs hymen. The whole thing was just disgusting, honestly. So, whatâs new? In the days following the podcast, Deyjah used her social media to make a point. She âlikedâ several tweets which were critical of her dad, and now it seems that Deyjah is no longer following T.I. or her mom Tiny.
T.I.’s daughter, Deyjah Harris, has unfollowed her dad on Instagram. While the exact timing of the social media move is unclear, some speculate it came after the 39-year-old rapper said he attends the 18-year-old celebrity’s gynecologist appointments to “check her hymen.”
According to Hollywood Unlocked, Deyjah also isn’t following Tiny or Zonnique Pullins on Instagram. Deyjah does follow Tiny on Twitter but not T.I.
While Deyjah has yet to publicly address her father’s remarks, she recently liked a series of tweets calling his actions “disgusting,” “possessive” and “controlling.” She also tweeted, “I loveeeeeee yalllllll” and received an outpouring of support from her fans.
Iâm glad sheâs at least putting *some* distance between herself and her father, but my guess is that T.I. still follows her on social media, and itâs probably killing him that sheâs been posting more thirst-trap-type photos in the past few months. Sheâs a pretty girl, and it wouldnât surprise me at all if she Instagram-modeled or legit-modeled. This is one of those times where I hope âhaving a famous parentâ leads to a young woman making buckets of cash from nepotism-modeling. I want Deyjah to move out and start paying for the years of therapy sheâs going to need.
She looks like Monica.. !
Nope
looks nothing like Monica
In no way and not even the tiniest bit.
I think she looks a bit like a mix between Cardi and Zoe Saldana.
Her face is gorgeous and looks different in different photos, I could definitely see her gaining fame for being photographed
Also, can we just call this TI nonsense what it is? Itâs sexual abuse. Heâs controlling and manipulating his daughter and demanding information he should not have access too, as well as using his status to pressure all involved.
Detritus’s last paragraph absolutely. My family did this and the sexual control is part of a spiritual abuse as well (surprising no one here, I’m sure). When Dr spotted the huge lump on the inner thigh lymph node, my mom flat-out lied about her family’s med history (said they tended to die of “pneumonia” instead of the big C) and the Dr got us some privacy and told me I needed to get a job with insurance and AWAY from family. So thank God for all you good professionals out there who know abuse when you see it. Dr also thought it was cool I was intersex- they usually do. My parents think it’s an abomination to be hidden, at the very least. (God’s creation is unholy, apparently. That was tongue-in-cheek.)
Wow Lillian thatâs an amazing story! Iâm glad the doctor could see through it. Itâs beyond sad when our families donât have our best interests at heart.
I wonder if Deyjah had any idea what TI was really doing with these appointments. She may not have really understood until his interview and it may have appalled her.
But this doesnât make sense with him asking her in front of the doctor to sign the form and point blank asks her if thereâs anything she needs to tell him. Thatâs such BS intimidation.
I meant that she may not have understood how odd it was or what abuse it is, not that she didn’t know he was getting her results.
Also, she may not have been aware that he is a hypocrite allowing his son to do what she can’t.
From personal experience, I can say that growing up in a controlling household you don’t know the parents are crossing a line until you are able to compare notes. The public backlash may have finally legitimised her discomfort and objectively confirmed to her for the first time that it was definitely wrong.
Good comment Jay (The Canadian One)
i wondered the same thing. if you grow up where your body is inappropriately policed by your parents and you are intentionally not educated about your body other than it isn’t up to you – she could have thought it was completely normal.
It’s good that famous and non-famous women have been calling out both the virginity testing and the misogynistic beliefs behind it. Women from all different backrounds have been speaking up because no group is immune to reducing women and girls to this issue. So much better than the (multi) cultural norm of shaming younger girls and women into accepting misogyny. Empowered women empower women. Hopefully Deyjah has a good support system around her and is able to be completely financially independent from that mess.
Or …she knew but didnât tell anyone (and I donât blame her, her dad has probably been gaslighting her since birth) and when people starting calling him out she had the courage and support she needed to distance herself? She didnât feel alone under his control?
Just thinking out loud đ
Also good comment, thanks Wilma
I agree & let’s remember to not take his version of the story as the truth of what occurred for her. I do believe this happened, but I think the details (like how he talks to the doctor), could be a whole lot of his pompous self telling the story in a way that he thought made him look “cool”. He’s so disgusting.
