Tom Brady is an enigma wrapped in a riddle, masquerading as an optical illusion

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Once I started following one sport religiously, I finally understood “sports journalism.” Sports journalism is just celebrity gossip for bros. Not to use gender stereotypes, but a lot of women care about who will wear what to the Oscars and who will win the awards. A lot of men care about what Tom Brady will do next, now that he’s a free agent. It’s literally the same thing – speculation, interest, a conversation about money and privilege, talent, work, popularity and beauty. Bros just feel like they have to dress up their gossip as “sports journalism.” So, Tom Brady posted a cryptic image on Thursday and the speculation caused all of the sports people to have a series of meltdowns:

I’ve already said that I think Brady is leaving Boston and the New England Patriots. Some disagree! But that’s how the tea leaves look to me – the sale of his Brookline home, his desire to keep playing even though the Pats want to build their post-Brady team, etc. So that’s how I see this photo – it’s a goodbye, it’s Brady walking out of the “darkness” of the Patriots and into the light of free agency and a new team. Still, those “sports journalists” aka Bro Gossipers claim that it’s not about his future. Then what is it? Dude just wanted some attention ahead of the Super Bowl?

Also: the debate about whether he’s walking in or out of the tunnel… bros, it’s not an optical illusion, he’s clearly walking OUT, and into the sunlight.

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Photos courtesy of Getty.

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38 Responses to “Tom Brady is an enigma wrapped in a riddle, masquerading as an optical illusion”

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  1. hello says:

    Haha!! Amazing headline thanks Kaiser!!

  2. Becks1 says:

    My husband and I had a discussion about this picture this morning. He insists Tom’s walking away from the field, towards the camera. I say he is clearly walking away from the camera, out of the tunnel, towards the field. He says I’m wrong lol. I say he is.

    And yes, sports journalism is just a fancy way of saying “celebrity gossip for men.”

    • Desdemona says:

      Well, considering the angle of his leg and the position of his foot (his left side) and well as the way he’s bending the arm… He’s walking away from the field.

    • cf86713 says:

      It would be the sensible decision to retire but he won’t. He’s the type of player where you have to drag him off the field or a team says no to him as a QB.

  3. JennyJenny says:

    I’m just happy the Patriots are NOT in the Super Bowl again.

    • lucy2 says:

      Clearly Tom is not, and needed some attention.

    • TQB says:

      honestly i’m a pats fan and even I am relieved.

    • Larelyn says:

      And I am a Chiefs fan, and hooboy! I am REALLY happy he isn’t in the Super Bowl again!!

      • dj says:

        Tom Brady crying here. It’s killing him he is not playing the the Super Bowl. Other quarterbacks Garappollo and Mahomes being talked about now. He is over. Sure he may play for another team for a couple of years but it will never be the same for him.
        Hey Larelyn! Another Chiefs fan. I am happy we are not playing the Patriots because EVERY time (and other games all season) the coverage has been so Brady and Patriots slanted. Even when the Chiefs won twice…commentators still talked more about Brady and the losing team than the winning team. So glad a little fly-over state might get some positive coverage this year for the Super Bowl!!! Go Mahomes. Go Chiefs!

      • holly hobby says:

        On the other hand, I bet Belichik is still smarting after he was forced to trade Garappolo away (rumor had it Tom forced that trade by going to Kraft). One thing about Bill Walsh is he cut the players just when they are starting to lose their skills. Not entirely ready to retire but he started succession planning. Pats should have done that instead of keeping Mr. Ego there.

  4. Tiffany says:

    Muffinrum’s tweet *chefs kiss*

    That tweet warrants a look though the account to see if a follow will come.

  5. K.T says:

    Omg, that’s such a smart statement – sports journalism is celebrity journalism for dudes. I just thought more about this and I feel angry at how much more elevated that sports journalism has been traditionally considered! Thanks! Oh and Brady seems like he’s out lol

    • Tammy says:

      But don’t tell them that! My husband can’t understand why I read celeb gossip but he will read sports crap all day. He hates when I say it’s the same thing lol.

  6. Kate says:

    Ok I’ll play! I think he’s walking away from the field. The way his lifted leg is angled inward only would look normal if he was walking toward the camera. If he was walking away from the camera with that leg angle he’d be doing some kind of prancing deer walk. Also I think I see shadows of facial features and ears.

  7. Lightpurple says:

    To add even more mystery, it’s the Visitor’s tunnel at Gillette.

  8. Aimee says:

    Your reign is over. Go away.

  9. mildlynerdy says:

    Have you seen Brady run? His legs do weird things. I think ‘pracing deer’ is a perfect description of his ambulation style.
    But I have no opinion about which way he is walking! This picture is to troll Patriots nation.

    And you’re so right Kaiser. When celeb gossip is having a dry day I turn on sports radio to get the same chemical rush to the ‘gossip’ section of my brain.

  10. Erin says:

    Someone will have to help me with the cb appropriate jargon but this is basically just a dude bro acceptable thirst trap. Like the entire point of it is to draw attention to yourself in a way that sparks discussion/conversation about you when you might not have much going on in your career rn. The picture doesn’t mean anything pertaining to his future it’s just marketing, and successful marketing at that. It instantly got people talking about him without him having to say anything

  11. Diamond Rottweiler says:

    AKA Dumb as a bag of hammers.

  12. Dsut says:

    People actually believe this is a tribute to Kobe, who took a similar photo coming off the court

    • GeeWhiz says:

      Here’s his own non-modest thirsty explanation (posted on MassLive website):

      “”He was like, ‘Bro, I’m 42 years old, one of the oldest guys in the league, wanted to remind people that the best photos are in black and white.’ That’s all its was, bro. Black and white. It’s a classic — like, I’m the classic: Tom Brady, black and white. Put it all together, I’m still out here doing it.”

      (I dunno why, but it feels Justin Timberlakey)

  13. Liz version 700 says:

    Not related to the pic, but I cannot imagine he would stay. I strongly dislike Brady, but even I was angry for him when he got boos at two home games. He brought 6 Super Bowl rings and had a winning season and got loud boos from his 20 year fan base in the couple of games he lost. Like loud obnoxious spoiled and expect him to win every game forever boos. I was not surprised he cleaned out his locker and the family box at the stadium. I think the pic was an artistic middle finger, but I am not a sports expert lol

    • doofus says:

      “Like loud obnoxious spoiled and expect him to win every game forever boos.”

      and that’s what happens when you have a dynasty like the Pats did. the fans (and the coach, and the players…) get a sense of entitlement, like “OMG of COURSE we’ll win because that how it goes”. they expect it and when it doesn’t happen, they act like spoiled children.

    • holly hobby says:

      They deserve it. See latest cheating scandal with that videographer. Someone knows something and authorized that.

    • Lightpurple says:

      His contract was up. He had no right to a locker or a box once his contract expired.

  14. Valiantly Varnished says:

    Well it looks like someone wanted a little attention since he won’t be getting any on Sunday.

  15. cf86713 says:

    I heard he and Gisele were looking at schools in Nashville(Titans). As a Colts fan a 43 year old QB doesn’t really scare me.

  16. JULIE ju i says:

    Yawn. Not an enigma. A bore

  17. Lightpurple says:

    It was a still from his Hulu Super Bowl commercial