Would you spend $75 on a candle that smelled like Gwyneth Paltrow’s goopy place?

Gwyneth Paltrow attends the 77th Annual Golden Globe Awards, Golden Globes, at Hotel Beverly Hilton in Beverly Hills, Los Angeles, USA, on 05 January 2020. | usage worldwide

Which terrible Gwyneth Paltrow do you want first, the one about the vagina candle or the one about gooping at sea? Both are pretty odious (heh), but let’s get the worst one out of the way first. Gwyneth has put the goop branding on everything, and of course she sells fancy, expensive candles. She offered a limited edition (?) candle called This Smells Like My Vagina. The origin story is as bad as you think it is.

A candle in selling on Gwyneth Paltrow‘s Goop online store has a very unconventional scent. The 47-year-old actress’ company is currently selling a $75 votive cheekily named “This Smells Like My Vagina,” according to a listing on Goop’s online store.

Per the product description, the item — made by artisanal fragrance brand Heretic — “started as a joke” between perfumer Douglas Little and Paltrow while they were collaborating on a fragrance together. The two were testing scents when the Politician star blurted out, “Uhhh..this smells like a vagina,” the website said. While the two didn’t end up bottling the “funny, gorgeous, sexy, and beautifully unexpected scent” into a perfume, they did think it would be “perfect as a candle,” the description read.

According to Goop, the brand did a “test run” for the candle during the In Goop Health summit and “it sold out within hours.” The candle’s scent is described to contain a “blend of geranium, citrusy bergamot, and cedar absolutes juxtaposed with Damask rose and ambrette seed.”

[From People]

I was going to try to make jokes about what Gwyneth’s actual vadge might smell like, but honestly, the thought of it made me feel sick? Like, I can’t imagine walking into a room where a candle is burning and the whole room smells like vadge. What I don’t get is why they named it This Smells Like MY Vagina. Why not A vagina? Is it because Gwyneth is a gross person and she thinks it funny to make us think about her personal vagine? Meanwhile, here’s something else to make you feel seasick:

For Gwyneth Paltrow, spending time at sea can be healing and boats can feels like an escape.

“I love being on the water, I love being by the water and I love being in the water,” she tells USA TODAY. “And I think, energetically, it’s very cleansing to be near the sea or in the sea.”

Now, Paltrow’s modern lifestyle brand, Goop, which focuses on six pillars including wellness and travel, is going to sea. Goop has partnered with Celebrity Cruises for Goop’s first at-sea venture. The new experience will take place on a Celebrity Apex sailing scheduled to depart from Barcelona on Aug. 26 and to sail around the Mediterranean until Sept. 6.

After everyone’s had a few days to relax, “Goop at Sea,” a one-day experience, will debut Aug 30. It’s inspired by the company’s “In Goop Health,” wellness summits. They feature sessions and discussions with field experts on new ideas and philosophies focused on emotional and physical health and wellness, in different cities including Los Angeles and San Francisco.

“We’ve had massive success with In Goop Health, our wellness summit that translates goop’s content into a tangible, high-touch experience,” Paltrow said in a release. “This partnership with Celebrity Cruises allows us to bring Goop to new audiences and to meet readers where they are.”

[From USA Today]

I’ve talked before about how I’m curious about some cruises, especially the Viking Cruises advertised on PBS, the ones which go through Europe on smaller boats, not the giant cruise ships favored by Princess Cruise lines or whatever. I generally think of those giant cruise ships as floating petri dishes of disease and e-coli and Norovirus. Which… sounds perfect for a Goop Summit. All of those drunk women barfing all over the place while being charged $50 for a sticker which cures them.

Gwyneth Paltrow attends the 77th Annual Golden Globe Awards, Golden Globes, at Hotel Beverly Hilton in Beverly Hills, Los Angeles, USA, on 05 January 2020. | usage worldwide

Photos courtesy of Avalon Red, WENN.

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41 Responses to “Would you spend $75 on a candle that smelled like Gwyneth Paltrow’s goopy place?”

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  1. lemonylips says:

    So many fog selling celebrities are doing the cruise thing – especially healing ones. Or let’s touch each others auras… now they can do it surrounded by a smell of Goops intimate parts. If that’s not peasant, I dunno what is. 