It may be that after seeing peopleâs reactions to it, sheâs empowered to recognize that what was being done was wrong. When youâre that young and sheltered, it can take time and experience elsewhere to recognize toxic behaviors from the people youâre socially trained to trust.
If anybody ever watched his show you can tell how territorial with the women in his family and his wife is a doormat. She probably let him do this to her because of financial reasons I hope she can make it on her own now atleast at until he learns to respect her.
I think the women in his life just humour him. I suspect the gyno is humoring him or something is up. She’s 18, doesn’t matter who “pays”
There is nothing humorous about any of this. A doctor that humors a father like this should lose his license. We are not living in the middle ages.
He could be gaslighting the women in the family with his f*cked up views on their bodies being his. Itâs hard to stand up to gaslighting if you donât know exactly what to look for.
Stay strong, Deyjah! We’re not living in the middle ages, and we’re not living in the 1950s anymore either, as much as some want that back. I got a bad feeling some shitty Bros and their female counterparts will use the dragging T.I. earned for this to minimize other examples of sexism and shut down valid criticism.
A person’s view of women would have to be garbage to try that. “What misogyny? Be grateful I don’t support virginity testing!”
Tiny has her own bag…she’s a pretty successful songwriter in her own right. That’s why I’m struggling with this.
From what I have read, she is in her first year of college. Hopefully she is attending a university that has mental health resources that she can access without her parent’s knowledge/ payment. I had a good friend in college who was only able to get the therapy that she needed while in college as it was provided by the university, so that her parents would not see it on a health insurance bill.
I hate that insurance does that, itâs such a gross invasion of privacy. Iâm actually fighting with my insurance company right now because they gave my husband private information about me that I didnât give them permission to do, but since itâs in his name they said he has a right to it, such bullshit.
I donât understand how that makes sense? So what if the insurance is in his name? My 20 and 23 year old are on my insurance and Iâm not allowed (nor do I want ) know anything about them. Doesnât hipaa prevent that?
I thought the same thing, that it was protected under hipaa. Iâm still trying to figure out how it happened. I work in healthcare and have a pretty good understanding of how it works, or so I thought, Iâm very pissed off honestly.
BOY. That sounds like a HIPAA violation. I’m not in health services, but I have to take a yearly quiz on HIPAA stuff because we design/build/host medical clinic websites and stuff like that.
I am so sorry, Jess. That is just gross. And humiliating. And infantilising.
I remember about 30 years ago when I was in college and a family friendâs abortion was revealed to her parents via her EOB. Her mother yanked her out of school and forced her to go to college near their house. Didnât stop her from marrying the guy and having 2 kids by him, but there you go. Insurance companies are always screaming about HIPAA, but have no problem telling all your business to the primary account holder.
I work in HR and people bring me their medical bills with issues all the time. Even after the child is 18, if they are still on their parent’s insurance, the bill will list the member name, the provider name, and the breakdown of payment. I guess the thought is that if your parents are paying for your insurance they should know what they are paying for incase they need to dispute a charge. You’d think there would be a better way to do this.
If parents donât want kids in treatment, they can stop it or prevent it from starting. My kid couldnât attend therapy until her dad was retrained from us. Heâd make her feel bad about needing it, and he was vocal about how it wouldnât help. She needed it.
Jess- I am sorry. I am so glad you are educated on the subject & pissed off. Give em hell & please know that you have a ton of support.
Jess you arenât alone I have been stunned at what insurance companies share. I got a refund check for a non covered provider visit and even though my husband has never even been to my neurologistâs office..because he is the primary insured the check was made out to him. I payed and they refunded him. It is like we are in the 1950s
I’m sorry this happened to you, Jess. If your insurance company told your husband information about the care you have received, that is absolutely a HIPAA violation and should not have happened.
Thanks everyone, I appreciate the support:) My husband is pretty awesome most of the time, but he has serious control issues, and Iâm a private person, not a good mix sometimes. Itâs why I got so worked over T.I, what heâs doing is wrong and possessive. Her body is her business, not his, and certainly not content to release to the rest of the damn world on a podcast, ugh.
Unless your husband is signed as a guardian, he has no right to that information if youâre over eighteen or if youâve signed a release form. File a HIPAA complaint against your insurance company. All of you should be doing this EVERY time this happens. Medical industry professionals go through this training annually. They have no excuse.
