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ET has a cute red carpet interview with Kacey Musgraves, which is brief but I wanted to talk about it. Kacey, 31, has been married to fellow singer Ruston Kelly, 31, since 2017. They don’t have kids and Kacey has a three-legged rescue dog named Pearl who is a Jack Russell mix. Kacey told ET about her holiday plans and they involve sweatpants, hanging out with dogs, and alternating families every Christmas so they spend one with her family and the next year with Ruston’s. Goals. Kacey is promoting her Amazon Prime holiday variety special and put out a Christmas album in 2016. Here’s what she said:
“It’s different every year because we tour a lot,” Musgraves shared. “So we have to roll with the flow, trade off families now that [we’re] married.”
However, [Kacey] said that she and her [husband] usually spend their holiday “as low key as possible.”
“There’s nothing fancy,” she added. “It’s all sweatpants, hanging out with dogs, eating just whatever I can fit in my mouth.”
A low key holiday will be a change of pace for the busy couple, who have both been touring this year. So how do they make their hectic schedules work?
“You have to respect each other, respect each other’s space, and just make the effort,” she explained. “We’re both independent, we both love what we do, but at the end of the day you just gotta both make the effort to come back together and it always benefits from that.”
A beautiful bouquet of pink roses is also always a nice touch. Musgraves shared a snapshot of her husband’s sweet surprise to her Instagram story, writing, “Damn, I’ve got a good one.”
“He’s definitely nicer than me,” she joked. “Like, hands down, he’s a nicer person than I am for sure.”
Musgraves added that he sent the flowers “just because,” and also to celebrate her new holiday special.
Aw it sounds like they have a nice relationship. I love my ex’s family but spending ten days at their house every holiday was too much for me. They are sweet German people and every day there were four full sit down meals, breakfast, lunch which was essentially dinner, afternoon coffee with so many awesome cakes and then a late dinner spread with cold cuts and bread. That’s great for about four days but after that I was climbing the walls. Toward the end of my marriage we made a deal where we would go away to a nearby resort for two nights in the middle. That was a good compromise but it took so long to work out! If everyone lived closer it would be easier to spend a few days at each of our family’s houses, but I wouldn’t mind doing every other Christmas like Kacey and Ruston, as long as you could see your family other times of the year. Also sweatpants, dogs and food (preferably less formal) all sound lovely.
Here’s a trailer for Kacey’s Christmas special. It’s not my jam but it looks like something fun to run in the background when you have people over for the holidays. I like that her grandma is on it!
Also, the last time we talked about Kacey she was helping promote an old school photo lab in Los Angeles. Thanks to Kacey’s social media posts the business for Tom’s Photo lab has really picked up.
…and the real star of The Kacey Musgraves Christmas Show…✨NANA✨ (yes, my actual grandma) #KaceyChristmas pic.twitter.com/X0B6CSzpwv
— K A C E Y M U S G R A V E S (@KaceyMusgraves) November 4, 2019
photos credit: Getty
Spending a week in someone else’s house, regardless of family, would give me anxiety. I’m lucky our immediate family is close by, and extended is just a 2-3 hour drive so at most it’s a 1 night stay, but day trips aren’t horrible either.
So jealous. My husband, bless his heart, cannot understand why I have anxiety about staying at his parents house. I would love to have a year off.
Not goals. Equality.
She’s so pretty but her hair always looks SO fake.
The one with the bangs has to be a wig right????
YES! I think it must be a wig or extensions. I don’t understand why girls get real long extensions or wigs. To me, that’s a tip off right away that it is not their real hair. I would go shorter so it looks natural.
My parents would do that. They would alternate Thanksgiving and Christmas between their parents. One of my sisters tried it and her mother-in-law would have none of it. She would do something every single time it was her off-holiday that pretty much forced them to go to her place. She ruined so many of our Christmases that we now do our family Christmas in January.
So why didn’t your sister’s hubby back her? Hubby would be going by himself.
We found a solution that works for all of us. No stress. No fighting. No resentments. Nobody needing to tell off anyone’s mother and the repercussions that follow. We are now all free to deal with other obligations or chosen activities on Christmas Eve and Christmas Day. We have our own day together without the stress of anyone having to be anywhere else before or after.
