I was so impressed with the way that Nikkie de Jager, the Dutch makeup artist behind Nikkie Tutorials, came out as transgender after being threatened by someone trying to blackmail her. I initially wasn’t going to cover it as I had only heard of her and hadn’t seen her videos. I watched her coming out video and was touched by how she told her story, and by how open and genuine she comes across. I felt the same way after seeing Nikkie on Ellen. You may have heard the follow-up story about how the founder of TooFaced fired his sister for transphobic comments against Nikkie, calling her a liar. In her appearance on Ellen, Nikkie explained how she was blackmailed by man she didn’t name, which was classy of her. She also restated some of the same points she made in her video: that she hopes she can help other transgender people, and that she was unsure when she would come out as it never seemed like the right time. I especially liked what she said about being privileged as a woman who is CIS-looking and blonde, meaning white.
On the blackmail
I got emails from a certain person. He was not ok with the fact that I was [airquote] lying and wanted to expose that. So he had a very pressuring tone of voice. His entire goal was to destroy my life.On the positive response
It’s been unreal. My fiance really pushed me to post this [and told me] ‘we’re going to get through this.’ People were like ‘we love you, we accept you.’ I was so happy that it’s 2020 and the acceptance is real.Ellen: “I don’t think you were lying. It’s your own private business and you’re teaching people how to put makeup on. That’s got nothing to do with anybody. If you wouldn’t have been blackmailed do you think you would have come out?”
I always wanted to come out but it’s such a delicate thing. How do you find the timing? There’s never the perfect timing. I’m not thankful to the person who did this [but] I am thankful that it happened now.I have privilege. I started when I was really young. I pass. I am blonde. I look CIS. I want to take this opportunity to hopefully inspire a lot of transgender people. Even when you’re starting later on in your journey we need to accept that. I don’t know where I fit in in this magical world. As long as I get to be myself and inspire little Nikkies to be themselves, that’s all I can do.
[From Ellen]
She’s wonderful, and I love what she said about how we need to accept people who are coming out later in life too. That must take so much courage. I don’t know how else to explain it and I hope that’s not insensitive. When I saw Laverne Cox speak she said that there’s a moment on the street when you get recognized as a transgender person and that can be scary. It can also be deadly, especially for women of color. Nikkie is acknowledging that her situation is privileged and she’s also using her platform to make a difference. Also, say what you will about Ellen and she’s screwed up some stuff lately, but she was the perfect host for Nikkie to talk to and she handled this interview beautifully.
Here’s Nikkie’s interview!
YAY for Nikkie. Very well done. I am truly rooting for her and all the little Nikkies out there who hopefully got inspired by this.
She’s so lovely, it’s horrible this has happened but she has done such an excellent job as an ambassador, despite being pushed into that roll.
I’m no familiar with the Law in America but it is possible for her to suit this person, the blackmailer? I mean disclosing this kind of delicate information can be deadly, specially for transgender people. I really hope she can take legal measures against the person who tried to blackmail her because that is not OK at all.
I think only when money is involved one can sue? But I have no idea. Also, she lives in the Netherlands, dutch laws idk either.
Nikkie is Dutch and lives in The Netherlands. So US laws wouldn’t apply.
I watched her videos for years and it never crossed my mind that she is trans. She truly looks cis to me and apparently for others, too. I applaud her for taking back her power and I am glad the response was so supportive! Love that she recognizes all the privileged aspects (supportive familiy, transitioning at young age etc) and that she emphazises that this doesn’t mean someone else who doesn’t pass isn’t just as a woman.
Good for her – that blackmailer is a horrid person and Im glad she took her power back.
Wow what a lovely woman, and her story shows how important parental support can be for trans people.
That’s what I thought, too. If your parents don’t support you when you find out, you have less of a chance to start hormones that allow you to look like your true sex, especially for male to female transitions.
I knew a wonderful woman who transitioned later in life, like Jenner did. She took hormones and came out, but it was was hard for her to look like a woman. The last I heard, she transitioned back. Caitlyn Jenner has a lot of money, so transitioning later seemed to work for her. There were all of these paparazzi shots of her at doctor’s offices a few years before she came out. Jenner’s a public figure, so she wouldn’t be able to hide what happened, but she can pass. A lot of people who transition late can’t pass either as their true self or as a privileged person who n society.