Hereâs the government site that explains how to do that: https://www.hhs.gov/hipaa/filing-a-complaint/index.html
I had this (we’re a military family) twice. The clinic didn’t want to give ME my medical file when we were transferring. They kept telling me my husband had to come get it. I was LIVID. An RN happened to walk through and overhear what was happening. She took my file out of the admin’s hand and handed it to me, said she was very sorry, and I got the distinct impression there was a verbal correction of intense magnitude given as soon as I left the office.
Another time, my husband went to check out himself and our daughter from the clinic (different clinic…years apart), and they checked me out, at the same time. I was not there. I signed nothing. They just handed my file to my husband.
That’s supposed to be extremely illegal unless I’ve signed a waiver of some kind, which I had not. My husband looked down and saw my file (I don’t care if he sees anything in there, but that isn’t the point), and he looked back up at them and said, “Seriously?” Apparently, it was just standard procedure in that military clinic to give the active duty spouse free access to the entire family’s files for expedience.
He called someone and had a meeting and it was a big thing, but we were literally moving in two days–to another country. So…we didn’t have time to follow through on everything.
It’s nuts how often HIPAA gets violated.
Veronica, thank you for posting that link. Iâve looked around at various sites about what I can legally do and itâs all so confusing. Iâve emailed a few different people at BCBS and one did tell me he shouldnât have been able to get the information he did, so at least I have some proof there.
Thank you, Veronica
Tiny is Deyjahâs stepmom, not her biological mom (thatâs Ms. Niko).
Iâm rooting for her, hopefully she has a great support system around.
Deyjah doesn’t live at home, she’s currently in her freshman year at college.
Good, this is such a gross invasion of privacy and disgusting
…Iggy tried to warn us that this man was awful
Well Iggy is pretty awful herself so Iâm guessing thatâs why no one listened to her.
True, true
Iggy is awful, and only “warned” people after TI stopped helping her career. Bad example.
I guess I’m really old but since when did unfollowing someone on social media take the place of real action? It seems that nowadays if a person wants to take a stand, they turn to Instagram instead of doing something about the situation.
This young girl is in a terrible, abusive situation and she definitely needs legal and psychological help to get out of it. I hope she’s getting support from family and friends but her father has a lot of financial power which would be difficult to fight against. Not to mention, he has absolutely no shame in publicly exposing his daughter this way. Maybe fewer selfies and more professional help is needed
Kerwood- Deyjah unfollowing her dad and stepmom is hopefully a sign she’s distancing herself in reality.
Also, social media may be the only power she has here. Making TI look like a jerk by unfollowing him and showing that she agrees with those criticizing him could be her way of asserting herself. And the selfies could be her way of taking control of her sexuality, which she’s not had the chance to do yet in her life thanks to TI.
Let’s not be so quick to judge.
I understand what a horrible situation this young woman is in and I truly hope that this is a step towards independence. It’s just that for so many people ‘unfollowing ‘ someone is ALL they do. Her father doesn’t care what people think. He outed himself in the media. He’s PROUD.
As I said before, I’m older so social media doesn’t have the same importance in my life. I’m sure a lot of lawyers have contacted her. I hope she got in touch with them after unfollowing her father.
Rapunzel makes great comment. This isn’t really under the umbrella of “social media activism”- more like get away from abusive, or just plain wrong, situations as carefully as possible, and sometimes doing so, subtly, but in “public”, can keep you a little safer. I mean, i’m middle-aged and don’t use social media, but the parallels between that and old-fashioned small-community structures are clear, to me at least. Sometimes you can’t address someone face to face, for safety reasons, but need people to know you are removing yourself from that situation by whatever means necessary- so the aggressor backs off a little, and maybe at least one other person knows to keep an eye on your safety, whether theyre that close to you or not. She’s doing the right thing the right way.
Also, unfortunately a lot of abusive behaviors aren’t stopped by lawyers and therapy. She’s making him “give space”, which is practical and effective, and eyes will be on him if he responds with increased intrusion or intimidation. She’s being smart.
Think of it this way though – her unfollowing is probably more of a ‘real’ action than you think. Can you imagine having to see the comments on anything he posts where grown ass adults are supporting his treatment of you? I think she probably made a necessary move for her own sanity, and I am willing to bet she’s got dear old dad on notice.