We luck out that our families celebrate differently. My family celebrates Christmas Eve and his Christmas Day. Thanksgiving my family does lunch, his does a dinner. And we’re all semi-close so it’s not a huge issue to drive.
Easter we used to have issues, but we host it now so problem solved.
At the age of 52…We decided that we’re reclaiming our holidays for ourselves from now on…no more family obligation visits…I’m meeting my family for breakfast on Saturday…and that’s it…We’re not even having a traditional “thanksgiving” meal at home that day…we’re just gonna wing it and not come out of the house…After YEARS of going through hell and jumping through every hoop imaginable to put on spectacular thanksgiving dinners…I AM OFFICIALLY OVER IT!
That’s awesome, and how it should be!
THAT is goals! Family obligation visits and traveling with kids and sleeping on uncomfortable tiny beds and not being able to just sit and watch tv ever and making sure the kids don’t kill themselves or destroy un-child proofed houses is so EXHAUSTING.
Lala11_7, my gawd that sounds like heaven to me. I’m going to try it next year. I dread Thanksgiving like the plague every year. It’s so much work for a dinner or gathering. Ugh! I’m tired and over it too. Thanks for posting another option to deal with the dreaded big holidays.
Love Kacey! But seriously wish she’d stop messing with her face… such a pretty talented woman but her face has changed over the year. Bless her though because she is quite the entertainer.
Every single year for 10 years I have alternated Christmas and Thanksgiving between my family and my in laws. The problem? We live about 2 hour flight from each of them and my family lives three states away from my in laws. I’ve spent about $4,000 a year traveling to “flyover states” and I just can’t do it anymore. I want to build my own traditions with my husband, and its hard to do that if we spend every holiday maintaining our parents traditions instead of merging them into our own. This is the very first year we are staying home for both Thanksgiving and Christmas and I’m so excited!
This is our third holiday season together, first since getting married. We have been alternating Thanksgiving/Christmas with each side of the family, but I stated during the wedding planning that I wanted our first holidays as a married couple at our own house…yet somehow we are going to my in-laws (a 7 hour drive away) for thanksgiving. Clearly I did not plan this, ha. So then I couldn’t tell my family (who I actually enjoy spending time with, lol) that we weren’t making the 4.5 hour drive up for Christmas. All that to say, I hope one day to get to the point where we CAN stay at our own house, but something tells me that’s only going to happen if we have a kid 😐
Oh dear Shelbylake, no. When you have kids the in-laws want to see them even more and you will be guilted into spending all the holidays with them (or hosting them at your house) so as to facilitate “quality time.” Sorry to dash your hopes.
I said the same! One thing I was super excited about when we got married was establishing our own traditions and hosting holidays… guess what we have not done. It took 10 years to get to a place where my husband would finally tell his mother no, and even then she wanted us to come in the 21-24th for his dad’s birthday. The problem is that when we agree to go see his family, it makes my family sad so then we have to see them for the other major holiday.
This year we bought a new home and the budget is a little tighter, and I just flat out put my foot down and said “I’m spending the holiday here in our home. If you decide to go to your mom’s house, it will be without me” and that’s how he finally understood that I’d had enough.
That pressure to go see everyone is one of the many reasons I absolute hate Thanksgiving and Christmas. That and the vivid memories of drama between my parents when I was a child. Every year I try to put my foot down and say no to spending the day with my in laws but my husband hits me with the guilt trip about how it could be his grandmothers last Christmas or how he never sees them etc. I tell him that’s his problem and he should make an effort to see them more often throughout the year, then he wouldn’t feel that pressure and guilt. I’m the same way with anniversaries and Valentine’s Day, I’d rather we do small things more often all year than feel the pressure to buy some ridiculously expensive gifts on a stupid made up holiday.
Maybe I’m just jaded but I hate this time of year. It’s all one marketing ploy after another these days and everyone gets pissed and stressed out over gifts and money or who isn’t coming to visit. Screw all that, I wanna stay home in my pj’s with my family and open a few gifts, that’s it.