Charlize Theron is a kind mom. She gets a lot of criticism for supporting her daughter. Not here, but a lot of people do.
Good for her! Stories like hers are so important for trans kids to see. I have a trans son who is in law school and my shitty next door neighbor, who is a lawyer and does some work with the law students, outed him to another law student. This guy now misgenders my son in front of other students. My son had to bring it to the diversity office. I seriously hate my neighbor. He’s a toxic white dude who tells everyone how successful he is and how it’s all due to his amazing work ethic. I hope he becomes even more successful and moves soon.
That is appalling. I am very sorry to hear your son has to deal with that harassment close to home *and* at school. I hope the diversity office can do something to help.
obviously this horrible neighbor’s great “success” has not brought him even one tiny bit of inner peace. I am so sorry that your son has to be so strong in the face of such treatment.
It is wrong and horrible and sick, but miserable people with no inner light and no inner peace will try to take their own misery out on an easy target. Sadly, our society is slow and stupid as a whole and so trans people are currently an easy target. It’s just gross and wrong. Your son should not have to live his life rising above the misery of others being played out on him personally.
I hope your son knows that it really has nothing to do with him, and everything to do with your neighbor’s rotting soul looking for an easy outlet for misery and despair.
I’m so sorry. Hearing Nikkie’s story, a lot of what crosses my mind is the fear that her parents must have for her safety.
I’m so sorry this is happening to your son.
I hope the diversity team at his university can help and educate his school community.
What a miserable SOB to out anyone but especially a student in school.
Aang, you are my shero!!! Your poor son.
What an awful person, that neighbor. When did live and let live die? Was it ever alive? It’s nobody’s damn business.
I am a teacher too (college) and I stopped calling roll on the first day for this exact reason. Now I just have students introduce themselves. If you really need to call roll you could have them fill out a roll sheet themselves, photocopy and use that (just an unsolicited idea!!).
Elizabeth, can you explain how roll is damaging? I’m not following. Thank you!
My daughter was the one who first showed me Nikkie’s makeup videos on YouTube and wow – she is super talented and very sweet! And it truly never crossed my mind she was transgender! But good for her in coming out and getting such support, but what a horrible person that blackmailer is UGH! To force someone like that to reveal such a personal thing is truly disgusting; I hope she can find a way to take some kind of legal action. But yes, she is very inspiring and authentic!
Really well said about privilege 👏🏾
I’m glad the Too Faced guy FINALLY did something about his sister, but I don’t have faith that it will last. He’s allowed her to be his attack dog for YEARS. She’s a vile human being who likes to attack and belittle anyone she perceives to be beneath her – and from what I can tell her only claim to fame is her brother. She’s pathetic.
Nikkie has handled all of this with more grace and kindness than I can even comprehend. She’s taken something so horrible and turned it into a something that might help empower so many young people. This kind of thing gives me some serious faith in humanity.
Yeah the sister is horrible and everyone knows that she just says what two faced can’t get away with doing.
They were PISSED about it coming out they screwed Nikkie in that contract.
I’m part of the beauty community on YouTube and I never would have dreamed Nikki was transgender. It never even crossed my mind.
Aside from the harpy sister from two faced cosmetics, and two faced has been cancelled anyway for various reasons. I don’t think there has been anything negative about Nikkie coming out in the community, just some surprise.
Even the comments sections have been pretty tame.
I do think the fact the higher levels of the beauty and drama communities are mostly LGBTQ does help a lot.
People not in the YouTube community won’t get it but Nikkie is huge, so this is a really big deal. My 14 year old who is in the gaming community knew who she is and we had a conversation about this.
I’m so glad kids have people like Nikkie as an example and someone to look up too.
I’ve had three transgender students who passed as CIS, but for their dead names being on the roster. They thus have to correct their names the first day, cause I have no clue who they are yet. I told about this on a previous post, but this is so awful that this happens because it forces students to out themselves, even if it’s just privately to me after class. That’s got to be scary. Who knows how a person will react?