It’s also a public statement of “I am not here for your BS”.
I wish this young woman the best. I hope she’s able to live her life as she chooses.
Her father had no problem publicly revealing he sexually abused her. Imagine what goes on behind closed doors.
Veronica, good comment. In my experience, (I hope it’s ok to say this somewhat discreetly)- abusers tend to try to get rid of their “evidence”. Not making assumptions and not to put a scare on nobody, but that is exactly why she is being wise and brave and ADVISABLE, to my mind, to handle things this way. My good uncle cop told me there could be a 100 ways (maybe) to prevent/de-escalate violence by being wary, and she’s handling herself well I think, and is making a good and grounded example that will be helpful for others.
I don’t blame her at all.
I hope she now realizes that she doesnât have to release any health information to her dad. I also hope he doesnât cut her off financially if she does that, but Iâm sure heâll threaten something.
Stay strong, Deyjah! I hope she leans on her mom, Niko, and ignores the toxicity of T.I. and Tinyâs world.
grandmother is her rock. Mom is another kind of toxic.
Thanks, @lanne! I donât follow any of these people. Iâm glad she has someone sane in her life.
Regarding HIPAA, most instances are not criminal cases but civil cases and it takes a LOT of screwing up with proof that it was intentional before anything is really done.
From something I quickly pulled up:
â When a HIPAA-covered entity of business associate violates HIPAA Rules, civil penalties can be imposed. When healthcare professionals violate HIPAA, it is usually their employer that receives the penalty, but not always. If healthcare professionals knowingly obtain or use protected health information for reasons that are not permitted by the HIPAA Privacy Rule, they may be found to be criminally liable for the HIPAA violation under the criminal enforcement provision of the Administrative Simplification subtitle of HIPAA.â I found this out a couple of years ago when delving into an unrelated issue I had and it made me kinda sick to my stomach. Iâm glad there are rules in place but the fact that most of the time, the penalties for not following them have little to no consequences unless is it a willful violation by an individual.
TI sounds like my exes family and what they are trying to do with my daughter. Theyâve threatened to withhold payment for medical Services because she wanted me to be part of the process. It is sickening that anyone would believe they had any kind of ârightâ or governance over their children and their sexual activity. Maybe instead of control, they should attempt to build a solid, trusting, and non-judgmental relationship with their child. Just a thought.
But does she still live at home with him? In that case, “unfollowing” doesn’t mean a thing lol. I really really really hope this wasn’t some pr stunt just to get this girl famous. It just might work !
I donât think itâs up to you to decide how a young lady chooses to deal with her toxic parents âdoes anythingâ or not. And asking whether this is a publicity stunt is really fcking gross lol.
Don’t you know how celebs do things? And who are YOU to decide anything then ??? What’s gross is her dad, NOT me. Almost 99% of the sh*t reported about celebs IS a publicity stunt ! I wouldn’t put it past ANYONE. I’m not saying this IS the case here, but it very well could be.
Okay, but if you’re wrong, then you’ve just called into question the credibility of a woman who is already traumatized. Yes, celebs do things. That doesn’t take away the fact that they could potentially be victims.
You don’t know her situation. You don’t know how she’s choosing to set boundaries. Deriding an abuse victim for trying to distance themselves from their abusers, no matter how small that action might be, is a sh-tty thing to do and contributes to making them feel worthless.
Don’t worry…he will use financial intimidation to get her back in line…
To say that I DESPISE men like T.I….would be an UNDERSTATEMENT!
Yeah EXACTLY. If she makes too much of a fuss, he could retaliate financially.
Good comment.
Deyjah didn’t win the parent lottery. Money does not insure a healthy or happy childhood. Deyjah has been failed a lot by her parents, which makes TI’s actions so egregious. I’m not going to violate Deyjah’s privacy here in terms of her personal life, but I’m spitting mad that TI could do this to her AFTER all of the ways he has failed her in the past. He’s an absolute shit who wields his support like a hammer. She has faced a lot of difficult issues, and for Dad to do this is to rub salt in her wounds. But TI just sees her as an extension of himself–she’s not an independent person to him. Lots of shitty parents do this. It sucks when it’s done so in a mortifyingly public way. I only share this to say there’s NO EXCUSE for him at all. This isn’t love, nor is it care. It’s narcissism.
how old was ms. niko when she had deyjah? TI must’ve only been 17 or 18
Yes. “This isn’t love, nor is it care. It’s narcissism.”