Yes this. Growing up we never even had time to enjoy presents before my parents were driving us to one family or another. It was always so scheduled and so stressful that I still hate Christmas to this day. Thanksgiving was my favorite holiday growing up because we went to the beach and ate at a restaurant so it was so relaxed.
Nowadays I usually do thanksgiving with my boyfriend’s family where we live and go back to the state I grew up in to spend Christmas with my family, but even all that is stressful. I think Kacey’s solution is great-there’s no reason why you should dread this time of year if you can come up with a good alternative.
I feel this so much. My whole family and my in laws all live nearby and I would get so stressed because we felt obligated to rush around to every single get together. Compounding things is that my parents are divorced and remarried and my in laws are divorced so there were even more events. When I was a kid we got dragged everywhere pretty much as soon as we opened presents and it kept going up until a few years ago when I finally put my foot down. My husband and I started blocking off Christmas morning for just us and our kids. If people want to come to our house for a bit, great, but we aren’t going anywhere until the evening. We also started doing our immediate family celebrations (parents and siblings) on other days in December so on Christmas Eve/Christmas Day itself it’s only the huge extended family stuff that we can bow out of if we want. It’s been so much less stressful since.
Kacey has a great solution and most of my friends who have out of town family or in laws handle it the same way. Or they alternate Thanksgiving and Christmas.
I haven’t made it official, but I basically don’t go to my ILs for the holidays anymore. They’re a 3 hour drive away, all we do is sit around the kitchen table and have small talk for two days while my kids watch tv and then otherwise climb the walls, and there is only one bathroom for 8 people. My husband has started taking the kids for a few days each Christmas and it works out SO much better. My ILs are welcome in my house if they want to come down for something, but they never come, so not my problem.
I already have anxiety for Thanksgiving and I’m hoping that we can have Christmas to ourselves. We have to spend a night with my MIL who is just the opposite of us… loud, controlling we have so much past stuff that it just rubs me the wrong way.
Every other year sounds amazing! Might have to run that one past the husband.
I’m so glad to see so many other people here are over it. My parents were divorced, and I traveled first to their houses and then to whatever relative they were obligated to see…every. single. year. Once I had kids, I put down a rule that we do not travel on Christmas break. I mean not the day before, not the day after, not even for new years. We open presents, have pork street-style tacos, and eventually mosey down to a neighbors house for some drinks and dinner. The other days are for hanging out and hiking, whatever…There is nothing that will make me travel on Christmas short of someone having a catastrophic accident where they won’t make it through the night. I am not willing to break precedent for any “emergencies”. We are so much happier than I remember my family being over the holidays.
I hate hate hatemy in laws and I’ve managed not to see them all this year. Yay me!
Our rule is christmas is for us as a nuclear family so we don’t spend it with either side.
I cannot stand my grim-laws. I’ve avoided going to theirs for the last two years but this year the jig is up. Sadly I’d like to never see them but that’s not fair on him. They live 6 hour car journey away so it’s not like I ever see them normally. It’s hard to make an effort to go and see, spend time with people you just do not like. They are arrogant snobs and I can’t stand them. the dog gets an awful lot of walks when we’re at their house!
“grim-laws” I love it! LOL
Spitting the holidays is a nightmare. We have a small apartment in Toronto so we can’t have family come to us. We usually do Christmas Eve with my family and Christmas Day with his family.
This is our first Christmas with a new baby. We will split the holiday for the last time and will then do our own Christmas as a family. I’m not looking forward to the fighting over who gets to have the baby in the morning. While my mom does the dinner Christmas Eve, my siblings still come in the morning for gifts like children.
Before we had our daughter, we went to my in-laws every Christmas. (Apparently, my husband was a 40 year old child.) Anyway, we had our daughter in July (4 years ago). For several months beforehand, I kept telling him we would NOT be spending Christmas Eve and Christmas Day at his parents’ house. We’d have to sleep in a foldout coach mattress in the floor and there was absolutely no way I was doing that with a 6 month old. Nor was I traveling With all of her stuff, especially since it was only an hour away. Well, wouldn’t you know, he did not have the nerve to tell her until the week before Christmas? She legit thought we’d still continue with their traditions and not start our own. Anyway, the first year, because of incredible PPD, I didn’t allow anyone to come over for Christmas. Since that time, if any of the grandparents want to see their granddaughter, they HAVE to come to our place…and not before 11.