The whole process of changing names for transgender folks needs work so that those who can pass are allowed to do so.
Rapunzel, I appreciate that your students have someone who understands how that must make them feel, and I’m sure they appreciate it, too. But please re-read your last sentence. So that those who can pass are allowed to do so? What about the people who can’t pass? Should they not be afforded the same courtesy just because they don’t look CIS?
“But please re-read your last sentence. So that those who can pass are allowed to do so? What about the people who can’t pass? Should they not be afforded the same courtesy just because they don’t look CIS?”
I simply meant so that people aren’t forced to out themselves. Of course trans people who don’t look CIS deserve to have an easy time getting rid of their dead names too. But for different reasons. If you don’t look CIS, then you don’t risk having your name expose you as not CIS. That’s the only thing I was talking about. Non CIS looking transgender people deserve all the same rights, but the two situations are different.
I am a teacher too (college) and I stopped calling roll on the first day for this exact reason. Now I just have students introduce themselves. If you really need to call roll you could have them fill out a roll sheet themselves, photocopy and use that (just an unsolicited idea!!).
It was said on the previous post about Nikkie, but it needs to be said again. STOP SAYING YOU HAD NO IDEA SHE WAS TRANS. By saying that you are saying that trans people have a certain “look” and that is so so damaging. PLEASE! It is not a compliment if you put down the entire rest of the community!!
Yes, I’m glad you said this. While I can see that for the most part people seem to mean no harm when they say this, the phrasing is indeed harmful for cis and trans women. It’s one of those things that doesn’t seem rude on its face to people who don’t know better but it’s always made me cringe.
Thank you! God. I kept reading down through the comments and seeing “I would never have guessed….” I get that those commentors feel like they’re being supportive, or they’re totally not judging, but comments like that are otherizing and indicate that you can somehow “tell” when someone it trans just by looking at them.
Yeah, talking about “passing” as CIS vs. not passing as CIS is kinda gross. What do CIS folks look like? It’s all wrapped up in stereotypes.
That folks are examining people to see whether they look a certain gender or not or whether they’re trans or not is something that needs to stop.
Btw, I’m an intersex woman (Turner’s Syndrome) who has D cup breasts and I’ve still been asked if I was a man- while wearing lipstick, earrings, a dress and heels.
Some people are just bizarre in their assumptions.
Thank you so much! There is NO ‘trans look’ (which is why people who say they’d never date/be attracted to trans people are transphobic and it literally has nothing to do with preferences when you CAN’T always know). Saying people “don’t look trans” or “pass as cis” is NOT a compliment. Many don’t even want to pass, they just want to be treated with respect.
Thank you for saying this.
I’m glad she passes to the point where she felt comfortable. However I find the term passed kind of confusing because to me she always looked like a biological male wearing a ton of makeup. Not that my opinion matters at all, just that I think people treat “passing” as objective when it’s a completely subjective thing.
No one was saying she was trans before she came out, she passes 100%. Are you a TERF?
… I am not. And I was also not the only commenter on this site who said they assumed she was biologically male before she came out. I don’t know why you are being so antagonistic.
“Biological male” is a pretty loud & shrill dog whistle though.
Wait I’m confused, isn’t she biologically male? Like that’s why she needed transition right?
Agreed and it looks more and more like ther3s such strict view of “passing” and how to pass or who does or does not. Likewise I was not surprised to hear this news as I assumed it was known she is trans and no one cared which seemed great!
Her video (on her channel) really illuminated for me what it must be like growing up trans, I think she has dealt with this all with so much grace and hopefully her message is one of hope for young trans people. I’ve watched her for a few years now, she’s really great at her job and clearly a lovely person too! I know the situation leading up to the announcement must have been awful but it’s ultimately a good thing both for her and her followers.
I’m so glad she felt supported by her incredible mother growing up and the wider beauty community since coming out. I also respect her for using her platform to bring the idea of “passing” and how much of a privilege it is into the conversation for a wider audience than those who are trans and trans allies.