  2. boredblond says:

    Colbert did a very funny take on this last night. Goop realizes there’s one born every minute…

  3. morningjacket says:

    My eyes rolled so hard they fell out of my GD head.

  4. paranormalgirl says:

    River cruises are pretty awesome. My husband and I did one on the Rhine.

    That being said, I do not want my room smelling like a vadge. Nope. No thank you.

  5. Valiantly Varnished says:

    I think the name was meant to be funny but of course people are taking it literally.

    • tealily says:

      I mean, of course it’s meant to be funny, but it’s also really WEIRD! I’m not sure it comes across the way she thought it would come across. What is her brand even?? Things are getting screwy up in here.

  6. Emily says:

    Controversy sells – remember how Lana Del Rey’s p*ssy smells like Pepsi Cola?

    I think the MY vagina wording is for the purchaser. I’m going to buy one and give it to my husband and tell him it smells like MY vagina. (I won’t actually but I understand the wording Goop was going for).

  7. D says:

    A very spoopy goopy place…

  8. Sarah says:

    What did I just read?

  9. My3cents says:

    Only if it was named- This is my vagnia after a cleanse stuck on a seven day health summit Goop cruise, where even the sharks look happier.

  10. Diana says:

    This is wild… who spends actual money on this bs?

  11. Loretta says:

    This woman is so extra LMAO

  12. Seri says:

    This woman supposedly is a superstar, but she is so blah in her looks department. She looks plain.

  13. Charfromdarock says:

    Cruise ships are so environmentally damaging. How does that square with being an organic holistic guru?

    Oh, right. She doesn’t GAF, she’s a modern snake oil salesmen and it’s all about the money.

    • Lucy2 says:

      And for all their preaching of wellness, you know all those women are going to get super drunk every day.

      • Noodle says:

        While all of the employees are shoved into tiny quarters with no windows. “Wellness” for the rest of us.

  14. Nev says:

    Love it hysterical.

  15. Spicecake38 says:

    Umm…
    I think I am going to take a shower,for some reason I feel dirty.

  16. AnnaKist says:

    $75 for a bloody candle? Pahh! To be fair, I have seen some more expensive than that. And “Eau de Minge du Goop”? What a stinking con. She is a vile charlatan but I guess a fool and her money are soon parted. iIt’s a good thing I refuse to buy anything from any celebrity’s product line. And I’m a cheapskate.

  17. Lucy says:

    I was reminded of that scene in season 1 of Sex Education in which all the girls go “it’s MY vagina!”. Season 2 premieres on Friday and I. Can’t. Wait!!

  18. Daisyfly says:

    Why would I want to pay $75 to smell a vagina Brad Pitt has been in?

  19. Mabs A'Mabbin says:

    Barf. She can put her vag candle next to my vomit one.

  20. dota says:

    Years after you have used the candle a faint scent of Harvey Weinstein will linger.

  21. A says:

    She has that ‘any attention is good attention’ mindset. Hey Goopy! Wanna know how you can you get more attention? Write a book on why Harvey brought you that Oscar. I’m sure that will sell more than the vag candle.

  22. Jackie O'Glasses says:

    Just want to chime in and say the word ‘odious’ isn’t used nearly enough, lol. But I did hear Adam Schiff use it to describe Trump, so there’s that!

  23. jenner says:

    she is trolling us hard

  24. Rollo says:

    No, thank you, I’m not stupid enough to shell out my hard earned cash on such a candle.

    Goopy is a moron, but the bigger moron is the one paying for her junk!

  25. Arpeggi says:

    Who spends $75 on a candle anyway?!?!?
    That price tag is more insulting than pretending a vadge smells like bergamot and citrus

    • ME says:

      I bet the majority of the people who bought that candle are YouTubers and are going to “review” it on their channel. No way any sane person would want that candle.

  26. raindrop says:

    Uggggghhhh. Gag me with a jade egg.

  27. Jan Levinson says:

    This has a “Serenity by Jan” vibe to it.

  28. FloridaWoman says:

    I would have thought the notes would be miso and Elmer’s glue