I’ve had a lot of issues with my in-laws, specifically my mother-in-law, demanding certain things. Initially, my husband gives in, however, there are certain things I won’t budge on, so he’s had to go back to her and tell her “no” on several occasions. I don’t know what it is about boys and their mothers, but my mother has never demanded i do what suits her.
That’s not #goals. That’s how marriage works. You split time between your families evenly for holidays.. Unless one of the families sucks and you spend no time with them at all.
Thank you.
We just spend most of our holidays in the Bahamas and invite everyone to join us!
As soon as I had my first child, I stopped traveling to see family for Christmas.
Family is welcome to visit but the kids and I stay put. It was one of the few family drama battles I won but one that’s been the best decision for us.
I can only really admit here (pseudonymously online) how much I loathe and despise going to my in-laws for Christmas. It is SO overwrought, with three very formal, stiff meals together every day and so much nattering on about nothing by my mother-in-law, and her enabler my sister-in-law, while the rest of us stay absolutely silent. NOBODY CARES about the Church gossip, your relatives whom I feel zero connection to, or the genealogy of your boring-ass family. Genealogy seems like cocaine for older women these days, they just can’t get enough of it and when they’re high on it, they think they’re so clever and interesting, and for the rest of us it is hours and hours of sitting through the most mind-numbing history podcasts about the least interesting people who ever lived.
LOVE THIS
I used to insist we alternate xmas every other year between my family and his folks. His live in our neighborhood, but mine live in California, so the holiday travel even wore me down after several years and I always got sick. Now, I go out there when I can, but we’ve been pretty much doing xmas here in FL the majority of the time. This year though my mom and grandma are coming out for their first xmas here! I haven’t had any family here during the holidays before, so I’m very excited!
One of the many reasons for breaking up with my last fella was the thought of having to spend every Christmas Eve with his ginormous extended family. He was one of twelve. Their Christmas Eve tradition included singing and some sort of recitals in front of the tree by all the children. I never made it to that event or his family’s annual New Year’s Eve bunco party. I realize on paper it sounds like a hallmark Christmas movie but in reality hanging with that family-group was pure hell. His ex-wife’s family was kinder to me and more inclusive than his.
Huge families can go either way. Some are hallmark lovely. Or…
My sister-in-laws family is one giant team of a$$holes. They are like other douchiest frat and meanest sorority joined forces to create this glob of Abercrombie-infused doom.
All their family photos look like something out of a Christmas catalogue. All perfect. All gorgeous.
But if you are in the room, you realize they all hate each other and themselves.
Oh boy. I don’t know anything about Kacey Musgraves, but the every other year thing seems fair. I’m divorced now and it was amicable. So much so, we still live together while we try to sell the house. I didn’t hate my in laws, I cared for them a lot BUT they were very much meddlers. MIL was very passive aggressive & demanding of my husband. He let her be though and never stood up for me or us very often. For years we did the running around to each family ( divorced parents on my side ) , and it was not enjoyable at all. We went broke several years in a row because the grown ass adults in his family would pout if they didnt get presents. Forget about the time I suggested we pool some money and donate it to charity..and then do secret santa, so no one has to buy 20 presents. You would have thought I suggested we murder gramma and eat her like a Christmas ham. It wasn’t until hubs brother had kids that we were able to get them to do secret Santa and then just presents for the kids. I’ve never seen such childish adults. We all had everything we needed. Hub and I went all those years not buying each other anything because we went into debt buying for everyone else. This behavior of his family’s seeped into other parts of our lives. It isn’t the only reason we split, but it was definitely a reason. I’m DONE with marriage and in laws and drama. I still see my ex, now roomie dealing with his meddling always disapproving parents and I feel badly, but relieved I don’t have to deal with that anymore. Now I can tell him what I really think & give him advice. He actually started standing up for himself more! It was all for the best. I’m better off spending Tgiving with just me and my Dad. For Xmas we went to the casino! Low key, drama free quality time not beholden to outdated traditions or gifts. My boyfriend now, his mother lives in the same 2 family house as he does and I’ve met her 4 times in 3 years. She doesn’t interfere in our relationship at all. She is kind and wonderful when we get together but there is no obligations or expectations. Our relationship while tough cuz long distance is emotionally much healthier without 3rd parties being in it! Ok rant over!! LOL, this whole discussion just struck a chord. Thanks for reading, if you made it this far!