I will give her a pass on the sad photoshopping of her waist (the curvy and tilted doorframes give it away), because her filthy pig of a father has taught her to think her only value is the condition of her body.
I don’t blame her. How mortifying. Especially from someone who isn’t exactly the Pope of purity. Jeez.
Wow, is she really 18? She looks much, much older!
I have a 16 year-old, and Deyjah actually looks (to me) about the same age as my kid. I think you might (not an accusation, just my thought) be seeing the makeup and the professional level of styling here and assigning physical maturity based on that appearance. But it’s not. She looks like a high school kid to me.
If she had on no makeup and was wearing a “younger” outfit like a sundress or something, you would see how very young Deyjah looks.
TI is a massive creep.
She’s a beautiful girl and she needs to get far, far away from her inappropriate, prurient, stalking father. Leave the girl alone, T.I. She’s your daughter, not your property.
You know what gets me the most? I mean, yes, there is clearly abuse going on here, and if he’s doing something this egregious, then it stands to logical reason that there is MORE going on in that young woman’s childhood. Men who do this kind of thing to their daughters…well, that’s not the only abusive thing. I wouldn’t care to speculate, but there is probably a list the length of an arm of controlling, manipulative, emotionally traumatizing garbage that has gone down in that house while she was growing up.
But the part that gets me the most–and it shouldn’t be this; I know–is how EMBARRASSING and utterly dehumanizing would it be to have your sexual status plastered all over like that? It’s nobody’s business whether she’s a virgin or not. It’s no one’s business whether she’s gay or straight or a virgin or promiscuous or anything else. How could anyone’s own parent do this? Just a total public stripping of dignity and privacy and body sovereignty?
It’s soul-sucking.
I know that the public humiliation isn’t the worst part of this. It’s really dark and scary in several ways…but still. It’s the part that just beats a rhythm of anxious sympathy in me for this young woman. It’s horrifying. I should not know anything about this woman’s genitals. I just shouldn’t. I find it to be such a violation that I’ve seen this. I know how I would feel if people were told private details about my body without my consent.
After my spine surgery, my husband worried over my incision scar and followed all of the protocols sent home with us to prevent adhesions and problems. He took really good care of me (it’s in the middle of my back; I can’t do it) between PT visits, and he ASKED me first if he could show FAMILY MEMBERS some photos the progress on my incision/scar/healing.
I mean…that was just a stupid surgery scar in a non-sexualized part of my body, and he knew to ask my permission before showing it to anyone.
So this. I’m babbling, sorry. This is just so deeply upsetting to me. How could her own father do that to her?
Yes, and the fact that he had to publicise this hugely invasive abuse to the whole world is another level of humiliation. Now everyone can imagine her having an exam with her dad right there.
The other thing that kills me is the hymen exam can lead to women/girls being murdered, even though plenty of women never had a hymen anyway. Perpetuating these wrong beliefs just adds fuel to the fire for places where men treat women like dogs. This is much bigger than just TI and his daughter. Honestly if I was her I would never see my father again. I’d rather sell myself on the street than take a dime from him.
Girls have committed suicide over failing virginity tests too. Heartless misogynists will sometimes say the same thing about the mental health of targeted women/girls that heartless homophobes say about the mental health of LGB+ targets: that if these people hurt or kill themselves, it’s just proof that their immoral ways of life damaged them/ thinned their souls. But in reality that’s one of the effects of how societies have abused and degraded LGBT people and ‘impure’ women. Victim-blaming is just easier than acknowledging abuse and inequality. Abuse and lower people and then use their suffering or death as a warning to others about disobedience when it comes to sexuality and gender. All part of the sexual gaslighting.
Great points Otaku.
Yes. This is an appropriate visceral response. Thank you.
As marigold said, “dignity and privacy and body sovereignty”- perfect. (I know we’re having a public discussion- I hope it’s ok with the person in question and I apologize if we’ve handled it wrongly)….
The old people in my area of birth call it “the sovereign body”. No other person has dominion over one’s sovereign body. It is good every time we uphold that standard in public.
My first thought when I heard about this was that he was advertising her virginity. I wonder if he’s received offers for it.