I absolutely adored my inlaws, but they lived overseas so holidays were rarely an issue. Sadly, my husband and I recently separated after a 30-year relationship and this will be my first round of holidays without him in 30 years. To boot, we have no family in the U.S.A., so this will be a very lonely holiday. Just me, my 18-year old daughter (who will have to spend some time with her dad), and my mother (who has dementia). HAPPY HOLIDAYS!
(I am almost jealous of those of you who have too many people to choose from.)
We alternate as well, Christmas Eve, specifically. My in-laws don’t celelebrate on Christmas Day while my Dad’s side of the family does a lunch I haven’t missed in 34 years. Last year it was my parent’s turn but I felt bad that my daughter (then 1.5) wasn’t seeing her paternal grandparents and aunts and uncles that we arrived at their home at 1 AM. My kid ended up wounded up from the excitement, gifts, etc. and we were exhausted. So this year (pregnant with my second child) we are simply going to Christmas Eve mass and then dining with my inlaws. And on Christmas day, massive lunch with my huge paternal family (27 cousins!) and pooltime.I do wonder when we’ll see my mom because my parents recently split after 40 years of marriage (!) I guess it we’ll all work out fine.
That’s awesome for them, and the right way to do it. I honestly do Not understand (although I feel for ALL of you) who end up hating the holidays because you give in to the pressure to meet someone else’s expectations. You know the sad part? Neither you, nor the people You do it for, are happy as a result. Do you honestly believe that deep down the relatives you visit grudgingly don’t know it? Do you think they enjoy the visit when you are unhappy – and let’s face it, most of us, when unhappy and doing something against our will, do end up showing that unhappiness and resentment in all sorts of ways, big and small.
The first year I was married we did Thanksgiving with one family, Christmas with the other and I realized that I don’t care to do the drive (one family 3 hours away west, one seven hour east) in the middle of winter. So, next year I said folks are welcome to see us and the baby. They did and it was lovely, because although more work to host, I get to choose what gets done when. Once my parents moved overseas I said that much as I would love to see them, there’s no way in hell I am flying and using our vacation days and $$$ because they wanted to retire elsewhere. That took care of that. If they want to see us, they can use their spare retiree time and their $ to do it, and if not… I miss them but I will not pay the price for their choices. (And I’m from a traditional, live with your parents till you marry and next door afterwards, Big Greek Fat Wedding type of family. You stick to your guns and what are they going to do, exactly?) So in 15 years they came once, it was great, and if they ever do it again it will be nice too, but in the meantime, we have made our own traditions and we spend each Xmas alone, just the 3 of us, and we LOVE it, although I do miss my brother, but same thing – you moved away buddy, so…
With the in-laws it was trickier but as I told my hubby just yesterday, if I have no problem being firm with my own, I have no trouble being firm with his. After years of doing our own thing – more below – this year his dad tried to play the “getting old, would love to have everyone around at his house this year” for Xmas. Uh, no. Not driving 3 hours to sleep on a support free antique mattress, eat taking turns in a tiny kitchen because the “good” dining room is for the formal meal only, freeze my ass at 70F (I like heat)… It was harder when my MIL was alive – being divorced parents you have to deal with two sets of families… but I decided what I was willing to do and told DH years ago that he had two choices – spend Christmas with his wife and son or go by himself to see his dad and stepdad. He chose us. And we have a fantastic Christmas each year. We open presents on the 24 at night, like we did when I grew up. We have a huge spread of tasty things (no cooking – cold cuts and caviar and cold roast and smoked salmon and cakes etc), play board games and sit by the tree with our cats, go to bed late and wake up even later. We do pancakes and bacon and go see a movie (love Star Wars years!) and then drive back slowly admiring the lights and decorations in the neighbourhood. We have a late supper of lamb roast (cooks fast and it was our traditional Xmas dinner growing up) with roasted potatoes (cooks at the same time) and a nice salad with a Barolo, and more cake, and that’s our 25th.
On the 26 we head out after a lunch of my famous cabbage rolls to see whatever family hubs has in town – siblings and visiting parents if they came, and everyone is happy and stress free. I enjoy seeing all of them, but I don’t care for turkey (I do that on New Year Day after the rib roast on New Year’s Eve) and the fake praise for every stupid present opening like it’s a gift of the gods and the crackers and whatever. We love our fuss free, no set time days and guess what, no one died because we don’t follow the rules and don’t show up on the 25th. They’re still family and it’s still holidays on the 26 or 27 or whatever, and no pressure! I’m not suggesting that my way of doing is perfect or right for everyone or indeed, anyone, but it works for us and I enjoy the holidays.
Here’s a suggestion, if you care to hear from someone who does holidays her way: Write down a list of what your ideal holiday looks like. Yours might include Thai takeout and a Netflix binge or might be like mine, or you might want to have 3 close friends over – whatever. Write it down. Write who you’d have to tell no, and practice it. You don’t offer explanations why – that invites arguments. You don’t justify yourself. You just tell them that starting this year, you have decided to change the family tradition and that you are doing your own thing for Christmas / Easter / insert holiday. You don’t tell them what the thing is, that the old way stresses you or it’s expensive. You just politely block everything with “we’d love to see you on the 22nd. Or January 3rd “or whatever you have decided – according to your wishes, not their preferences. And if distance / $ is a factor and you can’t actually get together over the holidays at all, express regret that you don’t live closer, And IF feasible suggest alternatives – see you at Auntie Jane’s cottage in summer, or I look forward to John’s wedding in Maui, see you then. The end.
Sorry for rambling and the unasked for advice – it just felt like so many of you put up with crappy holidays, at great stress, expense, wasting time, fighting with partners, dragging bored kids around – why? Life’s too short. Give yourself permission to be selfish. This is essentially the adult version of having cake for dinner. Go ahead, have the cake.
PS. When my son is grown I will leave it up to him and his spouse to decide if they want to host, be guests, alternate years, do their own thing and see us on other days etc. Because this should be a time of joy and peace.
“I don’t know what to say, but it’s Christmas, and we’re all in misery.” – Christmas Vacation lol
This thread makes me feel so much better! I’m about to get married and my future in laws live 6 hours East, and my parents are 6 hours west. We are right in the middle. This year is tricky because my fiancé doesn’t get much time off for Christmas and has a new nephew, so he’s like “I don’t want to miss his first Christmas.” So we will be seeing our own families, separately, for Christmas this year. I’m bummed but I’m going to be putting my foot down next year that all Christmas holidays moving forward will be in our town, and families can come here in the middle if that want to visit. It’s not practical or enjoyable to be running the roads long distance, and even then, someone always gets their feelings hurt. Gotta nip this in the bud in Year 1 of our marriage before we end up being those people spending every year on the road.
I tell my family I can’t travel over Christmas because of work…which is partially true, but I could probably make it happen if I really wanted it. I just can’t stand flying during the holiday season. Weather issues mixed with overbooked flights, it’s just a nightmare. I’ve been stranded in my layover city for 3 DAYS before, and I never want to experience that again.
I tell my family that if they love me, then spending time together should count whether it is on Dec. 25th or March 25th.
I don’t understand all the fuss either. My extended family used to get together on boxing day for a family party and whoever wanted to go would go. The last few years we’ve done Christmas at my mother’s place because it’s close by and we always have a lot of fun. We did one Christmas with my husband’s family that was so awful I swore never again lol. I don’t get all this pressure, my husband and I are perfectly happy to tell family what does and doesn’t work for us and they can either get on board or they see us even less in the future. The only bargaining chip you need is your presence!